So like, first of all for context I'm old as balls (31, sadly online for almost 20 of those years) and grew up in Appalachia NJ so off to a weird start

Does anyone feel pangs of... sorrow? When they see nostalgia/liminal designs as characters and adopts? Like you see them and are like AW HELL YEAH because they are a rocking amazing aesthetic but also... they don't. Feel. Right?

Liminal these days feels so.... forced in a weird way. People who either didn't experience it, or are clinging to the falsity of "perfection" of how it was back then because let's be honest the entire concept of people finding comfort in modern/minimalism is only as severe due to the drastic increase of marketing and commercialization where comfort is literally deprivation of stimulus for many people. But I digress, read below for thoughts

I remember liminal is standing on a sidewalk by a laundromat with the snow falling and the ONLY sound a distant snow plow because of the muffled-ness at like 2am and hanging in the tree next to the dang shop are a few dead animals, gutted. Blood pooling/freezing under them. Random barbie jeep thrown haphazardly and mostly buried by snow beside the same tree, which ALSO bears a well used and loved swing

It used to be wandering the 24 hour stores at like1-4am where the ONLY signs of life beyond a warped radio playing above as you browse various cheap rainbow yarns is a random associate every 20 minutes who looks almost, scared to see you there. Like you don't belong

Or a mid-day summer shift at 7-Eleven lights flickering heat hazy and a random dude walks in, grabs a cinnamon roll, then screams to my face that if "they ever come take my kids, I have a hoard of guns in Florida and I'm READY." lights a cigarette, puts it out on the counter, turns around grabs a random soda and buys it, hands it to me and whispers "Because I know what you did" then just leaves. No other customers come or go for hours. The coffee burns. You are let go the next week because of a change of management, and hope his kids are ok

A basement in 1998 with no working electricity and moldy, kinda damp shag carpet in vomit colours with a single ground-level thin window right at the ceiling streaming light in. You bounce on a rusty metal carousel horse spring toy with small specks of dried blood from it pinching you for fun. Two shadows of a pair of cats, emaciated and hungry, beg at the window. Your only friends

Being in foster care/child services and going on a "field trip" to a fast food place. Burger King I think. You can't afford food so you don't eat. The play-place is your ally; greasy, smelling off and stagnant but colourful. The slide burns your bare skin. The ropes catch your limbs and ache when they tug reminding you of the kid that hung themself in the news in a similar location. You do not understand the weight of any of this. The ball pit feels like you are drowning amongst colourful dreams. Should you sink too low the reality of used condoms, heroin needles, and vomit shows itself. You'll take it over being returned to a false home

A fun backyard with trees, a brindle dog who eagerly bounds beside you. Vines growing all along the wall. It's a spring day. The sun is warm. The 15ft chain link and barbed wire fence next to the even taller brick wall blocking the suburban retirement home from a major highway is fascinating to you. The dog, Desirae, keeps sniffing around. There is a man, he looks at you, covered in bruising and blood, and reaches a hand to touch the fence. Your mother beats you for lying about something "so scary" being outside because you're a kid, when the cops come, it's a hour of fighting later. The sun is warm. Your neighbors Harley Davidson they are offering you a ride on is red. The man's body is cold

Sometimes, I reflect through a lens of trauma-healing and acknowledging that my past was not rainbows and sunshine and beauty and it helps. A lot. I grew up a hunter and taxidermist, dead animals are normal. I've loved mortuary work, dead humans are normal. I've been there for many events that changed history. I still own original Toys-R-Us plushies I hand-selected with the money I saved over months in my impoverished situation, though man have been cut up and sew into one another as amalgamations. Where people see horror, disgust, pain, I just see... humanity. Seeing strong concepts of nostalgia and liminal aspects being turned into almost... marketable stuff SO extreme that when and if I do try to capture how painful it is to have literally watched a local fairytale castle slowly fall to ruin in abandonment and now face demolition... it's seen as too mature

Am I too old, for the young internet? Or are the young kids these days too sheltered OR purposely dodging the hard aspects in order to cope with the pain?

I don't know, but I do remember as a kid being in a nearly-empty cheap fashion store with a huge dressing room similar to the original backrooms picture, walking up to those mirrors that reflect 3 ways seeing myself and having the first realization that maybe I'm not alone in my head. The eerie silence, the light mustard yellow carpet and walls and white popcorn ceiling. Old stained white curtains blocking off cells for changing. It's. Weird, seeing it be pushed so far into things nearly resembling actual schizotypal/psychotic visuals that it. Makes me wonder when it lost it's grasp on it being a feeling/concept and became.... aesthetic

idk that's my moment I legit LOVE seeing designs and I WILL hoard some I like and I'm a weirdo but also... sorry if my themes of OC's off-site or authorization only become more 18+ as I begin to try to capture my OWN nostalgia and liminal moments vs ones made using AI or pushed with photomanipulation. Monsters made of meat eyes body-parts ect and scenes that are forced eerie are... not scary. The random men in trucks following me, the dead silence of my childhood house long abandoned and decaying, an old tiny plastic champagne bottle from the new years of 1999 when my old dog bit me in the face... those are scary

