Why Are Vulcans Like This

"Saivar, I was thinking," for some time, truth be told, and he'd briefly considered just doing it but impulsiveness often didn't end well and he didn't figure Saivar would appreciate Zhaymak going behind his back anyway. That, and he got the feeling Selam might be the type to casually bring it up if he thought or knew it had been done without Saivar's knowledge, "It might a decent idea if I maybe reached out to see if your father would like to have a call with me before I'm actually in their house and he has to deal with everything all at once."

"I wouldn't be at all disrespectful or make any of the jokes I'd mentioned in letters," he added quickly.

"I do not see why not," Saivar said with a nod. That would, most likely, help to establish a better relationship. "And now that you mention it, I agree that it is a good idea. Do you want me there as well, or no?

"To start, at least, it may be better if it were just me but if things seem to be going...sideways...you can always join us. Or, of course, if he's reluctant to speak to me alone, though over a subspace call I can't imagine he would be."

"That is agreeable." Saivar paused for a moment before adding, "He can be disagreeable sometimes but he still is my father. I do not believe that he would try to purposely cause a conflict."

"I don't think he would either and, because he is your father, I certainly wouldn't try to purposely cause a conflict."

Zhaymak did, at least, take the time to figure out what the local time on Vulcan was before calling; it wouldn't do to get off on the very wrong foot by calling in the middle of the night, after all. He wasn't expecting a cheerful (or even an agreeable) greeting, but the least he could do was not call at a wildly inappropriate time of the day.

It took a moment or two for the call to be answered, perhaps due to the unfamiliar subspace code. "Good morning," a voice did speak up, though the videa was not yet enabled. "This is Selam speaking of the Selam and T'Mor residence. Who is this?" His voice was even, direct, and compared to Saivar's more gentle intonations, may have felt a touch stilted. It was obviously a Vulcan speaking.

"This is Riyăk Zhaymak Mu'Dar. I believe your son Saivar has spoken to you about me and, if you have the time, I thought it would be--" he paused looking for the right word. It certainly wasn't 'good', too much potential emotion behind that, same with agreeable. Prudent? Too weird and old fashioned sounding. "--considering my different species and background, perhaps wise to speak a bit before we are both actually in your home."

"Is this an agreeable time?"

"Ah. You are the Cardassian that is courting my son," Selam said. After a couple of seconds the video was enabled on his side. Although Vulcans aged differently given their longer lifespans, his greying hair did make him appear older. And, compared to Saivar, Selam was more fair-skinned, maybe even pale, with sharper angles to his face and more upward-pointed ears. He seemed to have an expression of contempt, but that could have also just been his natural resting face. If it were, it was quite unfortunate. "Now is an agreeable time. Did you wish to speak to my wife T'Mor as well?"

Well, it was easy for Zhaymak to see where Saivar got his looks! Selam could have easily passed for a much older brother--if Vulcans had that sort of gap between siblings.

Zhaymak inclined his head politely, "I am the man who will be marrying your son in a few months, yes." He kept his own tone and inflection even, despite the less than subtle correction of Selam's statement.

"If she would like to speak with me later, I would find that agreeable. For the moment, however, I would like to speak with you as Saivar has mentioned to me that he understood, from your last conversation with him on the matter, that you perhaps had some concerns."

"I find it is often best to address concerns early on, so any questions can be answered and any potential misunderstandings cleared up."

"Then I will ask her after our conversation," Selam said and inclined his head politely, though he pursed his lips just a bit at being corrected. He then listened to Zhaymak and arched a brow. There was a small but noticeable pause between that and his response. "That is thorough of you, Mu'Dar.

The correction, as far as Zhaymak had been concerned, was simply offering a more accurate description of what was going on--at least he hadn't said 'Cardie'.

"Some of the more admirable traits Cardassians are known for is thoroughness and attention to detail, both for those in civilian and military life. I will not presume to know the extent of your concerns, and do not wish to seem as though I'm immediately trying to defend myself or my intentions," he very nearly smiled and, remembering that that wasn't necessarily an appropriate social thing, even if most Vulcans knew to expect it from nearly every other species, managed to keep his expression a fairly typical neutral dredged up from a couple of decades in the Fourth Order.

Still, his overall posture (what could be seen of it, at any rate) remained relaxed and friendly enough.

"I have a general idea based on what your son conveyed to me, but I know information can sometimes lose a little of its nuance from one person to the next, and would like to know if there is anything specific you'd want to ask me."

