Autobiographies and Self-Importance

"I have the secret" Antoine whispered.

"What to?" In his deep focus, Rhine mistakenly wondered aloud.

"Your book. Why you can't write it."

"Oh? Do tell me what you might think the answer is." Rhine challenged. He took the opportunity, any opportunity, to relieve himself of the task, "Though I can tell you myself; I am far too busy to write."

"Busy yes, so busy you are." Antoine taunted.

"I don't appreciate your tone. You say that like you don't believe me. I am not only His Majesty's most trusted advisor and confidant, I am also the organizer and leader of everything you do. Everything we all do. Sleep is my enemy and each time I am granted a moment of pause, it is as if I am so unaccustomed to it, I can do nothing but fidget in my chair. It is nearly torture."

"Oh, I believe you. Yet so you sit, quill in hand in front of a piece of parchment for God knows how long every day. And what I have noticed as each day passes, is that not a single word is actually written upon it. You assume the stance and perhaps think about accomplishing something. What do you really have to say, I wonder?" That Antoine would dare insult his employer was honestly one of the man's few redeeming qualities; all worth the price of the gold with which they were purchased.

"That is the question, yes" Rhine agreed. 

"And how would you like if I compared you to Avery?"

Rhine took a swig of water from his elaborate glass, "I wouldn't."

"You know, you two are alike in that you think your word is all powerful."

"Well, it is. It truly is." Rhine began to explain with a resigned expression.

"Do you empathize with the man?" Antoine interrupted with his typical hints of accusation and scandal.

"You seek something that is not there. You will find nothing on me." Rhine deflected, knowing Antoine's every intention.

"Oh, come on! What I seek is the reason why you sit here day after day and accomplish nothing. For a man as ambitious as you are in every avenue, it vexes me why you insist on disregarding your legacy to word of mouth."

"That is precisely what I wish to avoid. I am writing this book because I want people to know how I see the world, not the inverse."

"But then I discovered it, or I realized it. The hidden secret. The reason why you can't accomplish this fundamental task." Antoine's love of theater was on full display. He raised his head, trying to conceal an engrossing smile behind a clenched paw. He so desperately wanted Rhine to ask him for his secrets as had done for Rhine again and again. Antoine craved the infinite power of knowing something another doesn't, especially Rhine. Rhine knew everything, and so Rhine knew that this was very important to Antoine.

"And what is that?" Rhine finally asked.

"Look at yourself!" Antoine announced at such a volume that it could probably be heard outside of Rhine's study. Rhine sought to obey the command, though there were no mirrors in the room. Rhine assumed Antoine probably kept any that they owned to himself.

"Alas, I cannot."

"Then I will show you what I see." Antoine's gleaming smile in an instant dropped to a furrowed brow and pursed lip.

Rhine waited a moment for Antoine to do anything else. "I was waiting for your performance; bouts of mood are not uncommon for you." Rhine quipped with a chuckle.

"No! I was making your face! But yes, that is exactly it now! That is what you lack: laughter." Antoine pointed at him. 

Understanding the critique, Rhine dismissed, "I am not writing a comedy, I am writing my life." He said in such an exaggerated melancholic fashion that the Avery comparison came surging back into his mind. Antoine let him sit with that response for a moment before offering the remedy.

"You take yourself seriously, and justly so, as you have a lot going on. You do play a very solemn and serious role in this tale. I could never, but that is neither here nor there. Your story is," Antoine struggled, not wanting to offend and dampen his message, "Well it is important, as important as you are. And in that sense, it will never be good enough, particularly if you never write it. It is essential then to remain lighthearted about the ordeal. Even if the content within is sometimes bleak, you would never want the reading to be dry. Then who would read it?"

Antoine's criticism held merit. Rhine knew this all too well. He himself often coached those who listened of humor's power in the creation of an image, and thus spreading of a message. How many times had he told Clovis that his writing was too literal and sterile? The common man is repulsed by environments of scientific jargon and financial reports. If something is too literal, too true, than it loses all meaning. Embellishment and entertainment, these are that forces that breathe life into any project, any person. Why he wasn't employing these forces in his own written efforts was a mystery he had not considered until now.

And suddenly it disturbed him that Antoine was advising him of anything. " I shall consider it Antoine." Against all appearances, the brute on rare occasion divulged morsels of wisdom, even if they were mere replications of Rhine's own.

"That's all I ask. You are in your head all the time. It is an expansive place surely,"

"Enough." Rhine lamented at excessive flattery.

"But it does no good to be trapped in a grey box for eternity. Color is needed. If you plan to write this book anyway, and I'm sure you do, why not make fun of it? If it becomes torturous for you, I think it is because you are being too serious about it."

Rhine slowly nodded in approval with his hands folded under his chin. The man was right. He could not write his life in any satisfactory way, not yet anyway. The main characters were depicted as animals for God's sake, it wasn't really an autobiography as much as it was a fable. He recalled when he was a child, when he first decided on the animal theme. His approach back then was liberating as the exercise of writing was fun. He didn't so much consider the reader as he did himself, and perhaps the reader might enjoy the story so long as he did.

"Follow my metric, Rhine. Anything that won't bring you happiness, wealth, or women is a waste of your time."

"And that is where your counsel ends. Close the door on the way out if you would, I would like to focus now."