Journal Entries

Preface

January 29, PE 36

     This series of journal entries is from my father’s journal comprising years BE 94 to PE 2. Out of all of his journals that I have read through and logged so far I’m finding this one the most exciting. It's encouraging to me to see how insecure and unsure he was in comparison to the great man he is today and was then.

     I also find this journal exciting because of all the crazy events that were packed into just these 3 years. Dad started dating Mom, King Philip came to the throne in Fabrem, and Malchester became an independent country. Going through this journal I've laughed and cried and just sat back in awe of what these people went through.

     But anyway. I felt the need to transcribe this section of journal entries ahead of the rest of the volume. I’m currently in the middle of transcribing Dad’s BE 74-76 journal. I picked this one up outside of my transcribing project because I was looking for inspiration for my current book. This section of journal entries stood out so much to me I felt I couldn’t go back to my normal transcribing until I copied them down.

- Delphinium Bonnevali

FROM THE PERSONAL JOURNAL OF AEBEL LOWYS

October 13, PE 2 - 2:15 am 10/14/02

      Today may just have been the scariest day of my life. I'm staying at Darkspire castle tonight. Ginny got me a nice guest room, Bonnevali's resting safe in the infirmary, and everything's settled down, but I still feel like I'm shaking. I just felt so useless. - I FEEL so useless. - My girlfriend got STABBED and I couldn't move! What good am I for her as a boyfriend? If I actually knew how to fight, maybe I could have backed her up instead of getting stuck under that spell like an idiot(!!!) until she finally hit him hard enough to break his concentration.

Goodness, I don't even know where to start. My mind is spinning with a hundred different things I want to put down. Terrifying, watching Bonnevali bleed everywhere, that was terrifying. I feel sick thinking about it. She was hard to understand but she apparently knows the bounty hunter that attacked us. She said she'd run into him before. His name is Thyprus; apparently he's a pretty infamous bounty hunter.

That's another thing that's terrifying also. That there are BOUNTY HUNTERS bothering Bonnevali's family!! I feel the opposite of prepared for this. But by Diaphlyn I'm not letting them take my girlfriend from me. I don't ever want to be useless to her like that again.

I called Raux a few hours ago and told her what happened. Honestly I was surprised she picked up at all. Sometimes she's so hard to get a hold of. But she's closer to Bonn, and more familiar with- WELL,/ with “stabbing” than Cadfael is, so trying to talk to her felt more appropriate. But at this point I want to talk to Cadfael too. He gives much better advice than Raux.

Gods, I’m so tired. I’m going to bed.

October 14, PE 2 - 7:30 pm

      I wonder if I'll ever be good enough for Bonnevali. I know that's a destructive way to think, but dear Diaphlyn, I just can't stop feeling useless. I had to stop by work this morning to get a few days off. I'm glad “girlfriend getting stabbed by a bounty hunter” counted for emergency leave. Bonnevali slept a lot today. I didn’t get to see a lot of her awake. I was there around noon when she woke up though, and I got to hold her hand and talk to her before she drifted off again.

She lost a lot of blood on the way back. I wish I would have done a better job trying to treat her before rushing her to Eudoxia. I wish that I had asked that lady on the research trip back in Aquariall to teach me some healing magic. ANYTHING would have been better than the nothing I could do. It was a miracle I ran into Ginny going for a run. I don’t know if Bonnevali would be okay if I hadn’t and that makes me feel sick.

I’m going to check on Bonnevali again before I go to bed. I also want to ask Eudoxia to see if she has any time to teach me even the basics in healing magic, so that at least if something like this happens to someone around me again I’ll be able to keep them from bleeding out. Ugh, I never should have listened to Bonnevali saying she’d be fine. I should have brought her back even faster than I did.

