Well you said you don't know where to start on self love, but what was it like before you met this person to begin with? Something that could help you is to reflect back on what your hobbies, interests, and ambitions were before you even met this person, and find ways to enjoy those things again and to have a life outside of them again
Okay, this is the LAST place I wanted to go with this but I feel like i'm kinda stuck where i'm at mentally right now. Thank you to ANYONE who's taking time out of their day to read this.
So this happened in January when my gf first suggested we go on break, regretfully I was heartbroken and didn't take it well. That led to us spending some time apart, we got back together to celebrate valentine's day (agreed upon thing since i already bought her gifts and planned a date for her), then split up the day after. During this, she still had the goal of continuing the relationship when we were both ready. Eventually, she called it off and said we just need to focus on ourselves. I kinda went through denial in my head and told myself that if I just do everything right and make her happy then everything will be okay between us and we'd get back together. This didn't help when I saw my therapist and she encouraged the idea.
Well basically a lot has happened between us and we're not talking right now, she said that she just needs time away from me and we can be friends when she's ready. I agreed but now i'm kinda in a rut. It's been months and i'm still in love with her, i don't really know what to do. I've tried a lot of things, i've asked friends for advice, i've even tried forcing myself to crush on other people to get her out of my head but nothings working. I think about her every day and I know that if I want to better myself I need to get over her but I don't know how. (doesn't help that i see her every day at school)
Does anyone have any advice? I've never really focused on myself before so I don't know where to start. My therapist said self love but I don't know where to start with that either.
I hope I explained everything good enough, this isn't EVERYTHING but wanted to keep things vague since it's so personal to me
no clue how much this'll help but you probably should try and get into new pieces of media/new activities, just try to keep yourself busy in the meantime. i know it's hard but you will be able to move past it even though it'll take time.
I've felt this hard after ending my 7, almost 8 year romantic relationship out of a friendship I've had for over 12 years. (I'm including the years of a romantic relationship w/ the years of friendship, sorry if that sounded confusing lmao) It's incredibly difficult to navigate, and I also had dreams and stuff of her for a good long time after. It's especially hard when you have mutual friends who still remain in contact with them.
But please heed this: there's a very big reason why people tend to not remain friends with their exes, especially if it's a very serious relationship. I'm not saying you can't be friends with them, but it takes a lot of time and healing before you should ever consider rekindling that friendship, and by then, they are going to be a different person than you remember. You should take a step back and just not reach out to them to at LEAST half the time you were in this relationship, but preferably more. Don't feel guilty about blocking them if you need to.
Having a crush on someone new does help, but forcing it will not. It'll only make you lonelier, honestly.
You have to be able to find yourself again as a singular person, not as a "we." What helps a lot is cutting out things (that you can) that remind you of them and picking up new things that you can learn to love without them. Things you haven't considered before, and things that are drastically different from what you are used to. Nothing dangerous, obviously, but doing things that take you out of your comfort zone* (*Safe and legal things ofc) and forcing you to break out of the shell and being more open-minded to new experiences.
I am at a place in my life now, after years of our breakup where I think I would say I could be friends with my ex if I wanted to now, as opposed to the mess I was about 5 or 6 years ago. BUT just because I can be friends with her, doesn't really mean I want to. I've come to realize after a long time that sometimes you're just better off being familiar strangers with people you were once close with. And that's just the way it is sometimes. Different people can handle different things, but overall, you must give yourself space and time to heal from a relationship you really treasured.
You cannot rely on possibly getting back into that relationship romantic or platonic, because people change. It's not a static variable where you can pick up where you left off without having any difference whatsoever. It doesn't have to be something drastic, but you'll notice. Whether in how they speak, or the things they are into now. The core might not change, but they will have different factors into who they are as a person now. A person without you, and it's something hard to accept, but you'll have to come to terms with first if you do want to seek out a friendship again with them some day.
i'm sorry this happened to you, i've been there and it's difficult! i don't have too much of my own to say but absolutely seconding dianxia's advice- don't try to keep contacting them. i always used to be confused why people say to stop contacting your exes / not be friends with them when i didn't see any issue with it- especially if you used to be friends, so like, why not just go back to that? but after experience after experience i can honestly say it is just a bad idea. if you want to stop hurting, you have to cut contact. and the weird awkwardness afterwards does not go away no matter how much you try to force it in my experience xD
i also want to say, maybe take a while before going into another relationship. you'll just find yourself rushing into it hoping to copy what you used to have. it won't be good for anyone and is an easy way to fall into an unhealthy relationship. even if your ex starts dating again, take your time. self-love comes before anyone else. i suggest focusing on organizing your life how you want it! put up some posters in your room! take walks! one thing that really helps me boost my confidence is focusing more on my physical appearance (in a good way, like, skincare routines and buying new clothes). filling your days is a great distraction. even picking up a new video game or tv show- there's so much cool stuff out there!
entirely unrelated, i like your icon :) and good luck with everything! it takes a while but in time you'll be at peace and just be able to have good memories of the happy times you did have with her, without the feeling of loss.