Letting Go
Daisy. Her name was Daisy.
Carmen tucked her tail around her legs, taking a sharp, pollen-filled inhale at the sudden flash of memory. The park bench felt cold beneath her body. These things never change. Wrought iron edges, so intricate and beautiful… Her eyes traced the swirls and circular patterns of the metal. Only the wooden slats get replaced. That was a metaphor for something. But anything could be a metaphor, if you looked at it the right way.
She twirled the cleanly cut stem between the digits of her right paw, drinking in the sweet, faint perfume of the little yellow and white bloom. Daisy… That’s what the flower was called. That’s what her name had been. Her fur, cream-coloured and soft like its petals. She was always so full of light… what would she think of me now? A stain of ink amidst a picture book of colour. Carmen’s dark fur matched her dark attire; her black trench coat and fedora meant to hide her immortal nature from the prying eyes of the world. In the vibrant greens of the park, she might have well been just another shadow.
The bright, sunny centre of the daisy in her paws stared up at her, almost challenging her to step into the light. A memory of another time flashed before her; a radiant smile beckoning her into the day.
“Come on, Carm! What harm will it do? We’re just two gals going out for a bite. That’s how they’ll see it; don’t you worry.”
“But what if they don’t? Doll, what if we get caught? We can’t go out in public like that. It’s too dangerous. Don’t take any wooden nickels!” In that moment, Carmen didn’t really care if she got caught. It was her partner she was concerned for. I’ve been under glass for worse. But Daisy wouldn’t survive a day in the Big House. She was so idealistic and naïve… Carmen wished she could see the world that way sometimes.
“Where’s your sense of adventure? Come on, live a little! Besides… some things are worth the risk. I wanna go out with you, in the daytime. Sneaking around at night is all fun and games, but I want something more. Don’t you want that?” The way Daisy had looked at her in that moment; those big, beautiful blue eyes… she wanted more. She wanted to stop hiding. Screw the taboos. She wanted to eat a simple lunch without worrying about the law.
“...yeah, I do.”
“Come on, Carm. Step into the light.”
Heh. ‘Step into the light.’ If only she knew how far I’ve fallen into the darkness. But it had all been for her sake; so she could live. She had such a passion for life… and it almost got taken from her, all ‘cause of me. Carmen looked at the fragile bloom held between her fingers. Life is so fragile… I know that now. You taught me that.
But Daisy hadn’t been fragile… not like the flowers sprouting up around the park bench. Not like the one she had effortlessly severed from the patch. All it took was a slice of her claw. If she wanted to, Carmen could crush the little flower without so much as a thought. But not Daisy. She could never have done that to Daisy… not even if she had wished to harm her. Daisy’s spirit was untouchable. Her confidence; her radiance… nothing could snuff out that light. I would never hurt her… she knows that, right? ...Applesauce. Look at me now; I’m a monster. But she got to live, and that’s all that matters. Daisy was strong in a way that Carmen had never seen before; something other than physical strength. Her poise and charm certainly aided in that, but it was something else; something beneath the surface. Compassion. Daisy had taught Carmen that there was more strength in compassion than hate. “Sometimes you’ve gotta be soft to be strong.” Something Carmen had forgotten, along with many important things about her mortal life. But there were other things she could never forget; things that lingered in her mind even without the scent of flowers to keep them there.
I’ll never forget the warmth of her smile… the way her laugh lit up her whole map. I’ll never forget the secret kisses stolen in the night, nor the sweet forbidden romance we shared. Carmen pushed herself from the park bench, her black trench coat brushing the stalks of the cheery little flowers as she passed. She held onto the one she’d plucked from the masses, hoping against hope that she could hold on this time. That the bloom would remind her of her love, her… wait, what was it? Daisy. Daisy, that’s what the flower was called. That was her name. She had only taken a few steps out of the park, and her mind had already begun to slip.
Daisy, Daisy… hold onto the name. Hold onto the flower; hold onto the name. Daisy. Her name was Daisy.
Her paws traced the familiar path back to the old apartment building she was forced to crash in now. Her name was… Carmen glanced down at the flower held in her paws, a tiny fragment of the past. ...Daisy.
She climbed the rickety stairs, each one groaning underfoot as her weight lifted from it. Her name was… wait… what is this flower called? Though the name began to fade, the face never did. The smile, the laugh… She was light incarnate. Applesauce! Why can’t I remember her name?
Carmen’s grip around the plant tightened, and she felt the tips of her long claws against her paw pad. She slid the key from her pocket and jostled it in the ancient lock until she heart a familiar click.
Her name… her name was… ugh!
The little flower clutched in Carmen’s claws burst into sparkling red flames. She turned her head away as it crumbled to ash, slipping through her fingers just like the name of her love.