Feeling Feelings

Player had been lost to the impostor that round. Reck was used to loss, used to even Player’s loss, but recently each time Player got hurt drove a nail through his heart.

The week was being reset that evening, and Reck was sitting in the greenhouse. He couldn’t sleep in an empty bed, and he couldn’t handle the possibility that Player might not come back while he was there, waiting in his room. Reck watched the stars glisten through the greenhouse’s window.

Player was definitely his best friend, but recently Reck had been feeling something else for him. He felt his face flush when Player brushes their hands together, or puts a hand on his shoulder. He’s found himself watching Player lean on him, sleep-deprived and needing a nap, and imagining what it would be like to kiss his forehead, his cheek, his lips.

He had meant to tell him, but each time he tried he ended up getting interrupted from his thoughts.

...

Reck wasn’t much for feeling feelings.

He heard someone enter the decontamination chamber in the greenhouse. Reck let his eyes close, sighing softly in annoyance. He was always getting interrupted from his thoughts. When the decontamination timer was up, he heard a familiar voice enter the greenhouse.

“You’re up late, buddy. What’s got you all the way up here?” Player said, making his way over. Reck turned his head, watching Player come to sit down beside him. Suddenly, Reck wasn’t as annoyed anymore. Player lounged on the bench, looking up at the sky. “It’s a nice view.” He said.

Reck nodded, and sniffed, looking away from him. He tried to keep his slight blush hidden. Player turned to watch Reck’s face.

“You always take such good care of the garden, Reck.” Player said, voice soft. Reck’s brows lifted. He glanced back at Player, who grinned.

“It’s the truth. You’re so hardworking, all the time. You do so much for us that you have a hard time winding down at the end, hm?” Player said, leaning closer to him a little. This time, Reck couldn’t hide the subtle redness of his face. Player noticed it. Reck hummed softly, and looked back up to the sky. Player followed where Reck was looking again.

“I talked to Monet a while back.” Player said, much softer. Reck felt Player’s pinkie finger overlap his. “We talked about… About what it was like to be gay.” Reck's breath caught in his throat. He glanced over to him, his body stiffened. Player was watching how his pinkie and ring finger started to overlap Reck’s hand, rubbing softly along Reck’s fingers.

“I didn’t know it was okay to kiss or love other guys, especially since I’ve kissed and loved women before. When she told me what it was like to be bi, I…” Player trailed off. His hand had fully wrapped around Recks, his thumb rubbing gentle circles along the side of Reck’s hand.

“I realized it was the same way I felt about you.” Player said. He seemed to realize what he was saying, and started fluffing up his words. “You don’t have to feel the same way, I mean, I know you’re probably ace and all. We’re good as friends.” Player babbled. “I just… I care about you much more than a straight man would. I don’t know how to feel about that. Only that what I’m feeling feels right. Yknow?”

When Player looked up at Reck, Reck’s completely stoic face was already staring at him, face blushing subtly. Player felt Reck’s hand close around Player’s, as well. They were holding hands. Reck couldn’t muster up his voice, so he used his free hand to sign instead.

I love you.

Player grabbed Reck’s other hand when he was done signing, and Reck’s eyes drooped. His hands loosened from Reck’s hands, to his neck, and gently feeling against Reck’s face. Reck’s hands found Player’s sides. They pulled each other together gently, kissing for the first time.

Something felt electric under Player’s touch, and Reck didn’t want to let him go. Player carded through his hair and felt against his back. Reck touched Player’s face as well, holding him as if he would break.

They kissed like that, soft and gentle, for what felt like hours. After a while, Player pulled away and touched Reck’s forehead with his own. Reck’s eyes fluttered open, and they gazed into each other’s eyes.

“Let’s get you in bed, big guy. I know you’re tired. We’ll get you a good night’s sleep.” Player mumbled. The big guy frowned. Reck didn’t want this moment to end, and Player could tell. Player snickered at his friend(?)'s face.

“Okay. We can stay for a little while longer, but dont keep me up too long, okay?” Player said, and he saw the faintest smile on Reck’s face. Player’s smile grew even sweeter seeing it. They kissed again, and Player climbed up into Reck’s lap.

Player fell asleep like that, curled up in his lap. Reck watched his face, snuggling him. He kissed Player’s forehead, and his cheek. He let his eyes close for just a little while, too.