Beyond the Past

Featuring Rogue and Amadán

Winter, Year 766 of the New Age

Oakfern, The Swan's Beak

Rogue

            Rogue was happy and chipper for once as she pranced along the dark path to meet with Amadán.  For once she had plans.. And was going to see them through. Reptar was  off playing with some friends, it was hard to believe he would be three  years old this spring. His magic would be here.. If he had any.. She so  hoped he did. But she would love him just the same if he didn't. 

He  was growing into such a big boy and not a day went by that she didn't  think of him as her very own fawn. It was fate, something written in the  moonlight. 

She looked around a moment pausing where they were to meet and started to look for him. 

 

Amadán

            Amadán  walked at an uncommonly determined pace, despite having barely slept a  wink. It was doing him good to be keeping in touch with Rogue, he felt,  and the thought of doing magic with his old friend again was  encouraging. The painted stones he’d called a “charm” since his youth  would finally be made into something real, no longer a  child’s fake trophy; if he could at last get that right… He shook his  head decidedly. He didn’t want any part of a past built on lies sticking  to him, much less for Rogue to see.

    “Oh,  hello! I d-didn’t keep you waiting l-long, d-did I?” Amadán spotted the  doe’s glowing frame just outside the cave entrance. As he approached  her, the rush of the waterfall was welcome in his ears; he could already  sense the power of it like a breath of fresh air. “I hope y-you didn’t  mind me p-p-picking this place,” he added, giving Rogue a sheepish  smile, “it’s f-far easier to visit w-without, ah, d-dist-t-turbances.”

 

Rogue

             “Oh no you didn't.. I just got here myself actually.. And it's quite  alright… I really like it here.. And you’re right.. It’s nice and out of  the way..” she replied and smiled at him. She really liked spending  time with him as well, and was so happy when he had invited her to come  with him today. 

“Reptar  stayed home today… but he's looking forward to the day he can start  getting lessons,” she said softly to him and started to walk on in the  cave area and over to the waterfall. 

 

Amadán

             The stag felt a familiar reassurance in Rogue’s words. “Ah, g-good, I’m  looking f-forward to it as w-well,” Amadán said conversationally as he  walked beside her. “I’m s-sure he’ll make a g-great student.”

             Stepping into the vast pool before them, Amadán motioned with his tail  for her to follow. He waded only until the water met reached his knees  before turning to his companion. The cave of Swan’s Beak was empty, it  appeared, and it gave him a vague sense of comfort.

             “I used t-to come here a lot w-w-when I was y-younger,” he told her. He  nodded over his shoulder towards the cascade, gushing ceaselessly from  above, just a few yards away. It’s pulse seemed to thrum through him,  speeding up his own. “You c-c-can really feel the… well… the s-strength of w-water here, I guess. I-i-it always drew me in, I-I think.”

    Amadán  suddenly seemed to think he were sharing something a little too  personal, and forced out an awkward chuckle. He looked back at Rogue  with another crooked smile. “Uhm, d-does… d-d-does that make s-sense?”

 

Rogue

    Rogue  smiled and looked around after she had joined him in the water. She too  could feel everything he was talking about. “It does.. i can feel it..  it...its like nothing i have really ever felt before…” she smiled and  replied then nuzzled his shoulder a bit and sighed “thank you for  Sharing it with me…” she added in a soft sweet voice. Being here and  feeling the raw power of the water the beauty of it all here, and with  him it was all starting to stir something in her. Make her feel a bit  fluttery and bubbly. He was really a sweet stag. 

 

Amadán

         “Y-you  do?” he said, relieved he hadn't just been rambling. Magic had always  been an intimate experience to Amadán, and it was oddly exciting to know  she understood.

          Blinking,  he stiffened and felt his ears grow hot when Rogue nuzzled him. “Oh,  ah, w-well of c-c-course,” he replied awkwardly, suddenly unsure of  himself. Normally the stag was far from fond of any form of physical  contact, but her touch wasn’t uncomfortable. Quite the contrary; there  was something inexplicably soothing in it.

          After  clearing his throat, Amadán attempted to switch focus back to water.  “Uhm, I suppose i-i-it's been a-a while since we did any m-magic  together.” Moving a few steps back, he prompted the doe, “W-why don't  you sh-show me what you c-can do?”

