Therapy!

Man: Are you sitting quite comfortably? I'd like to remind you that what you see is very much all there is. Me, you and whatever burdens you may carry. We'll start with your name, what is it?

Matty: Ah… Yes. I am comfortable here. My name is Matthew Cooper, by the way.

Man: Do you think your name suits you? Do you perhaps plan on changing it or do you feel that it has helped define you as a person? Could you imagine yourself with any other name?

Matty: I think I feel good, I guess ... I've never thought about it, I mean, I've thought of other names instead of Matthew, but it's a normal name like any other. I could exist with other name, but I'm pretty good with this one.

Man: How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

Matty: I’m 24 years old.

Man: When is your birthday? Do you know your astrological sign? Do you believe that it's accurate to your personality?

Matty: I was born on September 14, that makes me a virgo. And yes, I think that it is somehow accurate with my personality.

Man: Say you're a third person who is describing you here to someone who's never met you before. What key traits would you mention? Why those in particular?

Matty: Oh, this is a bit difficult for me ... Hm. I guess: "He's a doctor, very pale with blond locks. Friendly ... and easy to reach. He looks sad or lonely, but he is hardworking to the point that he never seems to sleep." These are some of the qualities I have according to what people tell me, and I can agree or disagree with them.

Man: Are there many traits you wish you didn't have? Or perhaps any that you feel you wouldn't be you without them?

Matty: I would like to have more confidence in myself. And also be stronger ... and independent. Be less sad, be more relaxed or happy in general, but I am what I am, and I do not think I can change that. Maybe I can improve, but someday I would like to be old and know that I am someone that I can rely on, strong and happy.

Man: What are your favourite, simple things? Perhaps when a stranger smiles at you, or your favourite song comes up on the radio?

Matty: I like the smell of the beach, the texture of the peaches, the feeling of the sun touching my skin ... A piece of pavlova in the afternoon. Read poetry in my bed, on a cold day. See my patients smile and be happy when they leave ... Kindness in general.

Man: Do you listen to music? If you do, which genres do you find yourself most attracted to honestly? Why is this? If not, why is that?

Matty: Yes I do! I like music a lot, it’s nostalgic to me. But my favorite genres are hm… original soundtracks? The songs from musicals. Or videogames, movies… yes, basicaly those are my faves. Rock and pop too, but like… the oldies.

Man: Have you ever heard that, if you listen to the lyrics of someone's favourite song, you'll hear the words they can't say? Meaning, in the nutshell, that the people being spoken of listen to music they can relate to and that's often that they're hurting in some way. Do you listen to music that you can relate to especially?

Matty:  I guess that some people may relate to the lyrics, but it’s because the lyrics usualy are relatable. Like… songs about broken hearts, or being in love, or things like that… So I wouldn’t feel special, but I think it’s fine to relate to music, it can be a bit healing.

Man: If ever, when do you listen to music? When you're sad, happy, angry, lonesome, excited?

Matty: Mostly when I’m sad or lonely, but when I’m relaxed or happy too.

Man: Do you ever feel blissful one minute and then depressed the next?

Matty: I think it’s more normal to me to be more on the depressive side than the blissful, but yes.

Man: How often do you notice your moods change? How does this affect those around you?

Matty: When I’m working I feel fine, and in the instant than I’m on my own I tend to feel bad. I try to keep this in secret so I won’t make anyone else feel bad or worried.

Man: How do you feel you communicate with other people? Do you feel you lack the proper skills to hold onto friendships?

Matty: I think I do pretty ok. But I’m not able to have a stable friendship, I would like it though. It would be nice, actually.

Man: Why do you think that you aren’t able?

Matty: It’s more like I don’t want to force anyone in to have a friendship with me. The friends that I had became my lovers at some point and then I lost them. I’m more scared of the possibility to feel a loss again.

Man: What is your oldest friend's name and what are they like? Do you remember how you met? Have you ever fought physically or otherwise?

Matty: I would say my siblings, Rose and Phil. They are good kids, and they visit me sometimes. We met on my house… because we are siblings. -he chuckles- I don’t think I have ever had a physical fight with any of them, but verbal.. I had sometimes.

Man: Are you currently in a romantic relationship? Do you think that you two will stay together for much longer? If you aren't currently dating anyone, think about the last time you did.

Matty: I’m not in any kind of romantic relationship. The last time I dated someone properly it was about… 2 years ago? And then I had sort of a relationship again with the same person, but one year ago. I miss him, but we aren’t together anymore because he just left…

Man: How do you feel since they are not there? Or if they were around? Feel free to go into details, I do not mind.

