Kitty's Diary

Thurs, 26^th November                                                                                                                              1885

Today I met a most remarkable woman. It was the monthly special meeting of the ladies literature club and she had been invited to give a talk. Lady Isabella De Aragon is a business lady of sorts. She is a modern woman of the kind that I could never be with the state of my health, and in fact I am grateful that I was able to make the meeting at all as I had had a most horrendous coughing fit this morning leaving me fearful of being confined to my bed once again. Lady Isabella gave a fascinating lecture on business, and I noticed Mary studiously making notes, I imagine they will be very helpful for her novel. We were also treated to some tales of her travels, for she has seen much of the world, from her home in Spain to the plains of Egypt. I would so like to see them myself, but as stories are all I have I shall listen intently when they are shared. Lady Isabella is staying in London for some time, and I have invited her to call in – I am very pleased to say she has accepted. I hope to hear more stories of her life and the places she has been.

Wed, 20^th January                                                                                                                                        1886

Lay Isabella is leaving London today, we had a farewell at the literature club on Saturday and she dined with me last night. I am sad I am unable to see her off at the docks, but glad that we had a personal farewell. She has promised to write me as much as possible and has left an address for me to send letters to that can forward them on when necessary. I will miss her ever so much, she has been such a delightful friend and confidante. I will be rather lonely without her but have promised to focus on my writing and share with her my progress. I know it will be some months for she has business abroad and in her home country, but I eagerly await her return.

Fri, 5^th February                                                                                                                                           1886

I made it to the ball today and I am very glad for it. My poor cousin Teddy was stuck chaperoning me of course, making some small complaint, but I don’t think he minds too much for he receives extra attention from eligible ladies for his dedication to his family. I think he only complains for the benefit of his friends so as not to seem too willing to leave them, but he is always kind and happy to see me when I am able to accompany him.

[…]

I had a small coughing fit in the middle of the ball after only one dance, but fortunately did not make a scene, I couldn’t bear it to have everyone looking at me with such pity in their eyes again. While I was recovering with Teddy dutifully by my side, some friends of his came over to speak to him and they had a new fellow they introduced to the both of us, a Mr. Samuel Burgess. Mr. Burgess was rather charming I must say, and as the conversation evolved we found ourselves talking more to each other than the rest of the group. I found him to be a lovely conversation partner and I do hope to see him again.

Fri, 26^th March                                                                                                                                               1886

It’s been nearly two months since Lady Isabella left and I miss her so. I know we haven’t been acquainted long and I have my friends in London, but I’ve been confined to my bed more and more often, and I fear I might not see her again.

Tues, 30^th March                                                                                                                                          1886

I fear I have been drifting away somewhat these last two weeks, I find it so unfair that after a good run of health in February that I should be struck down like this and forbidden from the balls I so adore. I hope Mr. Burgess hasn’t forgotten me and found a new conversation partner.

Sat, 10^th April                                                                                                                                                 1886

I am overjoyed to write that I have good news from Lady Isabella. In her latest letter to me she has advised that she will be returning to London in May. I must still wait, but I am grateful to know when she will be returning as it eases my mind. In the meantime, I shall continue to enjoy our correspondence by mail and listen attentively during my appointments with the good doctor Harrow.

Thurs, 22^nd April                                                                                                                                          1886

I feel trapped in my bed, unable join my friends at the dances or even in their libraries.

The writing here lacks its usual flair, the letters are more spaced out and there is a small inkblot at the end of the sentence.

Tues, 27^th April                                                                                                                                             1886    

Teddy stopped by to visit today and brought some of his friends including Mr. Burgess. Fortunately I felt well enough to have tea with them in the parlour and engage in some fresh conversation. It seems a lot happened at Lady Roseberry’s recent birthday celebrations, though they are too gentlemanly to share the details with me. I shall have to ask Mary what happened when she visits tomorrow.

Wed, 12^th May                                                                                                                                                1886

Tonight has been rather wonderful, Lady Isabella returned Monday evening and had to get settled in of course before she could come to visit, so it wasn’t until dusk today that I saw her. She regaled me with tales of the places she has been, and it was such a delight, I feel much improved in both mood and health! We have organised for her to come to this week’s meeting of the literature club – Mary is hosting this week and has promised us a reading of her latest manuscript – and for further visits. There is a ball this weekend that I hope to attend if my health allows it and have requested an invite for Lady Isabella as she is only recently back in town. I think it would be a wonderful way to welcome her back to our country and I hope to introduce her to Mr. Burgess.

