Drunk Call (2023)

[Otto POV]

I was in the process of making dinner. A rare occasion for me considering I rarely ate dinner at a good time, let alone actually make a proper meal. I don’t know why I did, considering how much of a waste of time it was when I could heat up some noodles and call it a night. I think I needed to diverge from my bad habits a bit. I believed this was going to be the only harmless oddity for tonight.

While I set down my plate of sad but cooked fried rice, my phone ringtone goes off across the kitchen counter, rumbling against the marble tiles. As I reach for the screen, my thumb habitually hovers over the red decline button, not feeling in the mood to talk to anyone. Before I press, I see the name of the caller and feel my heart drop to my ass. URIEN G :]

“OH FUCK OH FUC-” My phone jumps around in my hands as if it came straight out the oven. I even seethed and hissed as if my phone was actually on fire. He never calls me! Or he does, but he was always courteous enough to give me a heads up before he did. It would give me enough time to mentally prepare for hearing his voice over the phone. Oh god, oh god. It was ringing too long, I couldn't leave him on the ringer. 

I smash the green button, immediately shoving the phone close to my ear. “Hullo? Urien?”

There was nothing but silence, white noise and static over the phone. I could hear my heartbeat thrum in my ears in anticipation for a voice that wasn’t there. I could feel sweat beginning to cling to my clothes. Where was he? Did he buttdial me by accident? I heard the sound of dense glass being placed on a table, the noise reverberating off the phone case. Urien’s phone was placed on a table of somesort, so he couldn’t have buttdialed me.

“... hello?” A raspy, but familiar voice finally makes his presence known.

I feel my heart jump at his voice. “Hullo Urien? Is that you? Are you alright?”

“Otto! Oh it’s you Ottoo!” Urien says in a cheery voice. I almost would’ve melted at the sound of him saying my name like that, if it weren’t for the suspicious slur that accompanied every word. “I think I was trying to open something else but ended up calling you instead. Not an issue though, I like talking to you.”

“You do?” I say, my voice anchored in disbelief. I would sure hope he liked talking to me, especially since he would drop by my place once a week. But still, I had my doubts.

“You have a cute voice. I like hearing more of itt.” Urien says lightly as if it was a harmless comment. Little does he know that I almost fell off my chair upon hearing that.

“Well look at you. You’re like… the king of sexy voices. Have you READ the articles complimenting your voice? I couldn’t compare.”

“You read articles on mee?” Urien asks, less accusatory and more teasing.

“Uh. No comment.” I could feel the sweat perspire on my forehead when Urien caught on to that. I was hoping he would just deny it and move on.

“Hahaha!!!” Urien hollers out in laughter, and nervously I laugh with him. “You’ree too sweet. I wouldn’t touch that shitt for a thousand miles. Haha. Tooo embarassing to look back on.”

That was probably the first time I’ve ever heard Urien swear. I squint, trying to piece things together. “Urien? You’re slurring. Have you by any chance been drinking?”

The same glass clink from earlier returned, this time accompanied with the faint chugging sounds of liquid. “Hmm? Drinking? I mean, I think so? I’m drinking, but I’m not bad. I’m doing good. Very good. Handling myself very good.”

He was definitely drinking. A part of me was curious. In my time knowing him, I knew he was a heavy drinker, but I never actually witnessed him drunk. There was a time I had been over at his place and he downed an entire bottle of wine without any noticeable changes in his sobriety. Here, he sounded absolutely wasted. What was he like unfiltered?

“Urie, where are you at right now?” I ask.

“‘M at home.” 

“What day is it today?”

“Uhhh, tuesday.” It was Thursday. He was incredibly messed up. 

“Why are you drinking on a Thursday evening? Shouldn’t you save the drinks for the weekend?” I let out a light laugh, but in reality I was worried. No normal person gets shit-faced on a Thursday evening, especially since I knew he has work the rest of the week.

Urien turns silent, and the phone slides across the table as the heavy glass sound is placed close to the phone microphone. I assumed he had grabbed a new bottle of alcohol, since it sounded heavy and full.

“Urie?”

“I… don’t know why.” Urien answers my last question after a long pause. “I don’t even know why I’m here.” 

I sat straight in my chair, immediately alarmed hearing those words leave his mouth. “Urie… Talk to me.”

“I… I just…” He takes a loud gulp of alcohol, this time it was more audible and closer to the mic. “I want to forget it all! I I don’t want to live with this sadness, this guilt, this crushing loneliness! No matter how hard I try to keep the people in my life, the faster they disappear. It’s.. It’s like, the harder you grip, the more they’ll want to break free. Does that make sense?”

“Sure.”

Urien’s voice gets sloppier, and it’s gotten to the point where I can hear his breathing. “I don’t understand why it had to be me… I don’t understand what I did to deserve this. I did everything. I sacrificed so much for them. I built my entire lives around them and then they tear it down and run away like it never happened. What was the point in it all? Why work if I don’t have someone to work for? Why does no one want to love me? Why enjoy life if there is no best friend to enjoy it with!”

There were a few logical flaws in his thinking, but his distress was enough to drive that part of my brain out and try to sympathize with him. “I’m sure there are other people out there who would love to spend time with you.”

