May is Ehlers Danlos awareness month, and also the month I set for myself to "come clean" in a way about my physical conditions... Not for the sake of pity, please don't pity me I'm really tired of it LMAO it's more of a sense of. I'm tired of pretending that I'm okay. Really tired of trying to mask that I'm not very disabled. Tried for so long to seem that I'm not, that I'm capable of everything that non disabled and non chronically ill people can do. I really can't, and starting about last month or so I decided to integrate that into my bios on various places like here, Twitter, Instagram, and even my Etsy because I can't fulfill orders as fast as I used to.
So, I have Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, Thalassemia, etc... Other stuff is kinda a lot to bring up and I don't wanna list all my diagnoses online. Am gonna avoid anything that's not physical health.
EDS is a lifelong genetic thing along with Thalassemia, but I developed arthritis and fibro at 18. I could have had fibro for longer, but I'm not entirely sure. Basically, my body's kinda falling apart at the seams. As of now I use a finger splint for drawing and a cane for mobility, but mobility especially is severely limited now. I get sick when the wind blows. I went out recreationally for the first time since you know what last month, otherwise it was doctors only. I ended up getting the flu during all this when I never went outside, I shit you not.
Since it's a rare thing, I feel the need to explain EDS a bit... There's 13 types, but I have the hypermobile one. Somewhere down the genetic line my DNA did a fucky wucky now my collagen came out wrong. So I can extend things like my limbs and fingers far past what I should be able to do. It heavily affects the skin and more importantly, my connective tissue at the joints. So a common thing is laying in bed and waking up with one of my legs out of the socket or subluxated because it relaxed too much and slipped out. It comes with other things, but those are some of the main traits.
Arthritis is also a pain, I'm constantly swollen and I can't do much about it. Fibro doesn't help either. Everything hurts, basically. Thalassemia is an Italian blood disorder that I so graciously got from my Sicilian heritage LMAO but it's permanent anemia. I get iron IV juices every once in a while because my average hemoglobin is 10, which is pretty much what 8 year olds have. Adds onto the extra tired. Always tired. I'm bedridden a lot.
I'm allergic to all normal pain meds that are classified as NSAIDs (IE Tylenol, aspirin, Motrin, etc.) so I have to take stuff that's a little heavier and also. I can't take medicine for any of this. I can't take arthritis medicine, anything for fibro, and nothing exists for EDS. My only steps are biologic injections and chemo, and I'm not ready for the fallout of either of those when I'm already insanely fragile. I've taken non-NSAID options already, they've almost killed me.
Basically, all of those team up against me in terms of art the most.
It's gotten progressively worse since you know what has closed everything and made me terrified of going out... At the very least, I'm now fully immune. But prior, it was too risky too see doctors too often. I went to OT a few times and had to stop because I get sick so easily, but I'm starting to go back soon. My doctor there gave me the splint option for my fingers, which I can show below.
I held pens like this for my entire life (on the left), up until getting a metal splint about 8 months ago:
So... Yeah it's not great. I had no idea holding stuff like that and being too flexible and constant, never-ending pain as a kid wasn't normal. Kept bringing it up to doctors, but they brushed it off until I got a formal EDS diagnosis summer 2020. Supposedly a ton of other people with EDS are told the same, that it's "growing pains" even though you're not supposed to be bedridden from pain.
I even decided to give a character who still needs a design EDS because I'm kinda... Tired of being seen as weak, even though I absolutely am. He's the last character in my writing project, the big boss.
What I aim to accomplish with saying all this... Not really a lot, to be honest. It's less of a pity party and more me admitting to myself that I can't operate like I used to before I hit 18. And also kind of a plea for y'all to know why I'm not posting or drawing as much. Commissions especially have taken longer, and I think going forward I might implement a slot system. But to those who comm me, I'm sorry I take so long.
More than anything, I really love meeting other disabled and chronically ill artists. It feels like it's finding a needle in a haystack and it's comforting. I hope this resonates with someone.
I'm disabled, I'm chronically ill, and I'm not gonna let it keep me from doing what I love. Even it just takes me longer to do it. I won't attempt to hide it anymore.
ETA: I've also posted this to IG with the fundraiser option to go right to the EDS society, it's severely under-researched so they need as much reach and donations as they can get.
ETA again: I forgot another chronic thing I have is Hashimoto’s Disease, basically a fucky thyroid. After all sorts of false negative tests I finally got it figured out and medicated since last year, at least?
I sound bonkers I know but I got so much going on I tend to forget. Memory issues!!
Sooooo I've been sitting on it for a while and wondering, I can only like a few characters at a time LMAO but I really like designing characters... they all just can't get my attention or actually be used in stuff
I've been considering making designs to sell since I enjoy it, but idk if there's an audience for my stuff design wise and I wouldn't want to spend a ton of time and effort on something that wouldn't sell. I'd probably do something to the effect of ref sheets but actual fullbodies and not the little bean ones I do now for my own characters... and probably all men or at least designed to be, idc if people change gender and all that. I also have never actually bought an adopt myself if it's any frame of reference, I would more do this out of enjoyment and a side-gig instead of only commissions/etsy. Probably wouldn't touch closed species unless people ask me to... I'm just afraid of them never selling more than anything
How do y'all feel about me making adopts or how do y'all feel about my designs? Answer the poll however y'all I won't judge, I'd want realistic answers so I dont potentially waste effortlkfjh;ghgj i value y'all's opinions so feel free to comment!
