Confession

Erik's fur felt prickly with anxiety. He'd be leaving in only two days already, and it had become a huge struggle to keep his restlessness from showing. He'd sworn to himself that he would tell Alexis how he felt before he left, and he couldn't let himself back down. But oh Diaphlyn he was a jittery mess the moment he sat down to think about it.

Erik resisted the urge to scratch the fur on the back of his neck. Earlier, Alexis's younger brother Bastille had turned back and looked at him. "What, do you have fleas or something?" He'd quipped.

Erik couldn't think too much about this right now, if he just thought about it he wouldn't ever do. Alexis was right next to him. They were walking from the greenhouse to the manor proper alone, there wasn't any better opportunity, it had to be now.

"Alexis." Erik halted, feeling like his heart would beat out of his chest. Alexis stopped short and turned back to look at him quizzically.

"Erik? What's the matter?" Her brow furrowed. Erik's mind was already racing through what he was going to say, he opened his mouth once or twice trying to force something out.

"I- er-" Erik took a halting step forward and took one of Alexis's hands in both of his. "Alexis-- I know how you've talked before about wanting to have a family and have a relationship like your mom and dad, er - or- and how everything's been so hard and I don't know if can be anything right for you and I don't even know how everything will work with my with schedule but I'm willing and I've thought a lot about it and I'm ready to make changes of I need to to support you and if you still want a baby and if it doesn't work out- or - um if it doesn't work or you don't want to risk it I'm willing to carry them instead and if you don't want a big wedding that's perfect I don't really want a big wedding and- But- ohhh I'm getting too ahead of myself I just want you to know-"

Alexis blinked at his jumbled and tumbling torrent of words, hardly processing any of it as he sped up anxiously. "W- wait. Wait. Slow down, what?" She laughed. "Erik, what? Are you proposing to me??" Alexis didn't even know how to start processing this, with excitement or shock, and so she defaulted to laughter.

Erik choked off his stream of words, getting very very hot in the face thinking about everything he'd just spilled out. "I- grk- pr-proposing?! Wait, no, I didn't mean-" Erik stammered, then cut off in a panic and hung his head in defeat. Alexis laughed harder, placing her free hand on her chest as she threw her head back. Erik wanted to disappear. But he couldn't. He couldn't back down now, no matter how desperately he wanted to kick himself and undo everything he'd just done. He sucked in a breath and forced himself to speak again.

"What… what I mean, Alexis-- is that… oh Alawyr, I love you." Erik couldn't muscle his gaze away from his feet. He held weakly to Alexis's hand with his, feeling like his whole body was shaking. Alexis's laughter had stopped and Erik squeezed his eyes shut so tight his head hurt. Then after several long moments Erik felt Alexis place her other hand on top of his.

His gaze rose slowly to match hers. Tears had started to gather as he opened his eyes and saw her face. Her expression was unreadable to him, but his mind was sure to fill in the gaps. She was looking for a way to let him down easy. GODS he was STUPID. His jaw started to ache from its clenched posture.

Alexis was trying to beat back ecstasy. She'd felt this before, she'd been here before. And she was terrified to dare to believe. But Diaphlyn, DIAPHLYN she wanted this to be the real thing so bad. This was Erik, Erik would be different. Right? Please, please let this be different. Let this be permanent. Please, Diaphlyn. She would do anything to keep Erik. Alexis felt her lower lip quiver. And then quiver some more. A tear fell down her cheek.

"Kiss me Erik." She whispered, the teary waiver audible in her voice. Erik stared at her.

" …What?" He asked, disbelievingly.

"Please." She sobbed, squeezing his hands in hers.

Erik stopped himself from questioning again, watching Alexis in dismay. Why was she crying? Had he made her cry? He took a step closer to her, his heart hammering and his mind racing in confusion as he shakily brought his face closer to hers. Her nose brushed against his and he froze, an anxious fear gripping his throat tightly and preventing him from going any farther. But she smelled so good. Like rose petals and expensive soap. She pulled his arms back behind her, pulling the rest of him including his mouth the rest of the way to her lips.

