Spooky Shenanigans

No, not that one, no, crap, where was it? Verdigris’s rough, callused hands reached to the frame of his oversized square glasses, adjusting them again and again in bouts of barely-suppressed anxiety. He paced along another twisting alleyway, peering into windows to try and identify which cramped little dwelling belonged to AJ the kiwifruit beetle.

It’s somewhere along here, I just know it! Oh, what if I’m late? What if he’s left without me? I can’t bear to show up late and disappoint him, he was so excited for this night!

He’d spent last Halloween with the boisterous young Tea Beetle by chance, who had forced him to come out of his shell and even, and he hated to admit it, enjoy himself somewhat.

Verdigris had agreed to meet up with AJ again for this year’s grand festivities, and with an amount of prompting had worn a special costume to match the little kiwifruit beetle’s. Apparently there’s this show called Gravity Falls or something? He’d never heard of it, but AJ loved it and wanted to go trick-or-treating with a group dressed as the main characters.

Verdigris fiddled with his huge glasses again, then reached up to adjust the ridiculous red fez that was apparently ‘essential for pulling off the look’, for whatever reason. He’d plucked as many cactus pads as he could so he was able to stuff himself into a grungy old suit, complete with red bow-tie and hideous brown loafers, but the itching on his arms meant they were beginning to grow back already. The orange-red paint on his nose was starting to itch too, and the urge to scratch it off was growing with every passing minute. The anxiety sweat sure wasn’t helping either.

As the tall Tea Beetle ducked through the same blasted archway for the third or fourth time, a shout echoed faintly from his right.

“Hey! Over here!”

Verdigris breathed a brief sigh of relief. AJ’s unmistakably cheery voice sure was a sound for sore ears! Looking around, he eventually spotted the little brown Tea Beetle hanging out of a window waving, about 50 metres away. Verdigris hurried towards him, dodging and even stepping over smaller Tea Beetles clutching their hard-earned candy.

The inside of AJ’s house was just as cluttered as he remembered it, but this time there were somehow more piles present, which made it very difficult, nay, impossible, to squeeze his tall frame into the living room. Every visible cupboard was stuffed to the brim with things that should not be in cupboards, and stacks of magazines and trinkets had piled up in the corners and on any flat surfaces. The same Halloween decorations as last year were strung up in the windows again (or maybe still), and AJ’s wolf mask from last year hung precariously from the back of a chair.

“Oh it’s so good to see you again! I’ve been looking forward to mffmmm mm mffmfff!” AJ’s warbling sentence trailed off into nonsense as he ran excitedly to Verdigris and smushed his face in the taller beetle’s thigh in a hug.

“Whoa, okay, nice to see you too squirt, but uh… yep.” Verdigris muttered as he peeled the little beetle off and gently set him down on a nearby cushion.

“EEEEEE”

Or… what he thought was a cushion?

AJ leapt up as the mound of red fluff twitched and then, before his very eyes, uncoiled.

“I’m so sorry, he didn’t mean it!” AJ squeaked out. “It’s okay, I’m sorry!”

The red worm thing shook itself out, and as Verdigris blinked in disbelief, a pile of other, smaller worms in a rainbow of colours was uncovered. The thing stood up and made a strange purring noise.

It was a Tea Beetle!

The beetle had a head covered in fuzzy appendages that looked an awful lot like worms-on-a-string, complete with little googly eyes. They twitched and writhed seemingly of their own free will, googly eyes bouncing and rattling accordingly. The larger, extraordinarily long red worm that Verdigris had mistaken for a pillow looked to be in place of the little beetle’s tail. Ugh.

The beetle was wearing a comically oversized pink sweater with a shooting star emblem on the front. The sleeves hung almost to the ground, and had already picked up dust.

“Verdy, don’t be scared! This is Cecilia! They’re my friend, they’re coming trick-or-treating with us. Say hi!”

Oh. Right.

Verdigris reached out a tentative paw to shake the thing’s hand and apologise. After a long moment of silence, he pulled it back and brushed it nonchalantly on his suit. Rude. Cecilia was just staring at him. They made another small purring noise, then shook themself off again and sat back down.

A huff of amusement (or maybe annoyance?) from AJ snapped Verdigris out of it, as the little tea beetle turned to rummage in a pile of detritus. A moment later he spun around, clutching a blue and white hat with a pine tree logo and grinning from ear to ear. He was already wearing an orange shirt and a puffy blue vest, and Verdigris spotted him tucking something into a pocket at the last second.

“We’re ready!”

Whew, let’s get out of here, Verdigris thought to himself.

From the limited research he’d done, the three of them had pulled off the costumes almost perfectly. The two dwarf Tea Beetles were adorable as the Pines siblings, and Verdigris was the grumpy great uncle. Oddly fitting, he mused.

AJ handed him a pumpkin-shaped bucket, then set off out the door. Cecilia followed with a rattle of googly eyes, and Verdigris ducked out behind the two and gently pushed the door closed.

—————

An hour or so later, Verdigris began to lag behind a bit, pausing just down the street as Cecilia and AJ stopped at their next target, uh, house. But before they could even knock, the door flew open with a BANG! and a terrifying creature leapt out with a RAAARRGH!!

Dear Set, thought Verdigris, as the Pines twins scrambled backwards. That’s a change of pants right there.

