Killing Me Softly (2023)

[Otto POV]

Urien decided that my house would be the perfect place to do karaoke. I didn’t have much say in the matter. Considering how passionate he was about singing, I would be a fool to strike him down for wanting to sing with me, even if the thought of singing to him makes me dizzy. He even offered to bring his karaoke microphones. This was serious.

When he arrived, I whipped up some snacks for him and placed them on my coffee table. Urien knelt down to my TV to plug in this small, handheld speaker. Once connected, he pulled out two white, boxy microphones from his man purse of sorts. Pressing a switch, the sides lit up in a stripe of LED rainbow and when spoken into, the reverb would tune to the person’s voice. For a man of minimalism, it was very surprising to see Urien owning some of the most expensive karaoke microphones on the market. 

Urien handed me my microphone and I held it awkwardly in my hand. He continued to test the audio on his microphone before plopping onto the couch next to me. My heart goes into my throat when I feel his leg brush up against mine. 

“Do you wanna go first? Or should I?” Urien asks, connecting his phone to my chromecast and browsing youtube for any singing options. Judging by his recommendations, it was a mix of Insider videos, and lots of SingKing Karaoke already watched (or sung) before. Most of the songs I recognized were from his playlist he sent me, or were songs from a similar era or artist. 

“You should sing first. Warm up your voice.” I replied. Even if I was nervous, I mostly just wanted to hear Urien sing. Aside from the times I’ve caught him humming in the car, or mumbling lyrics to himself while he cooked, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him fully sing. 

At first, Urien started with some classic hits like Bohemian Rhapsody and Baby Be Mine. Then he moved onto more popular, modern day music like Treasure by Bruno Mars and Stay with Me by Sam Smith. I even joined in from time to time because the lyrics I thought I didn’t know came to me naturally as if I had been listening to these songs daily. Everytime I joined, Urien would crack a big grin, even if it was midway through a note. I ended up challenging myself to see how many times I can see more of that smile.

After shying away from the main spotlight for so long, Urien ended up begging me to sing one song solo. I couldn’t get away with being a background singer forever. Even if I did want to sing solo, none of the music I liked or was capable of singing well wasn’t “karaoke-safe”. I sweated at the thought of trying to find a decent song, frantically scrolling through youtube to find something. When Urien noticed my panic, he held out his hand. I was almost about to take it, before I realized he was asking for the phone. “If you can’t find a song, I can pick one out for you. I think I have an idea of which songs suit your voice the most.”

I wasn’t exactly sure if Urien really knew what suited my voice, but at least it made my life a little easier. He even agreed that he would sing along with me so I wasn’t entirely alone. Once he picked out his song, the video played and the name of the song came into view. 

Killing Me Softly by Roberta Flack. I assumed it was a different song entirely, until a familiar but down tempo instrumental came on. It was at a lower pitch, so it was going to be perfect for both of our voices. I knew the Fugees version, so it couldn’t be too different. When the lyrics faded onto screen, Urien took the initiative to sing the beginning chorus.

“Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words…” Urien vocalizes with a voice rich like honey. With every word, his intonation was smooth and pleasant to the ear. I was almost convinced he picked this song because it suited his voice more than mine. But the verse was approaching and I prepared myself to sing. “Killing me softly. With his song~”

I cleared my throat and honed my sight onto the colored text. “I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style. And so I came to see him, and listened for a while.” Urien’s eyebrows raise in surprise, and he grins warmly as if I was singing the national anthem for the first time. I try to keep my focus on the lyrics, but I instantly default to facing Urien. “And there he was, this young boy, stranger to my eyes…”

“Strumming my pain with his fingers, singing my life with his words…” We both sang together. When I followed the main melody, Urien changed his note, harmonizing with me as we sang. “Killing me softly with his song. Telling my whole life with his words. Killing me softly with his song…”

I swallow, feeling a bit more unguarded than before. When I sing the lyrics, I feel my resolve unravel slowly, revealing bits of my feelings with every note.  After the second chorus, I was expecting for the song to go straight to the bridge, like with the Fugees version. Instead, the instrumental slowed down once more, preparing for a third verse. This was new territory, and I hesitantly sang along with the same pattern of notes I was familiar with.

“He sang as if he knew me, in all my dark despair,” Urien sways in his seat next to me, taking in my voice like an 8 minute orchestra piece. I feel a rush of sudden self-awareness and a warm, fuzzy heat clouds my brain. I end up pouring everything I got into this song. “And then he looked right through me as if I wasn't there. And he just kept on singing. Singing clear and strong.”

“Strumming my pain with fingers, singing my life with words.” Urien picks up the microphone and sings as if it was routine, like he had belted this song hundreds of times before (and he probably has). But for me, I felt as if the couch was caving in where I sat. Damn his choice in songs and the cruel, cruel irony of it all. “Killing me softly with his song. Telling my whole life with his words. Killing me softly with his song…”

When it got to the vocalization part of the song, that was when the seriousness fell apart. During a long stretched out woooahhh, Urien’s voice cracked and it caught me so off guard I ended up exploding a laugh into the microphone. My laugh echoed through the speakers, and it was enough to break Urien. We ended up laughing so hard that the song nearly finished by the time we recovered. 

In the end, I ended up receding, allowing Urien to take over the song queue and sing to his heart’s content. Occasionally, I joined in for a verse, just to remind him that I still existed. I wasn’t complaining, I liked hearing him sing. And goddamn he was killing me softly.