The Overthinker

Norah watched her little brother Erik from across the store. He hadn't seen her yet, in fact he probably thought she wasn't in today at all. She hadn't planned to be of course, but Lucille had needed to turn in sick and so here Norah was.

Her brother's face was plastered with a furrowed brow and gritted teeth, his jaw jutting out in deep thought. He had been pacing around in the life advice section of the book store for almost half an hour now. Figures. That little scamp would hardly ever ask anyone for help.

Norah had been casually creeping her way toward him as she did other things. She finally peaked around the bookshelf and into the aisle Erik was in. He stood in front of several books on marriage advice, one or two other books already under his arm. What was he doing here? As far as Norah knew, her little brother hadn’t been on a date in at least 10 years!

“You know Erik,” Norah spoke up from behind him. “if you ever need advice you can just ask any of us.”

Erik whirled around to face his older sister in surprise. His surprise was quickly followed by a flood of embarrassment as he attempted to hide the books behind his back. But he already knew it was a futile effort.

“Norah! What are you doing here?” He spluttered.

“Erik, I own this store.” Norah rolled her eyes.

“Well I know that.” Erik scowled. “I just thought you’d be home. Since Juliet’s birthday is tomorrow.”

“It’s just for a few hours. Lucille was going to manage the store but she had to call in sick, and Remedy can’t come in until 4.” Norah explained. Erik grumbled something under his breath. “What was that?” She asked. Erik side eyed her grumpily. Norah chuckled. “Do you need help finding anything, Erik?”

Erik glared around, avoiding Norah’s eyes. His face burned, he knew there wasn’t a way out of this. “No, thank you though.” Norah examined his face before smiling knowingly.

“Do you have a crush on someone?”

Erik felt the fur on his neck and tail stand on end. “What!? What gave you that impression?” Erik snapped. Instantly mentally kicking himself, he sounded like an idiot.

“Erik, please… I know how you think. You overthink.” Norah came up beside her brother and placed a hand on his shoulder. Erik covered his face with a hand and tucked his tail around his legs. This was so embarrassing. "It's not wrong to be prepared… but you don't need to do everything at once." Norah said as she gently took the book Erik was holding out of his hands, turning it and looking it over. Erik endured.

Norah couldn't help but smirk at it. "This isn't a very good one. I've read it before.” She placed it back on the shelf. She ran her finger along the spines before pulling out the book she was looking for. She turned back to her brother and handed it to him. "Try this one."

Erik took the book and looked it over. ‘Dating for Marriage by Flora Limerick' He glanced back up at Norah, still feeling foolish. She just smiled at him. “It’s good to start where you are.” She said. Erik sighed and tucked it under his arm with the other two. Norah eyed them curiously but didn’t pry anymore. “Do you want to talk about it later?”

“Ugh, we’ll see.” Erik glowered. “...Maybe a little.”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Norah gently shoved Erik’s shoulder in an encouraging way. He merely continued scowling.

Norah went back to her work, and left Erik to his. About an hour or more later she found him again at a table in one of the reading nooks they had. His hand was woven through his hair, gripping it in a tight wad. A pensive, focused expression on his face as he read. And a stack of four or so books beside him. The one she'd given him and three others, not including the one he was reading. Norah sighed and picked one up to look at the cover. 'How to be a Father and Husband' Erik quickly looked up and then made a face once he recognized Norah.

"Remedy's on their way here, Erik. Do you want to talk now?" Norah pulled out a chair across from him and sat down. Erik flattened his ears and pulled the book he was reading a little closer to himself. "Erik… You know, if you want to marry someone you need to be good at communicating. Maybe you should start with communicating with your current family?" She folded her arms and furrowed her brow at him. "...I worry about you Erik. We all do. We don't get as many chances as we'd like to see you."

Erik looked at her plaintively, and then sighed. Closing his eyes and stretching out on the table, his fists still full of his hair.

"...Alright. I'll try." He said, opening his eyes.

"What are you reading right now?" Norah asked gently. Erik eyed her. She sighed but smiled. "You don't have to tell me if you don't think it's necessary. What do you want to talk about?" Erik sighed too, though somewhat more dramatically. He slid the book across the table to her and sat up straight.

"I just- I don't know where to start." He slumped in his seat and shook his head. Norah looked the book over as he spoke. 'How to Love Someone Who Can't Love Themself' "She's already been divorced once - a little over two years ago now - and I- I just- I can't just- I don't know if I even can be the right one for her, and- ugh." Erik grabbed at his hair again.

