I Miss You

Randy used to never read the newspaper much. He used to always ignore the news station on the radio. But now, it's always on. He always reads the paper. Yeah, it annoys Starla, but he didn't want to miss out on if Jack won yet. Or if he lost. Those papers are all he's got, now. Because Jack broke his promise. Because Jack never wrote back.

He said he would. He said that he would months ago.

What if he never met Jack? He knew of the other Randy, but what if he never knew Jack and never befriended Henry? What if he responded with silence, rather than the punch that he handed? A lot of trouble could have been saved. A lot. Probably would have saved his figure, too...

A voice finally tore away his train of thought. "You look busy."

Oh, yeah. Work.

"Yeah, man," Randy replied, trying his best to find a smile. "I guess so."

"How's your girlfriend?"

His girlfriend? His girlfriend was amazing. He had no idea why someone as lovely as her would love him like she does. All he was was a real loser, and she still talked to him like he was a million bucks. When she came home, it felt like a piece of his heart came home, too. He loved her.

But Jack had a part of his soul. Some strange part that didn't seem to want to come back to him just yet.

"Same as always," he mumbled. Didn't seem like it was a busy day for his boss. Randy's hardly got anything to do at all.

Didn't seem like it was a busy day for Stephen, either. "Well, that's good. She's a good girl."

Good? No. She was priceless. She was an embodiment of perfection.

"Yeah," Randy said.

For a minute, Stephen's brown eyes narrowed. "Did you lose weight, or something? You must've lost weight, you look different."

Immediately, Randy's blonde head snapped up. "Really?"

"Yeah, you look great," Stephen replied.

What a funny thing. Maybe soon he won't be so embarrassed to look in the mirror when he changed. Guess different stress makes you feel different things. Instead of nervousness that he'd eat away, he was slammed face first with a worry and anxiety. And this one was making him pace and tick and forget to eat because he was doing too much pacing and ticking instead.

But he was losing something else, too. He could feel it. His control on his temper was starting to unknot itself again, and that worried Randy. Bad things happened when he had a bad temper. His temper was the bane of his existence. All he wanted was to forgive and forget, to go with the flow and be calm. Be happy and calm. To reach a point of peacefulness where he could feel the quiet of nature deep inside the earth resonate.

But now everything was starting to set him off. Already the inside of his cheek was bitten painfully raw in an attempt to not explode.

He missed Jack. There shouldn't be a reason to miss him, but there it is. A deep aching loss that never waned. Why would he miss him so much? Jack always treated him like he was brainless. His family was shady, his brother hated his guts, and he loved a girl that terrified him. Not to mention all the jokes and pranks and beatings he pulled at Randy's expense. Randy shouldn't even trust Jack. It hurt to admit, but it was true. Jack lied to him. Constantly. Over and over. And Randy would believe him every time.

But not writing back- Randy needed Jack to write back. He needed Jack to say he was okay, that those kids were safe. Gosh, Randy cared about those kids more than he expected to. That world that Lily was tossing them into? A world of fighting those hellish creatures? It's not easy growing up like that. Most of all, Randy needed to know when to stop looking for an answer and start waiting. He needed a piece of a promise to hold on to. And Jack never sent the letter. Did he even care about Randy at all?

How could Randy miss him?

Then again, Jack was the one who would attacked anyone that made fun of Randy's incessant lisp. Jack was the one that would sigh, take Randy's failed test and tell his parents that it was actually his. He was the one to suggest the bachelor pad after Randy got all those rejection letters. Jack was the one that climbed in Randy's bed for no reason at all. Jack was the one that helped him when he felt his world freeze and fall in the middle of a slow night. Jack was the one that showed up at all the track and cross country meets. Jack was the one that left with a puzzle piece of Randy's heart.

And Randy needed Jack's letter more than ever.