✧ Shotoku's Promise

⭒⭒⭒

The morning was young with dew dripping from the trees and songbirds singing from outside. 

Shotoku scrunched his face together at dawn peeking through his window pane, instantly waking him from the cold night from what felt like just minutes beforehand. His eyes felt as heavy as rice bags, and his limbs were sore from tossing around the whole night before. The memory of the faint voices flooded his mind almost immediately, taunting him like the blade which laid at his side. Then again, he felt that same anger boil up inside of him. Its nails dug underneath his skin, making him hot with fury.

Even in my sleep…!

Shotoku'd been long done with prophecy, so why did the Goddess continue to consult him, knowing that he resented her in every way imaginable? Why is she seeking a soldier that’s not here?

He stretched his arms out on his bedding, careful not to accidentally punch Ashitaka across the face.  He got up slowly, and crawled to open the door to his room. Upon doing so, he was blinded by more sunlight, as if the goddess really wanted his attention.

Shotoku walked over to the kitchen and started chopping up tomatoes for his breakfast, occasionally staring out the window at the bustling folk, already working themselves out, as if nothing ever happened. He quickly chopped through his ingredients and tossed them into the pan atop the stove, giving it a good stir before it fully cooked and was tossed on a plate, whatever it was. He couldn’t even tell, so early in the morning. 

He sat himself at his small and round dinner table, quietly eating by himself while he listened to the chatter outside, a lot farther than it used to be, though he didn’t mind. He preferred the silence and the occasional clients from time to time. The silence was all he wanted, yet, the goddess would not grant his wish. 

The voices from the night before never left his mind.

Suddenly, he heard a faint knock on the door.

“Doctor.”

 Instantly, he knew who it was, despite not having seen her in some time.

After gulfing the last of his meal down, Shotoku went to get the door. He opened it slowly, and was greeted by his old assistant. Her hair was let down and swept behind her ears, and her tanned skin shone warmly beneath the early sun. Her expression was only slightly resentful, but mostly calm. Shotoku breathed in before giving her a half-hearted greeting.

“Good morning, Thuy,” he cooed. “Are you well? It's quite early”

Her deep and intense green eyes bore into his, her attention undivided. Thuy swiftly and coldly dismissed his question. “Is Ashitaka well?”

The breeze of the outdoors was just as cold, despite the sunshine. Shotoku's fingers twitched and tapped at his sides, as if they were anticipating something. He took a deep breath, calming his nerves.

 “Yes, he’s just sleeping in the other room,” he reassured her. “I understand that you’re here for him, but he most likely won’t be up for a minute. Would you like to stay inside for the meantime?  The weather is...unkind.”

Thuy looked him up and down, seemingly suspicious of his intent. He could feel her eyes graze him, looking for any needle lodged at his sides. However, she soon stepped inside with just a slight hesitation (not quick to be out as much as in his house), kicking her boots off on the welcome mat outside. However, she kept most of her outerwear on. Shotoku gazed at her for just a moment, before he took his attention to Ashitaka soundly snoring in the other room. 

⭒

“Hold still now Ashitaka, the more you fight back, the longer your mother has to wait.”

Ashitaka grasped his head as Shotoku combed through his matted hair, long overdue with its tidying. “That hurts!” he wailed. “Can’t you be any more gentler like momma? Why not just let her do it?”

Shotoku hesitated to answer for a moment, peering up at Thuy, as if giving her a silent code of word. 

“I must do your mother a favor,” he cooed. “I can’t be bad to her, having her comb through your hair with all this crying. Ashitaka, you haven’t even done so much as to look at her this morning.”

Ashitaka’s stern expression turned sorrowful, as he realized his father was right. He looked up at his mother's eyes. “Sorry…”

“It’s okay, Ashitaka,” she cheered half heartedly. “Once we leave, I’ll get you a treat at the market.”

Ashitaka quickly rejoiced with a smile and continued to behave for the rest of his combing session.

Meanwhile, Shotoku was still being stared down at like prey. He tried to ignore his ex assistant’s gaze, keen over him like a hawk. It felt like she could seriously nip him at any moment, even if he did something like tugging too hard. 

Was this perhaps some way of the divine trying to reach him? Were they being serious, mailing his affair straight to his door, just to punish him? 

Shotoku bit down on his lip. 

No.

If that's what he seriously believed, he might've just been insane. 

Shotoku's eyes lightened as he searched for answers.

That was it, he was just crazy. Nothing was wrong. He was fine! 

He continued to think about Thuy, on the other side of his mind close to Ashitaka.

 However, despite his unease, he could not feel angry at her, only sorry.

He finished combing the last of Ashitaka’s hair before tying it up into a high bobtail.

⭒

Shotoku scruffed Ashitaka’s hair as he kissed him on the forehead, “I’ll see you soon. Stay by your mother, and remember to behave.”

