Before giving himself up to the darkness, Hesperus had somehow found him again. And told him his feelings. And with that, he didn't have to give up his feelings but did keep his shadow powers
Eventually he found it, the place to start the spell during the eclipse. He was thought he would be more hesitate but he sorta just jumped into the spell, bringing darkness within him
While on this long journey, doubts tend to come in mind "what if when I do this I won't lose my feelings for him", "what of I'm never the same after this", "do I really want to stop loving him all for power?"
Torn by his feelings for Hesperus, he chose to find a way for him to rid himself of these feelings, even if that means he takes a long dangerous journey
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