Anger and Consequences
Naoise approaches Deidra the night after she had entrusted him with a letter to their mutual friend, Archibald. Many things were said and their conversation took an interesting turn; emotions ran high and significant things were said in anger, and in every word will be a consequence. What those consequences may be for both Sidhe will remain uncertain, but what has been set into motion may be bigger than either realize.
Author's Notes
This was an RP exchange with myself and one of the other players in my Thursday campaign, with some extra art interspersed that was done by both of us at key moments.
Every line break throughout indicates our individual replies, beginning with my friend at the start, with myself going second, going back and forth throughout.
Deidra's hands feel empty with the letter now out of her control, not that she felt very much in control in the first place. She has no doubts Naoise will faithfully try to find Archibald, but has doubts about if he will have any success. She stares off into the Glass Wastes, observing the gentle, eerie glow it emits during the night. In this empty, quiet land, her thoughts occupy her mind with no distractions.
She wishes she could talk about it all with someone.
As Naoise lie on the ground, trying to ignore the ground that poked at him from underneath his blanket, Naoise found it difficult to meditate properly. The silence alone was enough to make that difficult; he needed noise, something, anything to fill up the empty air that hung around this entire land. As he glances over in Deidra's direction, he thinks on it a moment before he gets up and walks over. If he's not able to rest, he'd rather spend his time talking. It helped that he had a lot he wanted to talk about.
"You don't have anything to write tonight?" he asks as he sits himself down near her, leaning over to get a better look at her face.
Ever inquisitive Naoise snaps her back into the moment. Now, instead of staring sadly into the distance, she stares sadly at Naoise.
"Everything worth writing has been written, in the letter you hold." Her hands stroke the sleeping figure of Dutchess curled up by her side. "Or at least, all that I am capable of expressing. The rest is so... unimportant and small in comparison."
She sighs and returns to staring at the horizon. "I am not used to having stronger feelings like you summer Sidhe are."
At her mention of the letter, Naoise looks to his bag where the object in question is stowed, nestled safely with his other belongings. Turning to look at her again, his smile fades slightly, more contemplative than cheerful.
"It certainly was different from other letters I've read that had been penned by a winter Sidhe," he said after a moment, leaning back and staring up into the sky. "I didn't know winter Sidhe could feel anything strongly like that. Any that I've met before you didn't. Not really."
He sits up abruptly and practically flings himself forward to look at her properly once more, giving her a more cheerful smile. "I think everything has some importance. That's why I write about everything, since I know my friends would be happy to know about all the things I've seen and done, even if it is smaller than the really important things. Maybe Archibald would feel the same?" He pauses, then adds a little quieter, "It also helps me feel less lonely for my friends I haven't seen in a long time, even if it'll be even longer before they ever read what I write for them."
"I suppose... small and unimportant are the wrong words." Her hands tense around a fistful of Dutchess' long fur. "Most of my life has been shutting myself away to learn magic, or doing cruel things on the Court's behalf with that magic, because I had no qualms about doing them. I was a Noble, as you read in the letter."
Deidra shut her eyes in deep focus. "Most of 700 years, wasted for beings I had no love for. I just wanted other people beneath me. I wanted control. I suppose the words I'm looking for are... shameful. Embarrassing. I barely even have a fraction of all the magic I spent so long studying. I destroyed most of it in a fit of rage."
She opened her eyes again and returned her gaze to Naoise, expression as flat as always.
His expression grows visibly strained, eyes flitting away as he finds himself unable to meet her gaze. He tries to maintain his typical smile, but it proves to be more difficult than he would like despite his best efforts.
"I was meaning to ask about that," he says, staring intently at the ground as he fidgets absentmindedly with his clothes. "About you being a Noble, I mean. I guess, well, about why you used to be one, since you aren't one anymore, but..."
Trailing off, Naoise took a moment to consider what she was saying, his smile all but gone now. He grips his cape tightly in his hands. Was it really that bad? That didn't seem right, but this was his friend, and she wouldn't tell him lies. He was certain of that. And yet he found himself ever conflicted.
When he speaks again, he speaks slowly, as if choosing his words carefully. "I do trust that you would tell me the truth. You're... you're my friend, after all. I just... I have a difficult time imagining that the Court would ask anyone to do anything... cruel. That you would do anything cruel."
"Naoise," Deidra says, folding her hands in her lap. "Things are seldom only right or wrong, good or bad. The nature of this universe is consumption. In the absence of greater sentience is the baser instinct to survive and get ahead, whatever form that may take. Will-o-wisps consume us because it is their nature. We consume energy from the universe surrounding us because it is our nature. Flesh beings consume each other because it is their nature. Plants consume the rotted remains of the flesh because it is their nature. The Glass consumes energy from everything because it is its nature. None of these things are morally wrong, they simply are. What may be bad for one, will benefit another."
