Interstellar Wanderlust

They taught us there were five habitable planets within the Delta Cider galaxy: Iinowae, Xibagantu, Pekoe, Nix, and lastly, Castor. Alas, that was centuries ago. Wars broke out, the innocent were enslaved, and homes were obliterated. When looking at history books, the blame is planted on the Xibagantans, but as one of the few free-thinking Iinowaens, I knew my race was at fault. My people were horrible, there was no doubt about it, and to this day, they still wreak havoc on innocents while Xibagantans mind their own business.

It was embarrassing.

If I could dye my hair, extend my antennae, or warp my birthmark, I would, just so I could feel Xibagantan. The same went for humanity—if cutting off my antennae wasn’t fatal, I’d go all out to blend right in. Still, how would I explain to my human neighbors why I couldn’t go out in the rain or consume water-based foods? 

I wanted to be happy with Hiro or for him to be happy at least, but we wouldn’t ever be able to fit in.

I tried to think like him, but I couldn’t clear my mind.

We’re doomed.

The thoughts circled for what felt like an eternity as if they had a chokehold on me. The pessimism flooded my insides, surrounded my body, and sucked me downward into a vortex. Everything hurt, everything was blurry, and to top it all off—I couldn’t breathe.

My cries for help were muffled, and despite how I endlessly reached upward, I couldn’t seem to latch on to anything. Everything slipped out of my grasp—Mom, Dad, Hiro and his smile and long cyan hair and his callused hands—I couldn’t hold on.

But despite how much I couldn’t tolerate trying to keep going and how much I wanted to throw the towel in and become another statistic in the Commander’s files of his flawed, Irregular citizens, I was pushed to the shore. 

The moment I got air, I dragged myself out of what seemed like water and threw up my insides for an entire minute before I could finally breathe. I couldn’t feel my legs but powered through to crawl away from the river and collapse onto the rocks. I recognized a bit of debris from the ship, but given the size of the aircraft, there should’ve been a surplus of litter. And yet, the surrounding area was barren.

Barren…

No trees, bushes, or architecture. Just your occasional patch of grass sticking up from the discolored dirt. Even the grass was the wrong hue, as Iinowae’s fauna was always a similar shade to Hiro’s hair. Everything around me was off. The only sound around me was the rush of the water. There were no animals in sight or even insects—just me and a few metal panels.

We didn’t crash land back home. 

It was daylight, but you could see Castor’s asteroids far off in the sky. If anything, they looked like cookie crumbs, but they were never visible on Iinowae or from what I heard, Xibagantu.

Castor had the best view.

It was all it had. 

The planet was a deserted wasteland, drained of its resources for centuries until a war broke out over its value, and all those wreaking havoc agreed to abandon it for good. The air was breathable, and there was minimal nature, but the water was polluted with oil and rubble from those who intervened with the planet’s original development route. It no longer had a chance.

No wonder I felt like I was being pulled down.

I had no chance of floating to the surface thanks to the aerated substance. If it weren’t for the currents, I wouldn’t have survived. And then I stopped.

Where was Hiro?

Did he sink to the bottom? Was he on the other side of the planet somehow? The river seemed to go on for ages, and though there were no obstacles in my vision, I had no estimate. Because exploring Castor counted as trespassing, not much was taught about it in schools. All we knew was that if you stayed there, you wouldn’t survive for long. No person in their right mind would even bother coming here…and yet, I heard something over the current.

Talking. 

I sat up, but I was unable to stand. My entire back and head hurt like a bitch—I sure as hell could feel that—but below the waist, nothing. I rolled onto my stomach and dragged myself onto an upright boulder. I could see people in the distance, but they looked like ants from where I was. And yet, I could hear their muffled chatter and laughing.

I groaned, propping myself up only to slip, bang my chin, and fall back onto the ground.

My sweater stopped me from terribly scraping myself up, but I could barely call it a sweater anymore in the first place. It was practically torn to shreds. The only clothing still intact was my jumpsuit, probably because it was skintight and durable. There were a few tears, but nothing like my obliterated outerwear and jeans. Even my leggings underneath were torn, burned, and stained pink from my blood. 

I had yet to examine myself, really. I was desperate to know where I was and where…Hiro was. There was no way to organize my priorities. My brain was frazzled and the longer I stared at my bloody legs, the worse my nerves got, and without any control, I puked again. 

Why did I even care?

I was bound to die from some infection or parasite in that polluted water.

I couldn’t walk, I could barely think, and I was alone.

I wiped my mouth and tore off the rest of my sweater, wrestling myself out of my jeans afterward. I was cold, wet, hungry, and now that I think about it, I was probably still suffering from that concussion. I stared at my scraped hands, fearing what my face looked like since I could still feel that for now.

I’m sure being unrestrained when we were shot to the ground didn’t help a damn thing.

If Hiro was alive, he was probably better than me. 

All I could remember was the ship doing a 180, failing to grab Hiro as he cried my name, and blacking out after my body slammed into the ceiling. I felt like I could still hear the beeping. It felt louder than the screaming. I cowered on the ground with the tightest grip on my head, in tears. It was a swift calamity, but Hiro’s cries droned on in my mind as I sobbed on the ground. 

I had no way of finding him. 

There was no doubt he was dead because of me, but there was no way to prove that either.

I cried until I had no tears left. It was out of my control, but given that I was probably dehydrated, it wasn’t the greatest route. I wanted to fade out of existence, but my body fought to stay alive. Though, now that death was on my doorstep, I was genuinely scared. My vision was blurry, and my head throbbed uncontrollably, but I was convinced that if I closed my eyes to rest, I’d never wake up.

If I knew of my boyfriend’s whereabouts, I probably wouldn’t have cared, but there was no way of knowing if he’d be on the other side or not. I couldn’t rest until I knew he was okay, even if it was impossible, but as I leaned back on my hands, my arms gave out, and I hit the ground as my consciousness quickly fizzled away.