hai guys i know ive been like kind of absent some things occured recently that havre not been great but i am planning on spending all of tomorrow and the rest of this week on finishing all my comms !!!!!!! also ifu still have a pending comm to me, im going to do free mini gifs once im done with all my commissions for each of u as like a thank u for your patience before i open em up again so yaaa i will probably dm u about them indiviually but if u are inteersted in that [pls lmk... but fo rnow i will be trying to finish everything i am busy today but the next couple days will be very productive for me now that finals and everything that has happneed are over yayayayaya also gonna try to not overwhelm myself with so many commissions in the future when i open thwm up jhsgjlka

Hi guys so sorry for the lack of updates in the last couple days/responses i had candlelight processional weekend at disneyland 12/02 - 12/03 (it was super cool my voice is so dead ) and yesterday was mostly unpacking my shit from the stay there and so i couldnt do any comms and couldn't really check toyhouse, i have school in half an hour but i should be able to check notifs today!!!! Thank u for patience !!!!! :DDDDD

erm so in math everything all the hw and stuff is due day oft the test so naturally i save all of my assignments for the day before the test. that day comes (whiich was in fact yesterday ) and

1. i have to go to area rehearsal for choir disneyland candlelight processional singing thingy 2 hours away (total of like 8 hours of my time including the long ass rehearsal )that i did not account for for that day because i forgot they were the same day

2. My Freking School Account got hacked that mornig and i could not access any of the assignmments .

i cant recover the password without contacting my school cause its liek a school account and cant change my own password back sso im like aight watyever ill just study for the test forget the hw credit yk

I Send my counseler an email as well forgetting that they cant recieve emails from accounts out of the domain (so only other school accounts ( which was pretty funny when i realized it was all for naught

igo to bed cause im reeeely tired from rehearsell then its te next day (today)

so i get to school and tell the ooffice administration and they say to come back after 1st period cause i had my test and she had to contact a tech person so i go do the test and allat cxome back and get my password changed . they do in fact confirm it was not someone from the domain changing it for another reason my account was actually compromised but Whatever its all fine now . sounds like everything should be good right

I GET Home after the test tiday and Try to do my homework and My Password Was Fucking Changed Again]

Fool Me Once shame on you ]fool me Twice. Shame on Me.

yeha thats my excuse not to do homework so commissions it is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

we just closed today im not going to school tmr no way am i going

oklahopma

someone from theatre is trying to set me up with someone i kinda know and i didnt thgink they were being serious but they are andi just need totget this out there cause its 9 am on a saturday and most my friends areasleep rn

found out my crush is dating someone yesterday

and im sorry for the lack of commission progress oklahoma is beating the shit out of me we opened wednesday closing sunday after this week ill be able to actually do comms

erm im kind of becoming mpre and more dysphoric recenlty i feel preeety uncomofrtable and am akso getting sensory overload a lot easier and im so on edge ermmmmmm an knee way

what androgynous / masc name am i to you liek based on whatever you know whether were friends or youve barely known me wgat woul u call me..

some names ive thought of using are sawyer, elton, linus, and archie soi do u guys have any other names u think fit mme

also im going to try to work on comms today but im like really just kin of out of it right now im all itchyand clothes feel weird and my parents muffled talking is upsetting and the tv yada yada i think i need more sleep idfk pls suggest name s i need a distractiuon from everything while i do comms

this is just a rant about smthn that happened today . if i sound mad its juts cause im really passionate ab choir/singing in general, and if i sound like a dick im not trying to be im saying things straight as they are because i HEAR IT EVERYDAY IN CHOIR AND ITS LIKE PURGGATORY not rrally im just being dramatic anyway

so we had rehearsals for oklahome today and it was the first singing rehearsal in a while and we were going to sing for the first time the song that me and a couple other ppl have tiny solo snipets, like a single 4 measure line (out of my dreams and i play kate)

and so my character says a line that kind of leads into the song, and its the only line i have in the musical. the verses are first me, then another girl, me again, different girl, different girl

and i was really excited that i had not 1 but two parts that i sung by myself esp since this is the first musical ive been in in high school (im a junior so its not that impressive but watever

and so i go in im wearing some clothes i really like and im thinking this is gonna be like a really fun thing because i get to sing the cool parts i was supposed to

and our song is at the very end of the first act (we were just going through all the first act songs in order)

and so the person i mentioned above i have like mixed feelings ab her, like shes usually either normal or extremely passive aggressive to me and at first i got like really anxious because i wasnt trying to annoy her but i guess im kind of annoying by accident at some points but wtv over the next couple weeks of school i just started to lean into it yk be jokingly passive aggressive and stuff back to her whenever she does it to me (idk if shes joking LAWL but what fucking ever