"The Court operates under these same rules, as every being does. The Court will do what is beneficial to itself and its interests. The Sidhe are their interests, and they will delegate tasks and information to those that are most equipped to handle them. The Winter Court will often take on the more grim tasks, because we are more suited to it. You not knowing about every aspect of the Court is not out of malice, but because the Court sees it as necessary. You are suited to the finer, gentler things. There are beings on Hadreon whose job it is to slaughter animals so that others may live. Just because one being cannot stomach the task does not make it inherently wrong, it only makes it wrong for that person. But, it remains necessary for that person to consume the flesh of the animal anyways."
"What is right for a person can change over time. For the better part of 700 years, I aligned with the Court, because we both believed the same things were necessary and beneficial for us. But now I don't see things the same way."
"For a long time I thought Sidhe were immutable beings, destined for a single path from the moment they were created, and that the Court knew what that was. And, perhaps, some of them are happy with that. Archibald was never happy with it. Certainly, we are... less malleable than the beings of Hadreon. But our natures can take many forms, be directed in many different paths. And, we can choose what that path is. With Archibald's... high turnover rate, I got to see that in real time. Some lives he was more merciful than others. Some lives, he vowed to wipe as many Sidhe off the face of Hadreon as he could, taking others down with him if he had to."
She shakes her head. "I suppose this is a very long-winded way of saying that the Court has a limited view, and will inevitably hurt beings it doesn't understand. Archibald helped me understand more about how... connected everything is, and now I can see that some things they do are cruel, and I no longer wanted a part of it."
He gives Deidra a blank stare as he tries to parse everything she had done her best to explain. Some of it did make sense; he knew not everything was as simple in this world as he would prefer, or in Tír na nÓg either for that matter. He just did his best to make complicated things simple. It was easier that way.
There were also things that still didn't make any sense to him at all.
"The Court does things for a reason," he says fervently, digging his fists into the ground as he leans forward, frowning up at her. "I might not understand all of the Court's ways, and I likely never will, but some of my closest friends are Nobles too, and I've at least learned some things from them. As you say, they give tasks to those who can handle them. They know what's best for us, all of us. If you decide you're no longer fit for the task given to you, that it's not right for you any longer, you can simply ask for another one. That's what I did, and it was granted because they understood." He gives her a small smile. "They would have understood if you had asked that of them too I'm sure."
The word cruel still stuck with him, swallowing all other thoughts that had once occupied his mind. He pulls his legs up to his chin, staring off into the distance. Despite the calm, he feels anything but.
"If they really are... if the Court does do what you say they do, would it not be better to still remain?" he asks quietly. "To give them what knowledge you've discovered, so they can better help everyone?"
"If the court is so wise, they could have listened to Archibald ages ago." Her tone snapped into a hostile hiss. "I do not wish to lay down at the feet of fools who would rather stick to their old, archaic ways than lend their ear to a Sidhe who has been spending lifetime after lifetime trying to tell them that they need to change. They had 400 years to figure it out while they were ordering their subjects to murder innocent people in Tomra!" Deidra's hair billowed in non-existent wind and her eyes glowed a brighter, hotter orange.
"I have been trying to be courteous of your feelings but your... you are insufferable sometimes." Her fists balled up. "You think your noble friends don't keep secrets from you? You think the 400 year war where we nearly decimated an entire country was an accident?! The Court could have ordered us to stop at any time, and they didn't. They chose to be at war. For 400 years. And I have chosen, now, that I think the court is bad, bad for this world, and bad for me."
He couldn't help but recoil from her, nearly falling over completely in his instinctive effort to create distance between them. As a heavy silence fell between them, staring up at her with wide eyes, he takes a moment to collect himself before finally, slowly, he stands up. Despite his initial reaction, he smiles: a wide, almost beaming smile. His voice doesn't quite match his expression, however, a hint of something underneath the brightness he tries to exude.
"Everything the Court does is for a reason," he repeats, and he steps forward, arms held stiffly at his side in tight fists. "I abhor needless destruction. I refuse to hurt anyone at all if I can help it! The Court you describe is not the one I know, is not the one I've always chosen to follow! I would never want to follow anyone who would do such things without cause!"