"Hm. I will preface this with the fact that Saivar, being an adult, is allowed to make his own life choices. And restating what I had told him: I will not come between the two of you," Selam said. There was another pause and a slow blink before he continued. "That said, you are correct in that I do have concerns. I have seen interspecies relationships with our people end disastrously."

"Ah, I do apologise if I was unclear; I did not mean to imply that I believed you would attempt to do such a thing, only to open a line of communication to put the concerns you have to rest."

He considered Selam's statement for a moment, "That is not untrue; Vulcans have a very unique culture and philosophy and many do find it difficult to navigate or find they're unable to adjust sufficiently, resulting in both their partner and themselves not being--apologies for my lack of a better term--happy."

"Cardassians can be passionate, to put it lightly, though it's often mistaken for hostility or even dislike. This is, strangely enough, one point of cultural misunderstanding we have already worked through; we often express interest in getting to know someone better by arguing with them, sometimes even picking a fight." That didn't sound good, not worded like THAT! "It's--a way to gauge interest and mental acuity, and it's a deeply engrained cultural expectation that often and understandably gets misread by those who are not Cardassian."

That still didn't sound great, so Zhaymak continued explaining, "It is something I explained thoroughly to Saivar, we discussed alternate ways to convey the same intent or interest, and not only have I made an effort to choose my words more carefully as it is not something Saivar innately understands while he has also made an effort to pause and realise that I am not being hostile or aggressive--and if there is a miscommuncation between us, we are both able to step back and discuss it."

"Saivar has been excellent, to put it lightly, in being patient with teaching me everything that will be expected and working with me on varying my own mental training," he sighed slightly, "we do not have the same talents as Vulcans, but mental discipline is a requirement in civilian and even more so in military life; apart from an eidetic memory, tight control over one's own mind is an expectation."

"But, that aside, we are extremely family oriented, which often comes as a surprise as most only know us from our--" he paused again, "--unwarranted and unnecessarily aggressive expansions and occupations. Prior to the Dominion War it was common and almost expected that several generations of one family would live under one roof; those who have family left often continue it. While children do often go off on their own for awhile, most wind up back at home again or invite family to live with them."

"You seem skilled in defending yourself, Mu'Dar," Selam stated after listening to, well, all of what Zhaymak had said. He did at least speak clearly and with intent, which he silently acknowledged and even approved of. Not the length of the speech, however, but then again he was a Cardassian.

"It does sound like you and Saivar have learned and worked some cultural differences out," he continued. "Your willingness to communicate is admirable. You may have likely realised that Saivar is..." Selam took a moment to find the words that a non-Vulcan might understand better and without being too explicit about another's life. "He is sensitive. And he is trusting." He paused. "These are not poor traits, but he may, as he has done in the past, not look after his own wellbeing as he works to please those around him."

"Not myself," Zhaymak shook his head slightly, "your son. It is his choice, as you've said, and it's that choice that's been a cause of concern. You would, no doubt, have similar concerns regardless of my species. Saivar is your son, after all, and it's understandable to want some assurances that he will not be intentionally hurt."

If nothing else, he wouldn't be able to deny that statement without sounding terrible.

"He often doesn't look after his own well being, especially when working on a particularly interesting research project. I do, however. I don't find him difficult to read and that's only become easier as he teaches me more traditional sorts of meditation. Very little rattles me, as unfortunate as that is at times, but it makes it easier for me to notice and assist him in refocusing." At least he stopped short of telling Selam that they'd done an actual mind meld and before being married!

Zhaymak very nearly laughed, managing to keep it to a small smile, "He is also exceptionally good at doing the same for me. One of his concerns was that I was changing too much of myself to please him. We seem to have formed a very reciprocal bond."

"He is teaching you meditation techniques? That is interesting. I appreciate that you are discovering ways to take care of him," Selam said. "Has Saivar made you aware that a Vulcan marriage involves a mating bond? That you would be inflicting your emotions on him?"

“He has,” Zhaymak nodded once. “He explained it in great detail and has already begun assisting me in learning how to control that so I don’t inadvertently overwhelm him. He also explained the other rituals that are part of a traditional Vulcan marriage ceremony.”

“Admittedly, it is all a lot to take in and learn, but mental discipline is one of my stronger traits and I am looking forward to everything. Saivar has been nothing short of amazing in his explanations and assistance—not to mention his patience, as I’m sure it can be frustrating having to sometimes explain concepts second nature to him but entirely foreign to me.”

