Flightless Song

As soon as classes finished for the week, Amihan slipped into her dorm room. She had talked with her roommate, Ayame, at lunch, and didn’t want to run into the shy rabbit again. She threw some clothes into her duffel bag— enough for a night or two— and was out the door, weaving her way through the stream of students eager to begin their weekends.

She exited the school building near the dorms to take advantage of the lighter traffic and followed the castle’s wall until she came across the last remnants of Mr. Lin’s final class. As the students straggled off, their expressions a mix of exhaustion and determination, Amihan approached her father. She felt a light breeze tickle her cheek, and the Xiao turned to face her, waiting to hear what she had to say.

“... Can I come home with you?” Amihan asked timidly.

Xiang’s back wings fluttered in surprise, but he still replied, “Of course,” and led her to where he would split the fog that surrounded the school.

***

Jagged cliffs pierced the sky above, and Amihan, still a fledgeling, gazed up at them in awe. She watched as other Ekek her age took to the skies, and envied how they darted to and fro, laughing at the joking calls they made to each other. She eyed her own home— a small structure that was as low on the cliff as it could have possibly been— and started to climb, using all of the strength she could muster.

But she fell.

Again and again and again.

***

“Why did you decide to return?” Xiang asked mildly as the fog dissipated around them, revealing their island home, perched on a gentle slope rising from an otherwise uninhabited shore.

“I told my roommate I was going to.” Amihan explained carefully, walking ahead of her father and opening the door, as had been their custom as long as they had lived together.

Xiang gave a light, exasperated huff as he entered the home. “Yes, but why?”

Amihan paused as her nerves overwhelmed her for a moment. She really didn’t want to answer, but as minutes passed and the Xiao patiently awaited her response, she knew she would have to sooner or later. “I made a mistake.” She whispered. She took a shaky seat on the bench that served as their couch, and Xiang joined her. She began to explain.

***

Amihan’s parents couldn’t deal with a flightless Ekek in their home; the harsh landscape necessitated strong fliers, and it was obvious that Amihan would never be one. If the humans had not forced them off the more mild land of the island, perhaps it would have worked out. But the odds were stacked against Amihan from the very beginning.

She clung to Xiang’s back as he whisked her from her village, not understanding why her parents had given her up so quickly. She wanted to resent the monster that took her from them, but his comforting words and soft neck feathers were calming, and she quickly accepted their partnership.

***

Amihan told Xiang about the events that had transpired some days ago. She had invited Ayame into the woods to go exploring, and the two had eagerly set out to do so. But Ayame…

“She said I looked pretty,” Amihan said, her frustration rising. “She didn’t know— I— I hope she didn’t know— but I couldn’t handle it.”

Xiang gently encircled a wing around Amihan as she continued, saying nothing.

Tears began to fall from the young Ekek’s eyes. “And she was concerned, and she wanted to know why I acted the way I did, but I just— I was stupid. I didn’t tell her.” She shivered as her anxiety rose, and she leaned against Xiang for support.

***

Xiang— that was the name of the monster who had brought her in, Xiang— traveled with Amihan on his back for months, hopping from island to island as he searched for a location that would be suitable to the both of them. Finally, on an island split by rough-looking mountains, they found a home that was perfect. Some renovation was in order, but Amihan loved the quaint home at first sight, and assured Xiang that it looked wonderful. Some time would pass before she realized that Xiang understood the adobe’s appearance well enough, but for now she eagerly described every nook and cranny she encountered as she ran through the house.

A modest hike brought the pair through a narrow valley that was the only way to the northern end of the island, and it was on that north shore where the island’s sole village resided. Although there were many Ekek living there, the other monster species who made the island their home were unfamiliar to Amihan. She stayed close to Xiang as the pair explored, listening as he negotiated a spot in school for Amihan, and a teaching position for himself.

***

Amihan took deep, controlled breaths as she struggled to continue her explanation. “Aya wouldn’t stop asking, so— so I promised I would tell her why soon. But I don’t know how I’m supposed to—” Amihan’s breath hitched again, and she sank further into Xiang’s wings.

***

School was a new experience for Amihan, and one that— at first, anyways— she cherished. The other Ekek didn’t seem to know how to act around a flightless member of their species, and so tended to avoid her, but that was okay. They weren’t the only monsters around, and Amihan became friends with some of the others who didn’t mind the uneven feathers that often poked through her long-sleeved shirts.