“Like who?”

Perhaps the motherfucker you’re calling right now? ME, you dumbass. I feel my heart claw out of my chest at the words that so badly pricked on my lips. As fast as they wanted to leave, they quickly died on my tongue as I steeled myself to give him a proper answer. In the end, some of my emotional sentiment ended up seeping into my response. “You are… probably one of the most amazing people I know, Urie. You aren’t unlovable, just unlucky. If you find the right crowd of people, they will know how special you are.” 

“Well then Jesus Christ himself needs to throw me a bone because I’m done. I’m fucking done. I’m so tired… so tired of waiting around for the good thing to happen. Seeking them out doesn’t work. And letting it happen doesn’t work either. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.”

Some sniffles proceeded, and his voice was now wet with phlegm and tears. He was crying. Full on sobbing even. I feel as if my whole world has darkened around me as I hear Urien choke back sobs behind what I heard to be his arm sleeve. “Urie? Urie, stay with me.”

“I… I-I just want to know why he left me…. What did I do wrong? What was wrong with me? And why couldn’t he tell me? I just… I just want closure. I just want closure. I just want…” He hiccups, wiping tears and snot onto his sweater sleeve once more. And with every word and sniffle he let out, I felt my heart twist and crunch into small wrung out pieces. “All I wanted was someone to lean on when I lost all the important people in my awful life, but now I don’t even have that anymore.”

“I can be the person you can lean on. I’m here for you.” The words escaped me before I could even catch them. I feel a headache coming on.

Urien was quiet for a moment, as if he was taking a long, slow blink to try and process what I had said. With every passing millisecond, the regret amplified tenfold and I felt my heart compress into a crushed can. “You… would really do that?”

“I mean technically I’m doing it right now. I’m lending you an ear while you cry.”

“That’s true. That’s true.” Urien manages a laugh through tears and chokes. “This is why you’re the best Otto. I’ll be sure to talk to you more.”

“Sure. I’ll do anything for you.”

“Anything.” Urien sniffles, but perks up like it was the best thing he’s heard this week. I bit my lip, reconsidering my choice of words and kicking myself for sounding so desperate. “You shouldn’tt make a big offer like that. You don’t know if I will take advantage of it or not.”

“I…” Rendered speechless, my mouth hung open trying to formulate a snappy response to that. But everywhere my brain went, it either crossed unsavory territory, or straight up static. “I wouldn’t exactly complain.”

“Then you shouldd…” Urien draws out, pausing his thought to try and figure out the rest of his request. “Give me a hug the next time you see me.”

“That can be arranged.” I say immediately. 

“Heh, thanks Otto. Future me is going to need it.” Urien takes another gulp of alcohol, and the glass placement follows. “Figure… I should get off call. I’ve been keeping you too long.”

“You don’t have to worry about that- really-”

“Goodnight Otto. Rest well.” And then the call ended. It cut off the last syllable of his sentence, so I was left with an incomplete sendoff sitting in the back of my mind. The initial adrenaline of the call subsided, and I was feeling a lot emptier than before. My house was one voice less noisy, and I sat in the silence of my kitchen. My food had gone cold. 

The longer I thought about our convo, the more I began to regret everything. Why did I feel like I meant the world to him one second, and then nothing to him a minute later? Will he always be looking for more people to be with while towing me behind? Was I not company enough? Will I ever be enough for him?

All those sweet words he said to me I was probably never going to hear from the real Urien. Not an intoxicated version of him. I wished I never heard it come straight from his mouth, because now I have another thing to ache and yearn for. I wanted the real thing.

I ended up abandoning my dinner and shuffled to my room, not even making it to the bed before my face creased in despair and sank my head into my hands. Pathetically through tears, I blindly fell onto my bed and pulled my covers over my head as if the world was going to eat me alive. I wanted to dissolve into my mattress and never be seen again.

Not feeling enough for Urien and wanting Urien so bad were parasitic thoughts that were constantly fighting for my attention. Just when I had thought I was done crying about my stupid crush, it would spiral back to my overarching, crippling self doubt. It was a cycle that worked on a feedback loop, and I had ended up crying until I passed out cold.

In the morning, I was woken up to the sound of a fuzzy ping coming from my phone. Through raw and crusty eyes, I read a text message that came up on my phone's front screen. I knew who the texter was, but was too tired and dazed to care.

Urien G :] Hello Otto. I may have had a lot to drink last night and got completely wasted. I don’t remember anything from last night and my call history says we called for a bit. I apologize for my behavior regardless if I was respectful or not. If I said anything inappropriate or uncouth, please let me know. Thank you. I hope you have a good day. ^^

Me 

no biggie, u werent rude

take care of yourself. the hangover must be crazy

Before I could give Urien a chance to respond, I shut my phone off and wilt into my sheets further. He didn’t remember a damn thing. Not a single damn thing. Not his rant, not his flirting, not even the small deal we made. The tears from last night had returned for a second time, and it was at that point where crying again would physically hurt. I curl up into a ball, and try to go back to sleep.

If I’m being honest, I could really use that hug too.