"You will be taught the rituals in preparation for the ceremony, but it is good that he had informed you." Selam took another moment to consider things. Vulcans were patient, yes, but Zhaymak made a good point in just how much Saivar had been working with him. Maybe. Just maybe he had been too harsh with his son the last time he spoke.

"When Saivar informed me of your relationship," he continued, "I was honestly surprised. I told him he was being illogical." He paused, and his expression softened somewhat. "It was not out of what you may call disappointment, although you being an alien was...unexpected.

"Truthfully, with how he came out of his first marriage, I did not expect that he would find another mate." The word he was looking for was 'depression'. "Not one so soon at any rate. I can see that you have respect and deep feelings for him. However, I hope you are not rushing things."

Zhaymak nodded again in response, "He mentioned there would be additional ones to learn once we are on Vulcan. It's certainly a lot, and it also means a lot to him to do it this way; he did, however, ask if I would be comfortable with it and, if not, we would find other avenues. So there is no question of it, I am more than comfortable with everything he has explained."

Selam's next words were considered carefully. Cardassians were not often seen as a good sort of surprise and still were, at best, seen with guarded caution by most people, including those who had never been near the Union's area of the Alpha Quadrant.

"He told me how his first marriage ended, as well as telling me about his daughter--and he has told her about me--I can only imagine how it ending the way it did hurt him and I know it did make him cautious. I've known him for some time and, truthfully, the only indication I'd had that he might have been interested was that he would talk to me outside of his work."

This time, Zhaymak did smile, "I don't understand half of what he tells me about the work he does, it's far removed from my own field, but I could listen to him talk about it for hours and remember every word."

"Hm. Your reaching out to speak with me is appreciated, Mu'Dar," Selam said. Actually, it had put him a bit at ease. Zhaymak did sound like he did deeply care for his son, and was geniune about it. Him being an alien was still concerning but that fact that the two of them were taking precautions was good. He quietly hoped that this was the logical choice for them to take even if he himself still viewed it as...risky.

"I do not have further questions for you at this time," he continued. "Is there anything else you wish to say right now?"

"You may call me Zhaymak if you wish. We are going to be family, after all." Was that a good thing to say? Surely it couldn't make matters worse, it was a perfectly benign, pleasant sentiment, after all.

"If it's still agreeable, and she is available, perhaps T'Mor could join the call?"

"All right, Zhaymak," Selam said with the lightest of nods. "I will go see if my wife is available. One moment." He stood and left the view of the video. There wasn't too much to see of the room the call was taking place in, but their was a neat bookshelf and the glow of the warm morning sun.

A quiet "I was wondering who you could be talking to this early" was heard before T'Mor entered the view of the video call. She sat down first, and then Selam pulled another chair up beside her. If it wasn't evident earlier whom Saivar took after in looks, it surely was now.

T'Mor was darker in complexion, at least next to her pale husband, with a softer face, fuller lips, and dark, greying hair that was still obviously wavy even though it was cut short. She also had a much less severe resting expression, and, upon seeing Zhaymak, seemed to light up a bit.

"It is good to put a face to name," T'Mor said, smiling with her eyes. "Saivar speaks warmly of you, Zhaymak." No big formalities there. In her eyes, this is already her son-in-law. "I hope that my husband was not difficult to speak with."

It seemed to Zhaymak that Saivar got his general looks from Selam and his overall 'softer' demeanour clearly from T'Mor. She certainly seemed more open (relatively speaking) and less guarded than her husband.

"Likewise. It does make conversation much easier knowing what those involved look like, not to mention words and expressions have so much nuance that text or audio only simply does not. It's good to hear that he speaks of me warmly, though it's not at all unexpected; he is just as warm in person."

"He was not difficult to speak with," Zhaymak shook his head slightly for emphasis. "He had concerns, which were understandable and logical when coming from a place of not knowing who I was and wanting to protect his son from being hurt. I've taken no offense to those concerns, and hope I've laid the majority of them to rest."

That was a true statement, though Zhaymak elected to leave off how defensive he'd become over Saivar after seeing how upset his first conversation with Selam had left him. He also may have had numerous and probably oddly nervous seeming things to ask, largely around How Not To Come Off As An Untrained Housepet in a Vulcan house but that could wait a little longer.

"Did you have anything you'd like to ask me?"

