Penny for your Thoughts

She liked the smell of smoke. It was a nostalgic, acrid thing, reminding her of youthful nights trying to listen in on her father's talks with business arrangements in the sitting room's hidden cutaway slits in the eyes of a painting, standing on tiptoes when she hadn't grown enough to truly reach. It reminded her of when she'd dominated those same talks when she was tall enough, taking over much of her father's place as time passed, simply because she was better at wringing deals and profitable promises from men who fell for her performances. It reminded her of the night at the White Elephant, her arms draped around Basileios' neck at the poker table, her whispers at his ear bringing him victory as the Nike on his shoulder.

Her arm was linked with her companion, at ease with the proximity, calm with the fact that Xander's newly introduced friend couldn't see. It simply meant she could keep her gaze solely on her fiancé as he moved across the practice hall with a fluid ease, a joyful mischief she'd never seen in him before. It made her bitter to see it, conflicted and raw.

 Outwardly, she was utterly composed, in her element amidst Ruri's red smoke. Internally, however, tension roared in her as if the storm from that day in the field had never ceased.

She'd never have thought that everything she wanted could be held in one place, in one solitary moment. The chaos of the underground fighting ring, the roar of those craving violence, and there in the shadowed corner was just the kiss they'd shared, the memory of it piercing her with longing so painful that seeing him smile today was poisonous to her.

The cruel look he'd given her the day after their kiss, the cold confrontation, the distrust and demand to pry her secrets from her in return for all she'd tried to give him - it burned, it hurt and tore at her, a fire licking at her throat and constricting her lungs. Yes, she'd been in disguise, and yes, he had a right to dislike being tricked, and yes, she was horribly defensive when it came to keeping her cards close to her chest, but everything in that basement had been her without pretense or guile.

She hated to feel this way. Hated to feel as though that night had meant the world to her, and nothing to him but an irritating lie. And she had no idea how to face it, how to wade through this frustrating tension that only wanted to grow venomous in her chest.

Her companion's words cut through her chaotic emotions, and her lips twisted to her comment of Bas seeming to do well. Was she being sarcastic? If she truly was Xander's friend, she'd know the extent of Basileios' debauchery, and no one in their right mind would call that sort of behavior 'well.' Perhaps that was in comparison to Xander - she'd only heard rumors of the dark paths the eldest brother took, resolving to look more into it when she'd finished bringing Bas to heel.

Lasair glanced over at Ruri with a faint frown, mulling over her words before letting them out. "I'm simply admiring the sport, my dear. I didn't know he practiced the art of swordfighting, and it's quite beautiful." 

Beautiful enough that looking directly at him hurt. Her teeth clenched slightly. He wasn't the sun, and she'd never use that metaphor on him. But oh, how he made her burn.