(were both in chamber choir and sit next to each other i was also in chamber with her last year and the only few interactions we had were me saying something in class just beein funny and her being like annoyed iglj.d,n/.,

and the thing is that this year the tenor section is literally just me her (im just gonna call her ellen cause thats what she plays in the musical) and another kid (ill just call him sophomore

soooooooo most people suspect that sophomore got into chamber choir because his mom payed a lot of money butttt t not gonna come out and say that cause we dont know fs lawlr

objectively. he does not use correct tone for a CHOIR specifically, he does not blend (most people think blending is trying to sound like everyone else BUT really all it is is using correct vowels. if you dont get what i mean then imitate an opera singer with their how tall and refined they sounds as compared to how somebody would normally speak

and he also has some pitch issues, but usually i can understand that since it can take a long time and a LOT of practicing (by a lot i mean like over a decade ) if you are singing in choir for an hour every other day (random guestimate on how often a dedicated singer would sing)

sophomore is fine hes kind of awkward but whatever, he tries to talk in class and im starting to try to make him feel more welcome bc most people in chamber dont really talk to him since most people are upperclassmen and just havent known him like id like to be chill with him yk

but oftentimes when we sing ellen (remember . the girl from before) will make eye contact with me whenever he is completely missing the part because of how over the past ,month and a half thec choir director has failed to address anything about his singing that could help him to improve when he calls out the more seasoned singers for the most minor things, because hes scared of calling out the underclassmen i fucking guess even though its LITERALLY for their own benefit to help them learn!!!!!! director man you are doing them a DISSERVICE by not helping them fix a wrong note or change a vowel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so anyway. ellen is a senior im a junior sophomore is a sophomroe btw idk if i said that aready Whatever

so some more about ellen, i feel like there are two types of people in performing arts, the mature and immature types (probably not the bets names but thats just what i thought of while writing this)

the mature type leaves things up to the director and doesnt try ot take charge in a rude or bossy way, someone who would only try to help someone if THEY THEMSELVES know for sure what to do, (not just for a power trip) or they bring an issues they have up to the director instead of trying to tell the person themselves thats like the basics im sure you can understand the kind of perosn im talking ab

immature types basically the opposite. like the stereotype of the mean girl in the audition room who is judgiing everyone for any little mistake they make, and could even vocalize that about them

ellen tends to lean towards the more immature type

despite us both understanding the issues with sophomore's sound, she does have some issues with pitch and vowels, but in lke a different kind of way ig???? and before you say im being a dick and why is everyoine seemingly problematic but me etc etc etc i can literally hear it around me and there is a reason i am typing all this out and putting it on my fucking toyhouse page for fucks sake rather than being a dick to either of em ab it. because i can hear all the issues and i usually just notice it and go on w my day but what happened today kind of sent me over the edge ngl

ellen will often call out in class immediately when there is a question even if she is wrong about the answer, which is fine, but it kind of irks me when people try to tell others what to do when they are leading them in the worn g path. she does this with sophomore often where shell tell him the wrong thing ad it kind of messes things up more

toooooo much context but i just want you to like understand what i mean. so ellen has issues with singing the right pitch, but she seemingly does not notice it most of the time

i hear a lot of the choir kids talk ab how much they dislike her (she is also generally very rude, passive aggressive, bossy etc that i didnt feel likje mentioning because i have only really experienced her passive aggressiveness and have heard from other people what theyve said

for example ab the musical she got double cast with another girl ill call her taylor who is an amazing singer and very kind, and she said something to the effect of "the only reason i wasnt cast as laurey in oklahoma (the lead) was because i couldnt make it to some shows, so im really glad i hace taylor to cover for me" as if she was just a fucking understudy when taylor is LITERALLY nothing like that and is an incredible actor and vocalist, just kind of rubbed me the wroing way also i was told this by the friend of mine that GOT laurey and she seemed a bit (understandably) upset that ellen would say that as if she wasnt good enough for laurey, and that pisses me off because the perosn who was laurey (and the other cast for her) are both so wonderful and talented and i mayyyyy have a smallll teensy little crush on the other laurey but erm lets not get into thattt hehe

anyway. so. ellen is also a bit of a toxic person who im forced to interact with in choir even thoyfgh shes really meeaaannnnnn and WHATEVER so back to the rehearsal today. again for the parts its me, then ellen, then me, and then another girl, and then another girl

so we FINALLY get to that song and im realy excited to sing for the first time at a rehearal by myself, nervous too but i just really wanted to sing in an actualm rehearsal. so we get to the song.

and i dont even get to EVER sing my first phrase. Ellen is immediately complaining that herphrase is too high (pianist plays it on piano beforew e sing)

i am saying to her that i think itd sound really pretty if she sang it down an octave and then went up for the last note, but no

she keeps telling him its too high. when i literally just gave her a solution that sounds perfectly fine..... she doesnt have to use my solutiuon of course but instead of just saying over and over that its too high why not try to figure smthn out...

