i dont know if you got my reply... since it seems you blocked me.. but ill just put some of the important parts
i guess the important parts to me are sorry if i sounded aggressive before, i really didnt mean to, you dont deserve it, i could tell even when we were only aquainted and only occasionally said hi to each other that youre a nice person. you dont deserve someone yelling at you
i am a POC, a lot of people i know are POC, my fiance is hispanic, i dated a black man in the past who was a great friend, and i have a few trans friends who know about the callout, have read it, and dismissed it as me having a cringey edgy bad comedy day. (which is what i always wanted. i know im a loser.)
another important thing is just. your art is good and you were always so sweet and chill to talk to back in the day, youre the brown star dog who also drew mouths sometimes too yeah? keep it up and try to stay healthy, i dont know what about my callout irked you so bad but i promise whatever it was, i really didnt mean harm and no one was supposed to see it. and i know i keep saying "no one was supposed to see it", but its true. i wouldnt ever say those things to people who have suffered from transphobia or racism. not out of fear of retaliation or whatever, but i just..dont fucking want to open anyones wounds. i dont want that. i really dont. i get so pissed off when i realize something stupid or abrasive i said actually hurt someone. i dont expect anybody to take me seriously or care about what i have to say. and honestly, i still dont want anyone to take me seriously. i dont claim to be a great person or a role model or claim to know jack shit, i dont.
the context for those things you pointed out is: i know im an idiot and no one should take anything i said seriously because i was so mentally ill and troubled back then. its not an excuse, but you shouldnt listen to the crazy patient that has dementia. its not good for you i know i was an edgelord back then and sure, my messages were leaked, but i am just not a racist or a transphobe. people can be whatever they want to be, and be whatever they feel they identify with. its really no big deal, and honestly none of my business. id feel genuinely bad if i truly knew random people saw my old cropped up messages and got genuinely upset. i would feel terrible. i have had people be really fucked-up-racist towards me and it hurts.
and also, back then i didnt really understand some basic things about trans people. for one, i was like, "why come out? why come out to your family if they are obviously christian and very anti-gay? why not move to greener pastures where you can be fairly certain you will be accepted and not be put at risk?" i used to think that was so, so, so,... stupid. but, a friend told me they do that so they can feel accepted, and not like theyre hiding something major or hiding their relationship with someone or some other such thing. seems like a dumb thing to not know; that people wanna be accepted. but, i didnt know. i didnt, and dont feel the need to be accepted by anybody when it comes to basic things about me. for one, im bi. im a girl whos dated girls. no one needs to know that. no one needs to know who i date. i dont answer to anybody. ive never been accepted as a person IRL, ive always been a black sheep, and my family never really liked me much either. never had much friends or kept any very long, either. and i dont mind that.
BUT. that being said, i do know that other people -do- answer to other people; and really wish to be accepted in their societies, whether it be their family or a community. furthermore, people dont want to have to be abandoned or excluded from those societies, obviously. seems obvious, but it wasnt to me at the time. so, i get that part now at least. just a lot of things have happened. i was very different back then. much angier and much more in pain.
another important thing; thank you for admitting that meatcord was terrible. you dont understand the importance of this but seeing that was extremely healing for me. i know you didnt intend that to happen,. but, yeah... for what its worth, thanks anyway
Napdust
Kunmao
i dont know if you got my reply... since it seems you blocked me.. but ill just put some of the important parts
i guess the important parts to me are sorry if i sounded aggressive before, i really didnt mean to, you dont deserve it, i could tell even when we were only aquainted and only occasionally said hi to each other that youre a nice person. you dont deserve someone yelling at you
i am a POC, a lot of people i know are POC, my fiance is hispanic, i dated a black man in the past who was a great friend, and i have a few trans friends who know about the callout, have read it, and dismissed it as me having a cringey edgy bad comedy day. (which is what i always wanted. i know im a loser.)
another important thing is just. your art is good and you were always so sweet and chill to talk to back in the day, youre the brown star dog who also drew mouths sometimes too yeah? keep it up and try to stay healthy, i dont know what about my callout irked you so bad but i promise whatever it was, i really didnt mean harm and no one was supposed to see it. and i know i keep saying "no one was supposed to see it", but its true. i wouldnt ever say those things to people who have suffered from transphobia or racism. not out of fear of retaliation or whatever, but i just..dont fucking want to open anyones wounds. i dont want that. i really dont. i get so pissed off when i realize something stupid or abrasive i said actually hurt someone. i dont expect anybody to take me seriously or care about what i have to say. and honestly, i still dont want anyone to take me seriously. i dont claim to be a great person or a role model or claim to know jack shit, i dont.
the context for those things you pointed out is:
i know im an idiot and no one should take anything i said seriously because i was so mentally ill and troubled back then. its not an excuse, but you shouldnt listen to the crazy patient that has dementia. its not good for you
i know i was an edgelord back then and sure, my messages were leaked, but i am just not a racist or a transphobe. people can be whatever they want to be, and be whatever they feel they identify with. its really no big deal, and honestly none of my business.
id feel genuinely bad if i truly knew random people saw my old cropped up messages and got genuinely upset. i would feel terrible. i have had people be really fucked-up-racist towards me and it hurts.
and also, back then i didnt really understand some basic things about trans people. for one, i was like, "why come out? why come out to your family if they are obviously christian and very anti-gay? why not move to greener pastures where you can be fairly certain you will be accepted and not be put at risk?" i used to think that was so, so, so,... stupid. but, a friend told me they do that so they can feel accepted, and not like theyre hiding something major or hiding their relationship with someone or some other such thing. seems like a dumb thing to not know; that people wanna be accepted. but, i didnt know. i didnt, and dont feel the need to be accepted by anybody when it comes to basic things about me. for one, im bi. im a girl whos dated girls. no one needs to know that. no one needs to know who i date. i dont answer to anybody. ive never been accepted as a person IRL, ive always been a black sheep, and my family never really liked me much either. never had much friends or kept any very long, either. and i dont mind that.
BUT. that being said, i do know that other people -do- answer to other people; and really wish to be accepted in their societies, whether it be their family or a community. furthermore, people dont want to have to be abandoned or excluded from those societies, obviously. seems obvious, but it wasnt to me at the time. so, i get that part now at least. just a lot of things have happened. i was very different back then. much angier and much more in pain.
another important thing; thank you for admitting that meatcord was terrible. you dont understand the importance of this but seeing that was extremely healing for me. i know you didnt intend that to happen,. but, yeah... for what its worth, thanks anyway
2 years, 5 months ago