Content warning: This backstory discusses child sexual abuse-related trauma and institutionalized, sex-based misogyny, and even at its most light-hearted, Pizzicato's life and times can be very NSFW as he is very sexually active. Furthermore, sections describing the events of each expac will discuss spoilers freely. Read carefully and take care of yourself!

Ezka's reign as Nunh of the Ul'dahn P tribe was brief - the result of an inebriated argument, no less. But it's impossible to deny that it left a profound impact on the Basilisk tribe, and shaped new expectations for future Nunhs.

Ezka was not exactly a respected Tia within his tribe around the time he beat the current Nunh half to death in a drunken rage, but he was known for being strange and opinionated. No one but him really understands what happened and why, but it's said that Ezka was simply 'born' different. So, while the traditions of the at-the-time very patriarchal, harsh P tribe struck its inhabitants as normal and necessary, people say Ezka "lost his mind" at the revelation of how exactly so many women were made mothers so quickly.

Was it all 100% forced and nonconsensual, all the time? Well, not really. But not very many women in the tribe could claim their experience with the current Nunh was 'enjoyable', and many would even come to whisper in private rooms that they had nightmares of that night to this day. Post-partum depression was endemic to the Basilisk tribe at the time.

So when Ezka heard from a dear friend of his that she was scared of the Nunh, and that she "wasn't ready" for the things he did with her, he did what he normally did when he had to cope with unpleasant truths he couldn't change: drink. A lot. But - come to think of it, was it all so immovable? Why should he have the luxury of simply drinking to forget, while nothing improves?

The fight wasn't exactly skilled, but it was dirty enough to make a point strong enough for Ezka to be considered the victor. As Nunh, Ezka fathered about 15 kittens, and very quickly found that making kittens was easy - raising them was harder, and he experienced a panic unlike anything in his life before then. How could he be a proper father if he had no idea what to promise himself not to repeat? He barely remembered his own childhood, and every time his mind drifted in that direction, it was as if a firm, strong hand pushed him away. Saying "No. We don't need to go back there. We don't need to know."

... Well, Ezka drifted further and further from his tribe - easing into a shared Nunh-leadership with a trusted friend, and eventually letting that friend take over entirely.

No one seems to begrudge Pizzicatp his disappearance - at the very least, that's what he tells himself. He entered and left everyone's life much like an alien, visiting for a time to learn Eorzea's customs and returning to his home planet where everyone flapped their hands when excited, or spoke in scripts, or had to fight themselves extra-hard not to cry and break down when overwhelmed.

A Realm Reborn

Imma be real with you chief. ARR fuckin sucked the biggest donkey balls, its pacing was horrendous, its plot was nap-inducing and yet hypercomplicated, and it couldn't seem to stop reminding us that women are treated like shit. But it was a great, chill time during which he met Drazen and Krita, his two closest friends outside of any of the Scions - it allowed him to find his place in this great, wide, whacky world. But the biggest thing from ARR that Pizzicato felt particularly strongly about was dear, dear Cid and his entanglements with the Garlean empire. Something about that sad story resonated in Pizzicato, didn't it? Being targeted by a strong, safe authority figure and twisted into something strange - and by the time you realize it, it's far too late to ever fully wash yourself again. It brought up horrible old memories when he had to put poor Livia out of her misery, that poor young woman, appearing to be groomed into a twisted "relationship" with her older superior. Moenbryda was one of the only good things in this sinful plot. Oh and also the Bloody Banquet was pretty fucked up right?? He has pretty serious trauma stemming from Ilberd's betrayal of the Scions and the Crystal Braves, along with the shitty little capitalism potatoes standing behind him and just truly fucking everything up that the Scions worked so hard to achieve - or does that event simply remind him of a past trauma - or even a now-building trauma in the back of his mind?