This is long winded I doubt anyone cares!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hi hello back to me being dead silent for a while might even delete soon

Does anyone wanna hear them it’s not like agro or gatekeeping from my end it’s just me thinking abt it a lot

Everyone fuckineg look at this OC and tell me it isn't so perfect that yopu wanna throw the fuclk up

https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg v https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg https://toyhou.se/34911744.rigghttps://toyhou.se/34911744.riggvhttps://toyhou.se/34911744.rigghttps://toyhou.se/34911744.rigghttps://toyhou.se/34911744.rigg

- What should I call you? - Tbh I prefer just being called Leech or Quinncy / Quinn from people who don’t know me well!

- What art program do you use? - Clip Studio Paint for IPad and an Apple Pencil, Clip Studio Paint and Paint Tool Sai on a PC with both a Wacom Bamboo Pen and Touch and an Intuos Screen Tablet. Sometimes I use GIMP or such but eh!

- Can I DM you? - If you don’t mind me taking 50 years to reply and being wary of just “hi” dms, absolutely. I love rambling!

- Can you authorize me? - Lmfao no. Like 3 people are authorized and that’s because they’re homies. Authorizing reveals like 3 million oc’s, WIP’s, nsfw, sketches, and patreon exclusive shit das my secret stash

- Can I request character links? - Only if it’s like, applicable…..????? Like our oc’s have interacted or something if not why the fuck are you asking tbh?

- Are you open to art/design trades? - Yeah! Depends on workload and mood but skill/person does not matter

- When do you open commissions? - P much randomly. I’m desperately trying to work through my queue best I can whilst also staying afloat financially and it is a struggle…….

- Can I see a picture of you/will you do a face reveal? - My roommate made me pretty for a gay bar event so enjoy this whilst I try to get a better, more “normal situation” pic to share https://derangedleech.carrd.co/#info

- Can I take inspiration from your art/designs? - Ok this? Is gonna be a bit mixed bag. I do not mind you taking palettes, species ideas, ect but if I have a hyper specific oc, please do not copy. A good example is ICU! He may be a leech, but he has a false eye and bloodworm mouth, kangaroo paws, and skin flaps! So if you also choose to make a leech just. Try not to copy those exact things! However cyclops leech? Go for it!!!!! If anything I would love to see your ideas and designs and even offer ideas myself to you, just for fun! I used to be more gatekeeper-y but I’m too old for that now

- Can I trace your art? - Actually, I am going to ask that you don’t. The reason why is actually because, even I see the wonkyness in my anatomy after I finish sometimes and I would be worried you would be absorbing my mistakes and flaws. However, PLEASE use my art as studies for shading practice, style practice, ect! Just please if you share, be blatantly clear that it was a study and link to the image you referenced!

- May I put your characters in dreamie folders? - You can but don’t expect anything to ever come of it! A folder is a folder, I’m not bothered

- Can I ask for your discord? - I have an 18+ server I can send you an invite to if you are of age, but otherwise please do not add me or try to ask. I’m growing a bit uneasy in having it be public and having people I don’t know messaging me when I wish to use the energy I have for friends and my server

- Can I draw your characters, alone or with mine? - Alone, of course! With yours? PLEASE ask as some are in character, not friendly or extremely skittish and it’s uncomfortable seeing them being portrayed wrong

- Can our characters be friends/enemies/etc? - Real talk, don’t ask me this? Just fucking, leave a comment in character on the page. Don’t be mad if the interaction back in character isn’t what you expect. If the little “roleplay” forms something between characters, cool! If it fizzles out….. wasn’t meant to be homie

- Can I ship my characters with yours? - Nah. I’m extremely picky, don’t bother asking.

- Can we play a game together? - I grief and KOS for sport. Craving your cries of anguish as I ruin your game is. My love

- How often do you post? - Once a month but trying to more. However I am active almost all the time

- Are you okay with offers on your characters? - Sale/trade? Yes. Others? You can try but like. Don’t get your hopes up

- Do you do pings? - Ain’t nobody got time for that

- Can I offer on the same character multiple times? - Sale/trade yes, otherwise no

How r u I wanna socialize

This is a weird and maybe selfish question to ask but I'm curious if anyone likes my art and characters enough to like. See me as a dream creator or be inspired by me to make their own ocs or something of the sorts. I also might be asking because I want to reach out and maybe make like-minded friends so take this as a chance to say hello...