74 Keramine Road

How is it 3am?

I’ve only just woken up.

I was so tired, I honestly thought I’d sleep all the way until morning.

Guess not. Not surprising, though. It was like, 12 when I went to bed.

That’s, what, 15 hours?

God I need to pee.

I wish I’d asked Joal to show me where the bathroom was before I’d passed out.

I suppose I should try and find it.

Deep breath. And roll out of bed.

Standing up now, and the need to pee has suddenly tripled.

Quietly I slip out the door and into the dark hallway … and immediately step on something.

I hear a metallic crunching as whatever it is slips out from under my foot and launches across the hall. I get a good look at it as it flies into the wall; it’s a shitty beer can from a shitty tasting beer.

Surprisingly, I don’t scream. I just hit the floor with a loud thwump and almost piss myself.

Yellow light floods the hall as a dark silhouette leans out of the room opposite mine. My eyes adjust quickly, and I can see it’s Fainter. He leans over me, his eyes half-open, obviously not fully awake.

‘You okay?’ he asks, sniffing.

‘I … was looking for the bathroom,’ I admit.

Fainter points behind himself, into the room he’d come out of. He sniffs again and steps over me, and I close my eyes as his towel flaps. ‘You don’t need to flush unless you shit.’

‘I’ll keep that in mind,’ I mutter as he heads back to his bedroom.

This house is terrible, and gritty, and the paint is peeling off the walls, and it smells like dude. And … Well, besides the fact that I’ve been here less than 24 hours and already seen a dick, I think I actually like it here. Weirdly. It seems … open. There’s no standards to live up to, so there’s no pressure to make an impression.

I roll to my feet, brush the crumbs out of my fur, and realise I’m shirtless. Great. I really fit in here, don’t I?

Whatever, I can’t be bothered putting one on. I’m just going to go to the bathroom, then get a drink and head back to bed. I doubt anyone else will even see me.

Bathroom. Bathroom.

God, I can smell it from here.

It’s horrible.

Deep breath. I’ll get used to it.

Just brave it and go in— Oh.

Oh those are some posters.

Joal wasn’t kidding about giving nuns heart attacks. … I don’t think I’ve ever seen porn like this before. It’s so … badly drawn. And weird. And … yikes.

I hope it’s satire.

It’s interesting, at least.

So interesting I almost forgot to wash my paws. I don’t think anyone else in the house would care, but I care. Just because I live in a gross smelly house doesn’t mean I have to be gross and smelly.

Actually, that’s right. I’m going to throw on a shirt before I go downstairs. Be at least half a ferret.

I quickly rush back into my room and grab my discarded shirt off the floor. A floor that is much nicer than any of the other floors in the house— They obviously vacuumed in here before I showed up.

That’s actually … sweet to think about.

It still smells like a skunk’s arse, but it’s sweet.

I can’t remember where the stairs are. I think they’re this way?

Yep. Down I go. Into the dim light of the … TV?

I guess someone’s up. And they’re watching Quiz Me!

Whoever it is I feel like I’m going to get along with them— Oh.

It’s Joal.

Joal and … his underpants.

Maybe if I slip into the kitchen he won’t notice—

‘Sorry!’ a six pack of cans hits the ground and beer spills on the floor as I run into someone.

‘No, I’m sorry,’ she apologises, collecting the cans before too much is lost. ‘I’m a bit— Flustered tonight.’

‘You alright Serena?’ Joal’s voice floats from behind me and I glance back to see him peering over the couch. ‘Morning, Carla.’

‘Hey,’ I manage. ‘You slept yet?’

‘Nah,’ Joal shrugs. ‘Usually only go to bed around 6. Besides, Serena showed up. Gotta be there for my friends, you know?’

I nod and watch as Serena nervously brushes the hair out of her face. As she does I get a glimpse of filed-down horns. I didn’t think girl deer had horns? Oh. I think I know.

She notices me staring and blushes. ‘Oh— These? They’re—‘

‘—Transgender?’ I blurt. I give my best attempt at a warm smile when she nods. ‘Same as my brother.’

Serena visibly relaxes. Which makes me relax.

‘Come sit!’ Joal blurts. ‘Both of you! We have pizza and beer and TV!’

‘What about pants?’ I joke.

Joal just laughs. So does Serena. … And so do I.

I surprise myself with it.

We head over to Joal, and Serena curls up on his lap. She rests her head on his chest and he runs his fingers through her hair. It almost looks like they’re dating, but I know Joal’s single because of how we met.

‘So … you alright?’ I manage.

‘Yeah,’ Serena sighs, her eyes flicking from me to the TV. ‘Just broke up with my girlfriend.’

Ah. That’d be it.

‘She moved here from Owlstralia,’ Serena sniffs. ‘But she finished study and went back home a few months ago. It’s been hard. … Too hard. Even just talking with the timezone difference. …’

I rest my hand on her back hoof, not sure what else to do. Is it weird to rub her ankles? I feel like she needs it. She can tell me to stop if she wants me to.

‘So …’ I take a deep breath. I’m going to ask it. ‘What’s with the drawings in the toilet?’

‘Oh— Those? They’re terrible aren’t they?’ Joal chuckles. ‘My ex drew them. They’re as quality as his personality and we keep them around for a laugh.’

‘Are we talking about curly-wurly?’ Serena laughs through a snotty sniff and wipes her nose on her sleeve. ‘It’s been ages since anyone’s mentioned him!’

Curly-wurly?

‘Didn’t Hayley mention him earlier today?’ I blurt.

Then I remember I’d pretended I didn’t overhear that part of the conversation, and bite my lip.

Joal gives me a wide-eyed look. ‘Y—Yeah. She did.’