Ashitaka rubbed the last of sleep off of his eyes and nodded. “I will, papa.”

Shotoku smiled softly and stood up to briefly meet Thuy’s gaze once again. She used her hand to pat Ashitaka’s head and sway him. “Go wait for mommy over there,” she said, nudging him towards the entrance of the open market up ahead. “I need to speak with your father for a moment.”

Shotoku’s eyes narrowed with surprise. She’d never been willing to talk to him directly after they split, not like this. After their son waddled off, following and playing with friends nearby, the both of them were left alone to their own accord. They both stood there for a tense minute, looking into each other’s eyes warily. The air was thick, brewing with words that were yet to be spoken. Shotoku opened his mouth to speak, but was abruptly interrupted by Thuy.

“What’s wrong with you?”

Shotoku stuttered as he choked on his breath, unsuspecting of her sudden question. He blinked a couple of times while catching his words one by one. 

“...I’m sorry, I-I don’t understand…?”

“This whole…façade you’ve been putting up,” she quietly clarified. “You’ve been distancing yourself from the town, hiding and acting like nothing ever happened. No one has seen you around, and you rarely talk to anyone else, let alone that Liberius you know.”

Shotoku looked down at her, slightly amused. He couldn't feel offended, because that much was true. He hated talking to the people in the town. Their eyes would always wander on his person and never waver, and he was never sure whether it was pity they felt, or unbridled anger. The thought pricked at his skin and gave him goosebumps.

Still intrigued, he opened his mind to listen.

“So, they worry now?” he asked skeptically, even more so at the mention of Liberius.

His warm and aged face flashed through Shotoku's mind.

“I wouldn’t know, the townsfolk just talk,” Thuy told him. “But I have to know what’s going on with you.”

Shotoku felt his hairs stand on end. Going on with what? Keeping my business to myself? 

He furrowed his brow, disturbed. Why was she prying so hard? Couldn't she just leave already?

“Why is it that you need to know, Thuy?”

Ashitaka's careless laughter could be heard from far away. 

“We have a child together, Doctor.”

She reminded him.

“ If you can’t get yourself straight and talking to the people, then Ashitaka is no good around you. I fear that you will stunt him with your…”

Thuy paused, as if she bit her tongue before she could say anything more cruel. Shotoku glared down at her, almost knowingly. 

She continued,

“You doing all of this…is it all some kind of attempt to clear your consciousness?”

Shotoku felt a sickening knot twist in his stomach. His mind went blank.

But she was also knowing…

…No, that wasn’t true at all! Why did she have to tempt him like this?

“I’ve no need to talk to anyone,” he said bluntly, avoiding her question. “I have to be alone, you must understand.”

Shotoku felt his hairs rise higher than they did before. He clenched his teeth behind his lips, and his eyes flared with a quiet fury.

 “I am living my life anew, and this is how I wish it. Do not attempt to sway me like a child, Thuy. I do not need anymore commands or words from you or the people outside.”

Thuy’s menacing green eyes glowered into his. “The people outside. So that’s how it is? You are the man people entrust their lives to, the one I entrust my child to?”

Shotoku was left breathless, without anything else to say. He snarled lowly to himself, partially to her.

"You don't understand how it is."

“You’ve always been the same man, Doctor, a coward and a cruel fool. It’s all you’ve ever known.”

⭒

Shotoku sat by himself out on the porch of his home, listening to the bustling of the town once more. This time, night had befallen the village, and it was busier than ever. All the lights shone around town, but none of the warmth dared reached his dull and cold cabin, which was much more lonlier then.

The scent of the air was stale and frigid, making Shotoku’s nose pulse with pain. He held his katana in his hands. It lay unsheathed in his lap, soaking in the cold moonlight from the skies. His eyes bore into its gleaming surface while he wondered and lost himself in thought. 

You’re hiding from all that you were and are.

Her words relayed themselves over and over again in his mind. Not even the knot in his stomach had gone.

 If what he was doing wasn’t wrong, why did he feel that way? 

Why was it so wrong for him to want to be a normal man?

 That wasn’t him hiding at all! He wasn’t hiding from anything.

The anger, frustration, and his old tendencies stirred in his mind. 

His blade glistened, taunting him yet again.

What if she was right? What if all he’d been doing this whole time was hiding?

The knot in his stomach tightened with the thought. Then suddenly, in a brief moment, Shotoku heard a familiar voice in the wind calling him, howling as it carried fallen leaves along his path.

“The moon rises. Seek truth.”

He looked closer into the reflection of his sword, and saw the full, glowing ball above him. He then gazed up at the sky, looking up at her for himself. A fire burned in his eyes, filled with resent. 

Shotoku breathed a sigh of icy smoke.

⭒⭒⭒