Berard's Links
My youngest daughter. Even if I don't understand why she'd rather become a carpenter than help out in the family business, I'm glad she found something that gets her out of bed in the morning - the rooster definitely doesn't do the trick!
He tries his best to be supportive of my interests and dreams even though he doesn't always understand, so I can't be too upset at having him for a father. Sure, it's embarassing when he makes fun of people behind their back at the dinner table, but who out there is never embarassed by their relatives? People are sometimes surprised to hear we're related, probably because he's an extreme morning person.
My wife found her in the cabbage field when she was just a baby. We already had so many young children that we couldn't take one more. She's growing up to be quite the inquisitor, I'm glad she solved the mystery of why the cows kept getting spooked at night.
He loves helping people because he thinks it's funny to see them fail at things, and some of the things he says to Kalina's mom about my parents seem kind of... like he's making fun of them behind their backs? I really wish I didn't know that about my best friend's dad, he seems so much nicer when you haven't overheard the things he says when he thinks nobody's listening!
He's one of those "educated" men who thinks you can get all the knowledge you need from a book. You can't, and it's the funniest thing ever to see him try. After a lot of practice he managed to get really good at magic tricks, but the first time he did a card trick? Terrible! I couldn't look away!
He's a solid and dependable guy. If you need help with something, he's always there for you without asking for anything in return, and he's always sharing so much good produce with my family. Plus, he was one of the first people to actually enjoy my magic tricks, and I can't help but appreciate him for that. My daughter says he sometimes laughs at people behind their backs, but nobody's perfect.
When I first met him twenty years ago, I thought one thing: "Wow, he's starting a restaurant over here? That will never work, I have to see this." After actually going to the restaurant, I thought: "Wow, that city kid really knows how to cook! Too bad he put his restaurant all the way over here." He's so funny, I'm glad he was too embarassed about his failure to go back home. He always delivers the mail on time and sometimes even brings us snacks. His potluck contributions are legendary. Could I have thought of a better dad for that random baby my wife found in a cabbage field? Nope! His kid might not learn how to till a field from him, but she'll sure get some great food.
It took me some time to warm up to him. At first I had this uncomfortable feeling that he was probably making fun of me behind my back, but as I got to know him better, I realized that he pokes fun at everyone, and that made it feel a lot less personal. Also, he actually helps out when you're failing at something, which is definitely more than you can say for some other people I've known!
Okay, so it's of course very rude that she broke into my barn and drank from my family's cattle, but I can't stay mad at her. She was just hungry! And so bad at being a vampire that she got caught by a teenager! I'm glad we all collectively, as a community, decided to adopt this poor girl before she goes somewhere else and gets staked.
His first words to me, with the absolute biggest grin on his face, were: "Since you're probably a big city vampire I'll give you a tip: Did you know you're supposed to drink the milk, not the blood? It comes out of the udders, those are the sacks dangling on the underside of the cows." Which is a very awkward thing to hear from someone whose barn you snuck into at night multiple times to feed on his lifestock. It's a joke at my expense, of course. I'll allow it, because being told I must not know basic cow anatomy is definitely up there in the top ten percent of best ways people have ever reacted to me doing... that.
He wouldn't be able to craft a believable lie to save his life, and I love that about him. He just keeps coming up with these outrageous tales that nobody's going to believe. If half of what he told was true, he'd be better off retiring and becoming a sea weed farmer.
He asks me to tell him about my adventures out on the sea a lot, and I know he's pulling my leg, so when it's just him I make my tales a lot more outlandish than when I'm telling them to children. He seems to enjoy it the most when my stories make no logical sense. It helps me get the bad ideas out of my system and save the good ones for a more discerning audience.
Natalie is so funny. She approaches everything she doesn't know with so much curiosity and optimism and so little good sense! I don't know where she keeps coming from. She's definitely not a local, but most people who visit either run away screaming after the first time they see a ghost, or stick around indefinitely.
When you ask him a question, he doesn't get annoyed, he just gives you an answer and thinks it's funny that you didn't already know the answer. He is so easily amused! I love that.
I can't believe we actually convinced this kid that he was his parents' biological child! He must have felt so stupid when he found out that none of the other kids have plants growing from their head because that is not, in fact, "totally normal for a platypus." And neither of his parents are even a platypus!
I don't like him. He was too cheerful when I found out that all the adults had been lying to me all of my life. He probably enjoyed telling his children that Ol' Clause doesn't really bring them gifts on the winter solstice, too.
Felicia is a lot closer to my children's age than mine, and I don't know her that well - for some reason she's always busy when my wife hosts a potluck. She seems to have grown into a confident young adult who took to the family trade well, though. I'm sure her parents are really proud of her!
How is he so jolly all the time? His farm is super haunted and way too close to the woods!