 

Rogue

          “Well  I would be happy to show you… what all I know now.. But.. really not  much has changed..” she said softly and giggled a little then looked at  the water and started to pull and push it back and forth causing a wave  in the water. She soon had it lapping at their hooves. “That's about all  I can do still.” she giggled softly and sighed then had the water reach  up just a little higher before it fell back to the stone it was pooled  on. 

 

Amadán

            Amadán  remembered seeing Rogue do the same move some years ago, when they’d  first met; the vaguely familiar wave did seem to have more control, at  least. At the time, she’d been the one giving him pointers. It was with a childish glee that he found himself able to return the favor.

            “N-nothing wrong with that,” he assured her. “Maybe… you j-just need someone to sh-show you a f-few n-n-new tricks.”

             The stag called on the energy of the pool as he concentrated for a  moment, then lifted his legs up from the knee-deep water and onto its  surface. With an air of satisfaction, he circled where Rogue stood,  carefully moving his hold on the surface tension to keep him up. Walking  on water was a recent favorite of his.

             “...I’ve b-b-been, uhm, practicing a lot,” he said, an unabashedly  cheeky smile breaching his face. He let his magic reach out to the  surface beside Rogue, adding, “Go on, t-try it, I’ll h-hold you up.  I-i-it’s f-fun.”

 

Rogue

             Rogue looked up at him in pure amazement. He had gotten so far in his  magic it was a truly breathtaking sight to her. She blushed a little and  looked up shyly at him. She was at a loss for words but the butterflies  in her stomach certainly knew how to flutter up and make her feel odd.  She lifted her feet up and then “stepped” on the water. Her heart was  pounding as she felt the tension and she lifted herself up to his  height. “Oh wow… Amadán you’re.. So amazing... “ she said softly to him  and looked over the stag beside her making her feel so many feelings she  had never truly felt before. She got a bit scared knowing the only time  she had come close to them she had been hurt. But he wouldn't do that  to her. She knew he wouldn't. She suddenly felt a bit nervous rut was  still going on and she hadn't really thought about it it with him.. But  now.. Was he thinking that with her? She didn't say anything for fear  she would get it wrong. But would it be wrong or right? She knew him and  he was a very dear friend but was there to be anything more? Wasn't it  just friends? What if it wasn't, would she want that? He was very kind  and nothing like Floki. But then she belonged to Floki now.. What did  that mean? Her mind started to race around everything and every thought.  So much so it was good he was using his magic or they would have fallen  flat in the water. She took a deep breath and swallowed trying to calm  her thoughts. She finally settled them and smiled warmly at the handsome  stag beside her. Nothing had happened he hadn't made any indication so  she was just letting things run away with her. “You're right it is fun…  and I think I should let someone show me some new tricks… I would love  to learn from you…. If you would be willing to teach me… you have gotten  so strong with your magic… it's quite impressive.” she replied and  tried to calm the flirty tones. But he had truly just made a grand  impression on her. 

 

Amadán

             “Oh, you’re t-too kind,” he told Rogue humbly, though he had no real  objections to having his ego stroked; his reply was perhaps the closest  he’d get to a ‘thank you.’ Magic had lent Amadán a good bit  of confidence over the years and it gave him a sense of validation to  hear praise from his friend. True, he was going out of the way to show  off, yet seeing the spark in her eyes and hearing her go so far as to  call him ‘amazing’ was a bigger morale boost than he’d expected.

             Admittedly, it demanded a great deal concentration to hold them both  up. While not overwhelming, it was enough to keep Amadán’s focus from  paying much mind on anything but the water. He understood Rogue’s words  just fine -- there was certainly something new in her voice that he  didn’t recognize -- but there was hardly room to dwell on them. Nodding  for her to follow, Amadán began walking further across the pool.

             “...I was th-thinking,” he said, sounding less sure of himself, “that I  m-might try to make a ch-charm, while we’re here.” The familiar swing  of the pebbles weighed on him with each step he took. It was with real  humility this time that he glanced at Rogue and confessed, “The one I’ve  had, i-it’s, uh... not real. N-n-never has been.”

