Your control has gotten better

Brutus felt heavy. And it was the tired, warm kind, so xe didn’t fight it when hir eyes slipped shut.

Plush cushions supported hir back and a blanket was curled between her toes. Hir side support was a bit less sturdy, as in, constantly shifting under hir. Xe adjusted hir cheek on a cardigan covered shoulder.

“Stop squirming idiot, I’m trying to read.”

Xe hummed, uncaring, then said, “skill issue.”

Clearly more focused on her book, what Hyun shot back was a half-hearted mumbled. “You’re a skill issue.” The words punctuated by the swish of a flipped page.

Xe just hummed again, letting hir thoughts drift in a sleepy haze. Hir muscles were so limp and relaxed it was like they weren’t even there, like xe was floating.

Another page crinkled under Hyun’s fingers.

A sigh sifted through her chest, slow and gentle. It was rare, hir body giving hir a break like this, being so relaxed and soft and warm and.

Ah, wait. Maybe that was it.

Fabric rustled in hir ears, Hyun shifting her legs, but thankfully not jostling Brutus much. Wind battered and clawed at the ravine outside in a dull roar.

Warm. Hyun was warm, and it was making hir feel better. The realization brought a tiny smile to her lips. It was less her actual body heat, though that was nice, and more her keyaa aura.

It was like a hot water bottle. A campfire. A flickerfly. A gentle heat that radiated out in waves. And it was alive, and it was Hyun. Hir kesska. Hir friend. Hir family. Something about that, well, it only made it even more comforting to nuzzle into.

Because it – Hyun – was alive, the warmth was better than any heated blanket. Brutus didn’t think xe was imagining it, that Hyun’s keyaa aura was partially wrapped around hir own. No doubt unconsciously, but it resulted in Brutus having hir own personal cocoon of warmth.

With hir mind a mush of sleepy, comfortable thoughts, Brutus brought hir legs up to tuck them onto the couch, closer to that warmth. This also put her legs half in Hyun’s lap.

She made a surprised trill, but adjusted to accommodate hir. An arm layed across hir shoulders and xe felt Hyun use hir legs as a bookrest, which Brutus didn’t mind one bit.

The pages swishing every so often anchored Brutus in reality just enough to stay in a pleasant half-awake, half-asleep state.

After a few moments, Hyun put her book face down on Brutus’s leg. The paper was scratchy.

“…You alright?”

It took a moment for Brutus to realize what Hyun was asking. “Hmm?” She sounded more confused than outright concerned, so xe kept hir eyes closed and elaborated, “Your control has gotten better.”

“Huh? My control, what’d you mean?”

Xe hummed again, trying to think how to explain it.

“Come on, you can’t just say that and not say anything hokking else.” She slapped the book lightly against hir leg.

Brutus couldn’t keep the fond smile out of hir voice, “No patience.”

“Oh, shut up!” Her voice was breathy, smothering laughter, “Just get on with it then, asshole.”

“You’re warm.”

She paused. Brutus could feel her exasperation in the air as a thick, thoroughly unimpressed thing.

(They had discussed many times how getting Brutus to ‘properly elaborate’ on things was like trying to catch a slippery spearhead fish hiding in rocks and it kept stabbing you and swimming out your hand and going under heavy rocks and swimming away again when you upturned the rocks. That was one of the many analogies Hyun had used anyway.)

 “Okay, and? That’s what happens when your dumbzeit self is flopped over me like I’m your personal pillow.”

At some point, Brutus had migrated from resting on Hyun’s shoulder to more of the crook of hir neck. The heat of Hyun’s aura was most intense at her head because of her horn, being a keyhorn.

Xe tried again. “No, your keyaa aura. It’s warm, but in a nice way.” It was so nice, Brutus may have fallen asleep if xe wasn’t focusing a small part of hir brain on talking. Hir breathing was slow and deep in hir chest.