His voice remains quiet, but it has an intensity bursting through that Naoise has never shown before. "My friends would never keep something from me unless it was too important for me to know! I'm not a Noble, not like them, but even so they trust me! I trust them! I don't know if they had anything to do with what happened here in Tomra, but if they did, I trust that anything they did was for a reason, Deidra!"
Closing what distance remained between them, he no longer keeps the courtesy of remaining quiet as his voice slowly raises until it's almost a shout. "How do you know you're right, Deidra? How do you know you aren't wrong?"
"So if the Court came out and said 'Let's start another war!' you would just go along with it?! Are you saying the war with Tomra was ok because it was for 'a good reason'?! I'm sure Iris would love to hear that."
Deidra seemingly hovers up to a standing position, towering above Naoise. She steps as close as she can without touching him, and Duchess flanks on the other side of him. Her voice lowers to a hissing whisper. "You are a naïve, spineless Sidhe who wants everything to be fair and reasonable, and you'll block out anything that makes you feel bad. That's what makes you easy to manipulate. That's why you deny the Court had anything to do with the war when you are standing in the middle of the fucking battlefield and have met plenty of Sidhe who have left the Court over this war. You want the world to be nice. It's not."
( art by Sadincae )
"I never said that!" Naoise bit back harshly, his mask slipping for just a moment before he stubbornly defaults back to a smile. "I never said what happened with Tomra was okay. I wasn't even aware we had been at war at all until I came here, Deidra! All I said is what I do know! I've been trying to understand! I want to! I wouldn't have tried helping everyone I can in Tomra if I didn't care about their suffering!"
He stands his ground, staring up at her unfalteringly. He doesn't quite match her tone, although he speaks less loudly than he had previously, but the intensity is still ever present regardless. Hugging his arms tightly across his chest, he asks, "Is there something wrong with wanting the world to be nice? To want things to be fair and reasonable? I know it isn't like that, not like I would want it to be, but I have to try." He narrows his eyes, smile growing tighter, more strained. "If I was as spineless as you seem to believe me to be, wouldn't I simply agree mindlessly with you rather than try to argue my point of view? Or is that what you'd rather I do?"
Surprisingly, a little smirk tugs at the corner of Deidra's mouth. "So you're not as spineless as I thought. Just naïve."
She reaches out to touch his shoulder, but her hand pauses before contact, remembering his aversion to touch. Her tone has returned to her usual monotone. "Wanting a better world is a noble desire, but you cannot assume everyone wants the same." Her hand falls back to her side. "Many people do not care for peace, or they believe their vision is peace, and that their actions are justified by their reasons. The Court has reasons for everything, but you need to ask yourself, do the ends justify the means? Not every reason is a good one."
She backs down and puts some more breathing room between them. Duchess returns to her side, bleating quietly. "People feel like you don't take them seriously when you jump to the Court's defense every time they try to confide in you. I know what I have lived through. All the blood I have spilled is very, very real."
Naoise does not respond immediately. Although he feels the urge to flinch away, he remains steady, maintaining his place and standing as still as stone. Seeing her back away, he doesn't quite relax, but does allow himself to release some of the tension that had taken hold of him so strongly.
"I don't know for certain," he says after a long moment, tearing his gaze away to look around, taking in the Glass Wastes, his stare eventually settling to the ground. His voice still has a slight edge, but it is significantly softer now. "I don't entirely know their reasons for everything. I have to trust they were not malicious in their intentions, that they were doing the right thing, even if... even if there was a lot of pain."
He looks up again, his smile wavering despite his best effort to hold the front he wanted so hard to maintain. "If I don't, I would have been living a lie, right? So many of my friends, people I care about, living a lie?" He shakes his head and looks away, hugging himself tighter. With a sigh, he finally sits down again. "I defend the Court because they aren't here to defend themselves. That includes my friends. I could not let that stand without saying something," he says quietly. "I truly am sorry for what you had to do, and had to go through. It was not my intention to belittle you or your experience, I simply just... I did not understand."
Deidra also sits down again, dress billowing out around her. Her gaze returned to the lonely horizon, hands folded in her lap.
"You also defend people like me, when you defend the Court. And I don't... deserve defending." Her expression remained flat, but bright orange tears fell from her eyes, as they had many nights before. "I knew it was wrong for so long, but I kept going."
She hunches over and buries her face in her hands.
( art by star-dragon-art )
Naoise falters at seeing Deidra's tears. He's left a confusing mix of feelings, unsure of what he should feel or do. In the end, his need to help his friend overrides all else.
