How many pride flags do you have?

I don't have much opportunity or use in thinking about such things that much because nobody's ever been interested in a relationship with me, and nobody's ever asked me about such things. (Main reason I feel dumb wearing any asexual pride stuff or including this info on any of my profiles, it implies that I think a guy is going to be attracted to me when that has never happened and by this point never will.) Even all the years I was in therapy, no psychologists or psychiatrists were ever curious how I handled a total lack of relationships or romantic/sexual contact in all my years of social isolation...kind of a big thing to never ask about, but meh, that's been my life experience, nobody interested in me.

Nobody IRL knows, not because I don't want to tell them but because they don't listen or care. I was looking at shirts in Walmart with my mother once and said of one that was black and gray and purple, "It's the colors of the asexual pride flag!" and my mother snapped, "Fine, don't get it!" and I said, "No, what I meant is, I'm asexual," but she never responded and I don't think she understood or even registered it. It isn't a "Oh, that's nice, that doesn't bother me" thing, it's a "I'm totally not listening to you" thing. She's the same way when I try to explain why I think I'm on the spectrum, just completely tunes me out and even interrupts to talk about something else. That hurts, so I don't bother anymore. My parents have never expressed the slightest interest or concern about me never having any relationships, either. (Though extended family used to ask if I had a boyfriend yet, they stopped when I was around twenty; guess that was the cutoff point.) There's just...total apathy about my social isolation. :/ Result, I have nobody to talk to about either subject.

Well...a few people (online only) insisted I'm not asexual, I just think I'm "above sexual attraction" (I honestly do not think so highly of myself about anything) and haven't met "the right person" yet, but when you NEVER meet anybody and NOBODY is into you anyway... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

For some dumb reason I just bought a few asexual flag masks on Etsy; I bet if I ever get around to wearing them in public, not one person around here will say anything about them or even realize they have a meaning.

(Oh. I haven't talked about this much because I don't really understand it and have nobody to talk to about it and don't want to be seen as some kind of poser, plus I don't know if there's a flag for such a thing, but...I don't know how to describe it, I don't really feel like either gender. ANY gender, I guess I should say. I know I'm female and identify as such, I'm not gender dysphoric, but when it comes to thinking of myself as A WOMAN or "girly/feminine," I just feel so ill at ease and fake. (I HATED when my mother used to make me wear flowery dresses and shoes and blush and tried to curl my hair. I must've disappointed her. I still refuse to wear feminine clothes or makeup because they're uncomfortable and I feel like an ugly fraud.) I don't feel male/masculine either, so that isn't it. I've always been this way, not girly, not masculine, not even a tomboy, just...existing. I just feel...like nothing. An amorphous blob or amoeba. Others', especially guys', reactions to me support this--either ridicule over my looks, or complete disinterest--so...it can't be just me. I don't know that there's a name for this or if I'm just messed up, probably the latter. :/ )

I have additional reasons/proof to go with this flag but nobody will slog through this drivel, so...yep. Sorry. ;_;