Does It Get Easier?

Ulrich stood on the battlements of Skyhold, his arms resting on the cool stone, eyes closed, enjoying the breeze in his hair and sighed deeply. It had been a rough couple of days, and the self doubt was really starting to eat at him a bit. Ulrich worried if he was really cut out for being the Inquisitor. He had so much responsibility on his shoulders that he felt like it would crush him with the slightest stumble. Lost in thought, he didn't hear someone approaching him until they spoke. 

"Inquisitor." 

Ulrich opened his eyes and turned to see Hawke walking up to him. Hawke was a few inches taller than him, with side swept black hair, brown eyes and a heavily freckled face. It made him look a little younger than he actually was, even with the beard. Ulrich wondered how old Hawke was, really. He guessed in his late twenties, maybe early thirties? Ulrich wasn't sure. 

"Ah, Hawke." Ulrich greeted him. "How are you?" 

"As good as I can be with all of this." He replied making a vague gesture with his hands. "I'll feel better after we make contact with Stroud." 

"That makes sense. We're finishing up some things and then I plan to head out and find him in Crestwood today." Ulrich replied. 

Hawke joined him in leaning on the battlements and looked down at Skyhold from above. He watched all the people run about like little ants on their own missions. 

"It's quite the place you have here. Almost reminds me of Kirkwall, in a way." 

"Oh? How so?" Ulrich questioned. 

"Just all the people going about their business. I had a similar view from my bedroom window back in Kirkwall. Though it's not been my window in a long, long time." 

"Ah, and it really is, I'm thankful we were able to find this place after Haven. It was just what we needed when we needed it." 

There was a stretch of somewhat awkward silence between the two before Ulrich finally spoke up, the question he wanted to ask gnawing at him. "Hawke, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Hawke nodded turning his full attention to Ulrich. 

"Does it...does it ever get easier?" Ulrich asked slowly. "All of this, I mean. Having everyone rely on you and everyone scrutinize your every move." 

Hawke frowned as he thought on that, and after a moment he shook his head. "No, it doesn't. I just had Kirkwall to worry about, Maker I can't imagine all of Thedas, but even then I was always doing something for somebody. Everyone needed my attention and if I did something wrong, even if it wasn't that serious, they damned me for it. Unfortunately, no, it doesn't get any easier. I'd say that it gets worse, actually." 

"Oh..." Ulrich said softly. His ears drooping a little bit in disappointment. That had not been what he had wanted to hear. "That makes sense though...thank you for being honest with me. Sometimes I worry that people aren't." 

"No problem. It's the least I can do." Hawke replied with a tired smile. "Also, you can call me Atticus, if you'd like. I think we owe each other that much since we'll be working together for a while." 

"Oh!" Ulrich blinked a little taken aback at first, but it made sense. "Alright, Atticus, you can call me Ulrich then!" Ulrich then laughed making Hawke tilt his head in confusion. "Oh it's nothing, I was just laughing at the fact that I think you're one of the few people here that actually knows my name. No one really knows it, I don't think. No one's really asked me about it." 

Hawke nodded in agreement at that. "I can understand that. You're an intimidating figure, and one that many have put up on a high pedestal. Perhaps knowing your name would make you seem less...god like, for lack of a better word." Hawke paused a moment before he continued. "Towards the end I don't think many people knew my name either, they just knew me as 'Hawke', well, besides my friends, and Fenris, of course." 

"Sometimes I worry that even my inner circle don't actually know my name, that i'm just 'Inquisitor' to them," Ulrich sighed. His ears perked at the name Hawke mentioned. "Fenris? Who's that, if you don't mind me asking?" 

"Fenris is my husband. We've been together for a couple years at this point, I had to practically tie him down so he wouldn't follow me here." Hawke replied with the first genuine smile Ulrich had seen on his face. 

"So that's what Varric meant when he said he was 'surprised that you were alone!'" Ulrich said, realization making his eyes widen. 

"Yes," Hawke laughed. "We're usually attached at the hip, so it's...odd to be here and for Fenris not to be." 

"I can imagine. I don't know what I'd d if Dorian wasn't here." 

"Dorian?" Hawke questioned. 

"We're dating, we have been for about three months now. It's been really nice, he's a great person and he makes me feel...whole." Ulrich replied smiling. A slight red dusting his cheeks.  

"That sounds like you two are close." 

"We are! He's been there for me a lot with all this," Ulrich gestured towards Skyhold. "It's been nice, having someone I can truly trust. I've never had that before." 

"It is nice having someone you can really trust." Hawke sighed leaning back away from the battlements. "I should get going, I'll meet you at Crestwood where Stroud is hiding out. I've marked the area on your map." 

"Thank you," Ulrich said straightening up as well. He had things that he needed to do, too. "I'll be heading out to Crestwood soon myself. So I'll see you there." 

"Until then, and it was nice chatting with you." Hawke waved a hand and headed down the battlement steps and into Skyhold.

"Travel safely, and it was nice to chat as well." Ulrich said as he watched the man leave and sighed deeply. It was always one thing after another, and he was tired. But he straightened up and steeled himself, he had a job to do, after all.