haunted by the sound of your alarm call

Bookit watched, huddled by her father, as the clan gathered, murmuring. They obscured her vision, but it she already knew. If the cries of the other cats didn’t give it away, the stench hanging in the air did

And oh, isn’t she too young, to know that scent?

Why was everyone crying? It was just- oh.

Sequoiatower was gone. Forever. Gone-gone. She wouldn’t come back.

Oh.

She stood, slipping through the paws of the gathered cats, and coming to a halt in front of Sequoiatower’s body.

"Hi," she started, wide amber and yellow eyes blinking at the blood-covered deputy. "I’m going to miss you."

"I’m going to miss you and your stories, and how you protected us always and always. And-" the kitten glanced at where Sequoiatower’s children stood, huddled. "And I’ll take care of Arachnidkit and Wolverinekit, okay?"

Bookit leaned in close, whispering. "I’m going to ask Ma if I can be a medicine cat, like her. So I can help other cats. You’d like that, I think."

She straightened up, taking a shaky breath. She had to be mature. And strong. Like Quo!

Something colourful flapped in the corner of her vision, and the tortoiseshell turned her head to look at in, tipping her head in confusion.

It was a butterfly- a big one, red and orange and yellow. The insect flapped once, twice, before landing on Sequoiatower’s nose.

Normally, she would have giggled, but she had a feeling that this wasn’t a good time to do so.

She stared at it. "Hello?"

It gave no response, only lowering it’s wings.

They remained like that for a few moments- Bookit staring at the butterfly, and the butterfly sitting there.

"That’s not very respectful, mister." She said politely. "You see, Quo’s… um…"

She blinked a few times, before taking a step forwards, making the butterfly lift off, flapping frantically, spiralling into the sky.

The kitten raised her head to watch it go.

 

---

A family trip, they said. This would be fun, they said.

Her Pa’s idea to take Swampeace, Boopaw, and Boopaw’s littermates on a trip to RiverClan territory was not, in fact, fun. It had involved awkward interactions with the other half of her family (Cardinalpine had adopted two cats before moving to ThunderClan, and hadn’t told them?)- she was pretty sure Sea-snakeshiver didn’t like them. At least Geodepaw seemed cool.

And even better, Cardinalpine had contracted whitecough. Like they didn’t need more reasons to label this trip a disaster.

But then, the whitecough developed into greencough, and it got worse.

Frightpaw and Terrorpaw had gone home. She should have gone with them, but she was too stubborn. She wanted to help her Pa.

Which led her to where she was now- collecting herbs.

Boopaw slipped through the reeds, clutching a bundle of herbs in her jaws. She pushed through the camp entrance, ready to run to Swampeace- and stopped.

Sea-snakeshiver and Sealscuttle stood outside the medicine den. She met their slightly misty gazes, and dropped the herbs, haring into the den- and she froze.

Her worst fear was right in front of her.

Cardinalpine lay in the nest, and he wasn’t breathing.

Swampeace was crouched beside him, pressing her nose into his fur, and it felt as though her heart was getting ripped out.

Because her Pa was gone. He was gone, and she was too late.

They brought his body out in the clearing, showered in rosemary, to try and hide the smell of death. And Boopaw cried, because it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

Two butterflies came down, landing on his tabby pelt. She stared at them, too choked up to say anything, and watched until they flapped away, heading back to their own families.

Their families didn’t hide older half-siblings from them.

Their families didn’t have younger siblings- where two of them were given away.

Their families weren’t missing a dad.

 

---

 

Boogarden had gotten used to the weird new routine they had in the medicine den. It was a lot more chaotic, with Nightingalekit there- but she supposed Frightspecter must have been the same, back when they were kits. 

She didn’t speak to Swampeace much- her mother’s time was all taken up by her new, precious child, her ‘little dove.’

(She thought about when Swampeace would call Boogarden her ‘little pumpkin’, and ached.)

But, that was okay. She busied her days with her work, tending to sore wounds, aches and pains. She didn’t need Swampeace.

So when she found out the news, she was in shock.

Her Ma lay in the clearing, silvery-blue pelt damp, dusty brown eyes glazed over.

She was dead.

Boogarden took a deep breath, and ran, burying her nose in her mother’s fur, searching for her scent. But the water had washed it all away.

Why did she go swimming? Did she know there were jellyfish in the water?

No, she didn’t.

And she’d left Nightingalekit an orphan.

…She’d left Boogarden an orphan.

There wouldn’t be a cat to help her with her first apprentice, or a cat to guide her through adulthood. That cat was gone.

Quiet sniffling broke the tortoiseshell out of her thoughts, and she raised her head, seeing a fluffy apprentice. Treaclepaw- Swampeace’s apprentice.

She supposed she’d have to take over, now.

Three butterflies flew in- one after the other, perching on Swampeace’s fur.

Head still lowered, Boogarden watched them cautiously, waiting. She’d learnt her lesson.

She didn’t move until they were gone.

She didn’t move until Swampeace was gone and buried, protected by the earth for eternity.

 

---

 

Cranepaw was dead.

Boogarden struggled to move, each step feeling like she was wading through mud. Her second apprentice was dead.

They’d never even get their warrior name.

She stood in front of their body, their chocolate fur blowing slightly in the wind as they lay, unmoving.

She had been talking- talking about how good they were, how great of a cat they were, trying to tell everyone that Cranepaw was a good cat, trying to tell them what they were missing.

"May they rest in the stars, with Rosettepaw, forever at peace." Boogarden finished, before pausing.

They deserved a warrior name. A full name- they shouldn’t have to be remembered as a child.

"Cranebloom," she blurted, and it fit.

Cranebloom.

Two yellow butterflies came down, drawn to the unmoving feline on the ground, and she had to fight the unfamiliar urge to snap at them, to tell. To scare them away.

But she let them.

Boogarden closed her eyes. She didn’t want to watch them leave again.

 

---

 

The tortoiseshell crouched, feeling as though the world was falling beneath her paws. Rabbitroar’s cries filled her ears, as she watched her apprentice’s flank fall for the final time.

Treaclejest wasn’t supposed to die. She wasn’t! Boogarden was supposed to stop this. Not let another cat down. But fae was dead, and fae was claimed by sickness as she watched.

She was supposed to heal cats! To banish sicknesses and soothe wounds. And she couldn’t even help her own apprentice. How pathetic is that?

Were they laughing at her, from up in StarClan? Laughing about her, the worst medicine cat- a medicine cat who couldn’t save anyone.

She couldn’t save Nightingalerhapsody, she couldn’t save Frogmorn, and she couldn’t stop Frightspecter from leaving- and those were just the recent ones!

She wanted to bury her head in her paws and stay there forever, but she couldn’t.

Something glided into the den, flying over their heads, and landed on Treaclejest’s flank. Fitting. A butterfly, for the butterfly-like feline.

One of the gathered cats snapped at it, making it fly around, crashing into the walls of the medicine den a few times before making it’s way out.

Boogarden blinked away the tears that threatened to spill, and huddled side by side with the other mourning cats.