"H-Hey! Deidra, it's going to be okay!" He finds himself suddenly on his feet, closing the distance between them once more in an instant. This time, there is no anger, but instead he reaches out a reassuring hand. Despite this he flinches back, pulling both hands close to his chest, hesitating for just a moment as he reconsiders his actions. After a moment however he slowly lays a gentle hand on her shoulder.
"You do deserve defending," he says insistently. "Even if you did bad things before, you changed, didn't you? That's what you said in your letter, right? You're different now. Even if it took a while, you're better now, and that's worth defending to me."
( art by Sadincae )
Deidra leans into the touch. She leans further, slumping against Naoise's legs. She remains there for a few minutes, making no noise but tears continuing to run down her face and dissipate into the air as they leave her chin.
"You are too good for the Court. If only you knew. If only you knew." What could she even say to convince him? The only thing that would make him truly understand was having his heart utterly broken by the Court he so loves.
Naoise makes no attempt to move away and instead braces himself as she rests against him, letting the silence settle between them as she cries. There's a part of him that wants to say something, anything to help her feel better, but he decides to let things be for just a moment more, as to not say something that might upset her further.
A discomfort slowly washes over him; he knows that in part it's from the physical contact between him and Deidra, but that's ultimately bearable. That is something he's more than willing to deal with if it means it will help. The other part of it, however, is something he couldn't push away quite so easily. To raise his voice like he had, not in excitement, nor in happiness, but in anger is something he'd never allowed himself to do. He might feel a tinge of anger at times, but he had always been able to hold it back and throw it out the moment he'd felt it. This time he'd failed in that. He'd failed, and now Deidra was like this.
Eventually, he carefully kneels down next to her with a small sigh. "I only do what I think is best, just as everyone else," he says with a thin smile. "I just want to do what I can to make things better. It's part of why I do follow them. I believe it allows me to better help everyone I can. I wouldn't be able to do nearly as much as I have while traveling here otherwise."
As Deidra feels him begin to sit down, she rights herself to stop leaning on his legs. She calls over Duchess and wraps her arms around the fluffy goat and nuzzles her face in her fur.
"The Court is useful, sometimes," she agrees quietly. Gears in her mind are beginning to turn, ever searching for solutions to achieve what she wants. She wants Naoise to leave the Court. She wants the Court to change.
"I don't think the Court would listen to a turncoat like me, even if I did decide to reach out now. But you... Maybe they would consider things you have to say." She lifted her face out of Duchess' fur to look at Naoise. Her tears had stopped. "With your loyalty to the Court and your connections with Nobles, perhaps you could get a letter through to them. Collect the stories of several rebels. Make them hear the cries of the people they hurt."
Either Naoise really could help change the state of things, or he would have his heart shattered by the indifference of the Court. Both outcomes were acceptable.
Naoise blinks, eyes narrowing slightly as he silently ponders her words. It makes sense to him, what Deidra said. Most of it did at least.
"Well," he finally says with a slight tilt of his head, "gathering stories of our Folk's history is a significant part of my duties as an Orator... To find the truth in all of it is my constant wish. I even have an inconsistency with one story the Sidhe in Leon's camp told that I planned on asking them about!" He stops abruptly after realizing how loud he had begun speaking, but even still beams, alight with excitement.
The choice was clear. To say no to this would be disregarding his duties, ones he had specifically asked to take on. He could never be so foolish as to neglect what he had dedicated his life to.
His smile fades after a moment, a nagging question gnawing at his enthusiasm. That one thing he still wondered about could not be ignored. "Are you sure they wouldn't listen to you, though? I mean, I know you... renounced your title as a Noble, and all that, but I'm certain they would be happy to see you return, even if it was only for a little while! I'm sure some of my friends at home would be happy to listen."
Deidra shook her head. "You are more charming than I am. I was never very good at convincing people in... diplomatic ways." Sparks of fire dance across her fingers. "I took what I wanted with force, I did not ask. That is the me they know. If I came back telling them they need to change, they would see it as a threat."
She knew she was sending him into the mouth of a lion. Of course he would do what Deidra suggested. She thought she'd been clear about the Court not being trustworthy, but... Naoise was stupid. Willfully ignorant. She would leave him with one last warning.
"The Court does not take sympathizing with rebels lightly." Her tone was deadly serious. "You must choose your words carefully."
There is a slight grimace as he listens to her, Naoise’s gaze flicking rapidly from Deidra's face, to the sparks of flame that glimmered in the darkness. "I... will not argue with that," he says with a short laugh, a twinge of guilt forcing him to look away. The most he had to go on in terms of her diplomacy was their current conversation, but judging based on that alone...
