things you said that i wasn't supposed to hear.

Basil wakes up to the sound of someone shifting to sit on her bed.

Her heart stammers in it’s place, beating between the floorboards of her ribcage and she waits. Rio and Crow are too old for nightmares and crawling into her room, scared with their rabbit hearts but she waits anyways - breathing slow and steady.

Another shift, someone smoothing down the covers.

“I know I shouldn’t be here.” 

Basil’s breathing can’t help but stutter, heart leaping out of her chest and up her throat, tears already pricking the corner of her eyes. She can’t turn her head, but she can see Adakiais easily in her mind, world-weary with shadows heavy under their eyes. Golden, luminous and so, so tired - hands still covered in the day’s paints. 

Silence hung in the air and Basil waited. She knew that dreamwatching was a confusing power, so many creatures that dreamt - some loud and colorful, others monotone and quiet but a constant background noise that Adakiais heard - a humming of the earth and it’s magic that Basil couldn’t even begin to grasp. Even so, Adakiais had to know Basil had woken up - and yet, Basil didn’t say anything. 

“You’ve been having nightmares again. So many, but always the same one.” 

Basil furrows her brows, nesting further into the bed and away from Adakiais. It’s easy to think of Sage, his hand around her neck - a dream soaked in red. 

“I hear you calling out to me, even if you don’t mean it. I’m sorry for answering - I know you want your space.” Adakiais says again, and Basil furrows again. That would explain the dreams to follow afterwards, empty fields filled with snapdragons, a scent of lavender that lingers but never stays. Even after all this time, Adakiais still cares - and it hurts. Basil can’t help but feel like this is her fault - this wanting, this yearning because Adakiais is right.

When she feel her brother’s hands around her throat, the dagger melting like chocolate, sliding down her hands slick with red and blood, it’s her name that she thinks of. 

‘Adakais. I don’t want to see this anymore. I don’t want to be here anymore. Adakiais. Help me, please. Adakiais, I’m hurting. Adakiais.’

And every time, the dream would shift - like Basil wading into water, shimmering and cold, drifted away to a better place where bruises had healed and the cold stone floor was replaced with soft grass.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. 

It was supposed to be the two of them in the god’s den, Basil watching Adakiais paint, weave the dreams into existence, a den filled with art and love and it was Basil who had to ruin, Basil who felt the call of duty and now, it was Basil who could not let go of either world. 

Adakiais shifted again, and Basil could feel her bed shift under the weight as Adakiais leaned forward, close to Basil’s face and for a moment, her heart beat with excitement - a heart yearning, craving for the touch of the god, hoping that she would feel the brush of Adakiais’ lips against her cheek, or better yet her own and the facade would end and Basil could embrace the restless god in her arms and indulge in passions she had buried long ago. 

Instead, it’s a whisper -soft and shy and stuttering. “I miss you.” It’s simple and heartbreaking and Basil can’t bring herself to roll over. Not until Adakiais has left, a fog of purple smoke lingering in the air. It’s only then that Basil looks over at the sprig of lavender sitting on her pillow that she allows herself to cry - just a little, hand grasping to the plant like a lifeline.

“I miss you too.”