Newly found hope

Requesting to go out to the city was not something Nicholas did often (or at all, actually), but as time passed the idea of doing so felt more and more tempting.

"It's been years since my faked death; I should be able to walk freely without anyone recognizing me. I have grown and matured, so I look different now," an explanation mixed with barely hidden hope and self hatred upon recalling the changes of his body he never asked for. But if it was to convince his cruel excuse of parents to let him out at least once a month, it would be worth the inner turmoil thinking about his body always brought him.  

But, of course, such permission was never granted for poor Nicholas. Instead he was told the idea was atrocious, immature, and that Nicholas wasn't thinking far ahead enough - and yet they were never elaborated on what this "thinking far ahead" even meant.

In his grieving, Nicholas sought comfort from the small gaps between the shelves, hoping he could simply disappear into the shadows of those small, narrow spaces.  

If only it would have been as easy as that.

Clutching the recently acquired black grimoire against his chest, Nicholas sighed sadly and leaned against a bookshelf the library was filled with. Tears had stopped falling a while ago now, but the stinging sensation was still there; eyes red and slightly puffed from what must have been at least half an hour of heart-wrenching, anxious crying.

"Is it really that much to ask to be let out like a normal person?" the youth mumbled bitterly, and while not weeping anymore, he still had to choke back tears. "It won't ruin their reputation in any way if they just let me outside in commoner clothes! It will cost them nothing to let me walk around and see actual, real people and then come back. Why do they have to be like this?!"

He brushed the black leather cover of the magical manual, first absentmindedly and out of anxiety, but then stopping as a revelation came to him.

"Oh, that's right," Nicholas smiled weakly and opened the book. "I now have this book, don't I?"

He started flipping through the pages, through unsettling illustrations and strange symbols after another, until he finally found something of use for him: a spell far above Nicholas' current level, a way to travel through objects that otherwise would stop a person's way entirely on their tracks.  

"It's like they say," Nicholas whispered, smiling ominously in their newly found hope: "If you want it done right, you should just do it yourself."