Felled by you, held by you

Hvass

The autumn moon had set hours ago, letting in the winds to howl over the hills, giving chase to scattered amber leaves. Hvass paced in a house that was soon to be his, set up with furniture hand chosen by the only one who knew his taste. Months they'd spent preparing, and in a week's time, Hvass would be handfasted to someone else.

How had it come to this? He paced around the room, eyes unseeing the crackling fire that cast everything in skewed light. This wasn't a home that felt like his, but every mark on it came with his assent. He'd never denied his master anything, holding back any discomfort behind his teeth in trust that Aristedes knew the best way forward, and if that meant marrying another - never seeing each other again -

....he couldn't rest. Why did he agree to this? He had every chance to say no. When Ari pushed him to flirt with someone new just as Ari had with the occasional dalliance; when Hvass put it off for months until the right someone came along who seemed the perfect fit; when that someone took Hvass' flirtations and proposed for reasons utterly beyond him; when Hvass came back with said proposal and was told that he should take it, all with most conflicted smile Hvass had ever seen on his master's face.

I only want the best for you, Ari had said.

There had been a rift between them ever since. Every touch Hvass tried to reach for, every comfort he'd become so used to, was gently and politely declined. It tore at him, stirring thoughts of doubt. Had he angered Aristedes somehow? Was this a dismissal after years of service? Was their relationship flawed to the point of cutting it loose, and he'd simply not seen the cracks?

It told him enough that his thoughts were only centered around Ari, hardly lingering over his betrothed. This was wrong.

Right on the heels of that thought came a desperate pounding on his door, hard enough to startle him. He went to it without hesitation, letting in the buffeting chill to whoever would brave the trip near hours before dawn.

(364)

Aristedes

It was Aristedes. Shivering, dressed in whatever he had found by the door before running into the night and ending up at his old companion's doorstep. He hadn't dared to waste even a minute to look for his winter cloak - tucked away somewhere safe by Hvass, undoubtedly - lest he'd lose this foolish, desperate sense of urgency to come here and speak his mind before it'd be too late.

And run the lord had, his breathing not so much heavy as he was struggling to breathe in the first place, his heart beating more mercilessly now than it had when he'd slipped while crossing a bridge, just barely getting away with scraped palms instead of a cold bath. What had driven him into the night with such fatal fervor was a plight of his own making, its reason and solution standing right before him in the doorway.

Every evening he'd thought about paying a visit, and every morning he'd decided against the growing grief. But tonight he was finally here, perhaps against his better judgement, but all the same, he was, and it was with restless, sorrowful eyes he stared up at Hvass.

"Oh," He breathed, his words turning shaky, "Hvass, forgive me, I -"

Ari couldn't say more. He had said more than enough in the past months, all leading towards a future he'd assumed to be a good one, but who would've known this separation would make him just as miserable as all the others, regardless of the cause? How had he thought to handle an eternity of this torment, when mere weeks apart felt like a death of soul, every day just a little bit more hollow than the last?

The future he'd tried to help arrange would've been for Hvass alone. A happy one at that, despite the man's current objections, but it wasn't for the sake of that noble goal Aristedes had run. Truthfully speaking, nothing about this or him had been all that noble for a while now.

He said nothing when he stepped closer and broke the promise he had made to himself long ago, reaching up towards Hvass' neck. He pulled the tall man down, close enough for him to clumsily embrace his monster, fingers digging into the man's tunic as he clung to him with feet barely touching the ground.

He'd hate himself for this. Maybe Hvass would too, but what the lord knew for certain was that he hated the very thought of a future without Hvass by his side even more.

(420)

Hvass

Hvass didn't have time for surprise to find Ari at his door, seemingly summoned by his restless pacing. Without thought, he leaned into that embrace like the both of them were meant for it, bowed over Ari with his hands wrapped so tightly around him. Emotion surged and choked his throat, and he dragged them both a step inside, shutting the door to that cruel wind and pressing Ari's back to the wood as he held him.

