Don't Judge Me

In all of the three years Max has lived with Mikhail, he has never been in serious trouble. A scolding here and there for neglected chores, sure, but nothing more than that. So the fact he’s been sentenced to his room is a little disconcerting. Mikhail didn’t even dish it out; Jasmine, a new girl that Mikhail’s seeing, had told him to go to his room, and Mikhail had begrudgingly backed her up.

Max isn’t really sure what the fuss is about. He hasn’t done anything wrong! Mikhail took away his curfew when he started college, and even so, midnight isn’t stupidly late since he doesn’t have class tomorrow. He’d expected Mikhail to be awake, but Jasmine’s presence was more surprising, and he hadn’t anticipated both of them hanging out on the balcony. They’d met him downstairs and sent him to his room.

His stomach growls. In his rush to get home, he’d forgotten to ask Nick to stop for dinner. There’s nothing in his room, so the kitchen is his only option. Maybe they’ve gone back outside. That’s what he hopes as he creeps out of his bedroom and onto the landing, but to his dismay, he hears voices in the living room.

“You are really blowing this out of proportion,” Mikhail says.

“And you’re really underselling it. Why aren’t you more upset that your little brother is dating some old man?”

Max tenses up. That’s what this is about?! His boyfriend’s age? He sets his jaw and moves further down the stairs, sitting on a step to eavesdrop better.

“So he’s got a fetish for older guys. So what? It’s not that big of a deal. The dude was hardly forty, so you shouldn’t call him old.” 

“There’s twenty years between them, Mikhail! How does that not concern you at all?”

Mikhail huffs irritably. “He wasn’t born yesterday, Jazz. He’s nearly twenty now and in college. Even if I did care—which I don’t—he is capable of deciding who he wants to be with. If this is a mistake, then it’s a mistake he’ll hopefully learn from. It’s no longer my job to tell him what he can and can’t do.”

“Is that what you told yourself when—”

“Finish that sentence and you will never see me again.” His tone is dark. “So I’ll advise to think really carefully about what you intend to say next.”

There seriousness of his voice, especially compared to his casual tone just moments before, is almost alarming. Max has never heard about something bad happening to Mikhail with an older man. He knows about him being assaulted by a tutor, but he was only thirteen when that happened. This has to be about something else.

They’re both quiet for a while. Then, Jasmine sighs. “Are you really not scared of something like that happening to him?”

“My circumstances were different. I saw warning signs. But I was desperate and out of resources. Max has a secure home, a support system, and a future. He knows that if something happens, he can come to me. But until then, if it ever does happen, the best I can do is watch over and support him.”

The couch creaks and a shadow nears the stairs. Max tries to climb back up to the landing, but he freezes when Mikhail lays eyes on him. With half his face shrouded in shadows, Mikhail nods wordlessly towards the kitchen and disappears through the door. 

Max slips in through the door after him and watches him fetch leftovers from the fridge to heat up. 

“How much did you hear? Take a seat.” 

“Most of it, I think. Why does Jasmine care so much?” He sits down on a barstool as Mikhail gets out a couple of plates. 

“She’s a woman who developed early. She’s been dealing with creepy men since she was barely out of elementary school. So, in a way, she’s rightfully worried. You’re young and vulnerable in some ways. She doesn’t want you to get hurt.”

Max looks down at the granite countertop. “She tried to say something about you. What happened?”

Mikhail’s distorted reflection hesitates, then sighs and drops a couple of chicken breasts on the plates. “When I was seventeen and still homeless, I took up sex work. A man became interested in me and I moved in with him. He was a bad man and did, or tried to do, some bad things to me. I’ll leave it at that.”

Max frowns at the counter. “So if that happened, why aren’t you worried?” 

“Because one bad experience doesn’t negate the good. Kieran was a good man who helped me get onto my feet after Anna moved away. He was thirty-six when I fell in love with him and the worst thing he ever did was break up with me so I would have the courage to go to Miami with Simon.”

“Am I doing a bad thing, though? It’s not like he has authority over me.”

“No, it’s not inherently bad. But I do think you should be careful. Bondage and sub/dom stuff is dangerous if you’re doing it with the wrong person.”

His eyes widen and his head snaps up. “H-how did you know about that?”

Mikhail smirks and slides a warm plate of grilled chicken in front of him. “You have rope burn on your wrists, and your thing for older guys definitely isn’t vanilla.” 

Max groans and drops his head on the counter and Mikhail cackles. He can’t believe his older brother knows his kinks and thinks it’s funny.

“Hey, Max. Look at me.”

He shakes his head. “I can never look at you again,” he whines.

“No, I mean it. Look at me.”

Reluctantly, he lifts his head and looks up at Mikhail. The amusement is mostly gone.

“I know it’s awkward. But you do know you can tell me if something goes wrong, don’t you? If he ever breaks the rules, crosses your boundaries, or ignores you telling him to stop, you can tell me. I won’t make fun of you, and I won’t go around telling people, even Simon and even Anna. You get that, right?” 

Max nods slowly. It is awkward, even knowing that Mikhail knows makes him want to hide, but he also knows that it’s important that he has someone to confide in. Mikhail has always told him that, but this is the first time they’ve ever really mentioned relationships. “I understand.” 

“Good. Now, tell me about him. What’s his name? How old is he? How did you meet him?”

“His name is Nick. He’s forty-two. We met at a comic book store where he works. I was looking at the mature ones and he gave me recommendations.”

“Is he married?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. He got divorced a few years ago because he came out and hated being married. And I’ve been to his house. There’s no sign of a woman living with him.”

Mikhail grins. “A hot older nerd who isn’t married? You really lucked out, kiddo. High-five!"

Max feels his face heat up, but slowly gives him a high-five. While he wasn’t keeping it secret, he never expected to talk about his relationship, especially not with his brother of all people. It feels weird, but at least Mikhail stood up for him.

“When can I meet him?” Mikhail presses, albeit hesitantly.

Max bites his lip. “Um… soon,” he answers cryptically. “I’ll have to ask him about it. He’s still not open about it. I mean, he’s not in the closet, but it’s not a detail he gives up freely, y’know?” 

“I get it,” Mikhail says with a nod. “I think that’s pretty common for men who come out later in life. I won’t push it. Introduce me when you’re both ready. In the meantime, I’ll keep Jazz from bothering you about it.”

That makes him relax. “Thanks. But am I really grounded?”

Mikhail laughs. “Grounded? Why do you say that? Oh, because you had to go to your room? No, that was just so me and Jazz could talk. You’re good now.”

At least that means he’s not actually in trouble. He nods his head and smiles slightly. “Thanks, Mika. For being cool about it. I know it’s not the most normal relationship, but he makes me happy.”

“Then that’s what matters. Do you have any homework tonight?”

“Nope. Did all of it already. And I don’t have classes tomorrow anyway.”

“Would you like to watch a movie? Jazz is going home for tonight and Simon’s flight was delayed until the morning. It can be your pick. I don’t care what it is.”

His voice is soft. One side effect of polyamory is that his bed is never empty, except in very rare occasions. Max knows he can’t stand to sleep in that large bed by himself. So even though he’s tired, Max nods. “Yeah, I’ll watch a movie. How about Logan?”

Mikhail rolls his eyes dramatically. “You and your dumb crush on Hugh Jackman. You can’t just watch movies because he’s in them.”

Max hums. “And how many times have I caught you and Simon watching Wilde?”

Mikhail is quiet as he glares half-heartedly. “…Fine. We’ll watch The Greatest Showman. I like the music.”

“Deal.”