because honestly it's an escape. I have come to the realization that I buy so much of this shit, that honestly has no physical value, and that many in my real life won't and can't see. Because I dive into my characters and their lives more than my own. It's why I started rping in the first place honestly... like 4,5 years ago.
Many people here would agree that rp, in general, is an escape. Is it healthy? that's up for debate. Because while you make friends and meet new people you are also turning away from the problems in your life and not facing any of it head on. Sometimes it can be used for coping though, which I do and understand all too well. I have my share of a fucked up past that I would rather not go into. I have been used, abused, and seen shit at an age that no child should. I was forced to face reality sooner than most others around me.
I think that's why I spend so much on my characters. Why I just, have so fucking many. Because I am fucking hiding from my own life and what's around me. I am hiding from my problems, what needs to be done, my issues.
When I first started using this site I remember posting in the vent board about being depressed for a long fucking time. I was at a loss with myself and I started getting involved with the community if you can call 20 something followers 'involved' lmao it started to go away when i joined discord servers and started talking to people again.
for a long while I thought I was over my depression. Now that it is creeping back up my throat, choking me and making itself more known than ever... I have noticed that I am pulling away from those around me and the server I love. I'm not talking as much anymore, more introverted and just silent. I don't know if it ever went away. Or if I am just that fucking good at faking it that I fooled myself by diving into my characters and their stories.
This isn't getting put up to gain pity. Keep your pity, honestly. I am more admitting this to myself than anyone else here so I can finally face an issue by placing it right in my face.
-showers hearts on Emz-
It's ok to feel tired and to want to withdraw. I do it often, myself. It's ok to dive hardcore into your characters, as well.
Feel what you feel, because nobody else can feel what you do, and it's your experience. Do what makes you happy, and come back to us when you're ready for it. :> You are loved.
6 years, 10 months ago
Roleplay has been my method of escape for seven or so years now, and characters even longer than that. I made my frist character when I was in junior high to cope with how I felt about myself and my gender dysphoria- back when 'transvestites' were just something sung about in Rocky Horror and /or those weird people I saw on TV when my parents would watch COPS. I used to show him to my friends and say, "He's everything I ever wanted to be, but it's not possible."
I got older. I educated myself. And I continued to write, to create characters, and to share them with others. Healthy? Probably not- but it's much better than the possible alternatives. There's nothing wrong with spending money on something that brings you joy, or helps you cope. People buy cars, trading cards, and other collectible items for the same reason- and with art and adopts, you're supporting local instead of big businesses anyway.
Sometimes we do need to take a step back and breathe. Is there a reason you don't seem to enjoy the server anymore? Is something very minute and small bothering you, and you just haven't figured it out yet? Look at it from afar. Take a break. Breathe. Do you before anyone else.
6 years, 10 months ago
oh no it's not the server, or anyone else for that matter. It's completely me and I know it is.
I just, don't talk as much as I used to. I don't feel like talking, like I am always socially drained even when I haven't talked to someone all day.
6 years, 10 months ago
Either way, I hope things get better for you. ;; You're a very dear friend, I hate to see you upset like this.
6 years, 10 months ago