Matty: I felt ... I feel sad, like someone who can be left behind, just like that. I know he's not a bad person, but it's more like he's just someone troublesome. But, on the other hand, I know that I could not really be happy with someone who has treated me that way. I would be angry if I saw him again, because I'm tired, mainly. I'm tired of still having feelings for him, and for wanting a happy ending even if it’s stupid. The good thing is that now I know it’s stupid, and that in reality he is just someone sad and he needs help. And that it was not right for him to mess around with a student. Maybe I would feel better if I could have some kind of closure, but this is what it is and I am doing everything possible to move forward.

Man: Tell me about your parents, what were they like? In what ways did they influence you most, do you think?

Matty: My dad was a stupid guy with a good heart. He died when I was little, and I can never understand why he married someone like my mother. My mother is a bitch, a predator that feeds on us and wants success and money. Someone superficial and ugly inside. It makes me hate her and my older brother, but I do everything possible to be different from them and keep my younger brothers safe from them.

Man: Are/Were there any other significant people in your life? Any aunts or uncles who took care of you as a child, perhaps?

Matty: Not really. I was a bit of a parental figure to my younger brothers, and still am. But that’s it. My uncle and aunts live on England I belive. And my father didn’t have any brothers, and I don’t have grandparents, so thats all, pretty much.

Man: Do you think that the person you are now has changed all that much from when you were a child?

Matty: I was more insecure of myself, I have to give me the credits, now I am able to talk back if someone says something that I disagree with. I was more scrawny and tiny, now I got taller, and while I’m not some muscular guy... I am an adult now.

Man: How about your teenage years? Did you enjoy them?

Matty: Uh, they were regular years. I don’t miss them particularly and neither enjoyed them, really.

Man: What are some things that you just can't stand? Not people, not places, just things.

Matty: Hipocresy, materialism, egoism. War..? My mom is not “people” so I would count her.

Man: What are your opinions on individuality? I'm open minded, don't worry.

Matty: I don’t know, we are what we are. But I think that even if everyone is different, we all deserve the same treat in general. Unless you have broken the law, then you must be judged by your own individuality.

Man: How do you feel when someone opposes you? Verbally or otherwise? How do you react instantly?

Matty: I will avoid any kind of conflicts, unless it has to be with someones physical or mental health. If that’s the case, I’m gonna be very defensive and argumentative. I wouldn’t get into something physical though, I’m very weak.

Man: Could you be described as a violent person? Would you say you're a violent person?

Matty: Not at all, I would say that I’m more of a pacifist.

Man: Is it ever okay to harm or kill someone?

Matty: I believe that it’s only okay to harm someone if that means that you are helping them by doing that. Like, when I have to cut someones tummy in order to remove something that are making them feel bad. Just in medical cases, to be precise. -he smiles a bit-

Man: Do you agree that it's a "hunt or be hunted/eat or be eaten" world?

Matty: No.

Man: Which would you say you were more likely to be viewed as? Hunted or hunter?

Matty: I am a person, not a type of animal. Of course there will be people who can relate to hunters, but I really think that it’s bullshit. And especially their egos are the ones who speak.

Man: If you were the hunter, would you ever befriend or help someone who could be called the (almost-) hunted? Would you aid them in becoming a fellow hunter, perhaps?

Matty: I don’t think that I would be a hunter but I wouldn’t care if the person is someone who is being hunted. I would help them, I am a doctor, afterall.

Man: What do you do when you pass someone on the streets who looks lost or looks like someone in need of help?

Matty: I would approach them and ask them if they need anything, and I would help them.

Man: I know we've been doing this for a while now, but how do you feel when you express your feelings? Do you perhaps feel like a weight has been lifted from your shoulders or a claw has released your chest or do you "vent" so often to people that it's become a normal sensation?

Matty: ...I feel better, I believe. And a weigth lifted seems like a good metaphor for that. I don’t tend to talk about my feelings often, so it’s a nice feeling.

Man: How often do you find yourself ranting about issues that bother you to your significant partner? Do they (unconsciously) make you feel like you're just being a burden or are they constantly telling you that you can tell them anything that worries you?

Matty: When I was with my ex, I think that I was a burden for him, but he wouldn’t tell me. He tried his best to not be obvious but the sadness in his face was very notorious. He used to told me that I could tell him anything. I’m not with anyone now so it’s not often.

Man: I know we're both busy people so I'll close up this meeting now. It's been lovely talking to you and I hope you feel like that claw has let go or the weight has vanished now? I hope we can do this again sometime and I'm always here if you need me. Goodbye!

Matty: Thank you, doctor., I hope I can have the time to come by soon, it has been very productive, actually. Goodbye!