He shook his head, casting aside those thoughts. She was asking him to do this because he was right for the task at hand. Talking to people, being diplomatic was something he knew he was good at, so why shouldn't he be the one to talk to them?
He was just happy that despite their argument mere minutes ago, that Deidra still trusted him to do something so important.
At her warning, Naoise gives her a negligent wave of his hand. There is an air of confidence about him as he speaks, a wide grin breaking across his face. "Oh, no need to worry about anything like that. They are aware of what I am, and for what I stand for. They trust me just the same as I trust them. I'll be fine. I'm completely certain of that."
Well. It would be a shame to see Naoise's spirit broken so wholly, but none could say that Deidra didn't warn him. She would at least attempt to keep him alive through the whole endeavor.
"If you say so," she said in her typical monotone. "I hope it goes well."
It wasn't a lie, she genuinely did hope it would go well. Anything could happen, Archibald taught her that. But... Naoise being banished and possibly hunted for treason was much more likely.
Folding his arms across his chest, he only grins wider in absolute self-assurance. "It will!" he says. "I'll make sure of that."
He couldn't think of any reason why there'd be an issue; they'd been willing to listen to him before, and this was his job, one he felt he excelled in at that. To Naoise, it was absurd to think the Court would disapprove of this. This was helpful, needed, and would only serve to everyone's benefit. Naoise had no doubts that things would go well.
He stands and initially goes to take a step back, but instead he lingers beside Deidra, hesitating.
"Hey, Deidra," he says quietly, almost a ghost of a whisper, "you don't always think I'm insufferable, right?"
Deidra shook her head. "Not always. Only sometimes. And when you go easy on the monsters in the Glass Wastes. None of them are here to make friends." She was still a little mad about the revenant that Naoise tried doing non-lethal damage on. Terrible. "They're all either mindless monsters or tortured souls who need to go back home and forget about all this. Going easy on them just endangers the people you have with you."
She felt at the spot where the cold iron claws had dug into her body. There were indents on the mannequin itself. "I know you don't want to hurt people, but these aren't people anymore."
"Oh." He grasps at the edge of his cloak, tugging it closer. It was not quite the answer he had hoped for, but it was better than what she could have said if nothing else. "I... I see, but... I'm not opposed to quickly sending our Folk home," he replies. "At least, the ones who aren't... whole anymore like us." The lost ones.
He thinks back to the one Sidhe they had freed, before Archibald had been killed; he had still been fully in control of himself, if a bit lacking on social skills. Naoise was certain there were others who were like that Sidhe had been. As for the glassed Drakon... he wasn't as certain with them.
Naoise's grip on his cloak tightens, hands held close to his chest. "I don't believe they're all mindless. Maybe a lot of them, but some of them have shown that there's something left. I don't like killing unless I have to, but I will if it becomes clear there's no other way, so no one else gets hurt."
"I don't know... Even if I did manage to retain my mind while trapped in glass for hundreds of years, I feel like I'd rather like to forget something like that." A truly horrible fate it was.
"There are certain tells that can give you more immediate insight on what a creature's intentions are, which can be vital in a place like this."
"I would imagine it'd be unpleasant to remember such a thing," Naoise agrees, grimacing at the mere thought of it. "The only... well, not murdery Sidhe we've freed from the glass seemed willing to finish out their current life, however, so I suppose not everyone is as bothered by such things. Unless they were obviously in pain or harming one of my friends, I would want to ask first at the very least before sending them home is all."
At Deidra's last hint of information, Naoise stares with wide eyes, tilting his head quizzically. Although he feels that he is fairly adept at such things when it comes to typical people he would usually meet, when it comes to those who are encased within the glass, they are a total mystery. "Oh? Like what?" he asks. "I mean, other than the obvious, like... reaching for their weapon and... stabbing someone with it, I suppose."
"It's... hard to explain. Sometimes it's easy, like a creature running at you with a hunger in their eyes. Other times it's subtle body language and expressions. The tiniest things can sometimes tell you someone is going to become aggressive. Some people are trained to hide those signs, but... the creatures here seem very straightforward."
Deidra tapped her chin, trying to think of an example. "I suppose I can demonstrate with Duchess. Darling, look mad."
The Duchess put her ears back and lowered her head and tail position. "Many animals will press their ears back and lower their overall stance when they are feeling threatened or aggressive. Carnivorous animals may bare their teeth. Drakes don't smile. Seeing their teeth is a bad sign. But, as for humanoid examples..."
How on Hadreon was she going to explain all the subtle details that go into reading someone? "Their posture may become more tense, they might narrow their eyes... looking in the eyes is important. A lot of emotions show in the eyes first."