Hvass' head burrowed against Ari's shoulders, and painful relief crashed over him, making his limbs tremble as he let out the tension he'd been carrying for months. He was here, he came for him. He'd craved this so terribly, their closeness and need for each other, and he didn't want to let go. "Tell me to stop this," He begged. "I can't - can't do this anymore, please."

Only then did it register how cold Ari was against him, frigidly shivering against his natural heat, and he took another step back with his hands lingering over Ari's arms in constant touch. With pained concern, he led Ari towards the hearthstones and pulled down a blanket, wrapping it around him and pulling him into his arms.

"I should have refused them," He said wretchedly as he settled his back against the stones. "I don't want to leave you, I never did. If - if you don't want my service any longer, I-"

(236)

Aristedes

"That-"

He fumbled for words, the surprise at Hvass' open lamentation leaving him speechless. Being held to his chest, and this tightly, made Aristedes wonder what he'd been thinking in the first place, insisting on something as painful as their separation?

He knew why, but to have been mistaken to such an extent was...

"That's not... That was never the case," He murmured to Hvass' broad shoulder, the warmth of him feeling almost suffocating after his mad dash in the cold. The embrace was yearnful, sweltering. It was burning him up right alongside those ardent pleas he hadn't expected to ever hear after decades of calm nods and unquestioned decisions. Of course Hvass hadn't wanted to leave him, that had never been unclear to Ari - their pact and the security it offered had pulled them both through even the most hellish days too many times for either of them to feel any different, but he had never intended for loyalty to become yet another shackle for Hvass, comforting or not.

Never would he have willingly tried to discard his servant, his companion, his...

Aristedes leaned back with a soothing hush, just enough to meet Hvass' eyes as he touched his scruffy jaw with only his finger tips. He held him gently with that feather-light touch, brow furrowing when he began to speak: "Why didn't you say so? I'm not an autarch of anyone and had I known, I-," He faltered momentarily, lowering his cold hands. He hadn't realized how stained they were. "... I thought we both knew that."

His dark gaze remained on Hvass, unflinching even when their closeness made his blood roar.

"I was afraid I had trapped you. That it was I holding you back from-" He gestured vaguely around them and sighed, "- all that there is. That it was not your choice or preference keeping you so close to me, loyal as you are. I agreed to be your master, not an absolute authority you must follow even if it breeds misery."

"That... thought terrified me. Not knowing the truth even with these eyes of mine," Ari hesitated, looking aside, "And... I suppose, not being enough terrified me even more."

(364)

Hvass

Hvass' brows drew together at his answer, his chest painfully tight. He rose a hand to cup Ari's cheek, turning him back to face him.

"You asked me once, years ago, if I wanted a settled life like my daughter's," He said softly. "I said that the only life I needed was with you. That still is, and will always be true."

His hand brushed down between them, taking Ari's hand as gently as he could. "How could I long for anything else, when you care for me to this extent?" He had smelled the blood when Ari had traced the line of his jaw, and he saw the fresh scrapes there. "You give me so much to keep me human, and you give yet more to ensure my happiness after I took everything you knew and loved."

He pressed his lips to that wound, closing his eyes. Ari's skin tingled, but Hvass' healing magic was locked behind his shackles and couldn't take root. "I owe you more than I can repay. If you'd wanted me to give my heart to another to burden yours less, I considered it a small price to hold my tongue and do as you wished of me, but I..."

He looked up, intense and heartfelt and said for the first time in his life: "I refuse."

(222)

Aristedes

How much weight could such simple words have? How immense was the relief they could bring?

He... nodded, lips tightening to a line as he watched Hvass lick away the drops of blood from his lips. Hand in Hvass' grasp still, Aristedes nodded again as he moved, rising onto his knees with Hvass' thighs straddled between his own, the blanket barely clinging to his frame. His kissed palm was stinging but it didn't stop Ari from carefully freeing his hands from the gentle hold to wrap his arms around Hvass' shoulders, holding him to his own chest.

"Thank you." He murmured over his loudly beating heart, his words nothing more than soft whispers breathed against Hvass's hair. "Had you not, I fear I would've had no choice but to beg you to reconsider the proposal."