October 15, PE 2 - 4:43 pm

      Bonnevali’s asleep again. I’m in the infirmary with her and Armont just left. She’s so peaceful and cute with that strand of hair stuck in her mouth. While she was drifting off I enjoyed talking to Armont. He’s still not what I ever expected her dad to be. Not that I really had any expectations to begin with.

Talking to him and the rest of Bonnevali’s family has become a whole lot easier through this whole ordeal. At least I get that out of it. I was a little worried I’d never feel comfortable around all of them. But now I guess the “safety blanket” is off with Bonnevali out for so much of the day and me here all of the time. I think it has been nice, if overwhelming. I just know I’m going to get names mixed up or forgotten, I DO get names mixed up and forgotten. I nearly called Armont Archie earlier. There isn’t even anyone named Archie in this family!! At least not that I remember…

Bonnevali woke up a little and asked me where Armont went, but she’s back to sleep now. She said there isn’t anyone named Archie as far as she knows (at least I think she said that, she was pretty groggy). I don’t know if that makes it more or less embarrassing. I'm trying to write with my left hand right now since she's holding my right hand, but it's not really working if you could tell.

(Dad had this drawing of Mom folded up and tucked in this journal. That's so cute!!! I'm using that idea.)

October 16, PE 2 - 9:15 pm

      I went back in to work a little bit today. Nina asked after Bonnevali and I told her she’s doing well. After work I decided to go and pick some flowers from my garden to bring Bonnevali. I took a few clippings of the pink lilac bush by the door (I wish I could remember the name) and paired them with my plantain lilies. I was going to leave it at that but I came across some red valerian on the way to Darkspire and I remembered I wanted to show it to Bonnevali. It was fun trying to put together a bouquet again; I haven’t really done that since I worked for Uncle Asphodel in high school. He’s much better at all of it than I ever will be.

Bonnevali didn’t believe me when I told her that valerian is the name of a flower. Her expression was pretty funny as I was trying to convince her. Eudoxia told me Bonnevali is much more cooperative when I’m there. That made me happy. Bonnevali overall seems to be doing a lot better today. She's a lot more lively and has started complaining about bed rest. I know it must be a headache for Eudoxia but it just makes me smile.

I had my first short lesson with Bonnevali’s sister, Sherri today. We went over the basics of casting, and I actually was able to perform a simple spell! We’re still figuring out my “affinities” but I’m optimistic. We talked about the possibility of using magic to better control the fumes from my bonded flowers, and THAT is exciting to me. I’ve only ever focused on controlling my flowers to keep them from exploding. I never really considered that maybe I could control them to be more efficient in combat! That’s something I definitely want to be able to do. I wish I could have been skilled enough to have even THOUGHT to try that on Thyprus. They’re growing out of my body, you would think I would remember to use them in a dangerous situation like that.

I got to talk a little with Bonnevali’s sister Argyroneta (I think I spelled that right?) today too. But I won’t write about that because I need to be getting to bed for my morning shift tomorrow.

October 17, PE 2 - 10:43 pm

      Bonnevali snuck out of the infirmary today. I came home from work around noon and she was sitting in my bushes camouflaged. She startled me so bad my flowers shot out fumes. She got a laugh out of that at least. I let her inside but I probably should have brought her back to the infirmary right then. She really shouldn’t have been out of bed at all. Ginny called me about an hour later to see if Bonnevali was with me. I had to sweet talk Bonn into going back and even then it took awhile. She is a beautiful headache sometimes. I’m worried it’s going to be harder to keep her resting the longer this goes on, but I’m going to try my best to make things easier for Eudoxia.

Speaking of Eudoxia, she’s given me a few pointers on healing magic; it’s definitely something I’m going to look into more on my own time. I don’t want to bother her too much. I was thinking that maybe tomorrow I’ll bring In the Jungle’s Heart by Jadeite Stunning to read to her. I don’t know how she feels about romance novels, but I think she’ll like it. I hope she likes it. I want to make her bed rest a little less miserable. I walked in on her brother Faethor attempting to run her through some government lessons in the evening and she looked like a wet cat.