Sat, 15^th May                                                                                                                                                   1886

I made it through tonight with only some small bouts of light-headedness and even managed to dance with a few gentlemen! I am happy to say that Mr. Burgess was one of them and that he invited me to dance not just once but twice! And of course I had the chance to introduce him to Lady Isabella, it was a delight to be at the ball with her tonight though I fear she didn’t quite get on with Mr. Burgess as well as I’d hoped, but I am sure she will be supportive of my affections. He was very polite and invited us out for a walk on Wednesday morning, just a short one for my sake – he is thoughtful like that – but Lady Isabella had to decline due to other business. She is a busy woman and I admire her dedication to her business.

Wed, 19^th May                                                                                                                                                1886

I managed to walk for a while before I lost my breath and required assistance to return. I wish I had been able to enjoy the whole round with Mr. Burgess but he was so understanding. I was afraid I would scare him off but he said he is still keen to know me more. I felt my heart beating fast in my chest and for once I do not think it due to illness.

Tues, 22^nd June                                                                                                                                              1886

I feel all aflutter! I have been courted before of course, in a limited matter, but most run off when they realise the reality of my consumption. But today Mr. Burgess – Sam, told me that it didn’t bother him, that he’d rather be with me for a short time than not at all! He may not be an exciting or mysterious hero of the kind in the stories I delight in, but he is sweet and thoughtful and says that he loves me. It’s all very romantic and I certainly feel for him. He says he will write to my father to ask permission for my hand in marriage! I’m sure father will have no objections; he is an upstanding young gentleman and connected to friends’ of cousin Teddy. I am to be engaged! Lady Catherine Burgess! I am so excited, Mary is out of town, but I must tell Lady Isabella the good news!

Wed, 7^th July                                                                                                                                                    1886

It’s been two weeks since I last heard from Sam. I was ecstatic when he proposed, but now I am empty.  I waited and waited, but I have now learned that it has all been to no avail. Confined to my bed as I am I must be the last to know. Lady Isabella came to visit and break the news to me, Sam, Mr. Burgess, was not who he made himself out to be. I’m told he was an avid gambler and had run up high debts, Lady Isabella has tentatively suggested that he may have been interested in my dowry as a way to pay it off. I know she thinks his intentions were more sinister than that, but I cannot believe he had no love for me in his heart, can I?

If only I could talk to him, hear him out, but he has gone missing. His home has been found empty, stripped of everything valuable. It is believed that he may have owed money to some dangerous people, and that his creditors had come looking for him. It is not known whether they took him or if he ran away. I must believe that they have taken him, terrible as it is, for I don’t think I could handle it if he had simply run away and left me in the dark.

Tues, 13^th July                                                                                                                                                1886

Was it silly of me to hope that I might have been married in my lifetime? 

Wed, 29^th July                                                                                                                                                 1886

Cousin Teddy came to visit again today, but this time he has some disturbing news. Apparently Mr. Burgess had been asking about me even before our introduction. He had seen my coughing fit and had extracted details of my illness from his friends and as they are close with Teddy he requested an introduction. They didn’t think too much of it at the time but with how events have unfolded they spoke up. I suppose I’ve learnt a valuable lesson to hold onto for the rest of my short, miserable life; not to trust any men who seem too interested in me.

 

Thurs, 5^th August                                                                                                                                         1886

Am I heartless to say I don’t care anymore? It did all happen rather quickly, but I feel I ought to be heartbroken with all these revelations. Instead I only feel empty. I am trying to fill that emptiness though, with literature and friends. Mary has suggested I write a novella based on the experience and I think I might follow her advice. I am grateful to have the club, the core members of which have made efforts to visit me frequently, and of course for Lady Isabella and her wise words of experience. This melancholy has held me tight for nearly a month now, but I think I am finally ready to climb out of it.

Thurs, 9^th September                                                                                                                                1886

Life is once again feeling bright and full of hope. I have finished a manuscript and sent it to a publisher under a pen name and they have accepted it! There are some changes to make before it can be printed, and it will be released in a weekly magazine rather than published in volumes straight away, but I am happy for it to be published at all. I don’t think I will tell father as he mightn’t approve of the content, but I shall let my friends at the literature club know at our next meeting, though of course that is not until two weeks time for we have Mary’s birthday this weekend. I am excited for her mother has organised a lavish party for her and I am determined to go and dance with whomever I please and all the while keep eyes on the gentlemen who approach my dear Mary. I think from now on I shall focus on observing the romance of others and save my own romantic journeys for the pages of books filled with dashing adventurers and mysterious gentlemen.

Sat, 27^th November                                                                                                                                     1886

Things have been well recently, though today Lady Isabella said she must be leaving again soon. She doesn’t expect to be back until after the New Year. I was rather hoping she might join me for the Christmas season, but sadly it is not to be. She has promised to return for my birthday though which I look forward to.