"It pleases me to hear that. I know my husband may come off as harsh, but it is good to see that you understand the reason behind his reservations." T'Mor looked over at Selam and gave him a slow blink, which seemed rather cat-like in manner, before turning back to the video call. "I do not have any questions at this moment, but I am looking forward to your visit and I hope that you will feel comfortable in our home."

Zhaymak was relieved at her not having questions, though he took care to hide that well and simply nodded. "Would either of you mind if I asked a few questions? Saivar has been excellent about answering them, and has reassured me that everything will be fine, but I would guess there are some substantial differences between visiting a Cardassian home and a Vulcan one."

"We're often a bit...lively when it comes to conversation and nearly everything else and I would not wish to be a bit much."

"I think you will be all right," T'Mor said. "Lively is not generally how I would describe a Vulcan household, but I think we could handle one Cardassian."

"That is essentially what Saivar has told me, and I am certain I have general behaviour fully understood." No t o u c h i n g specifically. And most likely on debates or arguments on topics in general.

"I'm more curious about--and I'm not entirely sure how to word this, but--expectations, not the personal sort, more the cultural sort, around assisting with things related to entertaining," was that the right word? Did Vulcans even do anything they'd call entertaining? "Preparation, serving, cleaning, conversational topics to avoid, things of that nature."

It wouldn't do to come off as lazy or somehow ungrateful, after all!

"If you and Saivar decide to spend the night here then you are both expected to rise early and prepare breakfast for the household," T'Mor said. "We have a guest room, so you staying would not be a burden on us." She looked to Selam for a moment before turning back to the call. "You can be at ease, Zhaymak. You sound polite and attentive, I doubt there will be any problems."

"That might--" he stopped abruptly. "I'd like to preface this by stating that I don't wish to seem as though I'm imposing and follow that by swiftly pointing out that most of what anyone outside of Cardassia knows about Cardassian food is a very, very narrow and often the sort of food that travels well, so to speak. We have a large variety of teas, baked goods, fruits, and various vegetables."

Zhaymak caught himself, at least, before he started to ramble on about how the fact that they're still generally highly xenophobic about allowing outsiders that aren't begrudgingly allowed on world as part of reconstruction efforts (though most of those were long over with) and continued, "Saivar and I were planning to visit Cardassia Prime soon, as there are several botanical gardens and interesting wild flora that he has not seen outside of papers and photos and, additionally, to show him that the vast majority of Cardassian food is not what it's been made out to be."

"Perhaps, if we came across some things he thinks the two of you might enjoy, we could stay for one night?"

Selam's expression briefly changed to something less than pleased at the prospect of whatever a Cardassian breakfast might be. "A simple Vulcan breakfast would suffice."

"Do not mind him, Zhaymak," T'Mor said and then just gave her husband a brief look that must have held an entire conversation as he just got quiet. "If you wish to prepare something you are familiar with, that is fine. I am sure that Saivar will assist you."

Zhaymak very nearly laughed, if only because Cardassian meals tended to be affairs. Simple was what you did if you were deployed and in an active war zone, or so busy you barely had time to breathe, "No, no, it's perfectly all right. We often view meal times as--not elaborate so much as a very social affair. Saivar knows you, obviously, and I would not suggest anything he didn't think would be well received. There are several things, I think, that might mesh well with Vulcan dishes as well."

He blinked and stopped speaking again suddenly, though it was due entirely to his brain shifting gears with very little warning, "That does remind me, would either of you be adverse to visiting our ships? I suspect the only other person who will still be around on the old Galor will be my chief engineer, H'Pa, unless he decides he'd like to visit the surface. He is Klingon, however, and may not stay long if he does. There may be a few others, but most are Cardassian and will likely take leave back on Cardassia."

"The ship that I requisitioned for Saivar some time back does not require a crew as it's more of a personal ship."

If Saivar hadn't mention being gifted an entire ship in previous conversation, well, they knew now.

"I trust you will do just fine," T'Mor said. "And are you familiar with Vulcan dishes? Is there anything that you do not find agreeable? I would not wish for you to go hungry here." She then paused for a moment, and both she and Selam looked just a little perplexed for a moment.

"You requisitioned a ship for Saivar?" Selam asked.

"We would not be against seeing your ships," T'Mor added.

"I'm familiar with what Saivar has shown me so far. There is very little that I don't find agreeable." Bajoran food, by and large, but that wasn't going to be an issue so there was no point in bringing it up.

