but still something that could be held

It was an oily itch under his skin, a cinch in his chest.

With each breath of air that whistled through his nose, it tightened.

The text of the papers infront of him was starting to look like broken twigs, and well, that only tightened the cinch further.

The chair cried against the floor as August bolted upright and went immediately to his new destination.

Five paces to the right, where his window was.

With twitchy hands, he gripped the sill. It was damp with dew.

He breathed, shutting his eyes a moment.

Cool, fall air slithered into his lungs. It tasted of leaf dust and rain.

Above the sunleaf canopy, the clouds crawled across the sky in gloomy greys, the kind of greys that would only darken in their mood, and eventually, weep onto the forest below.

Maybe August would do that too, he could only hold that cinch in his chest so long. And the tighter it pinched, the more his eyes threatened to sting with tears.

It was just documents. It was literally papers.

He liked reading, this shouldn’t be hard.

But it wasn’t just reading. It was decisions.

And those decisions impacted others lives, impacted how they saw him, impacted how much creatures ate and if their homes were warm and dry and they could buy nice things for their kids and-

August needed a distraction. Just for a moment, a distraction.

He stood by the windowsill, throat dry from breathing in that chilled air, and waited a bit desperately for any idea at all to come to his brain.

I wish Ameokk were here.

The thought came to him like a whisper, quiet yet grabbing his entire attention. And as he rolled the thought in his brain, unable to ignore it now that he'd heard it, it made him wilt. Now that he had acknowledged that Ameokk wasn't here, and that they were, infact, a substantial distance away, their lack of being here felt even larger. And colder. And lonelier.

Wait....Ameokk could be here… in a way. August had forgotten, stupid.

The pod bond.

They had shown him how to call out to them if they needed it… but did this really warrant it?

August touched a drop of condensation with his finger, and watched as it trailed down the glass like a tear.

He wasn’t in danger, or hurting. He just missed them.

Maybe he would just…. linger around the bond. Yeah, that wasn’t a terrible idea. He had to figure out how to get there on his own first anyway, he could think of what to do after that.

August shut his eyes again, but this time, tried to focus on that swell of warmth that huddled somewhere deep in his mind.

Touchable yet untouchable. Not something that could be held with your hands, but still something that could be held.

He did the trick Amek had taught him, and imagined the path there was a staircase, like that to his room. It trailed downward and downward, getting steadily warmer as he neared his destination.

The bond.

When he was there, there was nothing to see. Nothing he could pretend to imagine, like the staircase. He just knew.

Because he felt it.

That warmth, like coming home.

It bled into him in waves, pulses, a heartbeat. Coated him like a blanket wrapped snug around his shoulders.

Honestly, it was enough to linger by that inexplainable warmth. For a moment, he entirely forgot about why he had wanted to come there in the first place. The world had fallen away, and with it, his worries.

And yet, after an untold amount of time, a bead of emotion bubbled to the surface.

Gentle and soft, it brushed against him.

[?]

Oh. Instinctually, he knew that was Ameokk. Wait, that meant Amek knew he was here. Um, what should he say. Or he can’t say, he can only feel, but then he had to push that towards him?

[Concern, concern] [hurt] [question]

The concern was a running, cold thing pressing into them. The hurt, a small flick against his skin. And the question asking him for an answer.

It was, to say the least, overwhelming trying to sort through your own emotions while also getting bombarded by someone elses emotions.

Ameokk continued through his silence, or possibly, was sensing his anxiety, even though he wasn’t sending it over on purpose.

[CONCERN] come there [question] now [fast fast fast] [yes] [question].

This time, CONCERN was like his heart was dropping a million miles into his chest. Fast, the feeling of air and branches breaking against his body (was that what flying was like?). Yes, agreement?

August collected himself, he didn’t want Ameokk to interrupt whatever he was doing! Haphazardly, he bundled up his emotions and launched them at Amek.

[NO!!] [worry] [apology apology apology] [no hurt] [apology]

There was a pause. Where, gripping the windowsill, August wondered if that had even reached Ameokk. And if it did, what it felt like.

Over the bond, a sliver of silence formed. Contemplation. Then,

[confusion]

Confusion, was a light, prickly thing that nudged into August. He wasn’t sure what to send back.

[confusion]… but. August location ||safe-warm-together-bright|| [?]

It took a moment to understand what they were asking. The latter, safe-warm-together-bright, he’d figured out easily that was the bond, and Ameokk asking why he was here, at the bond. It was the middle part that truly tripped him up.

And by that, he meant what they had sent over to indicate August…. It made his throat feel tight.

August was, velvet fur and smell of books. Was, kind-touch and paint on canvas and fun facts about many subjects and listens to me.

Again, it was instinctual that August knew all those things were him. Without that instinctual blip of oh that’s me, he wouldn’t have guessed all of those nice things were meant for him.

