Sorry for the depressing title. I have lived with leprosy for a very long time now, I can hardly feel my fingers even now. I think they might fall off soon and then I can't do anything.
I ran away from my home village after I killed an old woman about two years ago. There's my confession. I didn't mean to. I thought I would be weaker than her when she attacked me because she thought I was bad luck and killing me would make the bad luck go away. I guess I wasn't weaker than her. I ran straight to the desert, hoping I would die out here somewhere, but I guess I wasn't meant to yet. For some reason, I was meant to spend a few years with a god who wants nothing to do with me, though I'm lucky he has been kind enough to point me in the direction of accessible food and water. The things I feel for this god, I can't tell you. I can't tell anyone.
I'm sorry. I think I just want to know: Will the afterlife be any happier? Or will I disappear when I die? I think I'm more scared of that than anything, living a life like this and then just... Disappearing without a trace.
I am no stranger to stories such as yours. It is a saddening fact that mortal life is prone to using fear of superstition to justify violence towards those they do not understand, whether it is astute or not. I do not have exact knowledge of the afterlife. Merely the fact that it can intersect with the mortal world quite well. From what I have seen however, i can assume a soul that refuses to die may persist as long as their will allows. What form their will takes will vary immensely. But as long as you desire and treasure your existence, death will not be enough to excise you from this world.
Of course, the god may certainly help in that way as well. Contingencies are always nice.
7 years, 5 months ago
... Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's not contagious... I don't know. No one seemed to catch it around me. Then again, everyone kept their distance and treated me like I had the plague-- I guess, that figure of speech doesn't work since I technically do, haha...
But... What? You mean there's a chance I could just... Not fully die? I mean, maybe I won't be in this body anymore which... Sounds incredible. But that could happen? Maybe?
7 years, 5 months ago
It sounds as if whatever you've contracted may not travel through mere presence. Either that, or you've done well enough to cover afflicted areas and it spreads through direct contact.
And yes! While I have not seen what waits beyond this plane, I have seen and talked with countless individuals who simply refused to leave it. The vast population of undead may not have a minute's worth of heartbeats between them, but most were lively as they'd always been! The few who weren't were either dragged back against their will, or had decidedly unfinished business they could not let slip. Some kept their bodies, some didn't, but few felt a particular pain from their existence.
As I said, the god you've spoken with may be of help there, but from what I have seen, all you need is a strong enough will to say "Death shall not be the end."
7 years, 5 months ago
Wow dude, you don't seem to be having a very fun time there. Disappearing without a trace has it's benefits, though. You'd be pretty surprised about how it takes a load off your mind.
...I don't think killing someone in self-defense is necessarily bad, though. Unless there's circumstances which would make it wrong. But I'm sure the afterlife is a happy place! I mean, the other possibilities are too depressing to think about.
7 years, 5 months ago
I can't imagine enjoying it. It doesn't feel like a weight being lifted, it feels like... Being ripped away from something. It doesn't feel like it's time yet, but I can't exactly control that. So I-- I try not to think too much about it, I guess, but I can't keep ignoring it forever.
... Thank you. I still feel like maybe there was another way, but in the moment I didn't know what else to do. It was like my survival instincts overrode my reason.
7 years, 5 months ago