As she grew older, playing in the schoolyard became less interesting than watching the older students across the expanse of green. Xiang drilled those who could fly, running them through dozens of scenarios to vastly improve their skill, and Amihan spent many days watching the students as she ate her lunch. She admired how the female Ekek gracefully danced through the air, and how their sleek green feathers gleamed as they did so. No other species was quite as elegant.

***

“I don’t know how to explain it to her,” Amihan lamented. “I don’t even know if she’ll understand…”

Xiang shifted positions and replied, “You’ll find the right words along the way,” after a moment of gathering his thoughts, he added, “But you should not feel pressured to explain if you are this worried about it.”

***

The month her head feathers came in was hell.

She wasn’t supposed to have them, and she knew this. The island’s doctor told them Amihan was intersex, but knew little more about the condition, and Amihan convinced Xiang to let her stay home to ‘research’ it. But mostly she just stared at her reflection in the mirror, hating the hints of blue and red that made her look like a boy.

Some weeks in, after Xiang’s gentle but unabating nudging, Amihan returned to school. The experience was everything she had feared it to be. Her fellow Ekek went from tolerating her to mercilessly criticizing her appearance, an act that only fed her growing insecurity. Meanwhile, the monsters who she had called friends shunned her, saying little for fear of the Ekek raining insults upon them as well. After all, they outnumbered the non-Ekeks, both in class and in the village itself.

Amihan came home in tears, and Xiang began work on finding her an alternative.

***

“No, no, I want her to understand,” Amihan says, a hint of resolve in her voice. “I just wish I didn’t have to be the one to explain it.

“Mm.” Xiang murmurs, shifting his wing to give the Ekek a comforting squeeze. “There’s more to it than just that… isn’t there?”

***

Amihan was homeschooled after that, and returned to the village only rarely. She tried to go while school was in session, and she learned to deal with the odd looks of the adults she interacted with while getting groceries. Her precautions could only work for so long, though, and there came an occasion when her shopping occupied her for some time after school got out.

As she finished her transactions, she noticed a pair of female Ekek she didn’t recognize walking past. They giggled flirtatiously at her, and Amihan gave a mild smile in return. The pair continued on their way, but not before Amihan picked up a snippet of their conversation.

“He’s cute,” One of them said longingly.

The other affirmed the sentiment, but Amihan couldn’t hear the rest of their discussion as blood rushed to her face, and a deep shame welled up inside of her. She took her purchases and hurried home, where she buried her face in her pillow and never said a word about the incident to Xiang.

***

Amihan silently cursed Xiang’s acute perception as she realized what he was really asking. It was something that she had been burying for years, long before she met Ayame, but of course her father had picked up on it.

“I don’t want to let her down,” Amihan began, “Because… I…” She stopped, inhaled a sharp breath, and finished her confession. “I like her. I really, really… like her.” As she admitted it, Amihan felt a knot in her stomach loosen, one that had been there for so long, she had long since acclimated to its presence. Her tears resumed, and she was once more buried in Xiang’s feathers.

***

She was so excited when Xiang got a job at Monsuta Academia. She wasn’t old enough to go, not yet, but she filled out the application and breezed through the rest of her online schooling so that she would be ready. It was an escape from all the terrible things she had dealt with on her island, and as she listened to Xiang’s stories of the school, her excitement only grew. This time, it would be different.

Nobody needed to know she didn’t look how she ought to. There were no other Ekek at the school, and she was sure nobody else would notice. It would be a new start. She wouldn’t have to tell anyone.

She was mistaken. Of course.

***

Amihan didn’t know how long she sat with Xiang, or how long she cried on his shoulder. Admitting that she liked Ayame— that she liked girls at all— was a huge relief, but it raised her anxiety even more. If Ayame didn’t feel the same way, everything would change, again, and Amihan didn’t know if she could handle it.

Xiang said little, apparently knowing that there wasn’t much advice he could give to Amihan to help her through her struggles. After Amihan’s tears had dried and her breathing had returned to normal, the Xiao stood and began to make dinner. Amihan leaped up to assist him— happy to have something to occupy her mind— and the two worked in tandem, as they had a thousand times before, as if nothing had changed.

That night, Amihan resolved to tell Ayame everything once the Ekek returned to school. She hoped desperately that it would be okay, and her thoughts circled back to what she would say again and again before she finally slipped off into an uneasy slumber.