Edit: Crossposted to the forums here!
Sooooo I got a shop and sell art and OC stuff and wanted to let y'all in on the news early........
There's gonna be a Bossentine pillow up for sale Feb. 14th at noon PST, the only one that's gonna ever be sold! I don't ever plan on restocking them since it's niche. Here's how they look:
They're gonna be 25 USD or 30 to have em filled!
Besides the pillows, all the Bossentine related stuff is gonna be on sale in my store both the 14th and 15th, for Valentine's day and well. Valentine's birthday. Day late king. Expect Bossentine/associated stuff to be about 10-20% off (since I already make prints at a narrow margin there's only so much I can shave off). New merch and stuff will also drop then! I got special art...
INCUJON => IIDX
which i cannot fucking BELIEVE wasn't taken i guess there's not many Bemani weebs on here
Original username is dated by now and has to do with one of my very first babies back from... 2017, maybe? So a change was due. Don't wanna use ""my professional"" art name on here though LMAO
Hey y'all, few things, first is the unfun stuff
I've been super ultra mega sick, got some sexy new chronic/genetic illness diagnoses and the others have all been acting... the worst of my life LMAOOOO so I've been pretty much half dead on the daily. It's not rona I promise I'm so immunocompromised that I only go out for doctors appointments. Since rona makes going to them hard it's kinda been downhill. But I've been getting a lot of treatment starting this week at least
What this means: Art's slow! Y'all probably have noticed since the summer. I aim to at the very least put out a painting a month, Camilo's the next one. I don't got commissions lined up but if I get some in the future they might take longer. I have a hard time being awake or sitting at my PC or uhhh holding a pen without severe pain so. I'm gonna try to not force myself to work as much. I got brain fog so sorry if forum responses with games and shit take a few days
The rest (release schedule and plans)
What I'm hoping to have out soon: The last character of the verse I'm writing for to be designed. Mr Lazzaro is gonna be in his mid fifties and I'm not super experienced with drawing middle aged men. It'll take time
Near future: Birthday art for Valentine where him and his pseudo husband totally aren't married because I'm fucking predictable
Unsure: The release of Bossentine & co's writing. I originally planned to have it out by Vally's birthday (February), but at this point in time I'm not totally sure. It was originally gonna be pretty short and it just seems to keep expanding, and my health and general workload made it take longer. At the very least, it'll be out next year. I'm hoping by spring.
Some fun stuff about the Bossentine writing and some general info:
- Current plans sit around 15-20 chapters, give or take. Most likely a higher number in that range or even past it
- Updates will be scheduled weekly (like posting Fridays). I'm finishing it all before posting so I can make sure I maintain consistency and quality. It'll be posted here and on AO3 (which is linked on my page)
- Yes it's gonna have ~18+ content~ have you seen me. Have you seen my sons.
- Once again I continue my habit of musical naming/theming conventions. It'll share 2 groups in particular depending on POV
- Speaking of POV, Valentine and Aurelio. No one else, they're the main characters after all. We'll get to see their baby forms. Gremlin Valentine
- After the final chapters are posted, I'll be making a "history" tab available for Valentine and Aurelio. As of now they reveal major spoilers, so they're hidden. They'll act as a TL;DR with a non-biased narrator unlike in their POV writing.
- It's not gonna be the uhhhhhhhh lightest read in the world with content. Warnings and all that shit will be in place but in most standards its incredibly vanilla. Mean people and violence and banging. Gender bendy. I made Valentine and hoped he wouldn't awaken something in me. Whoops
As of now I'm not sure what else to share, you're free to ask about it if y'all would like. Can't reveal everything! But I'm an open book besides major spoilers.
That's about it I guess? Merry Cringemas
Those "review your OC while IC" things are super neat so I wanted to hold my own, especially to hone in on my character writing. Got a project brewing and I'm hoping to have it out in time for a special demonic white boy's birthday, so it's good writing exercise to have them break out of the conventional box. Y'all are free to join in, I'd love to be able to do stuff for ya!
Be aware it's mature locked, not for NSFW content but because I'd really prefer if the characters I'm sent and people I complete these for are 18+. Valentine is horny y'all don't gotta see that
Turned 23 today.... Feeling extra old....... don't even have energy to draw something really LMAOFLKJHN;DLKFNH SORRY I JUST GOT DOODLES
THANK U SO MUCH TO FRIENDS WHO GAVE ME ART..... Will keep this bulletin updated with the stuff I'm gifted!!!
also crying over Lemonylulu 's gift of a real Goosentine. look at him he has a fucking eyepatchfkjlghdfkdh
Happy birthday and International Boss Day, Aurelio!
Its only been about... 5 months? but him and his deranged rat warm the cockles (aha) of my heart
When I made him as a counterpart to Valentine so that he doesn't have the shadow-boss-offscreen syndrome I didn't expect to get as attached as I did... I'm really glad I made him. I'll be back for your actual Earth years birthday on the next June 7th, sir