 

Rogue

             Rogue had begun to follow him and sighed a bit taken back by his words.  Her eyebrows squinched up a bit as she looked at him. Why had he chosen  to lie to her over that? She didn't know, but he had fessed up now. And  she took a deep breath then looked away and down at the water below her  hooves. It was quite clear to her he had grown in magic ability over  the time they had been apart. And maybe, just maybe he had needed that  .. lie… for some reason. “Well… I think… it's time we make it a real one  then... “ she said softly and smiled as she looked back up at him.  “Maybe one day… we can make me one too then… if I ever get anything to  make one out of” she added and giggled a little. She was just about to  take off running in a bit of a game of chaise when she remembered if she  left his side she would be swimming. She blushed a bit and looked down a  bit shyly. “Amadán, I was just about to lead you off in a game of  chase… how silly would I have looked all soaked and swimming my way  back to you?” she laughed and snuggled him a bit as they walked. She  really did have just so much fun with him. 

 

Amadán

            The waterfall, while not a deafening sound by any means, steadily grew louder as Amadán headed towards the center of the pool. His  tail flicked uncomfortably when he heard her sigh; Rogue had every  right to be disappointed in him, he knew, but it didn’t make it feel any  better. He was disappointed enough in himself. What would she say if  she discovered his tie to Flóki?

    As she changed the subject, Amadán felt  a brief wave of relief. At least she didn’t seem interested in prying.  “Ha, r-right, yes, it’s best you n-not run off. The water’s fairly l-low  this time of year, but I can only s-suspend a lim-m-mited area  at a time --” He cut off in an almost-choked fashion when he felt her  brush closer, nearly losing focus on the magic; it was fairly  surprising, to him at least, that the two of them weren’t suddenly  plunged back into the pool. Instead he cleared his throat and tried to  direct his mind on the task at hand, rather than any distractions...  like the warmth of her pelt against his, or the scent of her fur --

             “Y-y-you don’t need anything s-special for it,” Amadán started  babbling. “I-I mean, mine are j-just rocks, really… You could t-take one  of Minerva’s feathers, i-i-if you wanted.” Even under the light strain  of the magic, he could feel a little voice warning him to shut his mouth  before he let it get away from him. Glancing down, he brought them to a  halt near the center of the pool, where the water below looked to be  about chest-deep. This would do, if he could keep his mind together.

 

Rogue

             Rogue smiled and looked over at him “really? Anything… wow.. W-who’s  manerva?” she asked and looked down below them then took a deep breath  it looked really deep to her, even if it was only chest deep. “N-never  mind.. You can tell me later…. I.. i don't want to distract you..” she  said softly and looked back up at him. “I don't think i would be very  cute at all soaking wet… what do you think?” she asked him and giggled  then looked at the waterfall. It was so stunning and made this moment  with him all the more special. She was happy to have the time away from Flóki, and Reptar. Though she greatly loved her little Reptar. 

 

Amadán

            “Minerva? She’s -- oh.” Amadán  blinked, having full-well forgotten that Rogue had yet to meet his  newfound companion. “Erm, s-she’s a burrowing owl. I’ll have t-t-to  bring her w-with me sometime.” He chuckled, feeling more scattered than  usual -- which the doe’s soaking-wet comment didn’t help. The entirety  of his body felt warm; had it always been this way with her? She’d been  sounding content and playful since they’d entered the pool, but the stag  didn’t feel like laughing.

             Forcing on a small smile, he tried to sound playful in return. “Well,  w-we can’t stay up here f-forever… And i-i-if you don’t care for  g-g-getting wet, y-you may be in the wrong h-h-herd.” Then he stepped  off the suspended surface, sending small waves across the pool as he  jumped in. “Water i-is in our blood -- literally!”

             It was a chilly rush, which he welcomed more than usual considering the  unwanted spike in heat. The familiar sensation alone was enough to  relax his nerves. “I hope you d-don’t, ah, actually mind though. I-I-I  can only focus on s-so much magic at once.”

 

Rogue

            Rogue  giggled and sighed a bit. “No i don't really mind. I don't want to  straine you and.. I suppose it really is.. And well i won't be the only  one wet so that's always a pluss. We can dry off together when we're  done” she replied and then dove in as well “oh.. Oh wow.. Thats.. Thats  c-chilly..” the dark doe replied. She then laughed a bit and looked down  at the water. “Look… our paint.. Its mixing and swirling around in the  water.. Remember when we first met Ama… i needed to redo my paint.. And  you didn't see me… i'm happy to see neither of us got hurt then… but it  seems now we will both need to redo our paint later… you think i should  change my color?” she asked him and smiled over at her friend. “Maybe i  could go with the pretty green you have..” she said softly to him and  smiled a bit shyly. She felt a bit like flirting with him and she wasn't  quite sure why. But did it anyway and reached up to nuzzle his cheek  getting a bit of his green color on her nose and looking over at him  then giggling as she tried to look at it feeling her eyes cross. 