He held him in silence for a moment, drawn lips pressed to his graying hair as he breathed in his scent, the warm touch to his cheek lingering yet.

"... And speak not of debt now, when I nearly doomed you to starvation." His concern had been genuine but also cruel, misguided. Had he left Hvass behind, even for his servant's own good, the monstrous hunger would've been unending, a constant companion until the shackles would've rusted and fallen off, or Hvass could've taken it no more.

Ari sighed quietly, mindful of the scrapes as he blindly felt for that little braid behind the man's ear, his groomed cheeks, the long scar that he could slowly trace across his lips down to his chin, and finally his neck, feeling the blood rushing underneath the hot skin.

His red, hot blood, coursing through his heart he was nearly forced to give to someone else than-

"Tell me, Koszmar... who is it that your heart belongs to if not yourself?" He asked, his gaze much more timid than his clear voice would've led one to believe. Back then, when he'd first asked Hvass if he'd be happy like this, there had been one other question. One he hadn't dared to ask aloud, promising himself to rather forfeit Hvass' love for him than believe it to be sincere.

(360)

Hvass

The hands around Ari's waist tightened at the use of his true name, like a chain pulling him closer. "You," he breathed, his brow resting against Ari's sternum, still feeling the lingering touch over his lips even as he spoke. "It belongs to you."

He let out a shuddering sigh to release those words he'd meant to keep till the end of his days. But now was the time for honesty, as keeping everything silent had nearly cost them both everything that mattered.

"It's been yours since the first time I woke you in your tomb. In the years guarding it, I had time to let Kalia go, and when you smiled at me..." He looked up at him then, his expression meltingly adoring. "Ari, you are no autarch of mine. Everything I gave to you was born of greed to earn your affection. To become irreplaceable to you, as you are to me."

He ran his hands slowly down Ari's back, his touch sweetly possessive. "How I hated the knight for stealing that smile of yours for himself. Had I ever found him alone, I would have killed him, and he knew." Hvass smiled wryly. "Bastard."

He hated Mordreaux, and he hated every lover Ari had taken since. Jealousy had been his bedmate for so long that he'd long since made peace with it, so long as he was the one who stayed by his side in the end.

He met Ari's eyes again. "I love you, Ari. I would burn the world down for you if you asked - anything but leave you. There's no happiness in a life without you."

(272)

Aristedes

Kill. Burn. 

"Koszmar..."

Anything for you.

His skin prickled at Hvass' ardent confession, the man's fingers like searing hot coals pressed to his back in that tight embrace. Or claws, each as intent as the next to leave a mark on him for all to see, were it not for how gentle Hvass was being - even now.

'I love you.'

"I -" Hvass had always been irreplaceable. Dear to him from the moment he saw him smile back as a man, free from the beast's skin after years of mindless bloodshed, and cruelty at the hands of those he had unwillingly hurt. Since then, those jaws had been wielded to protect him, and bring him back from the beyond, the details of which neither ever discussed aloud.

He knew the cost of his slumbering, and he knew the extent Hvass had gone to for him already a dozen times over, but to hear him admit something this passionate after all the years they had spent together... Years which the lord himself had wasted being too occupied with their future to see the present for what it was, or how far Hvass had come from the day they met for the first time.

Aristedes stared back at him, exhaling a shuddering breath as he arched into his chest, color creeping to his face and he cupped Hvass' cheeks, tilting his head back while he did so.

He hesitated, stray locks of red hair falling over Hvass' face, his calm unraveling in the most subtle of ways. Then, breaking into the most gentle smile, Ari leaned down, full of warmth he didn't know what to do with, apart from tangling his fingers in Hvass' hair as he kissed him softly.

"It is the same for me," He whispered, looking at him intently with heavy lidded eyes. "The exact same."

His eyes closed as he leaned in for another taste of him, "Please, stay with me."

(326)

Hvass

This had to be a dream.

Ari's lips felt so soft against his. He could barely breathe for how his chest tightened from years of longing. He kissed him again and again, licking his master's lips to savor him, each taste making him crave more of him, and he couldn't stop. Didn't want to stop.