ALSO YOU WOULDNT HAVE BEEN GIVEN THE FUCKING PART IOF YOU COULDNT SING IT????? SINCETHEY DO A RANGE CHEKC AT AUDITIONS. YOUVE SUNG THE HIGH F BEFORE. if you cant sing it right now then JUST SING DOWN AN OCVTAVE

and then

he tells her to sing the first phrase

and im kind of like wiat what?

he isnt going to do what i think hes gonna do

SO yeah

he flipped our parts, i got the high part that i CAN BARELY FUCKING SING EITHER, and the kicker is that he turned the untouched solo section that had nothing to do with this that i sang into a duet between us??????

and i kbnow how stupidly vain and entitled i sound right now. but man i was so disappointed i was just kind of like well

cause i practiced my two solo bits. and i was gklad i wasnt singing the other one because i had issues singing that high

i guess i could sing down the octave. BUT . WHY THE FUCK. WOULD WE BE SWITCHINGH WEHEN SHE COULD JUST FUCKINGS ING DOWN THE OCTAVE WE DIDNT NEED TO SWITCH EVERYTHING TIO WHERE NOW I HAVE TO B E TE ONW TO BRING UP YET AGAIN THAT NEITHER OF US CAN FUCKING SING THAT PART AND MAKE IT SOUND GOOD BECAUSE I CANT HIT THOSE FUCKING NOYES EITHER

its not set in stone yet. since it was the pianist who made that change. but fuck i really hope the director will reconsider this since it felt pretty shitty to be forcved to sing the part youy cant fucking sing because th original person couldnt just sing down the fucking octave.

and i do think that it make sense to change the 2nd line of mine into a duet on some degree, but wouyld he have made that change if she hadnt complained and caused the first switch? i really dont fucking think so!!!!!!!!!!

and i kind of said to oneof my firends after rehearsal (the laurey friend) that i was disappinted ab the change because i loved my old part and she was like yea that sucks and she was a bit harsher towards ellens singing i didnt even care about what she sounded like im just like why the fuck couldnt ypou have just sang down an octave rathre thann masking a whole issue that fucked with everything i practiced.

ANOTHER FUCKING THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS THAT I SAY A LINE THAT GOES INTO THE SONG. LIKE MY LINE IS PART OF THE SONG ALMOST ITS LIKE A CUE INTO THE SONG. ITS THE ONLY FUCKING LINE I HAVE. so now im scared that if i bring it up that i nmakes no sense for me to say something taht makes it seem like im about to start saying something only for it to cut into another person singing!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i bring taht up!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will just give my only fucking line in the whole show to ellen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i dont usually care baout this kind of stuff, amount of solos, lines etrc. but when i am excited abou the parts i get to sing and you immediately screw everything up and make it a problem to where its screwing with everything i have EVEN THOUGH IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE A PROBELM IN THE FIRST PLACE then im goingh to be kind of upset

like i was literally so exxcited to go to rehearsal i went 15 min early today. becaus ei just wanted ot go there and sing my psart. and then at the very end she fucking messes everything up

im poretty pissed at her rn but i thnik . that in chjamber im just not gonna say anything to her im done trying to be friends when shes always so rude to me and what she did even if she didnbt mean to just

and whebn i brought up taht to her that it didnt make sense anymore that i said the line onlyt for her to start singing she was just like its fine its fine.... like if you really cared ab anything but wthe amount of parts you had you would be like oo yeah that might be a bit of an awkward jump BECAUSE ITY FUCKING IS and you would bring it up to him

im sodopne iknow im being dramatic but i wish you could understand the full extent slash context slash you knew all the tyhings that had happened maybe if i wwere on like a six hour call id be telling you guys everything but alas/

i dont think im gonna get any commissions done to nightbut mayvbe itll be the opposite and i do em to distract myself. anyways sorry for the delay on comms ive lost a lot of motivation. ive been writing this for 56 min according to the timew shown on the botom of the website that only updates when you refresh

alsoi i was aking mac and cheese for dinner cryig and my sister asked for some and i just said yes but i didnt want to give her any i wanted to eat it qll im so upset and my dad at ethe rest without asking and im stilll hungry and im so upset and so dramatic im sorry

im going to make some herbal tea and watch youtube or smthn

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

tldr girl who is very toxic and very mean girl esk in a performing arts setting made me switch parts and took away one of my solos by complaining so much to the pianist. sophomore guy cant sing. family ate my mac and cheese even tho i still wanted it

might be a bit gross its a surgery SO DONT read if yopur scweemish

i wanna get a frenectomy (i am kind of tongue tied and thats where they cut the tongue tie basically so you can move your tongue around more)

like im SEVERLY tongue tied according to my dentist n whatnot

whenever i notice that i cant like position the back of my tongue to the roof of my mouth i start getting kinda panicky because i know its supposed to be there and stuff just from always bein told that by the doctors as a kid (ig i didnt really do that naturally because of the tongue tie)

AND i brought this alll up to my mom and she said MAYBE MAYVE i can get one but we discuss tomorros

i rlly hope i can because it can apparently also improve singing so now im wondering maybe if i had more mobility in my tongue i could project more idfk

this is all kind of pointless and stupid just wanteddd to share

I TALKIED TO MY CURHS IMM OS HAPPY IM GONNA FLY AWAY

THEY WERE SIO COOL WE WERE SO SILLLY I

I CANT EVEN LIKE THINK OF WORDS RN ITS 10 PM AND I JUST TALKED TO MYCURHS LIKE AN HOUR AGO RUNNING AROUND SILLY AN 2 OTHER PPL