Erik kissed her. Closing his eyes he tried to force the anxiety away with everything he had, and to instead focus only on her. The kiss was longer than he'd anticipated or intended, he just… forgot to pull away. But finally, he had to. Erik blinked his eyes back open, feeling dazed as the warm wetness of Alexis's lips left his. He met her eyes again, his anxious heart rate returning to dominance in his mind.

"Yeah… " Alexis whispered breathlessly.

"..Huh...?"

Alexis let go of Erik's hands and instead pressed hers against his chest, stepping right up against him and laying her head on his shoulder. She didn't say anything further, she couldn't find the words. Erik wasn't sure how to react. But after some hesitation he swallowed his fear and wrapped his arms around her, resting his cheek on her forehead. They both closed their eyes, and just stood there as the minutes passed, and a calm breeze ruffled their fur.

Erik still had a hard time not overthinking. Was this a yes? Did Alexis like him too? Why hadn't he just told her how he felt like a normal person? But Alexis had a hard time thinking at all. She just wanted to shut her brain off and lay in Erik's arms for a whole week. In fact right now her brain was just pretending that was the current reality.

"... Alexis …" Erik whispered after a long silence. "I…  All of that was to say that I love you. I love you and I'm ready to make changes in my life for this relationship. …And… all I have to ask is…" He heaved a sigh. "If you want to love me too…?"

Alexis didn't respond immediately. She shifted in his arms, having wound an arm around his back. ".... Erik." She started, then paused, trying to find the words she meant and get them out in a cohesive sentence. "...Yes. I love you. I love you and I've loved you for… months, really. I'm just so terrified." She gripped his shirt in a wad in her fists. Her eyes stung and she buried her face in his chest.

Erik pondered that grimly. He wasn't any less terrified. Not by a long shot. He looked down at her, placing a hand on her cheek and caressing her with his thumb. Alexis turned her face to look at him, and he gently kissed her. Then after they both pulled away he cradled her in his arms, letting out a mix between a quiet laugh and a sob.

"So am I." Then after a pause he chuckled. “Though, I think I’ve been in love with you for a bit longer than that. Or had a crush anyway.”

“Really? When?” Alexis mumbled, her tone turning mischievous. Erik was embarrassed to answer.

“Er…. The crush?” He cleared his throat. “Um.. A few years ago. Maybe…”

“Erik~!” Alexis laughed. “You didn’t have a thing for me when I was married, did you?”

Erik flushed and looked away, feeling itchy again. Again he cleared his throat, and Alexis laughed. “Well that’s why I never did anything. It was inappropriate. So I forgot about it.” He stammered out, trying to sound more stoic than he felt. Alexis just giggled, then stopped. There was another pause that made Erik uncomfortable before she spoke again.

“Gods, really though? How long before?” Her voice was hushed and Erik felt even more ashamed, even with her head still resting on his shoulder and her arms still wrapped around him. He felt like he was doing something inappropriate.

“I-- Is this something we can talk about some other time?” Erik grimaced. He didn’t want the guilt right now, that wasn’t fair to Alexis.

Alexis considered his request. Part of her wanted to push, because Erik was cute when he was flustered. But that made her feel guilty. And she could understand why he was uncomfortable. “...Okay.” She quickly brushed aside her own guilt that started to well up, looking for a change of topic. She pulled away from Erik and smiled at him. “Well. If you weren’t proposing~ to me,” she giggled. Erik blushed. “Then you were at least asking me on a date! And I accept! Let’s go!” She grabbed Erik’s hand and spun around, towing him across the garden and to the estate’s front gate.

“Wh- Wait, hold on! Right now?” He laughed, stumbling as he was yanked along.

“Of course! I only have you for two more days, so I’m going to make the best of you!” Alexis declared.

Erik laughed again, suddenly feeling a little nervous at what that meant. But for the moment he relaxed and let himself believe that everything would be fine. He watched Alexis as she lectured him on “dating her” and Erik couldn’t help but laugh at nearly everything she said. That seemed to goad her on, and then soon she was laughing too. The future was scary, and uncertain. And fear of commitment would still be something to overcome. But for the moment, they both allowed themselves to be in love.