Hyun had grabbed one of hir hands and was idly fidgeting with it. Mostly trailing over the back of hir hand and tapping hir knuckles at random intervals. This was fine, Hyun knew hir hands were sensitive, and not to pull at hir fingers or do anything that might accidentally cause a flare of pain.

“That why you’re so snuggly right now?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Hyun’s aura pulsing was like a hearbeat, a steady beat of warmth washing over Brutus’s limbs. Involuntarily, xe curled closer to it, dislodging hir hand and wrapping an arm around Hyun’s waist.

Hyun stiffened. Relaxed again quickly after, but still, this abruptly woke Brutus up. Ah zeit, xe had never really asked if Hyun was in the cuddling mood, too sleepy to think right. And Brutus was fully draped on her.

Xe loosened hir hold, retracting a bit. “Is this okay? I can get off.”

“No, no, you’re fine.” Hyun’s hand, the one laid over hir shoulder, rubbed at hir arm. “Just. I dunno. You’re normally not like this unless you’re sick or sad or something. S’weird. Or, not weird, just caught me off guard. What’s my keyaa aura being warm got to do with my control now anyways, you didn’t actually hokking explain.”

(Normally not like this. Brutus wasn’t sure how to take that. Xe thought xe was fairly physically affectionate with Hyun. Though… Hyun did initiate more than xe did. Oh, maybe she meant their positions were normally reversed? Even when Brutus sought comfort from Hyun, often xe was still holding Hyun, not Hyun holding hir. Brutus usually only wanted the latter when xe was feeling small or depressed or in pain. Which, generally, xe tried to avoid having Hyun deal with, she was the kesska and Brutus the Rershasud, after all. Xe went to Amek usually with the worst of it. But then, Hyun was nearly always closer than Amek in terms of literal distance. She saw more than xe wanted hir to see sometimes.)

Brutus started to settle back down, then changed hir mind and straightened up, keeping hir legs rested on Hyun, but leaning back on the couch cushion again.

“Wh – Wait I said you were fine, stupid.” Hyun poked hir arm, but her voice was tight with just a bit of confused concern.

“I know.” Brutus massaged the new crook in hir neck, and blinked away the sudden blood-rush to hir head from being upright. “I want to be more awake to explain this. And I won’t if I’m half-asleep on you,” xe huffed.

“Oh, gotcha. Give me your hand again then.” Their bodies were close enough that Brutus could tell the golden keyaa-blob of Hyun’s hand was making a grabby motion.

Xe obliged with a small laugh, “Alright,” and held a hand out, which Hyun soon cupped in both of hers. Her fur was rough but familiar, and the pads on her palm and fingers leathery.

Xe started, hesitant, and glad xe had a point of contact with Hyun for this conversation. “You know how your keyaa aura can be overwhelming for me if I’m already overwhelmed with other things.”

Her hands stilled. Brutus brushed hir fingers over her fur to bring her back.

“Mmm.” Her voice was small. “Yeah, I know.”

Because Hyun was a Child of Okkjuk, her aura was naturally brighter and more intense than the average creature’s. When they had first met, Hyun only knew her magic was different, not the reason why, and was unbalanced and volatile with her control. Her aura spiking and flaring with her emotions, her worries, her joy, her fear, her anger, her love. Things that any fifteen year-old would struggle to express, especially a previously homeless fifteen year-old carrying gods know how much trauma on her back- Brutus knew xe didn’t know all of it, even now, not that it was hir business unless Hyun wanted it to be.

Needless to say, since one of the fantastic features of Brutus’s condition was hypersensitivity to keyaa and keyaa auras… it wasn’t a great mix for either of them.

Neither of them could help the way they were, so it was always horrible when their bodies rejected eachother in ways they couldn’t control.

(Horrible in ways Brutus could not explain in words. Having someone you love want to help you as you’re falling apart, on the cusp of a panic attack, and knowing the closer she gets to you, the more your pulse will hammer, and you can’t stop the way you recoil and snarl against her worried words and careful touch.)

But they worked with eachother in order to minimize that. And it seemed to be working.