With one hand on Ari's hip to pull him flush against him, the other raked through Ari's firelit hair as he trailed his mouth down Ari's jaw and to his throat and back up again with his tongue just to feel him shudder against him.

If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake.

Ari wanted him, cared for him, wanted him to stay, came running in the middle of the night for his sake. The thought brought down all his walls, crumbling his years of resolve that kept him from wanting more than he should. He loved him, he loved him, and it made heat roar to life under his skin - heat and hunger both. He made quick work of unlacing Ari's sleep shirt all the way down the middle, trailing his teeth down his bare chest, his breath hot over his skin.

The more he gave in, the more the runes on his bracers glowed - and the hungrier he became.

(218)

Aristedes

He gasped, his breathing quickening the more he waited. Aristedes heard himself utter a raspy 'please' as his hands found their way into Hvass' hair, thinking nothing of his scratched palms as he stroked the back of the man's head. He could feel each tickling breath, the heat radiating from every inch of Hvass’ being - just as he felt his greed, the lust behind his servant's roughening grip on his hip.

The first bite made him shiver, its sharpness quickly rekindled by another. In a few shuddering breaths his skin became Hvass’ canvas to do with as he pleased, while Ari panted quietly above him, the crackling fire filling the silence between their sighs and murmurs of growing passion.

He'd known that somewhere, at some point in time, this moment could exist, but never had he dared to reach for it again after offering his throat for Hvass to tear into in a moment of frail honesty years ago. A mistake he'd sworn to never repeat.

The lord didn't see the faint glow around his servant's wrists, mesmerized as he was by the voracious hunger behind even the faintest lick and hint of sharp canines. This was something different, so unlike his dalliances. It was something much more familiar, much more disarming than any carnal whimsy could ever hope to be. For years he had forbidden himself from seeking this kind of fire that left his heart fluttering like a man afraid, and Aristedes could only sigh with deep yearning to Hvass' brow, flushed and aroused in his arms as a hand slipped underneath his opened shirt.

He was no stranger to love, and even under the haze of their lust its might scared him, prodding at old scars and leaving him to cling all the harder in hopes of burning away everything but Hvass from his mind.

(303)

Hvass

He could hear how hard his master's heart pounded, and he was entranced by it, drowning in the beat of its drum.

The scent of him, the faint taste of salt on him from running all this way, the sounds he made and the way he leaned into his touch, all of it was his tonight. He could barely remember why he'd held back from this for so long (the light on his bracers flared, then faltered) as he pulled Ari in for another kiss, with teeth sharper than they should be.

He took Ari like he weighed nothing, laying him down on a bundle of warm furs before the fireplace, admiring the red marks over his fair skin and the matching lust he saw in Ari's eyes. It felt like home to settle between his legs, to kiss him so fiercely, to link their fingers together. And yet it still wasn't enough.

He wanted him. He wanted to devour him.

He leaned down, tracing his lips over Ari's bare throat just like that night at the inn all those years ago. He taunted a kiss there, felt Ari's skin prickle in anticipation. And instead of kissing those runes on his collar, he found the curve of his shoulder and sank his teeth into a bite, hard enough to make his master flinch and moan with fingers digging into the back of Hvass' hands; hard enough to taste blood.

It rushed over his tongue like euphoria, sweet and powerful. His Hunts never compared to this old magic his master harbored, so rarely spent. He licked the wound with the flat of his tongue, lifting his head up with a look of bloody ecstasy.

He ran his tongue over his teeth as faint murmurings of restraint ran muffled underneath his hunger. He saw the way the wound shimmered, then started to close.

His eyes flared open.

He leaned back, staring at his bracers that should not allow his magic to seep through. He saw how it glowed in fits and bursts, struggling to keep his magic at bay.

And he whispered, "My shackles are failing," so very quietly.

(357)

Aristedes

"Wh- what..?" Ari uttered through the haze, rising onto his elbows with a wince, reflexively reaching for the bite... except he found no wound. There was only a tingling sensation, its familiarity making Hvass' fearful whisper sink in.

