hi. my intention is not to change your mind, I'll say this right off the bat. but you presented an interesting point of view, I've never heard it before.
first of all - and I'm only talking about MY experience, not for all proshippers - "rape and abuse stories" push me to tears. i can't stand them, i avoid them, it's going to put me in an awful mood. and yet, i like everything you named in fiction. i don't "wank" to it bc i never wank to fictional content at all, and honestly it's a pretty big leap to think "this person likes X sexual themes? THEY WANK TO IT!!!". i just find it hot, gut-churning. that's all lol. so idk about you - maybe it's just the different ways our brains work (not in the derogatory sense!), but i have this clear divide between fiction and real life. if you don't - hey, it's fine. i just don't think it's productive to ruin someone's day and call them an awful human being because you don't approve of their morality, or how empathetic YOU THINK they are.
personally, i don't think YOU'RE a good person for leaving a comment like this. i do hope, if you don't change your mind, you'll at least think about all of it.
wow! that's amazing, I'm glad you wrote this and apologized for leaving that comment ;o; not everyone would've.
i won't go into more discussion bc it seems like it might hurt you, and you've suffered enough (and I'm so sorry for what has happened in your life, genuinely, i hope the rest of your life plays out incredibly well), but yeah, you came to the right conclusions. after all, and however sucky it must feel, those are your feelings, and for the good of you, the best thing in such circumstances is to block the tags/words (if applicable), block the user and move on to positive things, things that bring you joy.
I'm truly sorry for your traumas, nobody should've gone through that. but everyone's experiences are different, and what brings you joy, might bring me pain, and same goes in the other direction.
I am also a sexual abuse survivor. My past and the people who have hurt me make me very angry. Fiction in artwork/writing has given me choices and the power I needed to heal from a lot of it. I am a proshipper because I believe no one deserves to be harassed for the fiction they make because we will never truly know why they make it.
Like you, I also have many topics I do not want to see. I hope by publicly being proship people will not be so scared to tag their content. If we have tagging we can avoid or look for stuff we want to see. That's my goal for my own personal experiences.
I know that you've already apologised and such, so this isn't a comment that's going to be attacking you or anything like that. It's just another two cents from someone who has survived sexual abuse (one instance was at the hand of a family member) and grooming and I'd like to preface that I do see where you're coming from... But engaging with people who are posting content that you find triggering is immediately just going to make you feel so much worse, that's why when I see people who write fiction or have OCs that I feel are in any way glamorizing substance abuse (another issue of mine, that triggers me a lot), I won't interact with them. I won't even leave them a comment trying to change their mind, especially not if I'm so triggered in that moment, because nothing I can say is going to change their mind in that state. Coming at someone with a very aggressive demeanour isn't going to get them to listen to what I have to say and if I don't feel like I can present my "arguments" against it in a calm manner, I won't bother. It'd simply cause both parties to get worked up and upset and even drive the person I'd be confronting to feel more firm in their stance because people don't respond well to being called out aggressively - it really just makes people stick to their guns more. I also don't really try to confront them when I'm feeling less triggered because I'm choosing to curate a safer space for myself by not engage with AND blocking those people who post the triggering content. That's most important.
That being said, I don't personally identify as pro-ship and I don't really have a problem with people who are pro-ship because most people who are won't shove it in your face if they know you aren't really comfortable with the concept. If there is someone who's pushing content that triggers you in your face, that's not because they're pro-ship, that's because they're a generally toxic person. I had an experience with a guy I almost dated who was very toxic and controlling, borderline abusive to me, who would talk about one of the most heinous acts in the world IN DETAIL and no matter how much I asked him to stop, he didn't, but that was different. He wasn't just some pro-shipper, you know? He wasn't someone who enjoyed a particular type of fanfic or plot for his OCs. Those kinds of people are not the same as someone like Flipside, they're not out here talking to people about these things. They keep their content strictly on NSFW accounts and under the appropriate authorization on TH.
Ultimately, my point here is that you're completely valid in your feelings but by lashing out like this instead of curating your experience to be as much of a safe space as possible (by blacklisting certain words and blocking certain users), you're hurting yourself more than anything else. You're engaging yourself with people who post stuff that you find triggering and keeping yourself in that environment and I worry about you because of that. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's just that I've been there before... Of course it hurts other people, who are oftentimes victims of the same thing and that's not great, either, because then it's just two people who have been victimized by monsters going at each other's throats for both trying to deal with their trauma in a way that suits them best. For some, they find that writing this kind of fiction is the best and for others, like yourself, not consuming that type of fiction is absolutely the best. What's best for you will not always be what's best for others and even though it sucks to see trauma you went through in a place you want to make safe, unfortunately you can't choose for them how they deal with it. When I mentioned substance abuse, I have met people who are recovering addicts and do write this kind of fiction to try and deal with it, I can't tell them that it's not what's best for them because I'm not them and I don't know if it is or isn't.
I hope that moving forward, you blacklist the relevant words and block people who post things that trigger you. I hope that you curate your space to be more calming and safe for you, rather than letting your hurt get the best of you and lashing out at people in a way that keeps you in the headspace where you feel so upset. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope that you understand my tone here, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who has his own triggers and who has also been through similar things.