"Is this… the friend that tried to commit suicide?" Norah asked quietly after a moment of pause. Erik didn't look at her, but his lower lip wrinkled and he nodded solemnly. Norah sat in equally solemn thought for a second or two. "Alright." She pronounced, abruptly standing and picking Erik's books up for him. She moved around the table and took her little brother's hand. "Let's go get some dinner, Erik."

Norah pulled Erik to the front of the store, buying the books for him - despite his protests. She met Remedy as they came in, exchanging some brief words with them before pulling Erik out of the bookstore. Once they were settled in a nearby café with their food on the way, Norah prompted Erik to continue. Erik was hunched over the table, his head hung as he rubbed his neck and shoulders.

"I- …She came back to the slopes with her sister and her sister's family back in Nimitol*. For the first time after… You know." Erik let out a long sigh before continuing. "I visited her in Fabrem in Ratestari** - you remember that." Norah nodded, that had only been a few months ago. Erik leaned on his elbow and let his other hand slip from the back of his neck to the table. "And… I just can't stop thinking about her." He gazed at the ceiling and shook his head. "Every time I wake up, or go to bed, every free moment I have she needles her way into my head. Even with… even with Rosa it wasn't like this." Erik folded his arms and slumped on to the table. He mumbled into his sleeve. "Or… Maybe it was… it's been so long that I can't remember."

Norah listened dutifully. She remembered Erik dating Rosa, that was before Stina and Brendan had even gotten married. She still wasn't sure what had made them break up, Erik had been just as much of a clam as ever about it back when it happened. So… She decided to ask.

"Why did you break up with Rosa?" Norah asked quietly. Hoping it would give her - and maybe even Erik - a better perspective on his current situation. Erik let out a long breath, and for a second Norah wasn't sure he'd respond to her at all.

"She's the one who broke up with me," Erik muttered. "I let her go." He gestured with his hand. "She… Had different dreams, bigger dreams, and she was tired of waiting on me to make up my mind. So I just… Let her go on without me." The corners of Erik's mouth tugged downward and he closed his fist. "I've thought a lot about whether I'm willing to change my life for Alexis, and… I'm still not sure if I am." Erik glanced at Norah and then quickly fixed his eyes back on his hand, remembering who he was talking to. He continued in a much quieter voice. "But… I really want to be. I- I want to do anything to make her happy. She's…..told me before that what she wants more than anything is to have a family. To be a mother. And to-" Erik grimaced sadly. " -to not mess it up. And I want- ...well. You know what I want." Erik blushed and hid his face back in his folded arms.

"... I'm happy you're talking to me, Erik." Norah smiled warmly at her little brother. He really had grown so much. "You… do overthink. But honestly right now I admire that. I can tell you love her." Norah reached out and rubbed his forearm, he peaked out to look at her. "You both can take the time you need to heal, but I think… Don't be afraid to make commitments. You might not think you're ready or willing but I think you're showing plenty of resolve and commitment right now."

Erik looked at her doubtfully. Then rested his chin on his arms again.

"I'm just... Terrified that I'm going to do something to hurt her despite everything. Or that… Well, she's miscarried… I don't even know how many times. If we-- ….." Erik covered his face. "Ugh, I really am getting ahead of myself, aren't I?"

"A little." Norah chuckled. "But it's okay to think ahead. I know kids were something I worried about with Hungaria too, when we were dating even." Erik gave Norah a look as if to say 'this isn't the same'. And he was right, it wasn't. "I know it's not the same Erik. But still, you need to be a little less critical of yourself. A relationship is a partnership, you can't really know how it will go until it happens. It's not all up to you."

"....I know. And I hate that." Erik groaned. "That's why it's so scary."

"Just tell her how you feel, Erik. Don't bottle it all up inside until you think you've figured it all out and dump it all on her at once. You need to figure it out together." Norah fished the book she had picked out for him out of the bag on the floor beside them. She placed it on the table and tapped it. "That's why you need to start where you are."

Erik sat up straight and grimaced, looking down at the book for a while. Finally he sighed and slid the book across the table toward himself.

"Alright. I will. I'll try." He nodded, almost grimly, and put the book in his lap as the food arrived.

Norah couldn't help but laugh a little at Erik's grim reaction. As if she'd told him to prepare for a war. Her little brother could be so dramatic sometimes.

"I love you little brother." She chuckled. "You can talk to me again if you need to. Or mom and dad, they were plenty helpful to Stina and I for both of our relationships. You don't need to figure it all out on your own." Erik nodded solemnly again. "Come  on," Norah teased. "let's eat our food and head home. Juliet's going to have a fit waiting for me to start the festivities."