Heather Checking In [RTTW]
Heatherpaw decides to visit Pallidpaw following the death of her mother to see how she is doing.
The fact that Emberstar decided to take on Pallidpaw as his mentee still didn't feel real. He was everything she hated...she had promised to see a Windclan rid of the menace of Emberstar, but here she was as his apprentice.
Sleep had been sparse and everything felt wrong. She had tried to run away with Wildthistle, but even that made her hurt...he hadn't even had the decency to say sorry or anything at all to her. Why was she so loyal to him? He had shown her kindness...treated her like family...but was any of it real? It had to be...
Her thoughts were subdued by a soft and familiar voice calling out to her. "Hm," she hummed while looking up to see the kind face of Heatherpaw. "Oh, hi there Heather," her voice was sore from all her crying, but there was genuine warmth at the presence of her friend. Patting the ground she scooted over so that he could sit in the warm spot she had dug out of the snow. "I'm glad to see you," she offered him a soft smile.
Heatherpaw had just completed his training for the day, returning to camp drowsily, as he waved his training partner and mentor for the day goodbye, thanking them politely for their time before he took his leave. His muscles ached, as did his head-- though it didn't stop him from recognizing a familiar pelt in the snow, leaving him dead in his tracks.
Pallidpaw. His friend had been on their mind, ever since he watched Wildthistle be exiled-- he was glad to be able to catch her alone. He'd been wanting to check up on her, but never quite found the right moment to do so. "Pallidpaw," he called softly, switching course, as he grasped the opportunity.
His tall ears twitched at the sound of her sore voice-- he'd only ever known two instances in which someone could sound like that. They'd either sung the whole night or been crying, and by the looks of it, it seemed to be the latter. Heather blinked the drowsiness from his eyes, as he stood before her, and his heart sunk at the look her pink eyes carried. It didn't matter how much she tried to smile, she was hurt and it showed. "I'm glad to see you too." He smiled back, equally as crushed. Silence settled, as he watched the stillness of the wintery ravine, before finally gathering himself. "I'm... sorry about what happened. I know you two were close... I'm actually still trying to grasp it myself. I know I can't do much about it-- but is there any way I can support you?"
His voice was as soothing as ever. Her name rolling off his tongue comforted her...it was nice that he was showing the effort to check in with her. This last moon had been the worse one in her life, but each kind interaction made her feel that maybe things would be alright...if not today, then someday.
Poor Heatherpaw, he worked so hard all the time. His exhaustion was obvious to everyone, but he still was worried about her. Gently, the molly licked his cheeks as thanks for his concern, but his next statement and question made her bloodshot eyes turn down towards the snowy ground. How could he help?
"Just having you here is more than I could've asked for...truly," she smiled at him softly, but the expression was one of loneliness and regret. "I felt like such an idiot...I thought he cared about me," the pretty molly's face was screwed up with shame. Shaking her head she sighed, "I don't know what to do as Emberstar's apprentice." She looked around nervously as if he would be listening, but she kept her voice low just in case. "I can't get the image of Spicepaw hanging from his maw out of my head...I have nightmares about it..." she didn't finish her sentence, but she implied that there was a fear there that she would suffer the same fate.
Not quite so used to such gestures of affection, the calico's fur raised against the breeze, ears growing warm in the chill of the winter air-- he didn't move away, however. She meant well, after all. As his friend turned her gaze towards the ground, their sleepy eyes remained fixed on her, tufted ears twitching attentively as she spoke.
"He does, I'm certain," his voice was gentle, as he realigned his paws in the snow, kneading the cold substance, as it melted away at the touch of his pads. Heatherpaw had trained with the pair enough to know that much. In fact, he was a little jealous, that he himself didn't have this kind of unique bond to his mentor. "Flower" is what he'd call her. He remembered how Pallidpaw would smile up at the former loner so fondly, whenever he did. "I just... I think he didn't want to drag you down with him. You saw what happened, we all did. While I... don't agree with challenging someone chosen by the stars, he tried to aid our Clan. I think he did what he did so Emberstar wouldn't, well, suspect you to be part of his plan and exile you as well."
