Manifestation
On that fateful, cloudy day, for once with nothing better to do and no pressing matters to take care of, Soren had decided to just sit under the shade of a tree, not minding anyone’s business but his own. With everything his father had been discussing with the elders, he really needed a break from all the responsibilities. Even at such a young age, they were watching him with hungry eyes, just waiting for the moment they could properly train him to fulfill the role they decided to thrust upon him. All he could think of were his father’s words, how proudly he announced that as soon as his spectra manifested, he would be ready, would soon take over the clan’s leadership. As expected of his father’s son.
For a moment, Soren glanced at his arms. Part of him couldn’t help but wonder what it would look like, how would it feel to finally see that fate accomplished- what his spectra would even be, what would it be able to do. Another part of him dreaded it. It simply felt like so much for someone his age. How did they expect him to just accept it and know what he was supposed to do? Could he even live up to those expectations? Be more than just the kid they saw fitting for a successor to the chief?
He wouldn’t- couldn’t ever admit, but the truth? The truth was that he was terrified.
Should he really keep trying? Would that make them stop looking at him like he was just some tool?
“Hey!” Soren snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the voice, internally groaning as the familiar spectrel approached, his ugly grin already plastered on his face. Soren decided to just ignore him, looking away as soon as he stepped too close for comfort. “What’s wrong? Got nothing to tell me now?”
“Go away.” It wasn’t like Samael would listen to him, but he didn’t have anything else to say. Even if he tried to leave, it wouldn’t stop Samael, too easily entertained to give up so easily. He’d just keep following him until he could get what he wanted.
“Awwww, is someone upset? It’s alright, everyone knows this whole thing is too much for you.” Soren just covered his ears, turning his back to him. “Don’t worry, at least no one will be disappointed when you’ll fail- we’re all expecting that anyways.” His hands were pressing harder on his ears, doing all he could to tune out his words. “And maybe then your father will finally realize how much of a failure his weak little son is! Then you won’t have to worry about him either!”
He couldn’t take it, no matter how hard he tried.
“Shut up.”
Samael’s grin grew even wider than what should’ve been possible, clearly enjoying how much pain he could cause even without using his knives.
“I’m just saying the truth- you know things will just get worse as soon as whatever pathetic spectra you have finally manifests.”
“I said shut up.” He nearly growled, the fur on his tail standing.
“Don’t get so angry- you needed someone to tell you this stuff sooner or later. Be glad I decided to be nice enough to give you a reality check ahead of time!”
“Shut up!” It was too much. The pressure from the elders, the fear of failure, the dread over his uncertain future. Samael was the last push he needed.
The shadows rose from the ground, wild and untamed, tendrils of darkness lashing out and reaching out as if they tried to discover who they belonged to, what they would form into. After seconds that felt like an eternity, their shape shifted and swirled, until it settled down. Soren stared, eyes wide and mouth agape, unable to look away from his own shade, a near perfect reflection of himself, staring back with pure white eyes, holding an innocent, child-like curiosity as they studied their summoner.
This shadow was his own. His spectra was his shadow.
For a moment, Soren forgot how to breathe.
He remembered the tales well known through the town, used to scare children and warn the young ones, of the shades carrying terrible misfortune and curses, a part of someone’s soul destined to cause nothing but harm, to only bring pain and even death to those surrounding them. He had never seen a living shadow, always a bit too skeptical to think a story like that could carry any truth and dismissing it as a bad bedtime story. His panicked mind could only keep wishing it was nothing more than that, to be witnessing just an awful nightmare that would soon disappear.
But it was all real. The shadow was haunting him now.
In all this chaos, more spectrels had reached the once secluded place, looking for the cause of so much commotion and noise. As soon as the shadow was spotted, the startled gasps and terrified screams started. It was all it took to snap Soren out of his shock, the child scrambling to get himself back on his feet and run, getting as far away from there as possible, not even caring about where he was going.
In his panic, he didn’t see Samael’s twisted smile.
He only stopped running when he was out of air, falling to his knees as he struggled to regain his breath. All he could think of was that shadow, those seemingly so innocent eyes haunting him, its wispy, nearly ethereal shape raising from the ground, now permanently bound to him.
The shadow was a part of him. Forever.
That was his spectra.
The realization hadn’t quite sunk in just yet when he started running, too busy trying to get away from everyone, to find some air and breathe again, to let himself think clearly. Now that he was alone, it was all downing on him, suddenly hitting him like a bucket of cold water, threatening to drown him.
Tears were silently rolling down his cheeks, soft sobs shaking his small frame, his tail instinctively curling closer to his body and his ears flat against his head. While no one would be there to see it, he would let himself be weak, facing an unknown future he no longer wanted.
When he finally felt like he could breathe again, Soren pushed himself up, only managing to walk up to an old tree to hide between its old roots. Even with the night approaching, he didn’t want to go back- not yet. They must already be talking about him, he could hear the horror and disgust in their voices, could see the fingers pointed at him and the glares filled with hatred. He couldn’t go back yet.
Curling up a bit further into his hiding spot, Soren now stared down at his hands, eyes widening at the sight of light blue fur and feathers, already marred with scars. Right… in his panic, he didn’t even think of looking at the rest of his spectra. Not like it mattered, really- not after what just happened. He couldn’t help his own curiosity, though –especially with nothing better to do at the moment-, hesitantly moving his new fingers, watching as they followed his every command. After a minute or so spent just staring at them and pondering over it, Soren just rubbed his face on his forearm- it was soft and warm, surprisingly so. Was there anything else he should’ve taken note of? As much as he stared and studied his arms, there didn’t seem to be anything else. That shadow had been gone for a while now, retreated to who knows where- Soren just hoped it would stay there. When the sun rose, he’d find a river and take a better look at his reflection.
With his fear mostly pushed at the back of his mind, a yawn left the child. It was already getting dark… after dozing off for a moment, he felt something missing. Confused, he glanced down, nearly yelping in surprise when he saw his arms- not his spectra, just his normal, human arms. Could it have been just a bad dream…? He almost wished that was possible. At least knowing he still had his physical arms could be of help- he’d have to figure out how to keep his spectra hidden now…
Filled with doubts, fears and unanswered questions, Soren curled up on himself, letting himself fall into a dreamless sleep. Maybe he could still find a solution. Maybe, just maybe… he could still be wanted.
The day was sunny and quiet, not a single cloud in the sky, the gentle breeze bringing some much needed cold to the warm day. The silence only being broken by the wildlife from the woods surrounding the town or the cheerful chat of the residents as they went on with their lives.
To Soren, none of this mattered. To him, the day might as well been dark and gloomy, heavy clouds hanging in the stagnant air as they threatened them with storms and thunders alike. It all had died in mere minutes, it all had died the moment he started carrying his curse.