Heavensward

Heavensward is where FFXIV started feeling like a Final Fantasy game, at least for me. Like, Pizzicato was borderline catatonic upon arrival in Ishgard, but he was surrounded by trusted friends and advisors, and he managed to put himself together enough to be strong for Alphinaud, who really took the brunt of the Bloody Banquet's Bloody Bullshit and even blamed himself for it. He had great respect for Ysayle, the "traitor queen", but next to none for Estinien at this time. Sure, Estinien is an admirable fighter, and he's got a lot to offer as a party member - but it was like there was nothing but cotton and dragon blood between his comically long ears. At least Alphinaud liked him, I guess... And once some decent steps towards peace with dragons were made, there was the Vault. Haha. Stupid, sweet Aymeric didn't know what he was getting into. It wasn't his fault. But everyone knows that no matter what, your daddy is never going to treat you like his son. Daddy doesn't know how to treat anyone like a son without royally screwing with their brains, much less his biological son. Something happened there that Pizzicato has never mentioned since he left Isghard, he hasn't even consciously thought about it, but the sight of red, red water pouring out of Haurchefant's mouth haunts his every waking moment, his every thought about everyone around him, his every decision. But it all ended up okay in the end, right? The Pope was stopped, the sundered Heavens' Ward put out of their misery, and the Dragonsong War ended. So there's nothing to cry about anymore. I'm not sure why you're still crying. It's time to have a banquet and celebrate our diplomatic success! Man, fuck banquets, right? Nothing good ever happens to anyone at a big gathering with food and drink. People give you bad drinks that make you go to sleep at banquets and then they hurt your friends and everyone is staring at you like you were somehow responsible... Needless to say, Pizzicato is in an extremely dark place after the end of Heavensward, and only starts to reconfigure how to function after the end of the Dragonsong War. Notice that I purposely did not say "he starts to recover" LOL. His last memorable words to Estinien were at Azys Lla, and thus spake he "It should have been you instead of Ysayle." And those are words you can't take back very easily. And that's no good. Anyway, Edmont Fortemps is his daddy now, and it seems like good old dad finally came to understand his pansy son's fondness for the Warrior of Light when he was gone. One time while mildly buzzed in his study (dad drinks a lot now which is bad :( but he hits Emmanellain less, which is good :) ), he told Pizzicato that he would have accepted him as a son. Pizzicato knew what he meant which is why he sternly begged Edmont to stop talking, but he kept on rambling, saying No, I mean it, you would have been one of my sons - you ARE one of my sons, Pizzicato, and then Pizzicato doesn't remember what happened after that. Edmont is fine and in one piece, nothing violent happened. He just doesn't remember how he got through the rest of that conversation. Presumably also with alcohol yanked from Edmont's trembling empty nest hands. The last major memory Pizzicato has before running to Ala Mhigo is poor dear Ilberd, who he didn't hate anymore, sacrificing himself and countless of their shared countrymen to summon - or become - Shinryu, avatar of justice. Pizzicato thinks we should have listened to Ilberd a little bit more. It doesn't make what he did justified, but when lovely Raubahn's face twists in pain as he explains his guilt for 'abandoning' Ilberd to the selfish upper crust of Ul'dah who laughed at his notions of freedom, Pizzicato understands now. [I GOTTA TALK ABOUT THE DARK KNIGHT QUESTS LMAO he has alters who are surfacing bc of his repressed pain. one protector (fray/the house) and one child fawning introject(myste/???)]

Stormblood

HOW DEEP IS THE SEA. Lyse and Alisaie became sisters in their own way to Pizzicato during this story, as they were by his side for most of what he found there. Ilberd and Raubahn's hungry brothers and weary sisters come together with the mysterious Eastern colony, Kugane. [there's a lot of shit that happens here and it's really important but i simply cannot word rn] So I have to be real with you he is ALL kinds of fucked up by Zenos committing suicide in front of him right after baring his soul about wanting to be in what is essentially a fantasy consensual BDSM relationship. Brings back some feelings he doesn't entirely remember or understand. Kind of a "dark Haurchefant just died" thing but obviously more complicated because dark Haurchefant just went ahead and committed countless war crimes against two oppressed colonies because he was bored and couldn't find joy in life, and then he didn't actually stop committing war crimes once he came to the realization that war crimes did not fulfill his heart and soul. Dark Haurchefant is problematic. However, as with most of his pain, he doesn't talk about it. There is ever so much work to do, after all, there are so many we couldn't save and so many we might be able to save if we can travel through the eye of a needle and break ourselves open well enough to entertain the fates. There's no time to think about any of this, which means it decides every part of Pizzicato's brain for him without even realizing. [i need to explain the whole tsuyu drama here because that did a huge number on his mental issues LOL it was retraumatizing in a way as a CSA survivor to see tsuyu be destroyed in the way she was, and be doubted and invalidated by hien while seeing tsuyu being terrorized by asahi and their parents. gosetsu and pizzicato are the only people in the world who share the lonely secret of having cared for tsuyu more than her abusers and having wanted to see her grow into a kind person. this is why they don't talk again, it's too hard to bear.) [uhhh the migraines are gonna be here too bc they kind of fill pizzicato up to a boiling point of terror]

Shadowbringers

We are all very tired. But I suppose there are kind people here, between the broken-necked Angels. [wip - have to actually play shb lol]

Endwalker

[wip - have to actually play ew].

• Pizzicato is a sub-AU of an AU of a W@tchtower Grotto character who may or may not exist anymore. Writing is weird.
• wip
• wip
• wip.
• wips.