October 18, PE 2 - 9:43 pm

      I met Bonnevali’s niece Petronia today. I’ve had so many good conversations the past few days. She recognized the book I brought to read to Bonnevali and somehow that led into a conversation about theology. It was really nice. I haven’t stopped to think too hard about religion in a while. Well that’s not entirely true. I’ve probably been praying to Diaphlyn almost every day ever since I started dating Bonnevali.

Petronia is a priestess of Moryllis. It was so interesting listening to her talk about her school of thought. She also gave me an extra volume she had of Thoughts Flow Like a River! I used to love that book so much. I thought I’d never remember the title and get to read it again.

(He goes off for a long time about theology here, I’m skipping it until I come back and transcribe this all officially.)

I just enjoyed my time talking to Petronia a lot overall. She seems like a very nice person. I think I’m going to ask her and Ginny about doing a book club or something together. Petronia hasn’t read any Jadeite Stunning books other than In the Jungle’s Heart and Her Beating Heart, and I’m not sure if Ginny has even read those. I think it’ll be fun!

October 19, PE 2 - 6:20 pm

      Nina gave me a little felivarian plush she made to give to Bonnevali after work today. Her husband laughed and said soon I’d have a whole collection. Nina’s going to be quitting soon to focus on her plush business. I’m excited for her but I’m sad to see her go. I hope we can keep in touch. It makes me wonder about my photography though. It’s been so long since I’ve gone on a hike for a photoshoot. My camera’s gathering dust. Maybe once Bonnevali’s healed enough to be out and about I can bring her with me. She's told me she knows a lot of pretty places for pictures.

The mountains and forests here are so different from the jungles in Aquariall, or the crystal scenery back home in Fabrem. I feel like I don’t have nearly enough photography to show for it. Bonnevali wants to help me to start a wildlife magazine but that feels like such an unreachable goal, especially with everything going on. I chose a long time ago to side with Bonnevali and her family, but the reality of facing harassment and threats like Thyprus is really starting to dawn on me. I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I never ever thought I’d be dating the sister of a king. I never thought I’d be involved in a new government, or in ANY government for that matter. I’m just a guy! What in the world can someone like me do??

I feel so weak and out of place compared to everyone here. Like I’m standing with giants. They’re all so powerful and resolute. I’m sure over half of them could kill me four times over if they wanted to. I don’t know how I’m going to be a good enough partner for Bonn if she decides to become a duke, but I guess I’ll have to figure it out somehow.

October 20, PE 2 - 3:14 pm

      Bonnevali snuck out of the infirmary and showed up at my house again. This time I forgot to lock the door and she was lounging on my couch when I came home. It was a little frustrating. I tried to sweet talk her into going back again but she dug her heels in, so I pretended to give in and let her stay. And then I knocked her out with my flower gas when she went to stick her nose in the one on my neck like she usually does when we cuddle. I called Ginny and Petronia to help me bring her back. I feel awful. I know that it’s best for her to stay in the infirmary so she can heal but I feel miserable for tricking her like that. Bwegh.

10:32 pm

I didn’t stay with Bonnevali after Ginny and Petronia brought her back to the castle. I don’t think either of them approved of me tricking Bonnevali and that made me feel even worse. I spent most of the afternoon failing to get some reading done and just overall feeling bad. But I decided to come back to check on her around dinner time. When I got there she was sitting up in bed and carving a wooden flower. I started crying like an idiot when she smiled at me.

I came and sat next to her on the bed and she hugged me. She grouched a little about it but she apologized for sneaking out. She said she was lonely without me, and asked me not to leave tonight, so I’m staying here with her. The flower she’d carved was of my bonded flowers, and she told me to keep it. I brought her the felivarian plush from Nina and the corvear plush I bought from her for Bonnevali last year. We cuddled together and talked about the future. She’s as scared as I am. I love her so much.