Interstellar Wanderlust

Despite not being on my feet, by the end of that week, I was exhausted. Friday morning, I sat on Isaiah’s couch since once I sat down someplace beside my wheelchair, I stayed there for most of the day.

Isaiah’s apartment was tiny, but it was still comfy. It had a balcony with a beautiful view of the city and at least had space for a washer and dryer. I slept on the pull-out, which was somehow comfier than my bed back at home. 

I watched as Isaiah flipped through channels before handing me the remote.

“Eh, you can watch something. I’m going out anyway.”

I flipped through a few more. “You guys have Iinowaen channels?”

The Xibagantan cuffed his bell bottoms after tying his shoes. “A few, yeah. I like 45Z and 150Z.”

“Oh, I used to watch those back at home! They didn’t have letters with them, however.” I scrolled through the TV guide. 

“Yeah, ones with Zs are Iinowaen. It costs a fortune to have Cable that merges with their planet, but eh,” He shrugged with a grin. “I enjoy having options!”

“Whatever floats your boat, I guess.”

“Anyway, I have class, and then I’m going out with friends. I’ll probably be back late.”

I nodded, though it would probably feel weird to be in his apartment without him.

“If anything happens, call the cops. Worst case scenario, there’s a gun in the kitchen.”

I whipped around. “You have a gun?!”

He raised his hands. “I don’t even know how to shoot it! My dad made me take it!”

I laughed at Isaiah’s innocence. Almost every Iinowaen had a gun or at least knew how to shoot one. Everything about my culture felt so fucked-up now that I was on this planet.

“Anyway, catch you on the flip side!”

Isaiah waved at me before closing the door, leaving me in his studio apartment. At least it was sunny. We still had leftover pizza from the night before, and since I had taken a shower last night, I wouldn’t have to fight for my life to bathe alone tonight.

I continued flipping channels—too many sports, especially ones that didn’t even exist on Iinowae, lots of reality TV, countless cartoons, tons of channels that only did movie marathons, a set of a hundred channels only dedicated to music—the variety was fascinating.

I eventually recognized that not only did the Iinowaen channels have Zs, but they were only multiples of five. I mean, our flag did have a Pentagon on it, but I’m not sure if the cable companies planned this or not. At home, you couldn't get Xibagantan channels unless you illegally modified your TV antenna and got someone in the Badlands to mod your cable box.

While my dad did that, he never let me watch the channels, so I didn’t see the point.

Eventually, I got tired of switching past tiny clips of varying channels and stopped on 500Z. It seemed satisfying to end on an even 00. I pulled a bag of croutons out of the couch—it was easier to stash food in various places than get up and drag myself or roll over to the kitchen.

Despite staring at the TV for a few minutes, I didn’t take anything in.

And then I noticed the logo.

Channel 500Z was CCI—Central Command Insight—the largest news channel on Iinowae. I’m not sure why a Xibagantan would need CCI, but maybe they wanted to see what their lunatic neighbors were doing. I seemed to come in at the end of the story, but I still caught the headline:

"Missing Rybekian Male Found After 3 Weeks: Awaiting Commander’s Input."

I watched the woman reporter finish explaining the situation, and in the top right corner, a photo of Hiro appeared—the one from his school ID.

“He had recently graduated from a high-ranking Cadmium high school. The boy quickly went missing, along with another Rybekian classmate.”

I cringed, knowing they were referring to me despite being born in the central city.

“Both sets of parents knew nothing of the whereabouts of their sons. No one had any leads. The Intergalactic Iinowaen Transportation Agency located the remains of a demolished ship in Castor’s southern hemisphere. Within the debris, Hiro Ilekoid was found and has been transported to North Command. He has been labeled as a fugitive. His case is being investigated and awaits the Commander’s authorization. More at 11.”

I stared at the clock and back at the TV, my whole body trembling. Eleven? I was supposed to sit around for several more hours, waiting to see if my boyfriend was okay? I’d fucking pass out from the stress by then. Maybe Noxum was in a different time zone—maybe it was unsynced—although the channel was labeled live.

The camera switched to an older Iinowaen male. “Fuyuki Holxen—his classmate—has yet to be found. Please contact the police if you have any leads.”

They flashed my school photo onto the screen for a few seconds before the headline changed, and the newscasters switched to a different topic.