She shook her head. "Sorry. I don't want to overwhelm you. Any questions so far?"
Naoise watches as Duchess demonstrates Deidra's explanation, nodding in vague understanding. From what he could recall in his limited interaction with animals, especially when it came to his recent run-ins with Drakes within the Glass Wastes, what she said sounded accurate.
"It makes sense to me," he replies. "I hadn't really thought about their eyes. I've always thought it was their mouths that showed how they felt, at least when I couldn't tell from their voice. I think that's why the creatures here are harder for me to figure out."
"The mouth is easily trainable, but the eyes are a gateway to the soul." Deidra looks Naoise in the eyes, her gaze piercing. "You, as an example, have trained your mouth very well, but your eyes give you away every time."
She went back to stroking Duchess' fur. "Archibald was a master of his eyes. Insane little man."
Matching her gaze steadily, staring deeply into her eyes, Naoise struggles to see anything like what she'd told him. He could see how orange they are, and the shape of them, but little else. He certainly couldn't see any emotions like he'd expected. That doesn't stop him from trying, getting a little too close to her face to see if perhaps that would help him. It did not.
"I don't really know what to look for," he finally admits with a shake of his head, backing away. "Or you're very good at it, too. Is that why you're both so hard for me to understand sometimes?"
"Yes... Perhaps I am not the best person to practice on. As a winter Sidhe I'm already difficult. I was able to hone the skill of hiding my intentions for 700 years. But... Generally when my eyes are glowing, I'm some kind of mad."
"We can perhaps do an exercise." Deidra puts her hands out, palm up. "Put your hands above mine, but not touching. Look me in the eyes, and do not look down at our hands. Withdraw your hands when you think I am about to strike yours."
Naoise looks down at her hands, eyeing them warily, then back to her face as he tries to smile widely despite the sudden unpleasant feeling that had begun to claw at him. He was willing to learn, but the thought of her hitting his hands in such a way made him want to run far away.
"That doesn't sound like it would feel good." His tone is tense, as are his hands which, for the moment, are clenched firmly at his sides. "You'll be careful, right?"
"I will not hit you to hurt you. It is, ah... play-fighting, as the people of this world put it. Gentle, but prepares you for more serious things." She tilts her head to the side. "I know you do not like being touched. Would you prefer if I put some gloves on?"
"Why would anyone fight as play?" he blurts out loudly. Remembering those who are — at least, he hopes they are — sleeping a short distance away, he stops, waiting a moment in silence, before continuing on in a quieter tone, "I don't understand how anyone would find anything about fighting fun, but I suppose as long as it is gentle, I'll... I'll do my best."
He slowly, shakily holds his hands above Deidra's own, grimacing as he anticipates her to move. He hardly waits for even a second before he suddenly pulls his hands back, holding them close to his chest with wide eyes. "I would very much prefer it if you used gloves, yes," he says quickly. "I don't think I can do it if you don't."
Deidra nods and reaches into the fur around her collar, pulling out two elegant black gloves. She slips them on and returns her hands to where they were.
"Many creatures do it. Goats certainly play-fight. Sometimes I will play-fight with Duchess to keep her entertained. Being... tactile, is an important part of this world."
Naoise hesitates and steps back further as he reconsiders. He doesn't want to do this. He's certain it's going to hurt, but he wants to trust that Deidra knows what she's doing. She was trying to help him. This was going to be helpful. All he needed to do was be observant. It would be fine.
Despite his mental conversation, convincing himself to go on, he still struggles to put his hands back in place. Eventually he manages it, but he still can't stop the slight quivering of his hands that persists.
"They do? That's strange." He wants to look at their hands, but he resists the temptation and forces himself to maintain eye contact. He only hopes he can see some sort of change in her eyes before she can strike. "Is there... not better ways to do that? Without fighting?"
Almost the moment his hands return, she slaps them. It's a gentle slap. Very fast, but ultimately underwhelming.
"Goats love to fight."
He recoils and stifles a startled yelp. It takes a long time before he manages to force a smile.
"I-I can't relate," he says, and laughs stiffly. It hadn't been painful like he'd expected, but he can't bring himself to put his hands above hers again. "I really don't like to. At all. Not fun."
Deidra puts her hands down in her lap. "I'm sorry. I can see this isn't working for you. I wasn't sure how else to explain."
She taps her fingers against her thigh in thought. "Fighting doesn't mean you're angry with someone... At least not play-fighting. If that's something that's bothering you."
"I'm sorry too, it was just..." He falters, but forces himself to smile wider. Despite his best efforts, however, he still can't bring himself to completely relax. "Thank you for trying to help me. It was... educational."