A soft sigh left his sore throat, forming clouds of white that dissipated as quickly as they came. "If it makes you feel any better, I think he wanted to protect-- pardon?" His blood ran cold. "He-- you-- he reassigned you to himself?"
His words made her folded ears stand and she bit her lip. All of the memories flooding back of Wildthistle...he had held her when she hurt, wiped her tears, and told her what a force she would grow to be. That seemed to be his reason behind calling her flower. He had so much faith in her, that she would make something of herself. Yet, she was powerless without him here.
Heatherpaw sounded reasonable in his logic, but there was something within Pallidpaw that made it hard to accept his reasons. "I would've followed him to the ends of the world...as childish as that sounds," she meowed morosely. Her pale blue eyes turned to the warriors' den and she thought of her father and how lost he would be without her. The apprentice had always thought that she was the reason that her parents fought, and part of her wondered if they would've gotten along better without her there. How were they before Lusterheart gave birth to her?
Heatherpaw's words confused Pallidpaw for a moment before she realized that no one knew that Emberstar had reassigned her to himself. "Yes...he found me at the sunrise cairn...waiting for Wildthistle to find me...and while he was bringing me back he told me that he would be taking over my training," she meowed quietly. "I...I don't know why he would want me to be his apprentice...I am nothing like Mari," the pale apprentice leaned back to see if she could read anything from her friend's expression. "I don't know what to do...I am still scared of him," she meowed, referring to their leader. She had seen him cause so much bloodshed...unnecessary death at that.
Quietly, he wondered, if he had said the correct words, pulling his tail close, as she grew silent. Then, she spoke and he released the tense breath he hadn't realized he was holding on to.
Pallidpaw had always had such a fragile heart, kind to the bone, built close to the water. It seemed that even during the time they were apart due to his odd schedule, she hadn't changed. Sometimes, he wished that she would grow more resilient so that she wouldn't be so hurt by things she could not influence so that she wouldn't second-guess herself so often, but then, she wouldn't be their Pallidpaw anymore, would she? The Pallidpaw the whole Clan loved so dearly. If only Wildthistle wouldn't have done what he did that day. He must have known how much this would damage his apprentice. But then again... he was trying to change their home for the better, wasn't he? Heatherpaw remained silent.
"Stars, I'm... so sorry," he whispered after she had stopped speaking. "I think he might be trying to test you... since... you and Wildthistle were close and all. I don't like to speak ill of someone our ancestors have chosen, but... be careful." The calico despised, that he couldn't chase the images from his head. The murmurs of the two ShadowClan apprentices... he didn't want to think about it.
Looking at Heatherpaw the uncertain molly couldn't chase away the intrusive thoughts that he too would leave her. She was bothersome...wasn't she? Lusterheart had wanted nothing more than for her daughter to be kind and strong, but the strength was not within her. Weak of spirit.
His apology made Pallidpaw's ears perk and she nodded in acknowledgment, "I...That might be it." She breathed in and then slowly let the breath back out, "I wonder...how could the stars choose him? He seems to have our best interest in mind...but he lacks an appreciation for life." She remembered him picking a fight so readily at the gathering, to the behest of all-star following cats in the hall.
Be careful. She felt validated in his concern for her. The striped molly dipped her head softly, "I will. I have decided to try and get what I can from his mentorship....while I won't have the same relationship with him as I do Wildthistle, I can still learn from him." A strange smile was lingering on her maw, "I can become better...at least, I hope."
She shook her head and looked to Heatherpaw with tired eyes, "What about your training? How has Lucentmoth been treating you?" The dark apparition had left quite the mark on Pallidpaw during their meeting last moon.
The calico could tell she'd calmed down a little after they had shared their point of view and they were, admittedly, relieved-- visibly relaxing. It wasn't nice, seeing his friend so distraught. He knew he couldn't bring back her exiled mentor and he knew that this exchange of words wouldn't fix the open wound her heart was forced to bear. What he could do, however, was be there for her. So much loss had befallen his pale friend in the past moon. At least he was able to console her at least a little and maybe, just maybe, that would help her heal.
