Autumntide

Riptide wished that the evening sun had more warmth to it as he achingly sat in the clearing. His leader was announcing the results of the battle to the rest of the clan. He was there, he already knew what happened. The blue tabby was distracted by the movements towards the back of the crowd, Tindermatch was cleaning and bandaging wounds. His gaze lingered on the blood soaked moss pile near her. A wave of complex emotions had been surrounding Riptide’s paws ever since they returned home. He slowly turned to look up at Autumnstar, the large tom had just finished his speech and was moving down off the rock. Riptide’s eyes were locked on to the large stain on the other cat’s chest, it wasn’t his blood, thankfully…

“Riptide, will you come with me to the river? I would like to wash this off.” Autumnstar’s paw gesturing at his own chest made Riptide finally look up at his leader’s face. Riptide’s lack of an immediate response made Autumnstar tilt his head.

“Yes, I will come.” Riptide replied flatly, he stood up to follow his leader out of camp. He hoped that it was not obvious that his mind was elsewhere, but Autumnstar had a track record of knowing when something was amiss with his friend. It seemed like he already knew and was just waiting to acknowledge it, the other cat kept the pace quick as they neared the small river.

Once they arrived, Autumnstar wasted no time walking into the water and splashing himself. Riptide watched the blood get washed downstream in wavy lines of red… It was eerily similar to how the blood poured from the Treeclan warrior that Autumnstar had killed. That was the cat who killed Autumnstar’s father, Redwood. Riptide’s thoughts traveled back to that moment.

When he had spotted the cream colored tabby he called out to Autumnstar, not expecting his leader to snap around and immediately bite the other cat’s throat. He knew that Autumnstar made a point to cut an artery, it's what they did to Redwood, but he still felt haunted by the way the blood poured like a waterfall… It completely soaked the both of them, Riptide didn’t know cats had that much blood inside them. The way Autumnstar stood still with the cat dangling from his jaws, as if he were holding a magnificent piece of prey.

There was no regard to this cat's life at that moment. Riptide hoped that if they had family, they would know peace.

Yet a part of him felt like that cat deserved it. They had started it after all. Redwood was a medic, there was no reason to murder him. Who’s to say the cream tabby wouldn’t have killed again? Who’s to say other Treeclan cats won’t follow their lead and kill more? Riptide tried to forget the name that the rival clan cats had called out when they discovered what happened. It was easier if those personal details were kept out of it. He huffed and shoved the thoughts away, it was over. We got our revenge. It had to happen.

A sudden cold, wet feeling on his feet jerked Riptide fully back to reality. “Wash your paws.” Autumnstar said, flicking more water on him. The blue tabby remembered that his paws were still stained a dark reddish brown from his own fair share of violence. He walked into the water and blankly watched as it too began to wash away in the current.

“What’s wrong with you?” Autumnstar asked in a playful tone, Riptide looked up to see a grin on his face. It was infectious to Riptide, he couldn’t hold back a little smile of his own in response. Autumnstar splashed at him again, seemingly daring his deputy to do it back. He was tempted to do so, it’s always nice when he’s willing to play games with me. Riptide decided he would try playing something new, he narrowed his eyes lightheartedly and began rubbing his paws together to focus on cleaning them thoroughly. The blue tom hummed quietly as he did so and ignored another splash from Autumnstar. The larger tom began moving towards him and Riptide’s smile got bigger, he couldn’t control himself.

The blue and tan cat grabbed one of Riptide’s paws, pulling it up and out of the water. “You missed a spot.” Autumnstar said monotonically.

“Did I? Where?” It was all a facade, of course. Both cats knew Riptide would never actually challenge his leader. He was enjoying playing hard to get right up until Autumnstar leaned down and started licking the white paw that he held. Now Riptide felt like he was about to burst. He compulsively jerked his paw to free himself but Autumnstar’s strong grip didn’t let go.

“I’m getting it for you.” He muttered in between licks. “Stop.” Riptide froze at the word. He had little choice but to just wait until Autumnstar was done. His face was hot, he angled his ears back hoping that they weren’t tinged red with blush. His back fur was twitching like a raging wildfire, oh no… I shouldn’t be thinking like this. He’s just grooming me, friends do this all the time! It’s no different than when me and Leaffall lick each other! Riptide averted his gaze from the scene, knowing all too well that it was indeed different than when he and Leaffall cleaned each other. The difference was that he really liked this.

As Autumnstar finished, his grip loosened on Riptide but he still held onto his paw. Riptide glanced back down to see the other tom’s piercing green eyes, he quickly looked away again. “Thanks for the help.” He tried his best to not let any emotion slip through into his response.

Autumnstar finally let go, he slowly pulled his own paw away from Riptide’s and tucked it back under the water with his other forepaw. “Did that make you uncomfortable?”

“No.” Riptide answered quickly.

“You look uncomfortable.”

“I’m not.” The blue tom really wanted to sell the deal. “I’m having a good time.”

“So the pelt twitching and red ears really are a sign of enjoyment?” The taller tom said with a smirk and raised eyebrows. Riptide couldn’t hold back a small groan of defeat.

“Yes, sir.” He had been caught, so there was no point in pretending. Riptide looked directly at his leader, he didn’t want to be embarrassed but he was and Autumnstar knew it anyway.

His leader’s green gaze sized him up and down before continuing. “I’m glad you’re having fun. You seemed bothered by the battle.”

“I was, but not any more.” It was mostly honest. He looked back at Autumnstar’s chest, there were still some small specks of blood that had not yet been washed off. After what just happened he felt like it must be okay to say it. “You also missed some spots, sir.”

“Are you scared of blood, Riptide?” Autumnstar let out a hearty laugh as he closed the gap between them. “Have at it.” Unfortunately for Riptide, he didn’t enjoy helping groom his leader as much as he wanted to. He still smiled as Autumnstar rewarded him with a quiet purr, but his thoughts returned to the place they were in earlier. I’m not scared of blood…

The metallic taste of it lingered even after the two of them returned home, fresh and clean. It still hung in his mouth when he settled down for the night, wrapped around his husband. Riptide consumed blood all the time from prey, but it tasted different when it was another cat’s. A dead cat’s blood. He watched Wisteriabloom’s steady breathing, the rise and fall of the grey tom’s chest was slowly luring the blue tom’s eyes closed.

It’s not blood that I’m scared of…

It’s death…