He takes a moment to recompose himself. It hadn't physically hurt, not really. It hadn't felt as though she'd done it harshly. He was also certain he hadn't noticed any change in her expression, or had he just not been paying close enough attention? Perhaps the potential of being hit had distracted him too much to be able to watch like he should have. In any case, he was grateful they would not be continuing.
"It is," he admits, fidgeting with his cloak. "It also is that it usually hurts someone. At least in my experience, from what I've seen. That part bothers me too."
"Part of play-fighting is trusting the other person not to hurt you. I suppose it's not just an exercise of reflexes." She turns to Duchess and puts her forehead down, the goat meeting her in a soft headbutt.
Deidra puts her hands out again, but palms down. "You can try slapping my hands if you want."
"I-It is?" Despite her assurance, he wasn't quite certain. "Isn't that just normal play at that point?"
At her offer, Naoise doesn't hesitate to shake his head vigorously. Folding his arms, gripping his sleeves tightly, keeping them far away from her. "No. I can't do that," he said firmly.
"I suppose it is just... normal play... perhaps the only difference between fighting and playing is the intent to cause harm," she pondered. "But as I understand it, play-fighting has the intent to hone skill. Or is that sparring? Is sparring just a form of playing? You've given me much to think about."
He blinks, trying to follow along with her vocal train of thought. "I... I don't think sparring is playing," he says unsurely, his reply sounding more like a question than a statement. "You can better certain skills with both play and sparring, but they aren't the same I'm... fairly sure." He pauses, then adds, "It's why I've only sparred a few times, I didn't like that I could accidentally hurt someone."
"Yes, sparring does tend to have more to do with the martial practices," she nods. "I think our hand slapping game does not count as sparring then. I think it's only play. But, it's ok if you don't want to play."
Deidra was disappointed though. She liked the hand-slapping game. Maybe someone else would like to play. "What kind of games do you like?"
Naoise stops and thinks, hands on his hips, staring intently at the ground. "Well, most of the games my friends wanted to play weren't all too interesting to me, admittedly. I either had to stay still for a really long time which I'm not very good at, or they were just really boring. I suppose riddles? Though that gets boring once everyone knows the answer to all of them."
He sinks down, resting his chin on his hands. He hadn't really thought about it before. He would sometimes go along with what his friends liked to make them happy, but what did he like? That was harder.
"I... I mostly like things with stories, and acting them out," he finally answers definitively.
"So you like acting? What kind of stories do you like acting out?" She tilted her head. That sounded like fun. "It seems like a good way to pass the time. Do you have any... scripts? Or is it improv?"
She hadn't really done acting before, but she figured it couldn't be too much different than presenting yourself a certain way as a noble.
Naoise brightens considerably, her questions igniting a fire under him; all unpleasant feelings were suddenly swept away in this new wave of excitement at being able to talk about one of the things he truly loves to do.
"Ah! Well, I like to act out stories from history!" he responds gleefully. "There's always some level of improv involved, but I always strive to hold as true as possible to whatever story I tell. I don't need scripts, not anymore, since I studied everything to remember it perfectly." He smiles proudly. "It's one of the reasons I asked to become an Orator, actually! Although I've found it's not as easy to change who I'm playing so easily here, since it's so much harder to change how I look while using my mannequin."
He practically jumps up, placing his hands on his hips determinedly. "If you'd like, I could show you! Well," he looks in the direction of where their companions were, lowering the volume of his voice which had gotten a little too loud in his excitement, "probably not right now, but when we don't have to be so quiet."
"What if you had another person to help act out scenes with more than one person? And... What if you had a goat?" Deidra looked at the Duchess, and the Duchess let out a soft meeehh. Deidra nodded in understanding.
"The Duchess is an incredible actor. Award winning, if they gave awards to goats."
It takes a moment for Naoise to react, to realize exactly what Deidra had suggested to him, but when he does he's hardly able to contain the excitement that has now completely overtaken him.
"You... You really want to? Oh!" He spins in place, hands clasped together. "That would be fantastic! I haven't been able to act with another Sidhe in so long! We would of course have to rehearse whatever story we want to tell so I can be sure we play out in sync, and so I can be certain you also know it inside and out. Or rather, stories? Why not do multiple?"
He turns to face the Duchess, beaming down at her. "Oh, I've never acted with a goat before! I'll be so very excited to see your incredible acting talents for myself!"
Deidra nods. "Yes. It seems like fun."
The Duchess looks up at Naoise, her little tail wagging. She jumps up in excitement onto Naoise and lets out a loud meeehhhhh.
