To Davey

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Faintly lit streets at 2 AM, the roads were wet.

I remember it clearly. My eyes were foggy from the icy air, making me tear up from the sheer cold. I could hear sirens far off, what they were for was none of my business, but I silently hoped whoever they were for was alright. I know I wasn't.
We closed late again, and I was running on one...two? Two hours of sleep? I can't remember. But I was exhausted, cold, and hungry- but when I saw you I realized how good I had it.


I was stumbling in the road, drunk off of sweet serotonin and siren songs. It was sprinkling and I was cold, but looking at you in that soggy cardboard prison by the dumpster made my life seem high-class. You were thin and frail, barely any muscle left to you and you almost fell over every time you mustered a bark. I remember sitting with you for a while, counting pebbles on the sidewalk and listening to your receding growls. I reached out to you and you jolted, but you had no strength left to fight me, so I picked you up and wrapped you in my work clothes.

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I was in a shelter at the time; some dusty, old mattress was propped up against the wall so I laid it down as you trembled in my arms. I did my best to wipe it off, and I grabbed a few throw blankets off the couch for you. I remember rummaging through my fridge and checking expiration dates on ham I got when they let me move in. I felt horrible; I hadn't been paid in two weeks and I was feeling the force of it. There was still a pile of large envelopes from the owner by my door. I didn't want to look at them.

I fed you the rest of the ham that night, apologizing to you for not having anything else. I apologize a lot it seems. I mean, everything is my fault, right? It's my fault I am like this, that I can't get myself together. Maybe tomorrow I'll look harder for jobs, I'll try my hardest so I can cook both of us a full course meal. Yeah, I'll do that. That sounds nice.
The next few months went just like that, but progressively better with each passing day. I was able to get a waitressing job at the local diner, and they made sure to send me home with leftovers for you, which you had always appreciated. They even offered to pay for your first vet visit, which didn't go so well. You were afraid, but you had all of your shots done and I was proud of you for that. Maybe I can afford my own shots soon.

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A few years later. Did I turn the dryer on?

You liked to play ball. You had a favorite one even though it was completely torn to shreds. But you seemed so heartbroken every time I would turn to throw it away. So I let you keep it, even though I hated finding plastic chunks around the floor. You were so healthy and strong too, your fur was so soft. I wish I could touch it once more.

there were complications

We bought our first house in September. You were too busy shoving as many leaves into your mouth as you could, but I knew for certain this would be home. You looked like a chipmunk... I'll never forget that. It was hard unloading things from the apartment, but luckily the next door neighbor was kind enough to lend a helping hand with the couch. He was pretty cute. I remember whispering that to you, but I am sure you didn't understand me anyway.

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It was a good ten years. You had a wonderful run.

There were complications, they said. Blood transfusions worked, but it wasn't enough to keep you going, they said. They wanted me to make a decision I never thought I would have to. But I did and I did it all for you. You watched me succeed, fail, get up, and fall down. You never said a word. I made so many mistakes, so many wrong choices, but then there was you.

You were the greatest choice I have ever made.

 Was it enough? Please... show me a sign.

...Did I do a good job?
You were the best. Ever.

Please, watch over me. I wouldn't have made it this far if it weren't for you. You thawed me.
 Do you know that? Did I ever tell you?

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Don't forget me.

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I love you.