He carefully reached for Hvass' wrists, grabbing  him by the disguised shackles. "Koszmar, you are safe." He was breathless from the kisses still, the serious look in his eyes much softened by the dizzying desire that hadn't quite released him of its hold yet. "Never have you hurt me while dreaming - not once after I learned your name," Aristedes said more soberly, shifting enough to sit straight with Hvass still between his legs.

He let go of the bracers to take his servant's hands next, stroking Hvass' palms with his thumbs as he tried to gather his thoughts, face burning still and stomach coiled tight with his unlaced shirt slipping down his shoulders. The worry, loud in its terrible and sudden quietness, made him eventually release his hold to stroke Hvass’ cheeks instead, lightly and silently, very much like he'd sometimes pet the monster of raking teeth and dark fur to soothe it.

What had happened? The bindings had held fast for the past... near fifty years without any signs of breaking.

A seed of dread found its way to Ari's heart as he murmured again, "You are safe." The carved runes on his collarbones had begun to glow faintly in response to the shackles struggling against Hvass' magic, faint wisps of unnatural miasma curling in the air between the two of them.

(261)

Hvass

Hvass shook his head faintly, but he held still as Ari comforted him. "I'm not safe," he said softly, raising his fingers to brush over those glowing runes, over where the wound should be. "I wanted to hurt you. I still do." He took a breath in, recalling the way Ari had shuddered underneath him with every bite, his arousal equally met. He wanted him still, wanted to enact every fantasy he'd kept silent on until the sun came up - but not if it put him in danger.

For so long, he'd locked his darker cravings along with his magic, shoving them down whenever they arose for fear of how Ari might see it. Perhaps he'd denied his lust for so long that it'd joined the rest. He hadn't been like this with Kalia, but then, he'd been a different person then, slowly relearning his humanity and restraint. He sighed, dark wisps of smoke fading in the firelight along with the glow of the bracers as he let his desire go.

He closed his eyes and leaned into Ari's touch instead. He could have this, couldn't he? He could murmur his love as he kissed Ari's cheeks, his brow, his soft lips. That alone was worth all those months of loneliness, if it made them speak honestly.

Even still, this didn't have to be forever. He mentioned Ivras between kisses, famous across nations for being able to handle their mages with training and their manacles that were said to bring even the mightiest wild mage to heel.

That...and Ivras was where Ari's family had settled in. But he didn't mention that. Didn't need to.

(275)

Aristedes

He considered Hvass' words, humming softly before leaning in, stealing his voice and breath both in a deep kiss; commanding, comforting, and so terribly lamentful in his silence. He could never compromise Hvass' safety, let alone risk losing him to the violence of others, were the monster to suddenly break free. He simply couldn't, refusing outright to go through the pain of losing something this precious again even if it meant setting aside these desires, no matter how sweetly his heart had sung at the sharp bite.

Yet, for that fleeting moment, he refused to let go, to neither calm nor dismiss his heart, and when they parted it was now Hvass on the furs, pushed on his back with Aristedes between his legs. He smiled down at the man, lowering himself then onto Hvass' chest with a weary exhale, "I know."

He paused to kiss him through the shirt, taking a moment to mull over the proposal and mince his words. "After next month, my purpose here has been served. We'll be free to go wherever, but..."

He hesitated, but Hvass was right. He always was.

"... While I can't deny these worries of mine about heading there, I will do it," Aristedes swore quietly, gentle as he nuzzled Hvass' neck. Just a little, but more than enough to feel himself blush all anew even as he did his everything to put his desire aside, and he rushed to murmur, "For you, I will."

He could only hope there was something more left for him to find in Ivras. Something of Eli and their little boy, and his fingers curled into Hvass' shirt at the far more painful thought, "Eirwyn would be a grown man by now, if he..."  but his voice faltered and he sighed again, forcibly releasing the tension that had begun to settle over his shoulders. No matter what awaited him, at least he wouldn't be alone after all.