 

Amadán

            Amadán  had never put much thought into the way the paint bled into the water,  but now he paused to look closer, intrigued; the way Rogue pointed it  out made it seem strangely beautiful.

             “Yes, I r-remember.” It was warming to hear her recall their meeting so  fondly -- enough for him to forget to flinch at her touch. He laughed  at the smudge on her nose.

             “This green?” For a brief moment he considered it, then shrugged. “I  n-never really put much thought i-i-into my color. I just… p-picked it  one day and k-kept using it.” It was, admittedly, flattering that the  doe would want to match him. Yet he frowned and looked closer; to him,  even while she was wet and the water had distorted some of her pattern,  she looked quite charming as she was.

    “...W-why would you want to ch-change it, though? I always th-thought blue looked v-v-very nice on you.”

            

Rogue

             Rogue smiled and blushed a bit turning her head away a little “really?  You like my blue?”  she asked him a bit shyly. “And… I. I don't know.. I  have had the blue for so long… I don't know if it’s still me. I love  your green though maybe I will mix your green and my blue.. For a blue  green..” she giggled and and smiled. “And… well I want to have …  something that reminds me of you… I would really like that Ama..” she  said softly and nuzzled him again tenderly. 

 

Amadán

            “Oh.” It was all he could say in the moment. Rouge wanting to keep a reminder of him was likely -- definitely -- the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him. Amadán  was still surprised he wasn’t jumping at her gestures, persistent as  they were; it was starting to feel natural, something he should welcome  rather than duck away from. He realized how long it had been since he’d  had a genuine friend. Perhaps he’d forgotten what it was like for  someone to have only kind intent in their touch.

    Granted,  she was much more affectionate than he’d been prepared for. Either she  just missed him that much, or he wasn’t getting something… At the  thought, Amadán was thankful the water kept him cool.

    “O-once  we m-make you a charm, like you said, th-then maybe… we could p-paint  it my green,” he ventured. “A-a-and if I can g-get this charm to work  today, I-I-I could, uhm, p-paint it your b-blue.” It was suddenly harder  to get his words out, but he so badly wanted to share with her. “I, uh,  l-like the i-i-idea of having a r-reminder of you, t-too. I-it would  give me s-something much n-n-nicer to think of.”

 

Rogue

             Rogue smiled and felt a bit a warming to her cheeks “i would like that a  lot… i could be our… thing... “ she giggled softly and grinned. “How…  how do we do it though? And what can i do to help?” She asked him and  did a little happy dance. She was ready to do whatever she could to help  him. 

 

Amadán

            “Ah, yes -- y-yes, right! W-we’ll get to that.”

             His ornaments had been set low in preparation for the day. He rubbed  his bottom prong on one knee, bowing his head and lifting his leg just  enough to keep his head above the surface. It took a moment, but  eventually a string broke free, and one of the two stones fell into the  water.

             With the bottom of the pool visible, he nudged it closer to their feet;  it was a simple smooth-edged stone, appearing black now that its paint  had washed away. Had it not been so small, it may have been pretty.

             “I’d a-ask for your aid, but… I-I’m afraid you m-may hurt yourself,  i-i-if you were t-to try. It’s very d-d-draining,” Amadán  reluctantly told Rogue. He met her eyes to give her a very earnest  look, and hesitated before going on. “The b-best way you can help i-is  by just… s-staying here, with me.”

 

Rogue

             Rogue nodded and sighed a bit, she really wished she could help but  knew it would be too much for her. She didn’t want to add to any  difficulties he may have by her being reckless so she simply nodded her  head and let her deep brown eyes focus on what her companion was doing. 

             For once she was happy to see and learn, perhaps one day she could aid  him and they could make something amazing together. “I’m happy to do  what i can for you Amadán, even if it is just staying  by your side.” she replied softly and glanced up at him, a smile on her  lips. She then turned her attention back down to the water and the  stone. 

 

Amadán

            Taking a breath, Amadán  felt the forces around him shift as he prepared them for a new task. It  started with the same power and determination he’d always felt in his  magic, an exhilarating adrenaline rush that seemed to flow all through  his spirit, now reaching out to the stone and building a new connection.

