reviving this~ Up!
Let's Get Critical!
I thought it was about time someone made this topic! So as the topic title suggests, in this topic, you need to critique the piece of written work the person provides above! Not just positive critique either, just anything that you think might help the writer!
So all you need to do is look at the piece of literature linked by the person above you. Make sure you read all of it and then start thinking about what you liked and what you think could have been done better.
Guidelines for Critiquing:
- Obviously, be constructive with your criticisms. If you find something you dislike, try to suggest a way the author could improve. It's the same with positive critique too. If you spot something you like, then say why you liked that and maybe suggest where they can go next with that.
- Try not to be too nitpicky when it comes to grammar or spelling. If it's a big issue with the piece, then by all means suggest that the piece might require a proofing or two. If you only spot one or two that don't detract from the piece overall, then I personally don't think that's worth pointing out.
- Be honest. If you really see a big issue with the piece your critiquing, then just mention it. So long as you word your critique respectfully, then you shouldn't have to worry about being honest.
Guidelines for being Critiqued:
- Accept that you will not always receive praise. If someone doesn't give you a completely glowing review then obviously, that's disappointing, but use it as a chance to learn and improve. Obviously, if the advice your received wasn't constructive, then you have every right to be mad, but if the advice is sound and respectful then please, just take it in your stride.
- If someone is disrespectful with their review/advice/critique then please let me know. Do not come to me just because someone gave you some genuine advice on how to better your work.
- Vary the work you post. Don't just link the same piece over and over again. Try to post a different piece each time if you can.
General Guidelines:
-Wait at least until two people have posted after your last post to go again so that other people can take a shot.
-Ensure that appropriate warnings are in place before you post NSFW/Sensitive literature.
-Post anything you'd like otherwise! So long as you have written it yourself!
Failure to comply with these guidelines will earn you a space on the ban list!
I'll start by providing my most recent piece: Meet Cute!
Since it's been literal months, let's try to bring this back!
So first and foremost, I do love the 2nd person point of view, it's very unique and I don't often see many people working with it at all. I also like how you said so much with so few words. My biggest critique though would be that there isn't much description. This might be a matter of personal taste but I like to know what a scene smells like, what the surroundings look like, the sounds that can be heard. I think that a little context might help too; by this I mean a how. How did the narrator end up in this situation; maybe drop a few subtle hints. Unless the point is to be very open ended and mysterious. Other than that, solid story. Short and sweet and intriguing.
I have a few works on this site as well as some on wattpadand fanfic.
v Thanks so much! This one is a super new wip. Like literally just posted the unpolished first draft so this was all really useful in helping me determine which place to do more showing not telling. The spelling stuff is also super helpful although Khrys is such a W.I.P character that I haven't yet decided how I want to spell it yet xD. I ought to post more of these unpolished w.i.p. I feel like I get better feedback that way lol
SapphireBatWings Go go gadget necromancy. I've picked something more recent since it's been two years since you posted this--going to pop it under a spoiler since there's mentions of sex n drugs. Hope this is cool with you.
I'm going to Really nitpick here... but that is the name of this game >;V
>“Well here we are again folks, the wildest, the most hardcore, the most bitchin’ night of the year!” Sylvia announces into the microphone.
Minor thing: Something about this sentence is a bit clunky--not the address, but stacking [name] [saying-verb] and [fact it's being said into a microphone] into one sentence...
>Really it’s an eyesore, that loud and gravely voice.
? ? ? the voice is an eyesore? either Khrystian is a synesthete or this is an odd thing to write.
...Perhaps, instead of the above, you could consider condensing the address and the fact Khrys hates listening to it down into a single sentence, something more along the lines of:
“Well here we are again folks, the wildest, the most hardcore, the most bitchin’ night of the year!” Speakers blast Sylvia's grating voice into every corner of the room.
...Yeah, just fiddling around with the form a little can get it a little sleeker. Not saying my example is especially sleek either, but... yeah. I think it's possible to kill more birds with fewer stones more deftly pitched.
>he should really stop letting Phaenine drag him to a place like this. A large venue that is still somehow not huge enough to protect him from the stench of nicotine and cannabis.
Nice you have established some sensory details about the environment. 👌 these kinda places sure can stink... honestly, it could be way worse than smoke. Count your blessings, Khrys! :')
> And there is booze and sex in excess. God forbid he try to use the restroom, he can maybe find one stall on a good night that isn’t occupied. And that stall is usually the foulest, sometimes it is clogged. Almost every time he can hear the rhythmic thumping on either side of him and he can’t attribute it to a pumping bass either.
