that was his answer

mar stared at zim intently. emotion was usually so easy to read on zir face, the elf always animated and bright, even with the goggles concealing zir eyes. but now that shining face was dull, empty, lips pressed into a fine line just intense enough to be a grimace. ze was motionless. staring ahead.

he recognized the look. the feeling, even. his compatriots wide-eyed and panting as blood poured from their slashes. their hands shook, and for sometimes hours after their faces remained set in stone. dull. empty. like the feeling behind them was locked out behind a wall. that is the look mar bore in the children's room as the group left that red-marked chalkboard behind. that is the look flux wears now as ze stares blankly ahead.

his voice is soft when he says it. "do you want us to stay with you?"

flux's expression doesn't change. zir good ear doesn't twitch as a sign ze'd heard. zir chin doesn't tilt in thought, attentive, intelligent as ze always is. mar's afraid ze wasn't listening at all, that ze was just on auto-pilot, until the elf took a step forward, finally bringing zir weight off tosin's shoulder.

another step. flux moved to pass the group, almost alarmingly quick for the sedentary mood that had fallen over zim. but the movement was… solid. fluid. like it was flux's footsteps, one after the other. mar can't help but remember the way flux's body lifted itself from the ground like a puppet on strings, an alien force lifting zir head and waltzing across the room like ze didn't know how to dance. but this was solid. natural. mar shakes the image from his head. flux is fluid as ze moves, and despite the uncharacteristic deadpan, zir walk is just a spark of the flux they've grown used to. this was zim.

flux did not respond to the question. mar frowned as ze passed him by, beelining it straight for the staircase to zir room. he figured that was his answer. an abrupt no, perhaps a silent call to be left alone. and mar wouldn't blame zim for that, the kid had been through a lot today, and when you're shellshocked the only thing you can do is try and… process the things that just happened to you. but as mar watched the elf climb the stairs, zir face turned ever so slightly, and with a slight shock mar saw something behind zir goggles. in the creases around zir lips, zir nose.

fear. guilt. disgust. panic.

a sinking feeling in his gut. mar's frown grew deeper.

flux had watched as zir own hands hurt the people ze cared for. felt zir teeth sink into flesh, blood against zir tongue. all control ripped from zir grasp like stealing a toy from a baby. and in that brief moment, mar saw the war in flux's face. the remorse and the horror, the regret, the loathing.

He remembered how that felt.

He'd remembered it only a few hours ago.

fingers curled with the intent to harm. the look of terror in their face as their eyes rolled into the back of their head. rough and cold yet somehow a million miles away from his own body. muscles flexed, twitching beyond his control. an intruder in him.

and the fear and guilt and loathing that followed.

...he remembered how that felt.

mar had his answer. he didn't take the time to exchange a glance with val and einbod as they hesitated, unsure as to flux's response. he started for the stairs with a drive and confidence unbefitting of the man mar was. an air of surprise left in his wake, yet still the other two followed his lead only a few paces behind.

flux slowed as ze reached the top of the stairs, as though ze'd only had the energy to speed away until ze was alone. but mar followed behind zim, took zir hand in his as gently as his rough and calloused palms could. in the back of his head, he feared he'd made the wrong choice. flux had ran, to be left alone. mar wanted to respect that need for space. but as flux let mar lead them to zir room, that fear cleared. his resolve solidified.

ze would not go through this by zimself.

the door swung open, and mar left one of the other two to close it behind them. he brought flux to the center, boots treading on a soft plush rug, and slowly sat down, bringing flux down with him. the elf's expression was still empty, deadpan, mar would almost call it dazed. he stared into zir face as he took flux's prosthetic hand into his. (he doubted ze felt it. he reasoned maybe the pull on zir shoulder might've been a comfort. in the end, holding the cold metal was more for himself anyways. his grip tightens.)

val and einbod seemed so distant as mar leaned forward. it was probably the closest he's ever been to flux's face, close enough to notice the way zir scar tissue curled the flesh under zir goggles. behind the foggy green lenses, even now, mar could not see zir eyes. but the weight of zir thoughts was there nonetheless.

"flux." he breathed the name like it was prayer. his voice a gravelly whisper, somehow still soft as feathers. "we're okay."

flux’s slender hands, one clammy and just barely shaking. he held them, and the contact was almost electric. warm.
the sound of shattering glass. flux's shrill voice curling at the edges, in a way distinctly not zim.

"that fight back there, that wasn't you."

zir body twisting unnaturally, the rage that lit zir face as the mirrors shattered.
a blade sliding out of its scabbard. that winded feeling, of being knocked back just five feet out of your body. something else taking the place between your joints.

"the things you did, you did not do. it was not you in control."

teeth sinking into warm skin.
blood coating hands (holding zirs, warm, clammy). wrapped around someone's throat. (his grip tightens.)
that look of terror.

mar leaned closer.

"she was the one who hurt us. we are okay now. it's okay now. it was not you."

wrapped around someone's throat

"it was not you."

he repeated the reassurances. as many times as it took, until the color came back to flux's cheeks, until zir eyebrows pinched in the first real expression he'd seen in hours. until flux's chest stuttered out a gasp, and ze fell forward into him. mar brought his arms to wrap around zir trembling shoulders. and ze cried, and whispered how awful it was, how terrible it was to watch your hands act of their own accord, to hurt without your consent.

mar's response flux probably felt as a rumble more than sound. it was blunt. and awkward, but it was all that mar could supply.

"yea. i know."

because he remembered how it felt.

hands wrapped around a throat