‘I hear he’s still missing,’ Serena snorts. ‘Wonder where he got to. …’

Missing? I look to Joal. Didn’t Hayley say he—

‘Yeah! Carla doesn’t know!’ Joal is visibly tense. A bead of sweat rolls off his forehead and he shakes himself down. ‘My ex went missing. Nobody— Nobody knows where he went.’

‘Nobody?’ I ask cautiously.

‘Nope! Nobody!’ Joal replies, a too-wide grin on his face.

‘Yeah, it was a big deal because he was the mayor’s son,’ Serena explains. ‘And he got into trouble with this gang over drugs, right? He tried to drag Joal into it but Consty kept him out of it. Curly was not happy about that, let me tell you. Threatened Fainter to try and get money from Joal. Which only set Hayley off. She trashed his bike with a cricket bat and told him she’d kill him, and I think that scared him off because a few days later he just vanished.’

‘Vanished?’

‘Yep,’ Serena shrugged. ‘No big deal, though. Things only got better after he left.’

‘Ah,’ I grunt.

I have no idea what to say anymore. And I don’t think Joal knows either.

So we go quiet. No talking. Just the TV and slurping of beer.

The pizza tastes like shit. But somehow that makes it better. If it tasted good it wouldn’t have this feeling to it. … This weird charm that comes from being shitty.

‘Simon you FUCK!’ Serena gives a loud, sudden shout and leaps to her hooves. She points to the TV angrily and I realise I hadn’t even been watching as the contestant answered the question—

Holy shit I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone be more wrong.

‘FOXES ARE VULPES YOU ARSEHOLE!’ Serena snaps. ‘Oh my god! Oh my god! Who the fuck thinks foxes are felines? Vulpines! Vulpine! Honestly! Honestly? I could do a better job!’

‘Yeah!’ Joal agrees. ‘You could totally do a better job! Even I knew foxes aren’t cats, and I’m dumb as hell!’

‘Same!’ I exclaim before downing the rest of my beer. ‘God. How did this guy even get accepted?’

‘You know,’ Joal sits back and laughs. ‘You can sign up for this show online. I’ve been thinking of doing it for a while. I know I’d never get in because I’m basically a brick, but I always thought it’d be fun to try. And looking at this guy I’m thinking my chances aren’t as low as I first guessed.’

Serena snorts through her nose. ‘I’ll sign up if you will. And you— Carla? What about you?’

‘I’m almost drunk enough,’ I quip. ‘Another can and I should be good to go.’

I’m not wrong. Half a can later and they’ve gotten me on my phone, submitting an application for the godforsaken shit-show that is Quiz Me.

‘Okay, if any of us get in we throw a party,’ says Joal.

‘I’d settle for actually being sent a rejection letter,’ Serena admits playfully. Then her phone beeps. ‘Oh, god. Work. I gotta go. It’s an emergency.’

‘What’s happened?’ Joal asks.

‘Your sister’s happened,’ Serena responds, quickly scooping up her things and stumbling to the door. ‘She’s trashed the office! With someone’s face!’

‘Nice!’ Joal claps his paws together. ‘She knows how to handle clients, doesn’t she?’

‘Yeah,’ Serena glances to her phone. ‘Apparently he groped Amy, and Bree just went nuts. They want to know if I can cover so Amy can go home.’

‘That’s my sis!’ Joal laughs. ‘Sucked all the rage out of me in the womb and is putting it to good use!’

‘If only she’d clean up after herself,’ Serena casts a final grin to the room and, with a wave, disappears out the front door.

I’m not sure if she sees me wave back to her, but it feels rude not to say goodbye. I’ve only just met her but she seems nice. Plus, I want to avoid looking at Joal.

I can’t for too long though, before he taps me on the shoulder and clears his throat.

‘You overheard about curly-wurly, huh?’ he takes in a deep breath through his teeth when I nod. ‘It was … an accident. You can’t tell anyone.’

‘I wouldn’t know who to tell,’ I lie. My other sister’s literally a cop. I could call her and get out of here in minutes. But also … as dumb as it is, I don’t want to have to go home. I don’t want Meg to win.

Fuck Meg.

I’ll let someone get away with murder if it means I win.

Maybe that’s a really dumb reason to not go to the police. I feel like it should be because I care for these people or something. … But, I’ve only just met them so it’s sort of hard to like them that much.

But like. Like. For real. I hate Meg.

I hate Meg.

I hate her.

So. Fucking. Much

And I’m not going to go home and lose to her for anything. I’m not fucking this up. And nobody else is going to fuck it up for me, either.

‘Are you okay?’ carefully, Joal edges closer to me on the couch. ‘You look … really angry.’

‘I fucking hate Meg!’ I snap.

‘Uh,’ Joal’s ears flick down. ‘Who’s Meg?’

‘My sister,’ I grunt.

‘Oh,’ a confused look finds its way to Joal’s face. ‘The one you were on the phone with last night?’

I nod. ‘Look. Don’t worry. I won’t go to the police.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, no,’ I sigh, then shrug. ‘If I go to the police I’ll have to leave. And if I leave here I’ll end up back at home with my family. And then Meg wins. And Meg is not winning this time!’

‘You really don’t like Meg?’ Joal says slowly.

‘I hate her!’ I snap. ‘There is nothing on this earth that could make me lose to her again! I’d rather die than see that fucking shit-eating grin of hers!’

‘I … don’t understand, but thanks,’ Joal wrings his hands anxiously. ‘And maybe … don’t mention it to Fainter or Constantine, either?’

‘I want to talk about it as little as possible,’ I admit. ‘I’ll keep quiet about it. Just don’t remind me of it.’

Joal nods. ‘Yeah. Same here.’