I stared at the TV. We booked it off of Castor because of the IITA—the IITA that found Hiro. No wonder we had yet to get any pleasant updates: They took Hiro from right under my nose. Thank God he was still alive, but what were they gonna do to him? Was he with his family?

I grabbed my head.

No, they transported him to North Command.

The worst sector of Central Command.

I grabbed the remote and started switching to other news channels, searching for more information, but I had no luck. Xibagantan channels had nothing, and the other Iinowaen ones only talked about recent crime spikes.

The woman’s words about Hiro’s case echoed in my head as the room spun.

I felt like I was gonna die—like I was drowning in that polluted river again. I couldn’t breathe or think—all I could do was hold my head and cry.

I turned off the TV and dug my face into the couch cushions, trying to take deep breaths and calm myself. Again, there was nothing I could do. But I didn’t have a bunch of friendly Xibagantans to distract me from my anxieties this time.

I wondered if Hiro was just as worried about me. Did he think I got caught, too? Did he think I died somewhere on Castor? There was no way of knowing anything.

Against all better judgment, I grabbed the phone off the end table and dialed his number. However, the phone cut off after the first ring:

“You are attempting to make a long-distance call and have been disconnected: Long-distance charges outside your plan will apply. To bypass, please input the access code.”

I groaned and hung up, calling his parent’s number afterward. Same message. 

I didn’t know any other number by heart.

If anything, they should let him run free. Let me take his place. Who knew if it was even something the feds would allow, but just like I prayed for his safety, all I could do was hope. He was alive, and now I had to keep him alive.

I’d turn myself in if it meant he’d be okay.

I had nine hours until his case would come up again, and I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to brainstorm a four-digit access code. 

I dialed countless numbers on Isaiah’s landline until my hands cramped. If anything, Iinowae probably blocked calls from Xibagantu. I could make a call halfway around the world to one of the Wry Isles, but God forbid I call my home planet.

I attempted to contact Isaiah, but couldn’t remember all the numbers and kept fucking it up until I eventually lost hope and collapsed on the couch, staring at my reflection on the black TV screen.

The sun reflected off the screen and onto my face.

At this point, my entire existence was embarrassing. All I was doing was killing time until I found Hiro, and technically, he was found. It just wasn’t me who found him. Now what? Do I steal a ship and fly back to Iinowae?

Given that I had determination when Hiro was the primary task, it's probably something I could do. However, that was able-bodied Fuyuki, not wheelchair-bound, covered in bruises and scars Fuyuki.

I tried to pick my brain for ideas but wound up passing out on the couch.

After the accident, I slept constantly I’m sure it was helping me heal, but I’d take mental health over physical health at this point. Nowadays, I’d wake up tired. Didn’t matter if I got eight hours or twelve. I wasn’t even sure what to do anymore.

When I regained consciousness, after what felt like falling into a coma thanks to all my stress, it was already eleven. 11:43, to be exact. I weakly grabbed the remote and flicked the TV back on, convinced they were already done talking about Hiro.

I switched back to 500Z, still half asleep on the couch, but the lighting was hurting my eyes. It took a moment to understand, but the headlines and backdrops had their colors inverted.

I missed the headline before the screen changed, but I perked up the moment I realized who was on screen and what time it was.

Occasionally, CCI would feature The Execution Hour from eleven to midnight.

Hiro was the last victim of the night.

That’s why they were waiting for the Commander’s input.

The Iinowaen was restrained to a chair in his jumpsuit, wiggling frantically. You could tell the broadcast was still being configured because while he was visibly sobbing, you couldn’t hear a thing. I don’t know why, but I propped myself up to see the TV head-on.

The last thing I wanted to see was Hiro’s panicked expression, but I couldn’t stop looking at him.

He looked exhausted. He’d probably been up for days after being apprehended. It was like a paradox—his cyan hair was strewn, his violet eyes had lost their glow—he looked, no, he was terrified. 

You could see the wounds and bruises from the crash. While the jumpsuit concealed much of him, you could still see cuts on his skin and burns on his face. Given how torn up his left sleeve was and the lack of movement it displayed when the rest of his body convulsed as he cried, I could only assume it was broken. The only piercing that remained was in his septum since one of his ears was bandaged up, and the other had a chunk missing.