Ameokk continued through his pause.

[here-bond] for reason …. ||compressing jittering bad thing in throat||  [question] [yes] [question]

Oh… did Ameokk think he was… upset? No, that’s not why August was here, not exactly.

[no] [upset] [no]

He stuttered to explain properly, and mimicked what Ameokk had sent over.

[here-bond] for reason…

He bit his lip now. How could he say, I miss you, I want you here, even though I know you can’t right now, I want you here, here next to me.

Anxiety began to crinkle in his chest the longer he made Ameokk wait, and then he was having anxiety over Ameokk possibly sensing his anxiety, so he just threw over his gut feelings.

[here-bond] for reason, Ameokk.

And August threw that over too fast to realize what all he had put in Ameokk. Not only that, but he could not feel his brother’s response. Ameokk, much more practiced with the podbond than August, had their emotions locked down tight, and only sent over what specifically they wanted August to see.

So, when they received Ameokk.

Ameokk was, safe and makes me laugh. Was, listens to me and smell of rain and soft yellow sweaters. Was, so silly and good at talking and my protector.

Miles and miles away from August, Ameokk had been flying over Daharus, the canopy below reduced to a golden-brown blurr with their speed. They had places to be, jobs to do. When they received what August had sent, they skidded to a stop, completely still.

Rain began to patter onto them as they floated stationary, one paw braced over their mouth.

After an extended silence from them, August sent over, [worry, worry] received [question]

There was a pause. He wrung his hands together. Then,

[Yes] [received]……… || skittering angry thing in chest with an untold number of sticky legs||

August blinked, trying to parse what that meant. A moment later, that instinctual blip helped him out. Frustration. He guessed frustration did feel something like that, sometimes.

August sent back, [frustration] [?]

[frustration] || hands held together head bowed sinking feeling ||… come August location, unable, [Far away]. Need || sunset followed by moonrise, then moonset and sunrise, then back again||.

It took him some time again to figure it out, he picked apart the feelings they'd sent and repeated them, trying to understand. They were…. Apologizing because it would take a while? August knew he needed to wait already, that was fine.

[Yes] able to [wait]

To August, it was clear that their sunrise-moonrise thing was not meant to be the actual amount of time, but more to get across time passing. Waiting a bit was no issue at all, really. It gave him something to look forward to after finishing his work.

They elaborated,

……..  [wait] [long long] until, |sky dark|. [apology]

August frowned. Now that he was getting the hang of this, just a bit, he realized there was a bit of a.... fragile shiver coating all that Amek sent over. At the start, they had been sharp, hard, worried- wanting August to answer immediately. Now that they knew he wasn't hurt, it almost felt like... they were more than just sorry for not being able to come immediately, the [Apology] was ingrained much deeper than that.

The thought made his stomach feel all twisted, so he sent,

[Apology] stop. [wait] okay. [big big big] okay. [yes-hard-agree-now] [question]

A pause.

He wrinkled his nose, they had better not argue with him on this. It was enough arguing vocally, he imagined it would be even more frustrating arguing in their actual minds.

Finally, they sent back.

Okay okay [yes-agree]. arrive |sky dark|.

Then August felt them start to slip away, taking with them nearly all the warmth of the bond. Dregs of cold lapped at the edges of August's mind, like biting ice.

Without thinking, a feeling burst out of them and rushed towards Ameokk with all its might.

||tugging on clasped wrist , tail wrap, fur brushing together ||

He felt Ameokk halt.

It was a quiet surprised thing that they sent back. A mirror of what August had just sent, but with their own lilt to it.

……[Stay] ….[confusion]

Stay... oh, that was what August meant. He played with the cuff of his shirt. It was a bit harrowing to have the emotion easily labeled like that. Yet, the want still ate at him, so, shyly, he sent back, 

[Stay] [here-bond] for [wait-time] [small]….. Okay [question]

There was a beat, and August turned away from the windowsill to sit back at his desk. The documents’ ugly faces greeted him. They would be a lot more bearable with Ameokk at the bond in the back of his head...

August did not realize he had sent a portion of that to Ameokk.

[Yes] okay. [Stay] [here-bond] able.

He felt Ameokk spill back into the bounds of the bond and let out a sigh. It was a combo comforting campfire and energy drink boost, kind of feeling.

[Amusement], Ameokk sent over, in response to what he had unintentionally sent. They really needed to teach him how to only send what he wanted when they got back.

With a frown, August grabbed a pen and began to work on his documents again.

Then sent, || sticking out tongue middle finger be quiet ||

Something bright bounced over from Ameokk’s end of the bond. The feeling nuzzled into him and settled against him as if he and Ameokk were sitting back to back. 

In the simplest of terms, August would describe the feeling as,

[love]