cw: mentions of self harm and abuse

This week on Tamako Secret (Edition #1), we will be talking about.. (DRUMROLL!!!)

(confetti noise   )
DALLAS!

• Dallas is a twenty-five year old who lives in an apartment with a single cat. He browses the internet often and answers Reddit questions in his free time, giving other users unneeded sass. He has a habit of getting into debates with others on trivial subjects, but he knows it's absolutely ridiculous and wishes he could stop! The need for validation and being right is too great for him, however and he's often stuck wasting time with strangers he neither knows nor cares about. 

• Dallas has a hard time understanding the difference between platonic relationships and romantic relationships. His friends are usually people he could or would be interested in and he can often fall over boundaries with people. When a friend rejects him romantically or sexually, he finds himself unable to cope and unable to understand why he isn't good enough for them. It becomes very personal and absolutely destroys his sense of self. He does not make friends with people easily because of this. 

• Dallas grew up with his single father and wrote vaguely to his mother, who was in prison throughout his entire childhood. Her negligence is a touchy subject and he has a lot of parental issues with both of his parents. He does not talk to either of them and has no plans to talk to either of them in the future. The hole they left in his heart is too difficult to face or want to refill.

• In and out of the psych ward, Dallas is used to living life like there's nothing really wrong with him. On the surface, most people would think he's pretty normal, if not a bit gloomy. His emotional bouts are rather messy, however, and he can destroy an entire friendship within a matter of seconds if he puts his mind to it. His emotional tantrums can often come with self harm, both physically and mentally. He is very good at attacking himself and making himself feel lesser than everyone else. 

• The most appealing type of people to him are the people who he knows will and can hurt him. With such a low self respect, it's only in his nature to take interest in the people who are dangerous, either mentally or physically. Abusive relationships are what he often gets stuck in and he doesn't hesitate to fan the flames of it himself. This is something his therapist has pointed out often, as have past friends, but he lacks the ability to want to change it. There's something about horrible people that keep him attached, and he can grow very, very attached if everything works just right. His past partners are people he blocks out, not really attached to any of them any longer.

• In AU worlds, Dallas knows both Cyrus and Tamako. He cares for neither and finds Tamako to be a threat. To him, Cyrus is unhinged and obnoxious, as well as someone who breaks through boundaries he doesn't want broken through. The way Cyrus broods in hallways of vaults makes him uncomfortable. He turns the other way every time he sees him. Additionally, he knows Gwen, but has never spoken to him. He has, however, noticed his muscles and considered him to be nice to look at. Canonly, Dallas only knows Rush and Sean, however; when stuck inside the internet, he does witness footage of Gwen and Rane being recorded in a fight against two villains. 

this one is gonna be a long one guys, so tldr: it's my birthday and i've got a lot of thoughts.

as stated above, today is my birthday and it's a pretty significant one. i didn't honestly think i'd ever make it to 30, nor did i really want to LMFAO. it's wild to think that ten years ago, I had just turned 20 and i was living in an apartment with my boyfriend and we could barely afford rent and we didn't know how to do anything. sometimes it feels like it was longer than ten years and sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. i can remember turning 20 so vividly and how angry i felt that my neglectful parents weren't there to wish me happy birthday and how i was so angry at the world because i couldn't afford to go anywhere like EVERRRYOONNEEE else could and how my entire life would be spent in shit. i had great friends at that time, but there was still something missing from my life that i couldn't fill.

throughout the years, that's always been a common wall i've run into. something is always missing. there's always a little hole in my chest. i had great friends through my 20s, and some not so great. most of them i'd say were really great though and though things didn't work out with every single person in the end, i'm glad to have met most of them (except for 1, he knows who he is LOL). ive gone through many stages in my 20s too and honestly have lived such an incredible, yet painful little life sometimes. my mental health has been through hell and back and i've seen some crazy stuff from my own brain and gotten to learn so much about myself. i've endured alcoholism and was able to get myself to a place where i don't need to drink to have fun now. i quit smoking LMFAO- didn't even bat an eye when i quit! i've done so much!! 

but of course.. i'm still very afraid of aging, for the most shallow reasons. i don't want others to think i'm overly mature because i'm 30, when i'm mentally stuck in my early 20s still. but.. more importantly.. i don't want to look old. though... there's nothing wrong with either of those things, i like to think. to age is a privilege, not everyone gets to accomplish that and there's many i've lost that i wish could. maturity is a perceptional concept. what might be immature to one person is mature to another. i only need to do my best and try to treat myself and others well. i spent too many years in my 20s, blinded by my own self hatred and lashing out to everyone else. my own self abuse branched from my inner world and out into the world with everyone else and i was an ungrateful, hateful, selfish brat. 

thank god for aging, because i wouldn't want to do that again. glad to be 30 this year. i will wear my beginning 11 wrinkles like alan rickman and be celebrated for more than looks. that little hole will still be there, but thats okay. it doesn't need to be filled. temporary things can fill it for time being, such as experiences. 

