Doestar's Raid Death

The young warrior turned to survey the rest of the camp, when time stopped. It was only for a second, it wasn't drawn out like people always said it was, nothing moved in slow motion, it was only for a brief moment, but the entire world froze. Then time resumed, but Capellashine remained frozen in place, her heart in the depths of her stomach. Directly in her line of sight, was a clear view of Doestar, her father, dead at the edge of the clearing. The truth of it, the reality that he was dead instead of just lying motionless, came before the denial. Then, she was running, uncaring of anything else around her, as she made a beeline towards the Badgerclan leader. ”no… no.. no. no. No. No! NO! NOOO!!” Her gentle whispers grew into full on screeches as she barreled herself at the motionless figure. Loose dirt flung into the air as she came to a skidding halt next to the red tom. The blood was everywhere, but she didn't even spare his abdomen a second glance as her blue-green eyes bore into Doestar’s expressionless face.

”DAD!!” She screamed, her constricted throat protesting at the sheer volume she cried at, tears already streaming down her face, dampening her facial fur and blurring her vision. ”NOOO!!” Lowering herself down, the tortoiseshell buried her face into Doestar’s neck fur as she hunched over his unmoving body. ”I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I’M SORRY!!” What she was apologizing for wasn't even completely known to Capellashine. Perhaps it was because she hadn't been able to save him. Maybe it was because she hadn't been able to prevent his death. Maybe it was because she hadn't been there when he took his final breath. Maybe it went even further back? Maybe it was for all the moments she didn't spend with him. All the moments she didn't show him her very best. All the moments she didn't express her unconditional love and respect. All the moments where she could have been with him, but wasn't. Maybe she was apologizing for all of these reasons, or none at all. All she knew was ”I'M SORRY!!” These two words seemed to be the only few words she was capable of saying, anything else was simply too much, too complicated.

The apology continued to spill from her lips, a never ending mantra, as the warrior sobbed over her father's body. She knew of Starclan, of the nine lives system, but she had never seen it. Starclan had been cut off from the clans since before she was born, and had only made a reappearance recently after the plague had left the forest. She was taught to follow the warrior code, and every word recited within it, but it was still difficult for her to believe that Starclan could bless a leader with nine lives. And seeing her father before her, dead and lifeless, only confirmed those suspicions she had never dared ponder for any longer than a moment.

Doestar, her father, was gone. They would never go bug hunting again. They would never go on a patrol together again. Never again would the three of them; Mistlestorm, Doestar, and Capellashine, sit on the Sun Tree and stare up at the stars. He would never be able to show pride at Capellashine’s achievements, and she would never be able to work for that pride again. He would never see who she chooses as a mate. He would never experience holding his grandkit for the first time.

Never again, could she tell him just how much she loved him.

The mantra of apologies continued. Maybe she was apologizing for not just the past, but for the future he would never have. Still, she didn't know. None of her thoughts were coherent, only flashes of the past and impossible futures. Nothing existed outside her own grief. The fight could be continuing around her, she could be being attacked at that very moment, and she wouldn't know. It was hard to breathe around the tightness in her chest, and all the air she did manage to receive went right back into the piercing sobs of apology. There was no end in sight, as she continued to cry over her father's corpse. No amount of training in the world could prepare a daughter for the loss of her father, especially so suddenly, so young.