“I promise I’ll do anything you say!” The audio finally came in. “I’ll never do it again! I’ll never leave! You can make me do whatever you want, please! I just don’t want to die, please!” Hiro cried to someone else in the room with him.

“I just wanna go back home! I’ll join the army, I’ll work for the Commander—I don’t care!” He sobbed, still trying to wrestle out of the chair. “I promise it was just a mistake! I didn’t mean to!”

I watched as Hiro’s eyes followed the figure out of the room, and then he stopped.

Someone else entered, and Hiro went quiet, tears still streaming down his face.

The Iinowaen tripped over his words, frozen in place.

“I don’t give second chances.” The voice spoke, and I immediately recognized it as the Commander’s.

He rarely appeared on the news, and when he did, it was only audio, or his face was obstructed. Eventually, the older man walked onto camera, his face still out of frame, but I recognized his outfit too.

“Please…” Hiro begged with eyes glued to the ominous Iinowaen.

“For what? You won’t last a day out there.” The Commander snickered. “If I don’t make the first move, someone else will. Would you rather get killed on the streets instead?” 

My boyfriend stayed quiet, staring at his lap. Though, every time the Iinowaen took a step, he flinched in response.

The Commander grabbed his hair, raising his head as Hiro hissed.

“This is my planet. I refuse to let anyone else have all the fun.” He let go of Hiro, and the boy groaned. “It’s been a minute since I had a kid in here.”

The Commander walked around Hiro’s chair, surveying the situation and examining his wounds. “I’m impressed that a runt like you managed to steal a ship and make it off this planet. You may have crash-landed, but if you knew what was best for you, you would’ve kept your talents hidden until a recruiter came to your house and offered you one of the highest careers a lesser citizen like you could get.”

“I built the ship,” Hiro whispered.

The Commander cackled. “You only further prove my point.” The man released the latch on Hiro’s left arm and grabbed it, raising it above his head while the kid screamed in pain.

No doubt it was broken. 

“Was it worth it?” He snickered. “Running away for what? Five seconds of freedom? You bring dishonor to your family.” He tightened his grip on the cyan boy’s arm, only making him cry out more. “You’re gonna wish you died in that crash.”

“Let go!” Hiro wailed. “Please! It hurts!”

The Commander stood next to him in silence, watching the boy cry. 

The sight made me nauseous.

The older man eventually released his arm, but the speed at which it fell back to his side only hurt him more.

“It’s a shame your boyfriend couldn’t have been in here with you.”

Hiro perked up and sniffed. “F…Fuyuki?”

“It would’ve been an execution for the ages. Imagine you two sitting across from each other, restrained, watching one another get tortured to death by my hand. At least you could’ve seen him one last time, hm?”

Hiro cried harder. “What?! Do you have him—do you know where he is?!! Please! You can do anything you want! Just let me see him again! Please—”

The Commander swung his fist into the side of Hiro’s face.

You could see the blood splatter onto the floor.

“Stop crying.” He demanded.

My boyfriend weakly looked up and tried to do as he was told, but Hiro had always been the crybaby.

The Commander struck him again, and he continued until Hiro’s face was covered in blood, and he was barely conscious enough to keep crying even if he wanted to.

“You have no one to blame but yourself.” The Iinowaen wiped his hand on his robes. “Let this be a warning to anyone who thinks fleeing is the easiest solution. You’ll be the next one in this chair.” The Commander went on, his voice directed at the camera.

“I…d…didn’t wanna be born this…way…not my fault…” Hiro mumbled weakly. “I-I’m…sorry.”

The older man stared at Hiro, who still hung his head. You could see the blood dripping from his mouth onto his lap.

“No, I’m sorry,” I whispered at the TV.

“So, who’s fault is it, hm?” The Commander fiddled with something under his robe. “You tried to hide. You tried to live a double life. You agreed to date that boy. You agreed to build that ship. You agreed to leave the planet with him.”

“I…I didn’t want…” He coughed. “…him to be alone.”

“Ah, so you agree. You are to blame. Or…” The Commander laughed as he placed a collar around Hiro’s neck. “Is your boyfriend to blame?”

The boy swallowed heavily.

“I want an answer.”

Hiro stared at the camera as the Commander leaned against his chair with his arms crossed.

“It was my fault…” He started crying again and shut his eyes, the sobs growing louder. “No…it was my fault. Fuyuki didn’t do anything wrong.”