    Yet,  the will of it began to falter. Such magic should not have been so  draining on him – at least, not so soon. His fatigued,  nightmare-tortured brain was pounding, and in spite of his efforts to  block it out, the weight of it only grew worse.

    Amadán  had to pause to recollect himself. He met Rogue’s eyes in hopes of  reminding himself he had a friend right beside him, but instead it made  him all the more aware of his hardship. The stag was visibly struggling,  his thin body appearing frailer than ever as his frame shook.

    The stone lifted from the pool, suspended in a dome of water before them as Amadán willed himself to try harder.  He had to make this right, he’d told himself. Not just the charm, but  what it meant to him, however unsure he was of finding it useful.

    What  was he trying to do with it, then? Escape his nightmares? Erase his  guilt? This charm would do no such thing. He could pretend all he  wanted, but it would atone for nothing.

    An anger flared in his chest, stronger than the pounding of his mind.

    Too  much time had been spent pretending as a youngling, boasting his  certainty of being chosen as a shaman and showing off the supposed power  of his stone trinkets, his would-be charms… He was better than that. He would show them. He would show himself.

    All at once, the force pulsing through his veins and through the stone and through the water all stopped, as if it had all the air had been sucked from Amadán’s  lungs. His eyes dropped shut as if stone-heavy, and he heard the faint  plop of the stone falling back into the pool before them. His raised  head dropped as he had to stop himself from collapsing, suddenly aware  that he was breathing heavily. 

 

Rogue

             Rogue watched him closely, and when the stone fell back down her gaze  only shifted to it for a moment before going back to him. Once it did  she could tell how weak he looked and how deep his breathing was. “Ama…  are you ok?” she asked him and quickly moved closer to the stag. She  gently nuzzled his cheek and grew more worried. “Lean on me if you need  too… i don't mind. I want to help you” she said softly to him. She never  looked disappointed, ashamed, or thought anything bad of him. She was  amazed at his abilities and now worried it had taken too much from him.  She felt a ting of pain in her heart as the thought of losing him  blinked in her mind, only to be shoved back out again. She didn't want  to think such negative thoughts. 

 

Amadán

            There was little hesitation in taking Rogue’s offer; Amadán  could feel his muscles tremble as they struggled to keep him upright,  and it was all he could do to keep his knees from buckling. His eyes  were still closed, but the doe’s presence was a warm, welcome light in  the darkness. A fresh flood of security, and with it gratitude, came  over him as he leaned against her shoulder, the lingering cold in his  heart fading. He tried to focus on her alone, and that precious feeling  of peace that no one had ever given him.

            “I’m… I-I-I’m alr-r-right,” Amadán  managed to choke out. With an effort he opened his eyes and lifted his  head, trying to offer her some form of assurance that he was okay --  though the concern in her eyes hurt him more than his body. Regret sank  in in an instant; he should never have brought Rogue worry that she  didn’t deserve, pushing his ability to the brink while so weak. He gave  her nothing and yet she remained at his side.

            The stag dropped his head. “...T-t-thank you,” he said, his voice softened by a mix of fatigue and remorse.

 

Rogue

            Rogue  smiled and sighed softly hearing him say he was ok, and then seeing him  open his eyes, gave a bit of relief. She could feel his body tremble a  bit and knew it took a lot out on him just now. “Your very welcome Ama..  why don't we get you back someplace you can rest… i will stay by your  side as long as you need me too… no need to worry about anything.” she  said in soft sweet words. He truly did mean a lot to her and she did  want to do anything in her power to help him. She looked down at his  charm, the object of all his hard work, and used her tail to pick it up.  After all this she didn’t want them to forget it. 

 

Amadán

            “R-r-right.” Uncertain that his legs would cooperate, Amadán  took a step through the water and tried to follow her guiding balance.  At first the idea of resting, having to re-enter his the torment of his  dreams that had brought on his pained exhaustion, was a sickening  thought; then he imagined having Rogue there beside him, and it turned  into a soothing scene that he had never been so eager for.

            “I…” Amadán’s  throat went dry, and despite being one who had to keep himself from  babbling, he found himself at a loss for words. “Thank you,” he settled  for repeating. For now he only wanted to stay with her until his aches  were eased at her side.