happy thanksgiving everyone! have a great day!!!!!! treat yourself good yall! 

aaaaaaawwwwwwwwright, friends and fam; it is i again, your goblin! i went through and cleaned up some of my links (mainly those that weren't done). i want to start fresh with them and actually do them this time around, so! if you want to link characters up, please feel free to send the links over OR let me know who you might be interested in linking and i'll send it hehe. these dont have to just be forum game interactions if you have ideas/head canons and such! 

sega genesis#9625

if you don't want to talk about it here, that is my discord! i am insanely slow with replies majority of the time, as i either get shy or i straight up am busy with maintaining my work schedule and general life schedule. but you are free to yabba yabba (talk) it up over there! 

as for my last note.. i am thinking about getting back into rp a little more, but as stated above.. i am so busy that i just dont have time to think well enough for it anymore. that being said, i am still thinking on it and might make a worlds or something for casual rp. I GUESS we will see ogdshgsg. 

Helloooo gang, I just wanna make this board here to I guess explain things because idk fojsjs I worry that people are like ???? 

So yesterday I dropped tamakos pixture with.booba and then looked at my gallery and realized that I only recently started to draw him binding and a lot of his pics he has a flat chest. I've been on and off debating whether he's trans or not since I made him, and I have really wanted him to be a non passing trans man because I myself, despite my best attempts lmfaooo, am also a non passing trans man and know this is such a struggle for trans men in general. I will be the first to admit that I fucking hate cis men's clothes and wearing them, which makes passing all the more difficult. They were not made for my body shape and therefore I feel like I look stupid in them and they bring out my body image issues like no other. For over a decade I never came out as trans to anyone who didn't already know me before I came out. The one, singular time I had come out to friends set me up for that. As I'm sure you can guess hahdhsh, it went horrible and I didn't have any support as 18 year old me deserved. But I am tired of hiding it out of fear and presenting as a cis man when that is blankly just not who i am. The transphobia I experienced then does not need to keep me in a bubble and smother me for my entire life. 

Tamako is a young man who likes to wear what he likes to wear, there is no question about that. Like any other trans man, he binds in all kinds of ways, be it a binder, tape or contorting his magical human body to how he wants it (a power I wish I had) odoajfosodjf. He likes his hair long because it makes him feel beautiful and safe. He likes feminine things because they're cute and gender doesn't really fucking matter when boba tea exists. 

I think my biggest worry is that people will think of Tamako and I both differently or judge us (not saying anyone here will tbh, you guys are all mvps), but I realize that.. that's not really my problem. Im allowed to have a trans character and I'm allowed to be trans. I hope anyone struggling with gender issues like I have and still do can maybe take something from this and my hope is maybe tamako can one day help someone else free themselves and just live their life how they want to. 

edit: THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT AHHHH, i loved reading everyones messages ogshdsagdsaghg and its so great to hear yalls stories too!!!! im sorry i cant reply to everyone right now, i am running low on energy today goasghsg but i just wanted to update this and let everyone know i appreciate the support so much! i feel betterodguaghg and safer in my choice NGL so thank you guys so much for that.

helloooo everyone!!! i am here to [clog] your bulletin alert by saying i've returned from my adventure out in the smaller towns. we went down to galveston too and it was a blast. i went on a ghost tour and almost got into it with a very hostile entity because i'm a little (stupid) arrogant sometimes. i've got a few pictures of him staring at me from the window and also several photographs of orbs! i'm not entirely sure if the pictures i have of the entity are actually him or just some like.. weird lighting of the building, but the orbs are and were definitely orbs. it was amazing to actually see them in real time and also in the photographs because i've never actually captured orbs or been able to see them until recently.

i can't say i did a lot of magickal things this time around since i have a huge problem drifting away from it and getting caught up in my own modern society issues, but i can say that i did watch lord of the rings and wow. i can't believe i thought it was stupid, y'all. i am a changed man. those gay hobbits? they've won me over entirely. the last time i ever took a glance at LOTR was when i was like seven, around when it came out. my grandmas watched it and it bored me so bad. i hated it since; and father, i've been a fool. i really just adored watching it and then listening to my bf tell me that the hobbits are even gayer in the book. 

another token from my trip is: i went to a really beautiful cathedral to take pictures of the church and do a bit of trying to connect with angelic entities. well. i ended up getting wrapped into a church session (is that what they're called?) because i didn't know how to get up in the middle of them like.. singing and repeating bible verses without looking rude. it was.. interesting, to say in the least. here's a picture of the cathedral. 

another interesting thing i found was at a museum that used to be an orphanage. it was a lighting fixture that looked like a normal chandelier, but made a pentacle on the ground. i was so amazed by it and absolutely shook at how it managed to do that. a tour guide was also amazed, hahaha. here's a picture of that. if anyone knows the reason why, please tell me. honestly the fixture looked like it had 0 way of being able to make this on the ground, but it did. if it was done on purpose by whoever made it, they're a goddamn genius. 