"Duchess, people are sleeping," Deidra chastises. The goat looks back at her, tail still wagging.
"Could you teach me a story now? Just a short one, so we can see how we work."
"Well," he says, placing his hands on his hips as he thinks, "There are a lot of stories that we could do... Perhaps we could... no, no not that one... Oh!" He points at Deidra, grinning widely. "You know will o' wisps, right? There's a story for that we could do!"
All of a sudden, he looks extremely serious. He begins his story, "It is well known within Tír na nÓg that the strange creatures known as will o' wisps appear very similar as us Sidhe. In fact, they can appear so similar, that it is believed by some that they are lost Sidhe from days of old, from a time that is now long ago."
He pauses, and continues, "One fateful day, two friends named Raelin and Tegan... that would be us," he briefly interjected, pointing at himself and Deidra with a large grin, "they had been traveling together within the Summerlands. As they were walking, they heard a strange sound. It did not seem to be very far from their usual traveled path, so they decided to investigate. As they navigated through the many tall flowers and trees, the two friends were separated, and the lost one, Tegan, could not be found."
He briefly appears sad, sinking himself into the story. After a moment Naoise continues on, "Raelin, many years later, traveled along that same path with another friend of theirs, Gerion... that's you!" he interrupted himself again to excitedly point at the Duchess. "They soon got to the same place that Raelin and Tegan had been separated so long ago, and it was then that they both heard a noise. As they looked into the foliage, Raelin suddenly cried out, 'It is Tegan, my lost friend!' And as he pointed, they both could see what appeared to be Tegan coming to greet them!" He pauses, "But... as Tegan grew closer, they realized something was wrong, but it was far too late. Tegan, or rather, the will o' wisp slew Raelin without a moment's hesitation, forcing Gerion to flee for their life all the way back to the city!" He suddenly stops, hands dropping to his sides. "And that is why will o' wisps are so dangerous, and we cannot always trust our eyes as we travel through Tír na nÓg."
Alight once more with excitement, he giddily asks, "So, do you think you would want to try and do this story?"
Deidra nods as Naoise mentions will o' wisps. She takes out a notebook and begins to jot down the story as it's being told, splitting her attention with the performance.
At the end, she claps delicately. "Yes, I think we can manage that story. I have some ideas on a performance for the will o' wisp. Duchess is excited for her role as well."
Deidra drifts up to standing, and brushes off the front of her dress. "But also I am curious about how you would play the will o' wisp, if that was the only role you had to focus on." She was devilishly curious about seeing Naoise play a villain. Given what she'd seen before in their argument, he was more apt to play the part than perhaps even he knew.
Naoise is visibly ecstatic at her attentiveness and her willingness to participate. The fact that she was even going so far as to take notes as he relayed the story to her told Naoise everything he needed to know: it was clear that she also must care about accuracy!
At her curiosity, he beamed with even more excitement, if that were somehow possible. "Ah! Well, to play that role, you would have to appear very natural and nonthreatening initially in order to sell the twist, of course," he says with a hint of mischief. "Then, of course with me being a spellcaster, I would just use some magic to make myself appear more scary! A change of color, a little twist of my visage, and some magic to look like I'm... you know, being all scary and killer-like. It's amazing what a little bit of prestidigitation and some tricks with lights can do to change how a scene appears to anyone watching."
He wilts a little bit all of a sudden. He still smiles, but there's a distinct longing in his tone as he speaks again. "Although it really would be so much easier if I could change how I look almost instantly like at home, since that's what I usually would do when doing roles like this. But I've found that a few uses of some magic at the right time can be fairly versatile too."
"Ah, I think you would be best to play the role of Tegan and the will o' wisp, then. You're less threatening than me. The change would be more dramatic." Yes. Good. This would be good.
She brings her hands up and tucks them into the opposite sleeve for warmth. "That is rather inconvenient. But with both of our talents, I'm sure we could achieve something more significant. Also... You can be scary when you want to be, even without the help of magic." A corner of her mouth turns up into a barely noticeable smirk.
"That is true..." Naoise looks thoughtful for a moment. It would certainly make the change much more stark if he were to play this role, and if Deidra believed he'd be the best fit... He grins, pointing upward dramatically. "I will indeed play Tegan then! It is decided! Which means all of our roles are set now."
What she says next gives him pause, however, hand falling back to his side as he gives her an odd look. "Do you mean when I'm acting? Or... generally? With me being scary, I mean."
"Naoise... you're always acting," Deidra says, smirk fading back into her neutral expression.