"The Stars do many things we cannot explain," he began quietly, looking skyward to where his ancestors rested, "but they know what they are doing. We must trust in their choices. Surely, we will see why soon enough." Heatherpaw spoke in an almost recited manner about the celestial plain-- with such trained confidence, he himself couldn't tell if he truly believed his own words.
The sleepy tom sighed at her words, pity lacing his own, "I suppose, yes. I'm sure you will learn well under his teachings, he is leader after all..." Although his heart had the urge to, he didn't want to tell her to hurry up her training, so that she may be free of him-- the heresy it implied repulsed him.
"Oh," his tall ears perked, as he joined her back in reality. The mention of his mentor made his heart sink just a little, though he tried his best not to let it reflect outward too much. "Training has been good, I've been making a lot of progress. She assigns me to warriors during the day now, so I can catch a few hours of sleep by night. It's still rough and I barely can catch a break, but it's better than it used to be. Though I doubt the decisions she makes for me are barely in her paws, anyways." After the incident, he had always suspected his mother is behind it all-- the reason why they didn't talk anymore.
There was a part of Pallidpaw that felt jealous at how faithful in the stars Heatherpaw was. He seemed to truly trust in the judgment of the stars, whereas she couldn't trust that they held the reigns. She had seen the blood moon, the screaming pain in the throats of all the leaders. It was more like they were trying to herd the living along a path, but their powers were limited to response and not true control.
"Yeah...maybe he'll rank me up early and I can just learn from Minkrunner or something haha," she chuckled softly. Marigoldspark got more freedom than she had earned, so maybe Emberstar would extend the same rights to her. "I wonder what Mom would think of my situation...she liked Wildthistle well enough, but I never got to ask her what she thought of our leader," she meowed quietly. Lusterheart had always been her biggest role model; beautiful, kind, smart...everything she dreamed of being.
Heatherpaw's reaction to the mention of Lucentmoth caught her attention, but she merely made a mental note of it. Listening intently she nodded along and squeezed her tail around him tighter in sympathy, "I think it's unfair...you will be an excellent warrior, no doubt, but you are so tired. It can't be good for you." She could see it in his eyes even currently, "Do you get days off to rest? You can't keep going like this forever." Her voice was laced with concern for her friend.
Heatherpaw didn't know Lusterheart very well-- his mother didn't seem to fancy her company as much. Of course the kit back then wasn't exactly sure why, but thinking back now, it might have been due to her tumultuous relationship and less overt faith. Lilacfield preferred to surround herself with highly sung names. Her son... preferred not to have an opinion on this.
Frankly, he wasn't sure what the pale molly's mother would think-- or do, for that matter. His mother would have taken him to pray, surely, she always told him the greatest comfort laid among the stars. Instead of answering, he held his silence, gently laying his tail around his companion in silent comfort, as he moved closer. He didn't want to speak on a matter he didn't know too well about. Her wounds were fresh-- he didn't want to risk reopening old ones, too.
Heatherpaw let out a brief, soft laugh-- clearly flattered, though he did his best to tame her worries. "Thank you... but don't worry about me! I think the nights ought to be shorter soon. In the meantime, the stars give me strength to push on and hey, I'm almost done just a few more moons," he filled his chest with a deep breath of the crisp winter air, "graduation is nigh, I can practically smell it." Ironically, a yawn escaped him-- darn. "Woopsie. But... really, I'll be okay catching naps whenever I can."
Despite his request for her not to worry about it, Pallidpaw knew that she would in fact still be concerned with his health. He seemed excited about his graduation, which would probably end up in him being confused about what to do with so much free time.
As he yawned she chuckled and nudged him towards their den, "Come on, busy boy. Let's go take a nap." She knew that he would stay up talking until he actually fell asleep sitting up. "I'll groom you while you tell me what warrior names you want and why." Standing she walked towards the den, but before dipping in she chuckled and turned to look at him, "How does that sound?"
She did as she said and ran her rough tongue through his voluminous fur until he no longer responded to her inquiries.