Blood and bandages covered it’s gangly black body. A grinning pumpkin in place of a head oozed blood and gore and pumpkin seeds from its holes. Flies hovered around it, fat blowflies glistening in the dim light.

But… hold on. Verdigris peered closer. Those flies are on wires! And the blood, it’s too bright! Oh thank Set, it’s at least partially a costume. A damn good costume though.

Cecilia was whimpering, so Verdigris, who had caught up to the other two, laid a hand on their shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright, ‘s just a costume. I’ve got you.”

The creature began to chuckle, then broke out into a maniacal laugh. “Wow, I got you good! Oh man, that was hilarious! Your faces!!” but quickly stopped as AJ planted a tiny fist of rage in their thigh. “Ow!”

Upon closer inspection, the Tea Beetle’s pumpkin head was definitely real (creepy), but the added blood and gore was fake. Artful, and convincing, but still fake.

“So uh, now that’s out of the way, what do you guys say now?” the pumpkin-headed beetle prompted.

“Oh right!” exclaimed AJ. “Sorry. Trick or treat?”

“Treat!” The pumpkin beetle grinned, and revealed a basket of candy from behind their back. “Go on, help yourself! My name’s Carver, by the way.”

AJ grinned and reached out for a fistful of candy.

Quick as lightning, the other beetle shot out their hand, knocking AJ’s candy bucket to the ground. “Ah ah ah, I don’t think so! Thieves, are we?”

AJ yelped. One of his four brown hands was clutched in Carver’s bony black claws, and there was something else in their grasp too. A tiny wooden doll, the kind you’d see in an antiques store. But hold on, something wasn’t right with it.

“I’m sorry! Please let us go!”

“Only if you tell me what that thing is, kid.”

“Alright, alright! This ‘thing’ is Totem. It’s alive, and you’re hurting it! Please!”

Alive?

Carver abruptly released their grasp, and AJ pulled away, rubbing his wrist. The doll, or Tea Beetle, was cradled in another hand.

I’m so sorry, really, I am.” Verdigris uttered. “We’ll be going now.” and with that he grabbed the two smaller Tea Beetles and hurried down the street.

When they were a far enough distance away, under a streetlight, Verdigris stopped. “What the hell was that, kid? You tryin’ to get us banned from trick-or-treating?”

“No, I’m sorry! It’s just that, it’s just that Totem is too small to go by itself, and, and I wanted more candy, and I thought it could help.” He sheepishly held out his doll.

Now, in the brighter light, Verdigris could see that it was clearly not a doll, but a tiny Tea Beetle carved from wood. Intricate painted markings swirled over its body, with ball-jointed limbs and bald head reflecting the light from the streetlamp. A single white, glowing eye hovered in front of where it’s real eyes should have been. The eye blinked once, twice, and then Totem waved with its oh my god what is that?!

A shiver rippled down his spine. That thing’s tail was unnatural! A purple, clawed hand stretched out on a ridiculously long rubbery tube from Totem’s behind. And as Verdigris watched, it shrank before his very eyes until it was finally of normal proportions.

So that’s how they’d been doing it! The little guy could morph it’s tail!

“Holy Set. Whoa. Uh, hi little guy! My name’s Verdigris. It’s uh, nice to meet you.” He raised his head to meet AJ’s eyes. “YOU. You are still in deep shit, that was not okay.”

“Yep. Sorry.”

Verdigris paused. “Well,” he sighed, “Did you at least get some candy?”

Cecilia, who until this point had been standing silently to the side, shook their head. AJ pointed silently back down the street, where his bucket lay empty on Carver’s doorstep.

“Oh. Damn. Well uh, you can have some a’ mine I guess.”

Cecilia held their bucket out too, clutched at the end of their worm tail. Their candy bucket was reasonably full, but they’d been gripping it with their tail the whole evening which meant Verdigris had had to grab candy on their behalf.

“Thanks.”

From the incident at AJ’s house, after Cecilia refused to shake his hand, Verdigris has thought them a bit rude, but after spending time with them he’d realised that the little worm friend just didn’t have any arms. The pink sweater’s sleeves dragged comically along the ground as Cecilia’s two little legs worked overtime to keep up with the group.

Verdigris felt ashamed of the way he’d thought of Cecilia before this realisation. He’d turned into his own worst enemy, judging an innocent Tea Beetle on traits they couldn’t control.

Amd as it turns out, Cecilia is a total sweetheart! A bit odd, but aren’t we all? AJ took a handful of candy from both buckets and grinned sheepishly, then turned to continue down the street.

“No more stealing! Just share with Totem afterwards, you numpty!”

“Got it!”

Verdigris was still cross, but smiled after the little kiwifruit beetle. Theft? On a night of celebration, no less? Not okay.

Cecilia, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care, as they trotted along merrily behind AJ. The two made an adorable pair, and their short statures and childlike glee really helped bring the costumes to life.

Verdigris was lost in thought, and just about ran headfirst into a huge wall of flesh. A monstrously large Tea Beetle was crossing the road, a docile grin shining through glaringly white clown makeup. His eight stumpy caterpillar legs supported a massive, jiggling bulk as he dawdled along placidly.

“Oh I’m sorry!” Verdigris stuttered, as the other beetle stopped in his tracks. “Didn’t see you there.”

The huge green Tea Beetle said nothing, just smiled through the makeup.

“…Alright then. I’ll uh, just continue. See ya around.”

Whew, he thought to himself. Now that’s a creepy costume.