“That’s what I mean that your control’s gotten better. Just, maybe a few months ago, I may have had to sit on the opposite side of the room not to get prickled by you- by your aura. I don’t feel great today, physically. But your aura isn’t making me worse, it’s doing the opposite, Hyun.”

Hyun did that thing where she was processing, forgetting that Brutus couldn’t see her expression, then gave a delayed, “Oh.”

Now Brutus held Hyun’s hands in both of hirs. “Look at me, Kesska. “ Hir heart felt bright and full. Hir kesska, hir kesska. She’d come such a long way. “That’s fantastic, understand that. That kind of subconscious controlling of your keyaa is hard, Kesska, I know.”

“I – yeah. I didn’t realize.”

Xe shook her hands up and down. “I’m proud of you, Hyun.” Then, after a pause, added. “You better be smiling right now.”

A laugh burst from her, and Brutus was satisfied knowing that she was surely smiling now. This was a matter to smile about, to celebrate. Xe would not have hir Kesska making light of this kind of progress.

Hyun was shaking a bit with laughter. “How you said that – you sounded like you were gonna knife me or some zeit if I wasn’t smiling.”

Xe made a contemplative face, as if xe was genuinely considering that scenario, and before xe could say anything Hyun slapped hir arm. “Shut up, shut up, oh my gods.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You said it with your eyes, idiot. Said it so loud, in fact.”

Hyun yelped as xe flicked her arm. “OW. Uncalled for! You’re so mean, so mean to me – ”

Brutus talked over her, “Anyways, we should think of a way to celebrate.”

“Celebrate?” She suddenly subdued, as if someone had flipped her energy meter right down. “I mean. I don’t think it’s really. It’s not that big a deal, we got other stuff to do, yeah?”

Brutus had very patiently not interrupted Hyun, but xe was putting hir foot down about this.

“We’re celebrating, Hyun. Or else I’ll be celebrating alone, and that’s sad, don’t you think. You wouldn’t want your Rershasud celebrating alone, would you? How do you want to celebrate.”

She gave a strained chuckle, yet Brutus could hear the smile in her voice all the same. “Gods, so you’re not giving me a choice, huh?”

“Nope.”

And so they made plans to celebrate.

They invited Amek after Hyun brought up they were apart of this too, her progress, and xe agreed.

Hyun had been itching to go to the twilight pools again. The twilight pools were a deep cave-lake within Derrodas, the ceilings lined with hanging glowisps. They were feathery, spider-webby looking beasts, that flickered in greens and blues. Harmless, and very pretty, or so Brutus had been told.

Their light reflected on the pools below and looked like stars.

Brutus couldn’t see that, but their flickering was evident in their keyaa auras, though this was a soft cream color to hir, intermixed with the occasionally ruddy orange blob. They were more of a mass, a ceiling of light to hir. The heat their keyaa gave off was like a blanket, thick and humid. It made hir feel a bit sluggish, but it wasn’t unwelcome.

The stone and moonmoss floor of the cavern was cool against hir body as xe rested, in primal form. Xe would be sleepy anyways with all the food they had just eaten, they’d brought a whole feast down there.

Hyun’s favorite burst-berry tarts. Smoked spearhead fish with crumbly soft cheese and honey. An assortment of pickled vegetables mixed with leafy greens and lemony coilgrass in a delectably salty salad. Several furry-skinned hawki, which had burst so aggressively with sticky juices upon biting into them that they had to wash off in the lake several times, somehow having forgotten adequate napkins. It probably didn’t help that they had all chomped into the fruits like ravenous beasts, the flesh was so dense and full of flavor that it fully deserved the word flesh. They were gods damned good hawki.

Amek and Hyun were splashing about in the lake now, chittering and laughing and whatnot. The noise made Brutus feel warm, and the sweetness of hawki juices and honey lingered on hir tongue.

Xe drifted off, hir thoughts gentle and hir body equally so.

Later, Amek and Hyun would call to hir, and xe would join them.