Flipside
hi. my intention is not to change your mind, I'll say this right off the bat. but you presented an interesting point of view, I've never heard it before.
first of all - and I'm only talking about MY experience, not for all proshippers - "rape and abuse stories" push me to tears. i can't stand them, i avoid them, it's going to put me in an awful mood. and yet, i like everything you named in fiction. i don't "wank" to it bc i never wank to fictional content at all, and honestly it's a pretty big leap to think "this person likes X sexual themes? THEY WANK TO IT!!!". i just find it hot, gut-churning. that's all lol. so idk about you - maybe it's just the different ways our brains work (not in the derogatory sense!), but i have this clear divide between fiction and real life. if you don't - hey, it's fine. i just don't think it's productive to ruin someone's day and call them an awful human being because you don't approve of their morality, or how empathetic YOU THINK they are.
personally, i don't think YOU'RE a good person for leaving a comment like this. i do hope, if you don't change your mind, you'll at least think about all of it.
1 year, 4 months ago
1 year, 4 months ago
wow! that's amazing, I'm glad you wrote this and apologized for leaving that comment ;o; not everyone would've.
i won't go into more discussion bc it seems like it might hurt you, and you've suffered enough (and I'm so sorry for what has happened in your life, genuinely, i hope the rest of your life plays out incredibly well), but yeah, you came to the right conclusions. after all, and however sucky it must feel, those are your feelings, and for the good of you, the best thing in such circumstances is to block the tags/words (if applicable), block the user and move on to positive things, things that bring you joy.
I'm truly sorry for your traumas, nobody should've gone through that. but everyone's experiences are different, and what brings you joy, might bring me pain, and same goes in the other direction.
have a good day :)
/gen /not mad
1 year, 4 months ago
1 year, 4 months ago
Thank you for the apology Socks-Art
I am also a sexual abuse survivor. My past and the people who have hurt me make me very angry. Fiction in artwork/writing has given me choices and the power I needed to heal from a lot of it. I am a proshipper because I believe no one deserves to be harassed for the fiction they make because we will never truly know why they make it.
Like you, I also have many topics I do not want to see. I hope by publicly being proship people will not be so scared to tag their content. If we have tagging we can avoid or look for stuff we want to see. That's my goal for my own personal experiences.
1 year, 4 months ago
1 year, 4 months ago
I know that you've already apologised and such, so this isn't a comment that's going to be attacking you or anything like that. It's just another two cents from someone who has survived sexual abuse (one instance was at the hand of a family member) and grooming and I'd like to preface that I do see where you're coming from... But engaging with people who are posting content that you find triggering is immediately just going to make you feel so much worse, that's why when I see people who write fiction or have OCs that I feel are in any way glamorizing substance abuse (another issue of mine, that triggers me a lot), I won't interact with them. I won't even leave them a comment trying to change their mind, especially not if I'm so triggered in that moment, because nothing I can say is going to change their mind in that state. Coming at someone with a very aggressive demeanour isn't going to get them to listen to what I have to say and if I don't feel like I can present my "arguments" against it in a calm manner, I won't bother. It'd simply cause both parties to get worked up and upset and even drive the person I'd be confronting to feel more firm in their stance because people don't respond well to being called out aggressively - it really just makes people stick to their guns more. I also don't really try to confront them when I'm feeling less triggered because I'm choosing to curate a safer space for myself by not engage with AND blocking those people who post the triggering content. That's most important.
That being said, I don't personally identify as pro-ship and I don't really have a problem with people who are pro-ship because most people who are won't shove it in your face if they know you aren't really comfortable with the concept. If there is someone who's pushing content that triggers you in your face, that's not because they're pro-ship, that's because they're a generally toxic person. I had an experience with a guy I almost dated who was very toxic and controlling, borderline abusive to me, who would talk about one of the most heinous acts in the world IN DETAIL and no matter how much I asked him to stop, he didn't, but that was different. He wasn't just some pro-shipper, you know? He wasn't someone who enjoyed a particular type of fanfic or plot for his OCs. Those kinds of people are not the same as someone like Flipside, they're not out here talking to people about these things. They keep their content strictly on NSFW accounts and under the appropriate authorization on TH.
Ultimately, my point here is that you're completely valid in your feelings but by lashing out like this instead of curating your experience to be as much of a safe space as possible (by blacklisting certain words and blocking certain users), you're hurting yourself more than anything else. You're engaging yourself with people who post stuff that you find triggering and keeping yourself in that environment and I worry about you because of that. I hope that doesn't sound patronising, it's just that I've been there before... Of course it hurts other people, who are oftentimes victims of the same thing and that's not great, either, because then it's just two people who have been victimized by monsters going at each other's throats for both trying to deal with their trauma in a way that suits them best. For some, they find that writing this kind of fiction is the best and for others, like yourself, not consuming that type of fiction is absolutely the best. What's best for you will not always be what's best for others and even though it sucks to see trauma you went through in a place you want to make safe, unfortunately you can't choose for them how they deal with it. When I mentioned substance abuse, I have met people who are recovering addicts and do write this kind of fiction to try and deal with it, I can't tell them that it's not what's best for them because I'm not them and I don't know if it is or isn't.
I hope that moving forward, you blacklist the relevant words and block people who post things that trigger you. I hope that you curate your space to be more calming and safe for you, rather than letting your hurt get the best of you and lashing out at people in a way that keeps you in the headspace where you feel so upset. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope that you understand my tone here, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who has his own triggers and who has also been through similar things.
1 year, 4 months ago Edited 11:00 pm