"I did!" Zhaymak brightened, "I know he enjoys his work, and I also knew he had expressed interest in being able to direct his own research and pursue avenues that held particular interest for him. I also knew his current assignment was getting close to its conclusion and thought it'd be a good time for him to advance his career in that direction. It's a Lukari N'Kaam; very fast, very agile ship that they tend to use as a hybrid scouting ship and scientific research vessel. It is worth noting, when you see its interior, that that is how they're built. The Lukari are very nature oriented people."

"It's a disc!" He really couldn't help but smile at that, "It reminded me, at first, of what humans often reported as UFOs a few centuries ago. Lukari ships also have a number of colorful exterior lights that make them look striking from the outside."

"The Galor--is a Galor. On the outside, at any rate. As it's no longer in use as a military ship, I had its interior and layout redone to make it less uncomfortable and a bit more efficient; H'Pa is already missing most of his hair, there was no need to encourage the rest of it to leave over Cardassian engineering."

"That was generous of you," Selam said. It surprised T'Mor enough that she raised a brow at her husband.

"I am sure that Saivar enjoys it," she said. "He sounded in better spirits than he had been for years when I spoke with him last. And he did talk a little about your ship, though mostly your interest in it. Although I do now believe I misunderstood what he meant about the N'Kaam.

"You seem to understand him well," T'Mor added, glancing at her husband.

"I enjoy seeing him happy and relaxed, as well as--I'm not sure feeling is the appropriate word but sensing doesn't accurately capture it either--that he's happy." Happy was probably not one of those words Vulcans used often but, really, it was the most on point to what it was.

"It took him some time to find words when he saw the N'Kaam. The Galor is interesting for other reasons, but I'm sure those will be evident easily enough."

"Saivar is easy to understand for me; apart from some occasional communication miscommunications early on, though I did learn that he will talk almost as much as I do when he is comfortable! It is good to hear he sounds to be in better spirits, he was somewhat withdrawn and quiet when we first met."

"I am glad to hear that," T'Mor said, smiling very gently. "I am not as concerned as my husband is with your relationship. You appear very committed to Saivar, and given your emotional responses while talking about him, I can see that you have a deep adoration for him, and that he also brings you satisfaction." That was definitely at least partially for Selam to hear, and he did seem to ease up a little. At the least, he didn't say anything to counter her.

"I believe you will both do just fine," she continued, "and Selam and I will both support you. It is very thoughtful of you to join in our traditions as well."

"I do apologise for being overly emotional. He is a brilliant, wonderful man, which does make it occasionally difficult to not want to talk about him."

Zhaymak took a short moment to recompose himself before continuing.

"It's something I'm looking forward to; Cardassians in general could benefit from being more open in that regard."

"Ah, but I've likely taken up enough of your morning. Saivar is aware that I'd planned to call today; if you'd like to speak with him I can go and get him."

"It is nice to hear someone speak so highly of him," T'Mor said, likely another light jab at Selam. "And yes, that would be agreeable, Zhaymak."

"He certainly deserves it!" Zhaymak smiled and inclined his head politely.

"One moment," he ducked out of the room to find Saivar, which wasn't a difficult task at all.

"They'd like to have you jump in on the call if you'd be agreeable to that. I-- think it's gone well!"

Saivar was 'reading' when Zhaymak came in to get him. He looked up from his PADD and gently smiled. "It sounded like it went well," he said, and then pointed at one of his ears. "It seems that sound travels a bit differently on your ship. I hope you do not mind if I overheard some of the conversation." He set the PADD down and stood up to go join him.

"I don't mind, it was all good things after all." Zhaymak, while they were out of sight of the camera, held a hand out to Saivar.

"Some things are best said out loud and directly anyway. They both seem to be in good moods."

Really, he meant Selam seemed to be in what probably passed for a good mood, but it wouldn't do to have that overheard.

"That is good," Saivar said, accepting Zhaymak's hand. "I am glad they have both been agreeable. It sounded like you had a good conversation."

Zhaymak pulled himself closer to Saivar, clearly the hand holding must be the cause! He leaned in to sneak in a peck on the cheek and whisper, "I may have knocked your father off balance enough that he ended up paying attention to what I was saying out of shock for a few minutes."

And, of course, before they got back into range of the camera, he let go of Saivar's hand and moved to a more appropriate distance. Even if they were still on his ship, it wouldn't do at this point to come off as too comfortable or inappropriate.

"Interesting," Saivar whispered back. He then joined him for the video call. Hey, maybe he'd actually have an okay conversation with his father for once.