(322)

Hvass

Hvass stroked Ari's back as he spoke, trying very hard to focus on the conversation at hand rather than the feeling of Ari atop him. He should definitely ignore the feeling of Ari's arousal pressed against his, the warm weight of him, the way the hearth's glow turned his cascading hair into a curtain of fire.

He was already kissing him before he knew it, long and slow this time, as comforting as Ari was to him. "It'll be alright," He whispered, eyes half-lidded. "They're a powerful duchy now, well taken care of. Nonmages, the lot of them. And I've heard..."

He'd asked after the Andrastes as modestly and often as he could over the years as his way of keeping an eye on Ari's family when his master couldn't bring himself to look. Before now, he hadn't thought Ari ready to listen, to hope, but now that they might be heading that way, well.

He looked up at his lord, his love, and smiled. "I heard you have a daughter too. As indomitable as her mother, they say, with children of her own. So there's something there for both of us, should we arrive together."

He leaned his head back on the furs with a soft sigh, hands comfortable in the small of Ari's back. "I just need to find a way to let Thelm down gently, now that we're decided. Somehow. Without a smithing hammer aimed at my head."

(240)

Aristedes

Aristedes stared back at Hvass, clearly shaken when he repeated that earth-shattering word in a stunned whisper, "A daughter?" His passion for the man underneath him didn't so much fade as it merely changed its skin, turning from tender yearning to something just as vulnerable, naked and raw in its quiet intensity. He absentmindedly nodded at the mention of Hvass' betrothed - gods, he really had been cruel to them both, hadn't he? Pushing Hvass into their arms, only to falter like this himself at the last possible moment, daring to ask his servant to return and reveal his heart to him.

"I will help you with that. It's only right after forcing your hand so to soothe my foolish heart," He managed to chuckle wearily, sighing then at the comforting weight around his waist that he acknowledged by moving a little, turning in his arms until his hipbone was resting perfectly against Hvass' palm. He curled to his chest more closely, holding his own scratched palms idly.

Thelm was sensible. Had been from the very beginning despite their more fiery side, or perhaps thanks to it. They would've undoubtedly been a good fit for Hvass, if only his heart wasn't already resting on Ari's palm. The lord couldn't feel too sorry about that part, but all the rest? It hardly was just the shock of learning about the existence of a child he'd never gotten to meet that made him tear up.

His breathing shuddered, trying his best to stifle the stray hiccuping sound. How long Hvass had known about this child of his didn't matter. Neither did the fact that he had kept it a secret, as Ari could only blame himself for being all too afraid to head for Ivras sooner, and risk witnessing all the terrible predictions come true in person, or learn of their dreadful passing. He hadn't felt this small in a while as he let Hvass hug him, asking in a fraying voice, "You really will let them go? For this?"

(337)

Hvass

Hvass opened his mouth to say his age-old words, anything for you, as he always would. He'd meant it every time, never pausing for any hard action that bloodied his hands or weighed him down, even if it meant wedding another. But that had been the problem, hadn't it? Ari had asked him every step of the way if he wanted this, and he'd been so afraid of being selfish that he'd been close to making a mistake he couldn't take back.

"Thelm is a good choice, but they're not the one I built a life with," Hvass said gently, enveloping Ari in as big a hug he could make it. "They're not the one who ran in the middle of the night to keep me close, who cares for me, saved me, saw a person in me when no one else would." He brushed a kiss to Ari's hair, meaning every word. "They're not the one I love above all others."

He held Ari as those tears built up, letting him cry if he needed to. Tonight had been one overwhelming revelation after another, but at the end of it all, he could revel in the fact that whatever may come, they'd face it together. Even if that meant finally heading to dreaded Ivras.

He managed to reach over and grab the forgotten blanket next to the hearth and pull it over them both once his lord's tears were shed, offering his arm for a pillow to rest on when neither made moves to get up, either for the door or to the bed. They could leave the issue of the bracers, of breaking Thelm's heart, of arranging provisions for the long road ahead, all of it for the morning.

Tonight....Hvass had always belonged to Ari, but tonight, he could keep Ari all to himself.

No one else compared.

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