tw: talking about my abuser and my trauma. features accusations of abuse (including sexual), accusations of transphobia, bodily harm threats, panic attacks, school shooting, suicide threats + more. read at ur own risk, but i needed to get these feelings out.
Okay but im just so mad that i got called fucking abusive by him and his shit tier friends? First off his friends had no room to talk because he constantly told me how shitty they made him feel and how he was always being left out / excluded from things like. Of course im going to get fucking mad over that, not at you but at the situation which was VERY CLEAR because at the time i cared about you.
Second of all how DARE you have the AUDACITY to call me abusive when you sat there and pretended to love me for a YEAR straight just so i could be some sort of pawn in your sick and twisted love game. You PRETENDED TO LOVE ME BECAUSE... you were a coward. thats the reason you gave me. thanks !
you literally manipulated me into feeling sorry for you by saying on a daily or at least near daily basis that you were going to kill yourself. when i wanted to do an rp or if id say i didnt want to do one of your ideas youd say "obviously you dont like my ideas, im going to kill myself" and youd IGNORE ME and LEAVE LIKE THAT. You constantly told me my interests were cringy or immature, or that they were boring, or that you were annoyed by me talking about them. IE: divergent, nightcore, even when i said i liked the movie despicable me you took it as a chance to say "well of course youd say that, youre not very mature." what the fuck does that MEAN? and dont get me started on the fucking. mental breakdowns where youd black out and threaten to gouge your eyes out, threaten to take whole bottles of pills, and say when we met irl you were going to cut my stomach open.
YOU WERE SCARY. YOU WERE TERRIFYING TO ME. YOU MANIPULATED ME, YOU LIED TO ME, AND I LOVED YOU UNTIL MONTHS AFTER THE FACT THAT WE BROKE IT OFF BECAUSE I SAW THE GOOD IN YOU SOMEHOW.
i dont believe it was genuine love, because now im in a relationship with someone who loves me very, very fucking much, and i love him back, and - unlike you - hes very supportive and understanding of me, and i am very supportive and understanding right back. im not saying i dont make mistakes, but i would never emotionally manipulate and lie to him the way you did to me. it can't be love if two sides don't respect one another, and you went far past disrespectful with everything you did to me.
i cant believe you went on the internet and spread to all your friends on wco (that you didnt even LIKE, you ranted to me multiple times abt how people were shitty to you there, and anytime i got on there youd whine at me because i was on a website you didnt fucking like) that i was transphobic. I did not know what transgender meant, i asked you questions about your identity, and instead of answering them calmly like a civilized person, you snapped at me and completely shut me out. What the fuck?
And i never misgendered you, i asked what you wanted to be referred to and you said i had "girlfriend privileges" and could call you by she her. You could have told me he him and i would have switched over in a heartbeat.
You were such a fucking asshole to me, saying i gave you panic attacks after the breakup because ?? because i messaged you giving you the art i owed you so we could cut ties for the last time? You literally said "i almost got shot by a school shooter bc i read this message and had a panic attack." do you know how fucked up that is to send someone!!! Do you know how fucking shitty that is !!! How emotionally manipulative that is!!!
I stayed with you because i loved you and i saw the good in you, i saw the potential in you to better yourself and i constantly pushed you towards therapy, making new friends, not self harming, etc. But no, no, i was the manipulative one, because i didnt tell you i was terrified of you, and i liked yanderes. Those were your two main reasons.
And - and also the fucking? "You caused him to have an eating disorder" HE NEVER TOLD ME HE HAD ONE ??? HOW DID I CAUSE HIM TO HAVE ONE I TOLD HIM HE WAS BEAUTIFUL CONSTANTLY BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS????
And the sexual abuse shit was such fucking bullshit. I "forced him to send nudes." he chose to send those to me. IT WAS CONSENSUAL. hell, the FIRST time we sent nudes, HE INITIATED IT. i remember because it was the same day he showed me the lizard in his house and he was suddenly like is it okay if i sent nudes and I SAID YES !!! AND I SENT THEM BACK BC I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER AND I THOUGHT HE WAS COMFORTABLE WITH IT BECAUSE HE SAID HE WAS !!!!
Sometimes i think of things i jokingly said like "i wanna kill your parents" when you said your mom hit you (which is a normal thing to say in that scenario bc im obviously not serious u know??) and i feel guilty but then i think of all the shit you fucking did to me, said about me.
You lied to me to my face and then after our breakup came out as gay. Youre a shit person. I dont care if youve changed because quite honestly if you ever came into my life again id only know you as that person who used me, lied to and about me, and manipulated and abused me to the point where i now get constant anxiety attacks because of trauma and often have thoughts of killing myself because i think itd be easier than being a burden on other people with how much fucking baggage i have.
Thanks ! You literally ruined one of my favorite video games for me too so you know! Thanks! Bitch.