honestly, there were a lot of intriguing things; but it isn't a bulletin about my adventures if i don't post a picture of haru. we got him the cute little angel harness that he was almost too chubby to fit into!! i thought he looked so cute in it and i want to buy him every color there is now LMFAOOO. but blue fits him. did he enjoy the harness? yes, yes he did. he was able to go outside and snoop around in the grass for a little bit. mostly all he did was sit there. classic, lazy haru.

in more toyhouse related news, i am still figuring out how to get the revival event pieced together better. i might do that rp comfort meme here in a couple of days, just because. i do miss rping a lot sometimes. mostly the casual kind where it's just easy for me to understand flow and not be too stressed out by the need to be perfect. i'm also going to be gearing to start writing for a couple boys and figure out what i want to do with the slasher gang since their game isn't really going anywhere and i've lost a lot of inspiration to keep going with it. i'd love to do a reading/text type of game, but who knows. lays my head down.

happy lammas to those who celebrate (blessed lammas, i think is the term for that but im not sure..) and happy midpoint of summer to everyone in the nothern hemisphere. i'm kind of sad summer is halfway over, it's my favorite season and it's a little painful to see the good times go by so quickly. give thanks to something in your life today! i hope to see you all in the FGs and wherever i can BUG YOU!!!!!

are y'all tired of hearing about art fight yet? i'm not!!! drop me y'alls below!! i have a couple of you (like vapor, fizz, maggot for sure), but i want more.. i want to draw yalls ocs and just get into the spirit!

https://artfight.net/~paramedic

hereeeee is mineeee if you'd rather just go from there (ill follow everyone back)
i think ill only keep those three charas there..but we will see. :thinking:
hope y'all are excited!!! i really love the energy around this time and just seeing everyone's draws 

HAPPY PRIDE, EVERYONE!! I hope everyone of the LGBT+ community is planning a fun month ahead! I might do a few literature things here and there just for fun and of course, maybe some art (for more than just tamako LMFAOOO). I've waited so long to make my avatar/icon what is now and I'm excited that I was able to do it. Now.. if only I could start my pride month by eating a bunch of chocolate... oh i love to eat..

SO. I've noticed that a lot of the forum games are kind of neglected and this might be a little far out there, but i was thinking about maybe hosting a forum games revival event. or at least something that helps get some of the older threads moving and helps folks meet each other. the basic idea of this is like.. every post made on a thread counts as a point. every post made on a thread that hasn't had a post in like 10+ days or something counts as 5 points. i can't decide if the points would be thrown into a raffle and amplify chances of being picked or if the points would literally be: whoever scores the highest wins. everyone would have to keep track of their own posts, so i'm figuring a raffle would probably work better there. prizes could either be like 20 dollars or art, i'm not sure on that yet. like i said, this could be completely dumb; feel free to tell me if it is. i just have noticed that some games tend to get more attention than others and some good games are like.. back logged 10+ pages back. 

another forum games topic issss: 18+ folks, would you guys be interested in more adult games? i've been trying to think of some that aren't even like.. nsfw-oriented, but just a little place where adults can have more of a space. i keep trying to come up with game ideas in general and am always like 'man idek what anyone WANTS', so i can't really find a lead of what kind to make. 

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR, FRIENDS!! It's the year of the water tiger this year, so i hope that you are all brought strength. My bf and I will be celebrating with our own bbq tonight! I got pork belly and I'm so excited to grill it up and eat! (eating is like my favorite thing..)

whats more important than my delicious dinner is tomorrow is a special boy's very first birthday. last year, i was given the delightful gift of baby rabbits after we decided to breed our rabbits since it was a childhood dream to raise baby rabbits. haru(chan) was born with two siblings (cupid who went to a coworker, and inoshishi who went to a critter camp to help children learn how to behave with animals). he is a special rabbit, because he is extremely moody and actually almost died when he was born! he fell out of the nest a few days after being born, when it was very, very cold. our house does not have central heating. i woke up in the morning and found him almost gone and cried and cried and cried, but i got him warmed up, happier and he lived! he was the smallest out of the bunch, then puberty happened and suddenly he got large and he's so big and fat now!

haru is one of my best friends, even if he doesn't love me as much as i love him. here are some pictures of the birthday lad! happy 1 year, haru!! you made it! 

But mostly, happy birthday to me! I spread all of my energy to you guys and bless you with a fun day today!

I just wanted to talk about my boys accents because they're in forum games so much that I just felt like I needed to let everyone know that Sean has a Rhode island accent, Gwen and Rane have boston accents and Chase has a more New York accent ofjsjd. 

Rush also kinda has boston.. but it's a little more casual and quiet. The others have their own dialect too but.. these are the most frequent boys.

Tell me ur ocs accents and stuff 😳