I cried with him as he lied. I was the one who endangered him, and I was aware of it. I was always the bad influence. He was the goody-two-shoes ray of sunshine with hopes, dreams, and passion. Leaving Iinowae wasn’t the only thing he wanted to do. If he had never met me, he planned to become a pilot like his mother. Even if he couldn’t escape Iinowae in the way he wished, he wanted to travel and see the world. 

Lesser so, he just wanted to see what was outside his hometown, and I ruined that.

Hiro repeatedly cried that it was all his fault, and it was like being stabbed in the gut. The boy started coughing as he sobbed, wiggling frantically.

“I…c-can’t breathe!” The boy gasped. I could tell he was trying to grab at his neck, but between the restraints and his broken arm, all he could do was tremble.

Hiro looked at the Commander, who still leaned against his chair, unconcerned with a smile. The cyan boy’s coughs only worsened, and his gasps for air became shorter as the Commander finally stood up straight.

He removed something from his face and placed it in Hiro’s hand. It appeared to be an eyepatch, but I couldn’t tell. I didn’t care. I couldn’t take my eyes off Hiro. Everything felt like another fever dream—possibly even a horror movie.

It was psychological torture.

I was frozen on the couch, sick to my stomach, and I somehow hadn’t run out of tears. The harder Hiro cried, the louder I wept.

“You’re right.” The Commander whispered while caressing Hiro’s antennae as his shaking lessened and his eyes became glossy. “It was your fault.”

The older man stood up straight and removed the collar that must’ve been choking him as he eventually came to and gasped for air.

I heard a click, and when Hiro got enough air to turn and look at the man beside him, the Commander raised his arm and shot him between the eyes.

The sound echoed throughout the execution room and through the living room, ending with a clink of the empty shell hitting the tile.

Both Hiro’s antennae and head dropped instantly, quickly losing their glow as the Commander grabbed his eyepatch and stuck it in his pocket. He stared at the boy’s corpse before the clock struck twelve, the screen turned static, and I was left to weep in Isaiah’s dark apartment. 

The sound of the static was making my ears ring.

The sobbing was making my head hurt.

The visuals that kept looping in my head quickly sent me over the edge, and I crawled over to the trash can by the TV stand and threw up for a minute straight.

He was gone.

And even if the gunshot didn’t instantly kill him, he’d probably be gone minutes after.

I dragged myself over to the fridge as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. The stove light was on, but unless I got into my wheelchair, I couldn’t reach high enough to hit any light switches or flick on any standing lamps.

I held my stomach, laying with my back to the floor, hyperventilating.

The Commander smiled the entire time, hell he even laughed at him. I knew the man was a monster, but witnessing it firsthand? And directed at the only person who understood me and the boy I loved more than myself.

I dug through the cabinets in arm’s reach. I wasn’t proud of it, but I’d become pretty good at dragging myself across the floor. I finally had visible arm muscles.

Not that it mattered.

I hadn’t worn a T-shirt since I was on Iinowae. My body was horrific—the bruises, the burn scars—I wish people could stop looking at me altogether.

I wished they could look right past me.

I should’ve taken Hiro’s place.

I took all the utensils out of the drawers, all the pots out of the cabinets, and stacked every bowl and cup, but when I dug around under the sink, I finally found it.

It was dark, but I could tell from touch that he hid it here.

It should’ve been me.

He lied.

It was my fault.

I held the metal to the side of my head, sobbing with the visual of Hiro’s death circling in my mind. I could vomit again at any second. I could only imagine what his parents were going through right now. That…and my dad.

I was listed as a fugitive too. They outed Hiro, and by doing that, they outed me too. He knows we’re together.

Well.

We were together.

I wonder if his parents blamed me. Maybe they decided that I was as bad an influence as I felt. And what would happen to my dad now? He worked so hard to support us, so now that I’m gone, what would he do? Would he miss me? Would he care? Would he fucking drink himself to death?

It didn’t matter.

If I stepped back onto Iinowae, they’d put me in the same chair as Hiro. And maybe I couldn’t control being born an Irregular, but I could at least prevent the Commander from using me as a source of horrific entertainment for the entire planet of Iinowae.

And maybe I’d get lucky and see Hiro again in the end. 

Alas, I could only hope, I thought, before finally pulling the trigger and collapsing onto the cold ground for the last time.