Oh nooo 🙈 yep, this 19yo old man certainly is not having a good time here, all he can think about are how much the amenities suck. skdfsdf and the horribly inappropriate fucking. Good line.
>Evidently, Khyristan has had more than enough of PzychBreak.
Since this is written from Khrystian's POV, the evidently is a bit strange. If he's making his discomfort evident, how is he doing that? If he's only thinking he doesn't like them, and managing to keep that all to himself, you don't need the "evidently"....
Also--though I really hate to nitpick spelling since I'm terrible at it myself--I've noticed you've spelled Khrystian's name a few different ways now....
>People are so quick to glamorize that shit.
Indeed, Khrys, indeed 😔
>They’re obnoxious really, those ladies.
How so? This is a case of telling rather than showing, which, while it may be verbatim what he is thinking, robs the reader of an opportunity to experience it through his eyes rather than simply being told what he thinks. I think you could go into a little more sordid detail here.
>Khrystian grumbles to himself as he squints to see the numbers on the ticket. Seat 23, row 9, section A–shit, Phae wasn’t even able to swipe a good seat this time. Usually she can snag something in the front row.
Hmm, Khrys? 👀 I thought you hated this act, and now you're lamenting your mediocre seats... Do I correctly detect the faintest hint of conflict in him?... Cool if so! It's nice when there's internal conflict like that, even (especially) if the character's not even consciously aware of it.
In all--nice vignette! It is fun to get to see a character who is having a miserable time in a place where the idea is to have a good one. I feel like I have learned a lot about Khrystian (and this venue haha) over the course of just 300-something words.
Here you go. Warning for hmmm dark implications but it's 200 words and it's not a negative story--just an uncomfortable one.
Alternatively, This is one of the only bits of my (far heavier) RP-dump moloch worth critiquing. (Most of the rest of it is not so much "writing" as it is "a means to an end", and is overburdened with the requisite RP evils of ebony-darkness-dementia-ravenwaying everything all the time... but you can pick another part if you like another part more. Just don't even bother acknowledging the existence of anything beyond chapter 10-2.5.)
If you're seriouslyyy too uncomfortable with any of the above, then, since I have literally nothing else, you can have at my lighthearted shitposts uwu
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Yooo 🙏 valiantly shaking this thread back to life hell yeah
I debated soo much about the opening, those are the hardesttt.... and I certainly see what you mean about the characters getting jumbled up, I think I have been a bit too stingy with the words. Shall meditate on this....
Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to crit ;w; glad my intentions did get across in the end...
Oh god the logs 🙈 the slop bucket. don't judge me. too much
Hello writing critique thread I believe you
Aarix Man this was sitting in my notifs waiting to be read anyway. and MAN. ah. Fascinated and moved by this dynamic in unexpected ways.
Normally I wouldn't poke at this in a one-off scene like this BUT in the spirit of nitpicking, the opening feels so quick I tripped on it; I think it's because "Xave flits over to the kitchen" is so fast and short it feels like a transition in the middle of a scene. I wonder if flipping around the two first sentences could make a better-paced + more immersive hook, especially since the rest of it manages to have such a strong ambience with so little prose.
Actual important one: I totally lose who's speaking and acting in particularly the second and fourth lines. The first isn't as rough since Heron answers so we can tell Xavier spoke first, but it might help to get that line up with the first one since it's already on the topic of Xave. I also had to give a second readthrough to follow who put what on the table, which means it didn't hit until the second read
I honestly don't have much else to say, everything else gets across real snappy and solid, the pacing and flow feels great, and it Definitely hit right emotionally lmao. Also fascinated by the RP log what a beautiful beast.
Pls feel free to pick anything in my liberry even the older stuff, but if you need it narrowed down may I offer Pyre (content warning for violence it's 2/3s fight to death) or I hear Wyawot Wells has a great gambling scene? :)
I read the gambling one.
I really loved how you conveyed the story in less than 500 words! That's amazing. I tend to write a lot so kudos to you, seriously.
Your story is intriguing. The ending was a bit open, but in a good way. The way that makes you curious and want to know more about the character, the story, etc. Believe me, it's not an easy task.
Every little grain had a friend, you didn't just dropped something and left it at that. Hence making me fascinated. Black latern? What are those? Are they evil or just misunderstood? What did the character do to get banned?
I may sound repetitive but I really do loved how you weaved this story, plus added the little bits to make it more fun and entice readers.
Overall amazing writing!
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Here's my lits on TH. There's not much tho.
But if it's allowed, here's my profile on Wattpad on AO3. I prefer you look through the lits in my AO3 but ultimately, it's up to you.
Feel free to be as Gordon Ramsay as you want.